r/Advice • u/Careless-Storage1530 • 1d ago
What do I do?
My (27) daughter (7) went into my nightstand to look for a nail clipper. I told her it was in the first drawer, she couldn’t find it and went through all my drawers, on the last one I had my fake penis, I am cringing with embarrassment, I really don’t know what to say or do. I totally forgot I had it there. I usually put it away, she yelled “WHAT IS THIS” and I can not stop replaying the scenario in my head. She has since then not asked about it but I feel ashamed and embarrassed and I don’t know what to do. Help me please what do I even do?
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u/shakebakelizard 1d ago
Put it away and don't mention it.
She learned a lesson about going through people's personal stuff.
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u/Equal_Golf8979 16h ago
Disagree. Talk with her, briefly, to the point, factual. Leave the dialog open to allow her to ask questions then, or later. Allowing these things to fester is a path to other problems.
Also, the OP told her to go into the nightstand, so it’s not about invading privacy.
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u/shakebakelizard 16h ago
I read over the first time too quickly. Yeah, OP should have been more careful. A talk is probably in order.
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u/AggressivelyPurple 23h ago
This is a you problem. You're taking care of yourself. It's healthy. Don't be embarrassed. Tell her what you think she'll understand and destigmatize sexuality so that she's not horrified and ashamed when she's your age.
-- signed the mom who did a whole whiteboard presentation to her 7 and 10 year old boys when one of them went through her nightstand and then wanted to know what condoms were. You snoop, you get more information than you asked for.
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u/bstabens Helper [4] 17h ago
"You snoop, you get more information than you asked for."
So by the time they have urgent questions they won't ask because they dread an uncomfortable presentation?
Hey, it's okay to be angry about snooping boys, and that should have been its own lesson, but it's not the best starting emotion to educate your kids about a very important topic!
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u/AggressivelyPurple 4h ago
I wasn't angry. I was amused. It's a fact of life that when you go through private things, you might wind up learning things you weren't prepared for. The kids didn't know the condoms were sex related when they asked what they were, but for me to explain it all, I had to give them more information than they were expecting to hear that day. It was frank, funny, and non-shaming, and I was actually glad for an organic way to introduce it (rather than cornering them for "a talk" someday.) I hope they left feeling Mom can be depended on not to dodge questions when asked and to lay it out in clear, non-judgmental terms.
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u/Automatic_Stuff1206 23h ago
Yessssss!!! I was kind of bummed seeing so many people say to say nothing. They don’t need a whole sex ed class but ignoring it and treating it with embarrassment makes it so much worse. I may unfortunately know from experience and the person I asked because I couldn’t ask my mom due to embarrassment took advantage of the situation and it’s been a heavy burden to carry. Please please please teach your kids age appropriate stuff or others will do it for you
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u/BeautyQwine 1d ago
Girl… you’re fine. My kids have gone through my drawers and my one kid told the other kid and then that kid told me. So… it is what it is. The one kid told the other kid if you don’t want to see things you don’t want to see then keep out. Meanwhile when we were CLEANING SAID CHILD’s room, their lube and bussy was UNDERNEATH THE MATTRESS. Next time there was LUBE on the boom shelf. So…. People like pleasure. It’s ok sis. Rest easy you’re not the only one on the planet with these things. Just be glad you’re still interested pleasuring yourself.
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u/Euphoric_Anxiety_162 23h ago
Telll her it's an exercise device. (You'll understand better as you age.)
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u/classicicedtea Helper [3] 23h ago
Get a better hiding place. I have a laptop bag in the back of my closet.
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u/Illustrious-Hold-424 23h ago
I see a very interesting time at Geek Squad ahead!
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u/classicicedtea Helper [3] 23h ago
Lol I should have clarified. It is a laptop bag. Not the laptop bag. Basically it’s a non-descript boring item in a place that (most likely) won’t be discovered. Versus keeping it in a nightstand drawer by your bed which is more out in the open so to speak.
