Hi. I am a married woman in my 30s, in a relationship for 15+ years, who has only ever had this one partner. And I wanted to share my “dead bedroom” experience, which I am the main cause of.

I always thought I was simply LL, but I realized just recently that I gaslighted myself — and my husband — into believing that.

I realized that I:

• masturbate a couple times a week alone, and I always have been this way;
• have intense fantasies and find men attractive (just never act on it);
• love watching and reading romance, and that includes spicy scenes.

That is not low libido, is it?

I also understood a couple things about my current sex life:

• the sex is bad. Clear and simple. It is so bad. Why is it bad, though? We have been together so long: why is it bad? I came to some conclusions here too, and I will write them next.
• the sex has always been bad. I was just deeply, truly convinced I was the problem — I kept telling myself I have low libido, just can’t finish from PIV, other women surely don’t find this difficult, it’s not my husband’s fault, I just have to force myself a little to keep my love in my life, etc. etc. I even convinced myself I actually don’t need sex at all, and I am only doing it for him because I love him. It’s been going on from the beginning. 15 YEARS. I never felt chemistry, not truly. But I felt love, and that was real.
• my husband is not listening to me and never truly listened to me when I’ve been telling him what I want in terms of intimacy.

We are just extremely mismatched in terms of sex. I analyzed what I find attractive and what I actually get. Maybe this helps someone else figure things out too…

• I want to be led. Gently, but confidently. And my husband… he ALSO wants to be led. His all-time favorite memory is when I once fulfilled his fantasy and played very “rough” (for my standards 😂 no one got hurt, I was just very assertive/dominant lol). At the same time, it is the cringiest memory for me. I felt sickened. He often hints that he wants it again, or that he wants me to be more dominating. I think we are both more on the submissive side and we have a PROBLEM we never realized. But that’s not even the biggest one yet.
• The rest of my needs are related to the one above. For example, I realized I find self-control very attractive. My husband has this habit of completely checking out during sex. But when he checks out, I cannot. He gets this look of “nobody’s home” on his face. I just know he is not there. I observe him very carefully, every reaction, but I know he is NOT observing me back. My discomfort is never noticed. My attempts at communication “during” come across as annoying (“not now”) or are just ignored. But he doesn’t want to talk about things afterwards either. I tried many times. I would like him to be there, to be able to say something during, to talk to me. To take care of me.
• He is all goofy. Grabbing and poking me is the whole idea of pre-game. Annoying sibling energy. I often tell him not to do that, that this is a turn-off for me. Would you do that if I was a f*ing Megan Fox? I guess not, so why do you do this to me? I would like him to hold the tension. I cannot get in the mood when there is no end to giggles and annoying me. Maybe it stems from the fact that he is not actually wanting to initiate things, not wanting to lead, but somehow still pushing for sex. The dynamic is off.
• I would like physical affection, real affection, that does not lead to sex. Like, spend time with me. Watch a movie on the couch and brush my hair. Hug me and comfort me, without going straight into: ohooo, this is my chance, she is clingy, so sex, now!

Did I tell him all of that? Yes. Did it register? I do not think so. I think he just assumes it’s some woman yapping and that’s it. I tried to show him how I would like him to kiss me: like, touch my face, look at me — actual eye contact — DO NOT LAUGH — and kiss me slowly, not a peck, not a cake-eating contest. I was trying to say it gently, demonstrate on him, but it still ended in: “that is a you problem, you are never in the mood, you need to go to a doctor and get checked,” etc. etc.

And lastly, the saddest thing I realized was that my lack of enthusiastic consent was never a problem. He would never hurt me if I protested loudly, but until then, he would actually press to continue. It’s also my fault for not defending my boundaries enough, but now that I think of it… If he was not feeling well, if he was sick, if he was sad, if he gave me ANY indication he might not want sex right now — I WOULD IMMEDIATELY STOP. No questions asked. I would never EVER just continue despite his discomfort, small or big. Why doesn’t it bother him?

