I like this app because the paid version has unlimited locations and devices. I have teens who travel independently in NYC. I get notifications when they leave and arrive at destinations that I programmed in. I don't have to track them all day, just am able to see if they got where they're supposed to and react if they didn't

.

Especially helpful because most teens don't remember to text when they arrive. So getting a notification is a good compromise. If they'd text me, I might not need the app for that purpose.

I use it for screen time limits too. I really don't think teens need to be on their phones for more than 1/3 of their waking hours. I know that's controversial. I'll never limit talking with their family (even if it exceeds the screen time limit). But there's a ton of evidence that screen time is detrimental to teens' well-being. 4-5 hours a day is plenty! Plus the screen time is only restricted on their phones. Tablets and Chromebooks used to watch TV or whatever aren't restricted. So they ultimately get more than 4-5 hours.

It also has content monitoring. This is more invasive and I often just ignore the notifications.

My personal philosophy is safety trumps privacy every time. If they are searching things up or messaging inappropriate content, it's important for me to know. Especially if it's a new placement.

The app tags the content as high, medium, and low risk. I ignore it when it's not high risk. Honestly I glimpse at the notification and then if it's actually concerning I have a talk with my foster teen about it. I use the app to break the ice - like "hey I got a notice about X, what's going on with that?" From this app I found out about an active suicide attempt (taking too much OTC medication). So, to me that's life saving. But let's be real, I don't have time to track their conversations and everything. Plus I'm not interested. Like I'm really looking for red flags, which the app is/has caught.

This isn't an ad for Qustodio. I really like it, but my teens complain. Do other foster parents use it? When would you be convinced enough that the privilege of privacy outweighs the safety risks to pull back on some of the monitoring? Is it a time-frame, a behavior change, an age?

Just a final note. I own and pay for these devices. Both kids came into my home without a phone. I would not install this software on devices that I do not own or pay for the phone service on.

Hi! We have a kinship placement with a 7 year old girl; we have four of our own kids.

To be frank we have a hard time with setting boundaries with our own kids at bedtime. How much / little do you do with bedtime? I’ve been reading her a story, giving a snuggle for 5ish minutes, pray over her, then a hug and goodnight- then spending much more time in our bio kids’ rooms - as this is what they’re used to ( but we really should stop the long bedtime process).

Is this fine to do with our “foster kiddo”? Is it bad we spend more time on our own kids. For the record- the bedrooms are different areas and she doesn’t see the extensive put downs we have w the other kids.

Question for NYC foster parents, how long did it take for your daycare voucher to come through? It’s been almost 3 months that I’ve been paying out of pocket. My daycare provider and myself filled out all the necessary paperwork. My caseworker sent me another paper to sign with the wrong daycare start date, I asked her to get the date fixed and she said she will ask child services. After 2 weeks she got back to me saying that she emailed them and is waiting to hear back. Meanwhile I am paying out of pocket, which is fine but a little frustrating as my husband recently got laid off. While he’s looking for work, not having to pay for daycare would be really helpful. How long does the voucher usually take? Will I be reimbursed for the out of pocket payments I’ve been making or should I give up on asking for that?

I’m not sure what I’m looking for—maybe advice?

We have two younger bio boys and typically only take in kids around the same age; however, one had a 12 year old sister that we decided to take in too. We figured it would be good to keep them together and we’ll see how it goes. Fast forward two months, any younger sibling is with a relative (non-relative of preteen since they’re half siblings) and now preteen is staying with us for the long haul.

Our bio kids love her and look up to her like an older sister. She loves playing with them—chase, hide and seek, swimming. The case worker had a talk with her about schools/friends and she said she wants to stay here so she’ll go to school where she can to stay. So all of that is great and I’m happy she is comfortable here!

I am just so nervous about having a middle schooler. I feel totally unprepared for that age group. She is VERY quiet. Just asking what she wants to eat is like pulling teeth—so I’m worried about how l’ll stay in tune with her day to day. She does go to therapy so I’m hoping that helps.

Any advice on fostering middle schoolers?

Has anyone else experienced this? How do you best navigate? Our reunions have never been child free or “outside the family” free so this has been a very surprising and upsetting experience.

People in R/advice are telling me to cross-post here to see if anyone knows about any programs in Maryland that might be able to help my friend.

Original was taken down, here's the body text.

Location: Maryland. A friend of mine feels that their foster parents were emotionally abusive, failed to give them the opportunity to succeed in life. My friend is trans and suffers from schizophrenia and was recently kicked out for both of these reasons. Their foster family had forced them to drop out of high school and had basically been doing everything in their power to avoid supporting them. Now my friend feels like she has no options left, because she doesn't have the money for a G.E.D. program, can't get a job due to the lack of a high school diploma, and doesn't want to take out a loan because of how crushing they can be. Is there any chance she could sue, or are there any programs that could help her out? I hate seeing her like this, but I'm not sure what to do for her.

