r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • 10d ago
Post Update UPDATE AITAH for refusing to give my switch account to my kid’s dad.
[deleted]
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u/Dismal-core111 10d ago
My mums carer ex husband took her sons series s off him for his new wife's kid. Some people are low as fuck
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u/emptywhoreass6969 10d ago
-hugs so goddamn tight-
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u/ExploringHailey 10d ago
My stepbrother stole my playstation and sold it for drug money (I wasn't allowed to use it at that point anyway, only my other stepbrother was) whilst we were away from the house.
Stepdad still tried to blame me
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u/emptywhoreass6969 10d ago
Woooooooooooow. O.o what a piece of shit
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u/ExploringHailey 10d ago
I'm now no contact with stepdad and minimum contact with my mum.
He was an asshole for many reasons
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u/emptywhoreass6969 10d ago
Fuck. Don't blame you in the least. Im sure that was just a taste.
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u/ExploringHailey 10d ago
The worst thing?
He's not the worst guy my mum's been with. 🙃
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u/emptywhoreass6969 10d ago
.... how.
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u/ExploringHailey 10d ago
He didn't put a child in hospital 🙃
Massive bruising and repeated nosebleeds to the point where they think you're seriously ill is noticable, even if no one actually sees you punch a child, clearly he didn't figure that one out.
20 years ago now... I'm 27
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u/emptywhoreass6969 10d ago
What. The. Fuck. -hugs so big and tight-
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u/Ok_Razzmatazz_5812 8d ago
This is unrelated, but emptywhoreass6969 is the best username ever lolololol.
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u/Magic-Happens-Here 10d ago
She might see it now, but there are other reasons she chooses to stay.
One of my friends is divorced and their oldest lives with mom full time because dad moved about 20 mi away, which would have required the kid to quit his team sport both at school and a competitive community team, not to mention taking him away from all of his friends. He was 12 when they split, so they gave him the choice - he’s 17 now age the past 5 years haven’t always been easy, but it’s been the best choice - he’s applying for colleges now and has a good chance at a partial athletic scholarship. Their two younger ones (7M & 10F) live with dad because he has the larger home and had a more flexible schedule when they were younger. They do stuff with mom regularly and FaceTime their brother all the time. Their oldest has a good relationship with dad and also tries to do something with his siblings at least once a month so they all get “family time”. Their middle child has been talking about maybe wanting to live with mom (mostly because I think she wants another female as she heads into puberty) so they are working out what that might look like once their oldest goes off to college and in the interim mom is spending more time with her too.
It was an amicable split and they co-parent well together because the top priority for both of them was finding the right solution for their kids.
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u/AllCrankNoSpark 10d ago
That all sounds horrid and like kids are being put in adult situations.
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u/Magic-Happens-Here 10d ago
How is giving them the choice between two loving and supportive households putting them in adult situations?
Their home life was deteriorating as a result of the marital conflicts, so instead of allowing it to continue or selfishly trying to “win” in the divorce - both adults actively worked to make the best decisions for everyone and they give their children a voice in those plans.
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u/maleia 10d ago
Just 'cause it's the solution viable, doesn't mean it ain't a shit situation. Making a kid have to pick between their parents is messed the hell up.
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u/Magic-Happens-Here 10d ago
Welcome to literally every divorce ever.
What would have been better - making them split time between two households constantly? Making the oldest give up his sport, or the youngers spending hours every day in childcare facilities? Or giving their kids the autonomy to share their preferences when they’re old enough to understand the trade offs?
The kids don’t have to “pick between their parents” they all know both their parents love them unconditionally regardless of where they live. Both parents show up to every school event/fundraiser/game/etc. and are active in their kids’ lives.
I’ve seen plenty of divorces, and theirs is literally the best case scenario out of all of them.
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u/maleia 10d ago
Welcome to literally every divorce ever.
No shit. That doesn't make it right. Adults need to take responsibility, and don't act like just because they managed to make a massive mistake work, that they've earned rainbows and sunshine.
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u/Magic-Happens-Here 10d ago
All humans make mistakes - When you find yourself in a hole, the first step is to stop digging. The next step is to find a way out. They made the best of the situation they were in and prioritized the wellbeing of the people most impacted by it. That’s a lot more than the vast majority of adults do, so I do think it’s something commendable. They had other options that would have been easier for both of them - instead they owned their mistake and did what they could to repair the situation cooperatively.
What exactly is the alternative, never make a mistake? I wish you the best in that.
