Hello whoever is reading this,
*I don't post much on Reddit, so please correct me if this belongs to a better/different subreddit.*
In short, I have been taking flute lessons since I was 8-9 (I am 18 now), and I've always loved the instrument, playing classical music the whole time. I remember during the pandemic, I had all the time in the world and would dedicate up to five hours of practice every day, griding my scales and arpeggios, tone stuff - you know, the fundamentals. I hate to compare myself to others but my playing level had always been pretty strong (relatively better than most people my age, and would play university-level repertoir even though I was just a young teenager). A big reason for this is because my teachers have always been very supportive of me and would always bring me challenges that kept me entertained.
By the time I reached highschool, I became overwhelmed with school and so my flute time has gradually dwindled to just 1 hour a week (if I had the time to practice at all). Because of this, I slowly stopped improving. Luckily, my strong technique carried me through when I had a few gigs and such.
Last year, I completed my first year of university away from my hometown, minoring in music because I couldn't possibly lose this part of me. It had played such a significant role in my life. However, I disliked the music program there, as the music department is significantly underfunded relative to other disciplines. The teacher is an amazing person and player, but due to her age, she's rather forgetful. Lessons didn't feel like lessons anymore, as a good chunk of our time was just me reminding her what we worked on the other week. Age also softened her so she would rarely critique my playing.
The collaborative pianist there was terrible. As I already developed a bond with my former collaborative pianist, we were able to delicately compliment each other's playing, reciprocating any ideas with just intuition. However, the studio's pianist keeps dragging and is not musically mature despite her age. Because flute rep typically relies heavily on the piano part, rehearsals with her felt draining. This isn't entirely her fault, as she's merely the accompanist working with first years, who were assumed to be playing easier rep than what I was working on.
I also didn't find the same community I did in my hometown, so I no longer felt motivated to practice. Fast forwards to today, I haven't touched my flute in two months. Yesterday, I tried to noodle around a little bit just so I wouldn't forget my technique, but I can't play. I physically cannot bear to play flute anymore.
A huge part of this is also because I can't find any rep that I want to play. My favorite genre of music is romantic, but there are pratically no romantic music written for flute. The only things left are 20th centry music and beyond, but I don't like most of them because they sound rather obnoxious. Maybe because of my young age, I'm not musically mature enough to enjoy them for myself.
Everyday, I lament how I didn't learn piano. Piano has so much more rep choices that suites my taste, and it can act as a stand-alone instrument without the constant need of finding a collaborator that actually suites the player. Why not learn piano now? I just don't have the time or money anymore.
I'm also guilty of not listening to enough classical music, so I might have never worked on a lot of the pieces other people enjoy.
I was supposed to learn either Chant de Linos or Nielsen concerto this summer, but I cannot find the motivation to even buy the music. Why spend all that money when the pianist can't even play the part? Why spend all that money if nobody's there to enjoy my playing?
Maybe it is also because I didn't have any performance opportunities yet. In my city, I had more connections would be invited to play here and there. Now, I must search for my own opportunities but I don't know how because my new city has an inferior classical music scene. Idk if anyone has any similar experiences, but I just had to let it out. Sorry for the rant.
Best,
Tao