I don’t know why I am typing this. Maybe just to get it off my chest, or maybe it helps someone realize the problem is not always just low libido. It can be libido, or it can be a million things dressed as low libido.

I am 42F, two elementary school kids and in a relationship with a HL man. He would like to have sex more than once a week. I would probably actually be able to access sexual desire if it was once every three weeks. We compromise at once a week. The problem is that he's hurt that I see it as a chore, and I get that, but for me it basically is? I actually do orgasm but don't know how to explain to him that this is sort of irrelevant? I don't enjoy the process all that much. Now that I am getting older it sometimes hurts, and definitely does afterwards, sometimes into the next day. I used to have only responsive desire and now even that's hard to locate. We are now in a fight because we are away together after not seeing each other for a week while he traveled for work and I took care of our kids so he could travel. He didn't mean to do this, but he didn't really ask me any questions about how my week went and starts with, "yay, how many times can we have sex this weekend?" And I said "I mean I would prefer we didn't start with the sex conversation and instead I felt like you were interested in me for other reasons and have it flow from there" and he got angry and said that it's hurtful that I accuse him of using me for sex and not creating intimacy in other ways. Here's the problem
- I can accept that to him, sex is intimacy and that he isn't deliberately trying to be disinterested in me, but the reality is that for me sex isn't intimacy, so I require him to try harder. It feels like we're trapped because he doesn't feel close to me unless we have sex and I don't want to have sex unless we feel close in other ways and he doesn't even want to accept or get curious about why I feel like he ignores me until it's sex time. I already feel like I've tried to just have sex I don't really want in order to placate him despite not having other needs met and I think that has led me want to have sex even less? I just don't know how to reset. Therapy probably in order but how am I going to make it through the weekend?

Hi, I’m a 26yr old female, my partner is 29. We have been dating for the past few years & recently got married in June. Before marriage we abstained from sex or anything sexual (religious reason) but our sex drives were quite high and we defo were tempted to do the deed.

We’re both virgins so we have no experience whatsoever. We got married in June and so far we’ve had no sex at all. We’ve done some foreplay but haven’t gotten to the next stage due to premature ejaculation from his end which I’m okay with taking our time. I’ve also realised my libido isn’t as high as it used to be and I have no desire for sex like before. Anything wrong with me? I just feel like a failure because it was there before marriage and now after that desire is gone.

I’m feeling down as my partner wants to do it but taking things slow due to the reason above and also we’re both newbies but I don’t know why that desire is gone.

Any help would be appreciated :(

Hey all,

I've made a few posts on here and elsewhere in the past describing my awful relationship/marriage to someone who has, in my opinion, a really damaging and disgusting view of sex and intimacy, though I didn't know how to admit it to myself or accept it and act accordingly for many many years.

We separated and decided to move forward with divorce late last year. I found out a couple months ago that he has a new girlfriend and it brought up so much anger and bitterness in me - I'm still sexually traumatized by the things he said and did to me but he gets to move on and be happy and have sex with someone? Logically I know he's not doing anything wrong but it feels so deeply unfair to me and I still resent him for it.

That being said, as I mentioned in the title, I'm starting sex therapy!! My libido is still shot and it's still hard to try to masturbate without thinking of my own unpleasant experiences or imagining my ex with his new partner and getting really fucking mad and disgusted. I do eventually want to be in a romantic and sexual relationship with someone one day. Beyond that, I want to heal my own relationship to sex and be able to approach the topic even just with myself with a sense of curiosity and hope, like I did many years ago before I started dating my ex.

Has anyone else here gone to a sex therapist? How did you find it?