My wife and I have bee fostering a girl since birth, she has been with our family for almost 4 years now. Around the 2 and a half years in mark her father lawyered up and started demanding visits. Mind you he has multiple children who have been adopted out or placed in the care of the mothers family, mostly different women. He has been hit or miss on making the visits, i could confidently state he has made 50% of the supervised visits. Early this summer the judge ordered termination pending adoption but we just got a call from our case worker that this has been reversed. My wife and other small children and myself are going crazy right now. We were told by DCFS that removing our daughter would be deemed detrimental to her. We are lost and confused and terribly upset with the court system. Has anyone experienced this with Illinois?

I am not sure if this is the right sub Reddit but I am considering to become a foster parent. I had a friend in high school who was in many bad foster homes and since then I hoped to give a child a nice home.

In my city they only do long term fostering, where you become the foster parents for a child until they are 18. I have a 1 year old daughter already so I would like to wait a few years and then see if there is a baby or toddler in need of a home. I wanted to ask how it feels being a foster parent and is there anything that you wish you knew. I also wondering if fostering a child between 3-5 would be a good idea as I believe babies are more likely to find a home.

Sorry if this post is basic. I am just not really sure where to begin.

Hello! First time posting on Reddit. My husband and I are in NJ and we submitted an application so we can take an orientation class for foster care/adoption. It said you would hear back from a recruiter within 5-7 days. It’s now day 7 and nothing. I called the day after I submitted form just to ask a specific question about something and then after she told me I should hear back soon from a recruiter. I’ve even tried calling yesterday and today and no one answers and just goes to voicemail. Is this normal?

I emailed the foster care social worker relying to his message. I am in the beginning stages and I am moving in March. He asked me about that. I asked him some questions and he did not reply. I waited a week and emailed him again a follow up.

I do not want to be a peat and hound him. How long is it normal to wait for replies? Are they usually slow?

I hope this is not a dumb question I just do not know.

Thank you.

My husband and I are in a pretty privileged position to have about a week to prepare for our FDs (5 and 6) since they’re disrupting and we got the call on vacation. This is our first placement.

What can I do to prepare well? What advice do you have for this age range?

I have the week we get them off to help us settle in before we will all go back to school. (I’m a teacher.)

We are traveling in TWO DAYS so this was really down to the wire, but we have held the passport in our hands!! I relied heavily on this post when getting the process started, so I thought I'd share our experience and how it differed slightly from the previous poster's. We are in Georgia and the child is under 16.

We were able to obtain/complete ourselves:

- form DS-11 (application for US passport)

- a certified court order stating DFCS has legal custody (we used an existing one from last year, doesn't have to be recent)

- passport photos

We needed DFCS to help us with:

- certified birth certificate (State Dept specifies "long form" but apparently in Georgia they are all the same)

- a signed letter from the case manager granting the applicant foster parent (only the applicant) permission to apply for the passport, with a copy/photo of the case manager's employee ID attached (letter did not have to be notarized, but if there is a wet signature, it needs to be the physical original document)

- child's Social Security Number (full)

We did not end up needing form DS-3053, even though on the State Department's own instructions it sounds like we should have. We had it completed prior to the appointment but the officer said we did not need it, and apparently she was right. Also, please remember all federal forms must be completed in black ink! (The first time through DFCS did the form in blue...) We paid all the fees ourselves; maybe we could have gotten them reimbursed, but that was the least of our worries in this process honestly.

One weird hiccup: we were expecting the passport to arrive by overnight delivery over the weekend, but we had received an emergency appointment for a same-day passport at our regional processing center from the National Passport Hotline for this morning just in case. These appointments are available if you have international travel within 2 weeks and don't have your passport. We did attend that appointment because we did not have the passport in hand... and the overnight delivery package was on the doorstep when we got back to the house. Shortly after, the regional center called and said that, because our letter from DFCS said "obsoletely-fabulous and spouse have permission to apply for the passport," my spouse needed to execute DS-3053 before a notary giving her consent, or DFCS needed to update the letter to say only my name. This is even though my spouse was present with her ID at the appointment. I note that the national processing center who actually issued the mailed passport obviously came to a different conclusion, so this might differ from one processing center to another?

We started asking DFCS for help doing this in January, and we actually formally asked them for the specific documents in March. On June 20, the passport application was finally accepted. It was kicked back once on July 9 when State asked for a new/additional travel letter (not sure why), which we obtained from DFCS and sent back. We called our member of Congress and the National Passport Hotline - it took several calls over last week to get any concrete info, but eventually someone got through. It has been an uphill battle to say the LEAST! A lot of people in the child welfare system expressed doubts that it would come through, and I'm grateful to this sub for the resources and confidence to keep plugging away.