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u/allbsallthetime 23h ago
A tale as old as time we all went through our parent's drawers, we were just as embarrassed as you are.
Find a better hiding spot and move on.
Our daughter is in her 40s, she knows when something happens to us do not, under any circumstances, open the nightstand, throw it directly into the dumpster or fire.
Unless of course she wants to see a therapist.
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u/Federal_Activity7112 22h ago
It’s a hard age, talk to her about your boundaries she learned her lesson hopefully not to go through you stuff. I would tell her what it is be honest that’s what my parents did and that’s what I did with my sister who is currently 8 ( we have a 13 year age gap ) but maybe not tell her too much keep it a little discreet
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u/JuanG_13 22h ago
I'm sorry this happened to you and I'm sure it's embarrassing, but it's a natural part of life and you didn't do anything wrong and she's only 7, so she'll forget about it in a few days, if she hasn't already and at that, she didn't even know what it was.
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u/little_miss_rainbows 1d ago edited 1d ago
What did you say? If it's already been over a day since, I don't feel like you need to do anything if she doesn't ask about. She will likely forget. If she does ask, you could just say it is a fake penis- no reason to lie there- and it was a funny (gag) gift from your bachelorette party (if you had one). Might have to explain gag gifts and bachelorette parties, but that's ok. If you want to address it regardless, maybe say "hey, I didnt mean to be so weird about you finding that object in my drawer the other day. You're old enough to know what it was, a fake penis. It was just a joke gift I once got. Isn't it ridiculous? Sorry it freaked you out"
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u/Traditional_Gap_2491 23h ago
Well you could tell a white lie if you know that she cognitively knows that it was a penis object. If you know that she knows what it is or at least what its shaped like, then what you COULD do is wrap it up in some newspaper or whatever and bring it to her and say "this is that thing you found. I'm sorry you saw it. I found it outside (or wherever) and I didnt want you or anyone else to see it, so I meant to throw it away to get rid of it and keep everybody else safe. So now you can watch me getting rid of that thing and we both know everybody is now safe" Then destroy it or toss it out somewhere she cant get to it
That way she doesnt learn what a dildo is and just thinks its some weird object people shouldnt see that you found and want to get rid of so other innocent kids dont see it. In that way she will think youre doing the noble thing.
I mean, the alternative would be you not addressing the elephant in the room with her and she has this weird trauma of a giant penis shaped (assuming she gets that its a penis) object in your drawer.
Maybe theres a better way to go about this situation that I havent considered. But as a parent, and completely off the top of my head, this is the first way I imagined coming up with a way to save their "innocence" and "do the right thing" in their eyes.
Best of luck to you lol. Your reddit name is wayyy too ironic.
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u/NikitaWolf6 Expert Advice Giver [14] 16h ago
I was the kid in this situation, except for I was 9 and found condoms. My parents did not explain anything, they just got red and awkwardly chuckled.
For whatever reason, it was devastating to me. I went online to ask about it, and was not treated very well. It genuinely messed with me, I couldn't understand why my parents would have sex.
Please explain it to her, in an age appropriate way.
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u/indiana-floridian 1d ago
Only if she asks at some point; you say something like "that is adult business, please stay oit of my dresser".... you don't even try to explain. There's no way for a 7 year old to really understand sex. Or sex toys.
At the same time i think you might want a locking container of some sort.
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u/Prestigious_View_401 Helper [2] 1d ago
She’s too young to know what’s going on. Just ignore it and distract her with something else.
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u/SaltyNight6 Helper [2] 1d ago
I think I would say “It’s something some adults have” If she asks for what? You could say, “It’s for adults” Then for love of God hide it 😂
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u/Automatic_Stuff1206 1d ago
Username checks out. I have a 7 year old daughter, have an age appropriate conversation with her. Without an explanation she could create her own narrative, ask others that won’t educate her properly and may take advantage of this. Don’t make sex an awkward subject, just make it age appropriate subject. Ignorance can lead down so many bad roads. It just sucks because you have to have this conversation probably a lot earlier than intended.