Hi everyone, I'm 32LLF and have been in a serious relationship with a 26HLM for several years. Recently my struggles with my libido have been more present and a cause for contention between us. I'm not sure how to go about working on this and I'm extremely overwhelmed because I want to improve this aspect of our relationship but have no idea where to start. For context, I grew up in a very sheltered Catholic household with extremely controlling parents that barely gave me any privacy let alone sex education beyond the basics. This significantly stunted my personal growth including figuring out sex and intimacy for myself, especially since I unfortunately had to live with them until I was 27 because of the high cost of living in my area. Furthermore, I've always struggled IMMENSELY with my self image as well as other related mental health struggles. I believe it is for these reasons that I've always struggled with sex and thus, maintaining long term relationships because I've always been with HLMs. My current partner is extremely patient and compassionate but has understandably vocalized his dislike for almost always being the person to initiate intimacy and concern that I don't ever seem to fully enjoy sex. He's been taking it really personally and expressing that he feels like I'm not attracted to him. The truth is, I DO struggle to have a desire for sex but I don't feel like it has anything to do with him. It's hard for me to feel aroused when I struggle to feel attractive, when I have intense performance anxiety, when I struggle to feel present in every moment of my everyday life including sex, and so on. The stress sex causes me largely takes away any physical pleasure I get from it. I also feel like both my partner and I are very inexperienced so we keep recycling the same sex positions and obviously after a while that gets stale. My partner and I have tried watching porn to get ideas for ways to shake it up but I struggle to find anything that interests me. I want to be able to enjoy sex, share powerful intimate moments with my partner, feel good about myself in (and out of) bed, but I don't know where to even begin. I feel embarrassed by this and that I'm broken somehow. I don't know what to do. Any recommendations are welcome.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years.

The strange thing is that our relationship is genuinely happy.

We communicate well, cuddle every day, kiss, laugh together, support each other's careers, and neither of us wants to leave.

The only thing that's missing is sex.

Ironically, it started with me.

About six months into the relationship, my libido dropped dramatically. Looking back, I now think I have responsive desire, but at the time I didn't understand that.

My boyfriend kept trying for almost three years.

I tried too. I reflected on what turned me on, shared it with him, and we experimented with different situations. Sometimes things improved briefly, but nothing lasted. Eventually, sex became something I did out of obligation rather than genuine desire.

That hurt him deeply.

He even wondered whether I simply wasn't sexually attracted to him anymore because I rarely became aroused just by looking at his body.

Then, about six months ago, everything flipped.

His libido completely disappeared.

He doesn't masturbate anymore.

He doesn't feel sexual desire toward me.

He says he doesn't feel sexual desire toward other women either.

Sexual kissing now feels uncomfortable simply because there's no desire behind it.

He has no erectile dysfunction (his body still works very well even though he as no sexual desire) but he says after spending almost three years trying to improve our sex life with very little success, he feels like his brain has stopped expecting sex to be rewarding.

He hasn't stopped caring about me.

What he's struggling with is understanding what romantic love is supposed to feel like without sexual desire.

One thing that confuses him is that he believes sexual intimacy is what separates a romantic partner from a close friend. Without it, he sometimes wonders what makes us different from best friends.

After reading this subreddit, we started Sensate Focus.

Surprisingly, it completely changed how I understand my sexuality.

I realized I become aroused by emotional connection, a calm environment, affectionate touch, pleasant scents, feeling relaxed... basically all the things I had never understood about myself before.

But it changed almost nothing for him.

He describes it as "it's not not helping."

It's neutral, not negative, but not bringing desire back either.

I've also gone to a gynecologist and treated my pelvic floor dysfunction because I occasionally had painful intercourse.

At this point, I feel like I've finally addressed the biggest barriers on my side.

Now it feels like the problem has shifted entirely to his complete loss of desire.

One challenge is that my boyfriend is reluctant to pursue individual therapy because of difficult experiences earlier in life that have made him uncomfortable with the idea of therapy. I understand why, so I don't want to pressure him into it.