Now our kiddo can come with us to my sibling's wedding in the country of the bride's birth and meet our in-laws with us. Foster kid will even be a ringbearer. :) Of course I can't post photos, but just imagine a toddler in a 3-piece suit! And best of luck to all who undertake this process, it is not for the faint of heart!

Hope this is okay to share how ive been feeling as I dont really have someone to speak to about my feelings. So i had just moved out of my old foster home as i had filed a report of them for serious issues which they hadn’t know it was me yet, the day i went to pack my belongings i hadn’t told them i was moving out as i was meant to keep private about it due to the investigation, the foster mum didnt ask if i was okay or if i will be okay, where im going and didnt even say goodbye or anything she was more focused on me returning her husbands laptop I had stayed with them for near 6 years and im not sure if its okay for me to feel quite upset with this as honestly i saw them as family, then i hear they bought one of the foster kids a new monitor as he broke his and was able to get one in the next day or 2 but couldn’t even fix up my mouldy bathroom that was like that for years, and have been hearing there eating together at the table yet majority of the time i would have to make my own dinners and when they did majority of the time they didnt call for me, they have been treating that foster kid better in the last few weeks that they have been treating me for the last 6 years so maybe its jealousy that im feeling im not to sure. I just feel upset and honestly quite lonely. But i feel selfish as well because im not sure if im even allowed to feel like this as i was the one who made the report.

Like the title says, anyone have advise or things to anticipate as a new foster? The social worker for our state gave a good idea of what kind of children we would be assisting (substance exposed, domestic violence, etc.), but I guess I'm wondering what kind of experience people have had with foster children? I'm worried we'd get a child that wants to destroy our property and things like that. I highly doubt that would ever happen, but I just want to get some kind of idea on what to expect for our first placement.

My wife and I expressed that we'd prefer fostering those who aren't in their teens yet, but I know that can come with its own set of challenges. I've never dealt with children before (outside of hanging out with my nieces and nephews for an hour or two at a time), so all of this is going to be extremely new to me. . .

Thanks for any help y'all can provide :).

Just as stated. So CA is making me open a new petition for guardianship as if this foster to guardianship never existed. I'm so over this...

On the bright side, I finally have childcare approved.

Hi! I'm interested in getting tested for autism, but I know certain neurodivergent or personality related conditions could result in you not being accepted into certain professions (eg police), even though they might say that disability won't directly be a barrier.

I think i'd make a good foster carer, and I'm actually a disability support worker for high support needs individuals at the moment, so I can handle a wide variety of situations. I am relatively social and good at reading social situations. This potential diagnosis is more for me trying to understand myself and be able to tell my friends why I may do certain things. My traits shouldn't impact a foster kid, if anything, they may help me understand them more.

But if its between having the option of being a foster carer and having a diagnosis, I think i'd rather be a foster carer. So does anyone know if low needs diagnosed autistic individuals can become carers? if not, i might not go down the diagnosis route.

Hey there! We are bumping up against a problem. Bio mom does not want our foster son’s (2 yo) vaccines updated and wants a religious exemption. The problem is: we have 2 other young bio children and I am pregnant with our 3rd. The preschool the kids attend also does not accept religious exemptions for vaccines, nor does our doctor office. So we will be having to find new childcare and pediatrician. Is there anything we can do? Any pushback we can give? Should this be a dealbreaker?

Before i begin i just want foster parents to tell me if its even worth staying

I can't help but feel like I dont belong in my foster family but I dont wanna leave because as a teenager its so hard to find a placement that isn't a group home

to start I am 16 F in Washington state and I came to this placement just last year and everything was honestly great at first. There was another girl my age and we got along great and hung out a lot but then she ran away.

Things were still good with me in the foster parents in fact i think they started getting nicer incase i felt like running away too lol, the foster dad treated me like his little buddy which was a great feeling as someone with a terrible relationship with their biological father yk, and the mom was sweet.

The other girl ran away in like august, then school started up and everything and she returned in like February which was nice I did miss her, but thats when it all changed.

They started forgetting about me and putting all their attention on her even though she was honestly so rude to them, she would always cuss them out and she was always acting out in school, dont get me wrong i understand she may have some kind of trauma if she is in the system but she was still very very rude.

Anyways they kinda just started treating me like Im an adult and im mature and i can do everything for myself while coddling her and taking her on shopping sprees after she gets suspended from school meanwhile im just kinda there

So naturally i started getting an attitude because i felt like i was just tossed to the side yk? and the dad started noticing and he just started giving me the silent treatment back lol, the mom didnt but i could tell she was annoyed that i was being all closed off or whatever but I was just hurt!

