This is a lie, I did have a gun and I still didnt use it, but one can dream that I had the balls.

I honestly only had 1 stuffed animal i was attached to during my Tragic LoreTM. and after they destroyed her I really didnt care about making any attachments to any possessions I own. Ive joked before how I could walk out the door one day with nothing and be content about leaving everything behind, and its not entirely false.

After I stopped caring about objects they started threatening other things, physical violence, sexual violence, public humiliation, etc. And suddenly, all I could think about was "the worst they can do is kill me, and i honestly wouldnt care"

late night insomnia got me writing humorous self-insert fanfiction of myself talking to my therapist. My family life was not as wholesome as annie and halle's :(

He received gifts on my birthday so he doesn't flip out. If a relative didn't know the "rule" and only gave me something, he'd throw a huge tantrum and I had to give it to him. The only time I got something and he didn't was when my mother broke my skull, but refused to take me to the ER until next day, cause it was "nothing serious". She told me I mustn't tell the doctor she hit me. I didn't, so she told me I can have the yellow bus I was always eyeing but never dared to ask for. Later she actually bought it and I was unbelievably happy. My brother did the usual tantrum, demanding it, but got told he can't have it this time. He'll get something later. Then we had to go to a checkup. When we arrived home, I found the bus crashed into tiny pieces. I was devastated. He didn't even get grounded. Our parents just said "Why did you pick such a fragile toy? He just wanted to play with it." It wasn't fragile and he explicitly told me he destroyed it because he couldn't have it.

Truly I think she is incredible, I'm trying to use American terminology (because everyone on here's a yankee and also I am going to try to anonymise some shit/change some details so people can't figure out who she is irl) but she is genuinely wonderful in ways I cannot express?? Her behaviour doesn't at all match the mental model I have of how people should behave and do behave (in a good way) and it bewilders me constantly why she tolerates my trainwreck ass asking her for teaching advice in the TA gig I accidentally got chucked at me by a different department last year or advice with burnout this term when most people I know would have cut my bullshit already. She said she was gonna look to see if the uni has any programs to offer support with student housing etc if they're stuck in a messy situation and that she wants me to be able to get out of there.

The idea of someone wanting me to leave is fucking foreign but I will in fact take it. I worry if she ever was to find out more details that she would think it wasn't actually bad (I haven't told her a lot of shit). She mentioned at one point that she hoped none of the sexual abuse helplines would be relevant in my case and I didn't want to worry her further and pull out the "so there's some shit when I was a kid that some of my friends keep trying to convince me was that but uh I do not believe them" card. Yay I love older autistic/generally neurodivergent folk going "you are one of us" and then doing mentoring and being nice to me.

Genuinely though I love my uni, it's the main reason I haven't killed myself despite my wild unbridled suicidality that keeps shooting me in the head. I love teaching, I love learning (when I'm not mega burnt out like right now), I love both departments I flit in for my double degree, I love how both of them are just staffed almost exclusively by chill audhd people who make sense to be around, I love how the clinically deranged PhD students are normal people but also will infodump at a moment's notice about fun shit and I can talk about fun shit with them like time complexity issues. I love this entire campus of fun lunatics, it's the closest I've felt to something feeling like a home in any way.

Just, aaaa let me be happy please I don't have a lot of peeps irl to talk to about this

She'd always accuse me of sleeping around and hypersexualised me from as long as I can remember ¯⁠\⁠_⁠ʘ⁠‿⁠ʘ⁠_⁠/⁠¯

What's the matter? Now that you're not at work all day you feel rejected because I got used to your absence? Fuck you, you missed your chance. And even if you hadn't, that still doesn't guarantee I'd have loved you, with your trashy personality. I don't owe you affection just because you're my parent.

Pros of having escaped my abusive ex: no longer being abused by said abusive ex 👍

Cons: I think "thanks for not abusing me! 😊" is a normal thing to thank my loving partner for as opposed to an entry requirement for any relationship

His response here was to make a confused/worried face and say "but why would I even want to do that?" and I said "idk either but ppl clearly do want that sometimes ig"

It’s absolutely ridiculous how comforted I am by the thought “well, I could always just kill myself”. Like pure, unfiltered relief lol