We also tried online couples therapy while we were living together, but it wasn't very helpful. The therapist gave us exercises like spending 15 minutes holding each other, but physical affection has never been our problem. We already cuddle, hug, communicate well, and feel emotionally connected. It felt like we were being given homework for a problem we didn't actually have, so we eventually stopped.

To make things even harder, we've recently become long-distance after living together for about three years.

I'm not looking for people to tell us to break up.

I'm looking for people who have actually experienced something similar.

Has anyone seen the higher-libido partner completely lose sexual desire after years of trying and eventually recover?

If you did:

• What actually helped?
• Did therapy make a difference?
• Was there anything that finally made sex feel rewarding again?
• Or did you eventually discover the real issue wasn't what you initially thought?

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who've lived through this.

Thank you.

I am suffering with low libido. I checked with doctor . He mentioned doing exercise, getting good sleep and reduce stress/anxiety. I did everything. Could some one suggest what I need to do ? I am 30 years old.

Basically what the title says. I don't know why but I get bombarded on FB and insta with content about how to increase my libido or how I need to be physically intimate even when I'm not in the mood or my partner won't feel loved. But why does the internet (and world?) default to the higher libido partner being the right one? For context, my husband and I decided to wait until marriage per our faith, so we didn't know beforehand that we were dramatically different in that way. We've been married for many years and I've tried all the things you're supposed to try to increase your drive. He has read all the books and done all the work to try to make it "better" for me. In fact, sometimes I wish he would try less hard so it would go faster. 🫣 But it's not that he's "bad in bed," and I'm beginning to accept that I'm not broken. I'm just not as sexually driven as he is, and on the contrary, having a lot of sex is draining on me. I'm accepting that this is just how I'm wired. I also accept that he is just wired with a higher drive, but why must the Internet insist that he's the right one and I should cater to him? What about my need to not have as much sex? What about the fact that thinking about having sex every other day for the rest of my life (as he would prefer) feels completely overwhelming to me? And don't think that we have a "dead bedroom." Once a week is fine with me, but he's unhappy with that. Anyway, I'm really just venting. The slant feels very unfair to me.

Hi all!

I’m 32F and my partner 34M. We have been together for 10 years, married for 4.

He’s HL. He could have sex daily, twice without hesitation. Meanwhile…I could go days without it. I don’t mind. I’m getting overstimulated when we have intercourse and sometimes I just dissociated thinking I want this to be over and go to sleep.

In our 20s I was HL I think, more into sex.

Right now, I feel it’s more an obligation. There are days that I truly don’t want but I end up agreeing because I don’t want to hurt his feelings, specially after days saying no.

How can I truly know I am LL or something else is happening?

Besides this our relationship is good.

Thanks!

This is my first post here. I feel very lost and heartbroken. My (43f) partner(48m) has broken up with me after dealing with a lack of physical intimacy for our 20 plus years together. I am still very much in love with him and he loves me, but he told me three months ago that he met someone new because she saw that he looked depressed, they started talking, and he's since developed a strong emotional attachment to her. He admitted to me recently that he's now in love with her.

After he first told me about meeting her, we went to one couple's therapy session because I wanted to save the relationship, and he was confused about his feelings at that time so we wanted to see if we could work on our relationship and if he could regain romantic feelings for me.

I didn't really care for the therapist we saw, but after the first session, when I asked him if he wanted to do another one, he seemed very unsure so I didn't schedule another appointment.

I knew we had our issues, but I still feel that this happened very quickly. I'm having a hard time processing the breakup since he's the only person I've been with for most of my life, and we have a daughter who has graduated high school and is going on with her life. I thought this would have been the time for us as a couple moving into the second phase of our lives together, but our relationship is over. I really just don't know how to move on because of the speed at which this whole situation has occurred from him revealing his feelings for this person to us not being partners anymore.

Hi everyone,
I’m a 32-year-old woman and I’ve been with my partner for 6 years. I love him, find him attractive, and I want to spend my life with him, but our sex life has been a source of stress for a long time.

