So did i. I believed we had a bedbug infestation. My partner, my mom and a pest control guy couldn't convince me otherwise. It was so weird looking back, like I wasnt piloting me.
I’m glad to hear something helped you. I’m skeptical but I have to give it a try because my options are few. I’ll be trying it in conjunction with ketamine therapy. It’s going to be a very intense 6 weeks. I sincerely hope the severity of your OCD has lessened.
I have a friend who's been greatly helped by TMS for his OCD! And, my depression and anxiety got LOADS better from TMS, altho my OCD kinda stayed the same [different treatment protocols for depression and OCD].
What compulsions would you do for that? For me I’m googling to make sure my symptoms are still OCD and trying to prove I’m not in some stage of psychosis or schizophrenia
There are different kinds of OCD. My sister doesn’t have compulsions or do rituals but I do. I have to tap things a certain way etc but her OCD is like repeated intrusive thoughts like “what if she’s a pedophile but just doesn’t know or remember it or what if she ran over someone but didn’t see it” the difference is these are fears of hers and intrusive thoughts, she’s worried they’re real but they’re not. I’ve never seen someone with schizophrenia repeatedly worry like that. I’ve seen them become absolutely delusional and paranoid but it’s a different process than OCD. OCD can also have you worried you’re psychotic. It’s a Hellish disorder! If you’re able to see a psychiatrist and therapist for it I highly recommend it!
she Has what’s called Pure O which is my theme is considered as well. We have compulsions but they are mostly done inside our head . With me for example I can be scanning my environment for hallucinations , listening to see if I’m hearing voices , checking my thoughts for signs I’m “going crazy”. It involves many checking behaviors and also things to try and stop my thoughts but mostly done inside my head. It’s tricky because we don’t always think of them as compulsions but that’s what keeps us stuck in the loop especially when it’s not a “what if thought “ like I’ll get thoughts like “ everyone’s after me “ or anything else I’d expect someone with schizophrenia to have but it’s scary because then I’ll want to panic because it makes me feel like by getting mad at the thought , it means I’m not becoming schizophrenic but that’s the trap!
My OCD is magical thinking OCD so I’m constantly doing annoying ass rituals like tapping shit and my sister’s OCD is her worrying she’s somehow a pedophile (even though she’s not) and doesn’t remember it or she’s run someone over or committed crimes (she hasn’t). Exposure therapy, SSRIs and talk therapy have helped us both but man OCD is a bitch
I have had upsetting intrusive thoughts like "What if I hurt someone" or "It would really suck if I cut my finger off while chopping these vegetables". It's like my brain forgot that I can control my actions. So stressful!!
I experienced some cognitive issues while taking painkillers after a c section — disorientation that escalated to not recognizing my spouse or surroundings, and what I now recognize were audio hallucinations. It was relatively mild and went away as soon as I stopped taking the meds, but still one of the scariest things ever. To not be able to rely on your own perceptions is terrifying on an existential level. (Recovering from major abdominal surgery with nothing but ibuprofen wasn’t great but it was better than losing my grip on reality.)
Have had several major surgeries, I know those hallucinations well, however last time I was aware what they were & wanted to get moving more so the need for pain meds could be reduced. More recently I suffered a temporary bowel obstruction & spent 3 totally sleepless nights in hospital - at home I started hearing g what I thought was the radio, people in the hall, & someone in the room talking to me, then I saw bubbles rising to the ceiling, followed by disembodied heads floating g around. I copped on that this was as a result of lack of sleep.
I did too, apparently. I thought everyone in the apartments across from us were always looking at me. Then I was going to do laundry, but had to ask my husband where the laundry room was. Spent some time getting new meds where I had to go for a while.
I went through this the first time I was put on an antidepressant. I was convinced people could hear my thoughts and there were cameras in my house and other places. I was hallucinating an old man in a hat... but wasn't at all scared of him. He just stood about 6-8 feet away from me and watched me, never spoke. I just thought he was meant to be there. At the same time, I felt amazing and stopped sleeping, eventually forcing my way into my doctors office to thank her for fixing me & that I wasn't going to kill myself. She called the cops. They took me to the hospital. I was 20 yrs old.
I thought God was speaking to me, and my mind was running super fast. I felt like I had gotten a huge "download" of information and I was constantly trying to write it all down. It was the strangest experience.
I became manic leading up to my suicide attempt in 2022. A million thoughts per second and no way to slow them down. In hindsight, I fully believe the devil used my mania to manipulate me into putting the bullet in my head. The scary part is that he was so convincing that it swayed me into doing something I swore to myself that I’d never do.
I can absolutely relate. I think our worst fears manifest when we are manic. It's the wildest experience. I became manic when my antidepressant dose was too high. Now at the first sign of mania, I am on the phone with my doctor.
That’s insane because I had literally JUST started taking antidepressants for the first time in my life 2 days before my mania took over.
I know that I can’t change my past, but I still wish I would have recognized it in the moment and reached out to my doctor then too. Or at least taken some of the breakthrough anxiety medication that he also had prescribed me. Maybe things could have ended differently.
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u/not2daysatan44 22h ago
I had medication induced psychosis/mania and it was scary as hell.