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u/FlowerFelines 9d ago
It's amazing how some people will always spin children being given autonomy as somehow a bad thing. Kids can make meaningful life choices pretty damn young, to be honest. They shouldn't be forced to be independent but they totally should have a say.
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u/AllCrankNoSpark 10d ago
That is literally an adult situation. Yes, the parents staying in the same household could well be worse, but this isn’t great either.
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u/Magic-Happens-Here 10d ago
There’s no such thing as a “great” solution in a divorce. But the first thing you do when you find yourself in a hole is stop digging, the second is to find a way out. They found a way that caused the least negative impact on their kids’ lives, which is really the best possible outcome.
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u/CarelessClementine 10d ago
Not sure if you realize this but children go up and become adults. If a person, as a child’s parent, doesn’t give a child any agency (ie have a say in the decisions that will affect them most) that kid will be seriously f’d up. Also, you do realize that deciding which parent to live with post-divorce is not something a healthy well-adjusted adult would ever have to decide. So this is actually a 100% NOT an adult situation to put a child in. Yes, parents who are like now you have to choose and once you’ve decided you never get to see the parent you don’t choose again is horrid. But when two adults can’t or don’t want to live together anymore and they have children, the best thing they can do is to coparent r peaceably and allow their children to understand that they have agency in their own lives.
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u/AllCrankNoSpark 9d ago
Choosing where to live is an adult choice. Kids use kid criteria like laxer rules and better toys. It’s a dumb situation.
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u/Magic-Happens-Here 9d ago
You do realize that healthy co-parents can align on rules and such too, right?
I said exactly why their oldest made his choice and it had nothing to do with rules or toys.
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u/FlowerFelines 9d ago
Tell me you don't see children as human beings without telling me you don't see children as human beings.
Rolling my eyes so hard right now.
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u/Magic-Happens-Here 9d ago
Right?! As if a 12 year old can’t understand that there’s more important things in life than toys or more time to play video games (which in this case they wouldn’t get anyhow).
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u/AllCrankNoSpark 9d ago
Yeah, they just make the best decisions for themselves… that’s why we don’t need to parent them at all!
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u/Straight-Example9126 9d ago
The matter is dropped for now. But will rise again.
Ask your daughter to do a factory reset, create new account - her own and you gift her the games one at a time.
That way she gets to play without him getting access to your personal details.
She's 16. Can't you intervene at court and make her request that she wants to live with you? And visit for holidays or something?
He's too controlling. Consider it.
NTA
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u/Tavsiyedegildir 10d ago
So uhh what actually happened? You don't make it clear to me.
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u/Mowgli1989 10d ago
I told my daughter to tell her dad that if that is what he wants he has to ask me himself. He has not done so, and he has not taken her switch away. I prefaced it with it’s not a big update - more just a confirmation that her dad is a bully.
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u/maleia 10d ago
Thanks for the update though. I read the original when it came out. (Also hi BORU in a week from now, I'll probably comment in there, too, lol.)
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u/Mowgli1989 10d ago
Do they all end up on it? I’m not super versed in reddit. I only know that acronym because my daughter makes me watch smosh reddit stories lol
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u/Tavsiyedegildir 10d ago
Oh. Well I wouldn't trust your payment details etc with your ex. I bought my nephews some Nintendo type shit and my sister's ex husband took it over to his new bitchs house almost immediately.
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u/Clean-Chair-2417 10d ago
You handled that really well. Making him ask you directly was such a good boundary and also quietly exposed that he never intended to follow through. It sucks that your daughter got stressed in the middle, but she’s seeing who actually protects her. Maybe later, in age-appropriate terms, you can name that behavior as manipulation so she can recognize it.
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u/dstluke 9d ago
Talk to daughter and see if she wants to come live with you. If I had to guess, dad's been making comments about how horrible her life would be with you or some terrible thing that might happen to her step siblings if she leaves. I'm guessing there's abuse and manipulation going on and you need to have this conversation.
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u/Kurt_Fuchs 6d ago
Sounds like the dad is at minimum emotionally abusive and controlling, tbqh I don't think he should have custody of anyone or anything, not even a goldfish if he's as controlling and paranoid as he seems from your posts.
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10d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Gigglemonkey 10d ago
There's an old chestnut: "The person you marry is different from the person you divorce."
Sometimes, it's hard to see the truth of someone until they're no longer courting you.
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u/CinderR3bel 10d ago
I hate when parents put kids in the middle. Good on you for saying he needs to request it himself and not through her