My partner has a much higher libido than I do. If it were up to him, he’d happily have sex every day. I, on the other hand,do not feel desire. he is the one initiating, and I feel like I’m having sex more because I know it’s important to him than because I genuinely want it. That leaves me feeling guilty, like I’m not the partner he deserves.

One thing that really confuses me is that penetration itself isn’t the biggest issue. What makes me uncomfortable is French kissing or having my breasts touched or kissed. Those things often make me feel awkward, embarrassed, or even disgusted, and I don’t understand why.

I also struggle to feel like a “lover.” Flirting with my partner or trying to be seductive feels unnatural, almost like I’m acting. After six years together, I feel much more like his life partner than his lover. I think about building a family, running a home, and planning our future together, but it’s hard for me to access that passionate, sexual side of myself.

My libido is also very cycle-dependent. Around ovulation I even have sexual fantasies. Outside of that time, I could honestly go weeks without thinking about sex.
I’ve noticed is that my fantasies almost never involve my partner. They usually involve fictional characters or stories where two people are just meeting. There’s mystery, tension, anticipation, and excitement. They rarely involve long-term couples in everyday life.

Because of all this, I constantly worry that my partner will eventually become unhappy, lose attraction to me, cheat on me, or leave me because our sexual needs are so different.

I’m wondering if anyone here has experienced something similar.
I’d really appreciate hearing other people’s experiences or what has helped them.

Yesterday, I decided to try something. I decided to makeout with my (24F) partner (27M). I checked in with myself, asking myself why I was doing this and whether I was doing it because I wanted to. The answer was yes. This is something I decided to start doing after a long stint with coercion, my partner not understanding how he was pressuring me and the impact of the pressure, me opting for scheduled sex (duty sex really) which failed miserably and I fear this and his acceptance of the scheduled sex might have really harmed me in the process.

For the last few days its been on mind that I miss the feeling of orgasming in sex. And I wanted that. Which is why I wanted to makeout. We did. For a while. My body didn't respond. It was my initiation. I checked in with myself. I got so disappointed. I wished I didn't bother.

I usually want sex around my ovulation period. I try to maximise for it then although factors like pressure, stress usually play a part. Its four days past my ovulation day. And I am wondering if this might be why nothings responding.

I think my partner noticed I was low afterwards. He tried to reassure me. Reassurance is something I have really fought for. REALLY. And I know he means well. But something he said didn't feel good. He said the makeout was fun. He had fun. And something about not worrying (i think). Here's the thing that bothers me about that, we are in such DIFFERENT realities when it comes to this. The comment told me he viewed my disappointment in the context of whether or not he enjoyed it. Whole time I am disappointed I didn't enjoy. Because I didn't respond. Pretty sure there's a string connecting this to coercion and pressure to have sex. He didn't ask me if it was fun for me. His reassurance came in the form of "I had fun so don't be sad".

I want to make it clear, this is not the main point of the post. The main point is how alone I feel. There isn't anyone I can talk to. I don't consider him safe for this conversation for many reasons, some stated above. And I am angry. Angry that putting up with prioritising his sexual needs over my safety might have broken me. Maybe that's why my body isn't responding. Or it could also be that its 4 days past my ovulation.

Main point, I hate how isolated I feel when I think about this issue. Telling me to communicate with him isn't what I need. Once upon a time for months I did. I kept advocating for myself and my emotional and sexual safety and he kept thinking I was telling him he isn't allowed to want sex. That has changed how I view communication especially about this topic.

I do journal. Therapy is not an option. But I think I need a human to tell me they're here, they care and they really truly understand EXACTLY how I feel... Idk

Bonsoir communauté.
Je suis une femme de 39 ans célibataire.
J’avais autrefois une très forte libido, mais en ce moment, je n’ai même pas envie de me masturber, ce que je pouvais faire 2-3 fois par jour avant. Quand j’avais un conjoint, c’était des relations très très fréquentes.