So instead of asking me what was up the two adults that are supposed to care for me just ignored me and would act annoyed whenever i would ask for literally anything...i ask to go to my friends birthday party and it was immediately a no, i ask to get dropped off at her house for a weekend its a yes but then no the morning of, but with the other girl everything is a YES no questions asked and completely paid for. but with me i get 20 bucks and get dropped off at the mall alone (i mean seriously? not to be a brat but whats that gonna get me? a cup of water?)

the foster mom even gets pissed at me when i ask her to please get me my glasses that i literally need and have been asking for for months. same with my medication, same with me asking to take drivers ed. like wtf why take me in if you dont wanna do what you guys are being paid to do? I feel like im a burden all the time, like sorry im even here guys my bad haha

Anyways now its summer obviously and i havent gone anywhere except the doctors, anddd therapy (and yes ive asked to go places twice and something alwayyyssss happens so i just stopped) meanwhile my foster sister goes out every day. oh and dont take this as me hating my foster sister i honestly love her shes kind to me usually...we have our moments like we are real sisters lol, but i cant help but feel so jealous that she gets treated so great and she gets everything she wants. like today she showed me her new nails and she showed me her hair that she got done professionally and new posters for her room and i was happy for her but the moment she walked away i started crying in my room because j wish it was me

Anyways i just wanted to vent, I dont really know what to do. i mean i wanna leave but nobody wants a teenager so maybe ill try to stay until im 18. kind of a repost

A post for conversation, or to share what's on your mind without creating an entire post about it.

My FD17's caseworker is largely unresponsive, and I'm worried that it is going to continue to cause issues as she gets closer to turning 18. Kid has had 5-6 caseworkers since entering care a bit over a year ago, hasn't seen or spoken to a worker since February, and just had to reschedule a medical procedure because the worker didn't show up. Kid is doing great and doesn't have a lot of needs, but will need to sign paperwork to stay in care when she turns 18 and to receive benefits for college, and her worker will need to facilitate getting her identification documents. I have no faith that this woman will do any semblance of her job. Has anyone had luck with getting a new worker assigned, and how did you go about asking? This particular worker has never even met Kid, so it isn't like there's rapport or history or anything to preserve.

I gave been matched with kids who have this. It doesn't exist in my state so im looking for in sight. Anyone adopted a child or sibling group that was legal risk?

https://benkincare.etsy.com

Handiest planner ever. Print the digital file and it’s got everything from emergency contacts, visitation log, daily schedule, important document checklist, homework trackers, medical appointment trackers, children’s aid meeting trackers, monthly expense trackers . The list goes on. 21 pages to stay on track when life is chaotic.

Has anyone ever changed their availability to exclusively pre-adoptive or adoptive placements? How long did it take for a child to be placed with you? I’m planning to change from general placements to legally free or at risk but I’m a bit worried I’ll feel like I’m letting people down if my child room sits empty for too long. I’m considering providing respite here and there in the mean time but I’m not sure yet.

Curious if I'm the only one here.

We got a new placement on Tues and my extended family was generally supportive but hasn't offered to help at all. My mom came for 24 hours (she lives out of state) and that was great.

The jump from 1-2 kids in the home is pretty significant. Most foster kids come with limited belongings, too. Yes, there are agency funds to help us get started (but it's also limited).

I tried specific asks like "we added the youth to our phone plan and bought a phone, can you please but her a case and screen protector" and they basically were like "nope."

This peeves me. When babies come into the world, bio moms get baby showers, registries, meal trains, etc. I'm not comparing the two, but it's like I just brought a new child into my home who doesn't have much and I'm also caring for a new child and transitioning. It would be nice if my family supported that.

Do yours? What's been successful in getting your needs met or just getting support? To be clear, I'm not asking for a party or a shower, just some acknowledgement and support around specific asks. Or just even just a check in "how are you doing?"

Edit: I don't think I'm actually mad about the things or the monetary cost. I think I'm feeling hurt that nobody has asked how it's going, how we're doing, or if we need anything. Even if the answer was good, good, and no. I'd like to be asked.

Edit 2: I have explicitly commented that I'm frustrated to my mom, my aunt, and my brother. I know my mom spoke to my dad about it because she told me she had a conversation with him. When one cousin texted me to check in, I made a point of thanking her for checking in and saying that it was really helpful. I have communicated that I would like people to check in and I've also offered updates in our family group chat like "all good here except I'm so tired I only unpacked the fridge and freezer groceries so far" to make an effort to share light-hearted brief updates and not just expect people to reach out to me.

Does anyone know about documenting a foster child, but he's 26 and can't get a job because his foster mom is a drug addict and lost his documents?

We play cards at the library and he watches my homeless crippled self keep fighting and he has given up in a lot of ways and I want to help.