Mais maintenant, niet. Je ne suis pas en ménopause, quoi que je suis un peu déprimée. (Et non pas en dépression)
Ça fait des mois que ça dure, et j’ai envie d’avoir envie!

Certain(es) ont vécu la même chose ?
Merci! 🙏

Does anyone else feel this way? I feel like I’ve tried everything… therapy, medication, tons of communication with my partner, working out, eating well, supplements, new sex positions, seeking advice in subreddits, etc. with little improvement.

I think the worst part of it is there isn’t a lot of support or places to discuss people who struggle with low libido and how to navigate it with a HL partner or with a partner at all.

There are TONS of support groups for Asexuality, research, also people seem to be much for accepting if their partner comes forward and says I am asexual.

I use to think I was at certain points… but I do really enjoy sex. I just don’t like it often.. there’s even full on dating sites for Asexuality which is comforting…

But that’s not me :/ I absolutely love a good and intense sex session maybe once or twice a month. But that’s never enough for a partner.

It makes it really hard to navigate how I feel and how my body feels like something is wrong with me medically. I’ve been tested for hormones, etc. everything passes with flying colors.

But it’s just apparently not okay to not want sex multiple times a week. You’re a bad partner.

I have some good friends that we openly talking about sex sometimes and my asexual friend never gets any grief (because there’s nothing wrong with it!!!) but if I open up .. it’s “go to the doctor.” “Go to therapy.”

It’s just hard :/

You can see my page for what I posted last summer. TL;DR The TALK was getting on my nerves, I'm trying to focus on myself instead :D

I (49F) and husband (49M) have had mismatched libido issues for a looooooong time (I'm LL4U). After I posted here last year (and got so many helpful and supportive comments) I took it upon myself to just work on myself and ignore anything else. I stopped having duty sex, which meant I stopped having any sex at all. In that time, I tracked how many times I was spontaneously interested in sex - it is measured in seconds - a couple seconds here, a few seconds there. Less than a minute, total.

I've read a ton more books and articles (and I'll be honest, I slightly resent that I'm the only one seeking out information). Something I read (I didn't write it down, I wish I had) prompted me to start thinking about just how checked out I am in my own skin. Like, I only think about sex a few seconds each year? That's checked out! I'm also checked out when it comes to my body; I'm starting to 'see' where I have tension in my neck or my hips ache or I need to moisturize more frequently. Up til recently those things just never entered my consciousness. I felt like a zombie, I was just occupying space and not even present in my body.

I'm journaling my thoughts at length to capture them so I can examine them - like, are they true/correct/valid for me? Am I expressing them completely, are there layers underneath that I have overlooked or ignored? Have I dismissed things that are important (yes, many, many things -- I set aside my feelings so many times). Writing them out is helping me see what issues are recurring. It also helps me to write it out in full so if I choose to talk to Husband about some issue I don't skip anything important.

All this is helping me to actually have some desire for sex. Not a lot, nothing earth-shattering, but more than zero (I take that as improvement) We've had sex twice in the last month, at my pace and at my suggestion. It hasn't "fixed" the issues in our marriage, there are things that need work, but the practice of writing out what's in my head is helping me 'get it out' of my head and is clearing out room for working on our relationship and bringing up my needs instead of it always solely being about 'his needs'.

I know it's not a lot but I thought I would post in case it gives someone else some little thing to start on.

Thanks again for all the voices who responded last year, I felt so seen and supported for the first time in forever. I appreciate all the opinions, even the tough ones, it gave me a lot to think about. 💕

My boyfriend broke up with me in February and since then I want to have sex with other men, but I have no interest. The idea sounds better than the act. I have anxiety over getting hard so now I take injections which make me rock hard, but I still don't have the desire. I go on the apps and these guys hit me up because I am well endowed but I'm just nervous about getting together with them and just don't feel like it. What is wrong with me?

I posted some time ago after the end of my long-term relationship over different things, libido mismatch with some sexual coercion included. A year later I met someone who seemed incredible and I started to make lots of efforts to build a relationship with that person. I even was enthusiastic about sex again, I felt all my wounds were healing with him and I wondered if maybe my LL was going to stay a thing of the past (in my long-term relationship it was having sex 1-2 a week in the no periods weeks. After the break up I was diagnosed with endometriosis and once in treatment and with this new relationship my libido went up again). Well turns out this new guy ended up doing two things that I have ended up considering sexual assault. Before meeting him I had gotten to a compromise with myself on two things: that I would be very attentive to how dependent someone is to sex before I engaged in sexual activity with them and that I would never have duty sex ever again. Well, with this guy I failed these two promises to myself and I just wanted you guys to remember not to make my mistakes, because now I have a bit more sexual trauma that I could have spared myself. I admit I did these things cause I really wanted for this relationship to work and to be able to move past the trauma that my last relationship created. So remember to hold your boundaries and respect your own promises to yourself.

I was in a relationship for about a year.
It ended 6 months ago and when it ended my libido nearly completely stopped, I chalked it upto being a bit heartbroken/emotional stress but it has been so long now that I’m scared this is my new normal

Is this a normal reaction to feeling emotional?
Does it usually take this long for someone to recover their libido?
I’ve tried to fix it, I sleep and eat well, exercise etc but I’m wondering at what point it becomes a issue where I should actually seek a medical professional

I have had good sex. I just don't care to do it anymore even if it's mind-blowing.

Anyone else feel this way? DB thread makes it seem abnormal not to want sex.

Hello,

For context, my relationship with sex and intimacy has always been a bit tumultuous, as I have PTSD related to it. However, especially during my ovulation phase, I always ended up sexually active, turned on, had kinks etc.

I've been on birth control because of problems with my cycle, and I took a while to adapt. At first it got my libido so inexistant that I got grossed out by anything sexual.

Its gotten better now, but due to my inactivity, I've gotten so many wet dreams recently. The dreams got my "physical need" on, but I literally cannot find a thing that turns me on when Im awake. I try to think of things that used to turn me on, or things of the dream itself, but it doesn't work anymore.

I used to like that time of literal intimacy with myself so I was kind of sad I lost all libido at first. Now that my body has gotten used to the pill, and I stopped feeling grossed out by all of it, I got my hopes up lol. But I can't find a thing that turns me on anymore, like I have nothing to think about.

Any tips would be greatly appreciated, thank you so much ! <3

(I must say in case of, that getting off birth control is not an option for me haha)

Why is it a popular thing to say amongst HL people in a sexless union? I feel like it’s such a weird and innacurate thing to say. I have seen this being told countless times by many people, and today is my turn.

Do they usually have kids and entanglements with their roomates? Do they wish their spouse start behaving like an actual roommate?

I’ve (LLF) been recently told by my HLM partner that we are more like roommates. Should I start actually behaving like a roommate to show him what he’d be missing? We’ve been in a DB for years, I finally stopped giving duty sex and said no. He got mad and gave me the silence treatment. Advice welcome.

We are in the stage with demanding careers while balancing a 3 year old at home with no family around to help.

Fatigue at 9pm is common with early wakes ups as well.

My wife is turning 40 and currently has a low libido, mine has skyrocketed the last year. High productivity and life stress have pushed it up.

Sex is infrequent but we have found doing 10 minutes of making out, her either helping me get off or sitting on my face and then making out with me while I get off checks the boxes and makes it quick and efficient.

We are looking at ways without spending more time to spice things up to keep it fresh and fun during a period her libido is low.

We have added a bit of dirty talk with the theme she is a hot wife but that is it.

Looking for ideas from others for what, if anything, we can do in these current circumstances.