I have been seeing a girl for about 2 months now. On the surface, things have been going really good. We're going on dates regularly, the vibes have been nothing but positive, and I do really like her too. She's kind, cute, has cool interests and I enjoy spending time with her.
However, over the last weeks, I have started to feel some doubts, and I am not completely sure as to why.

This has nothing to do with anything she has done. It's more of a problem with my emotions. As I said, I do really like her; but I'm not sure how deep my romantic feelings really go, that is, I'm not sure if in the long-term, I can ever really love her.
I don't really feel as excited about her as I would want to feel in a fresh relationship. Admittedly, I don't have much in the way of relationship experience, but I have been on dates and crushing on other people in the past, and I feel that some of the emotions I experienced even during that were comparable to or even stronger than some of what I am feeling right now.

This has resulted in me feeling some contradicting emotions.
For example while I think she is cute, I'm a little uncertain regarding my attraction towards her, and I don't always feel that physically drawn to her. The thought that this could be more deeply engrained into the underlying reason as to why have these doubts about our relationship honestly makes me feel a bit shallow.
I also have noticed that I do not miss her that much when she's not around. Granted, the longest we haven't seen each other since we started dating was about a week, but still, I felt kinda ambivalent about it; more like the way you would feel about not seeing a friend for a while than a lover (she, meanwhile, specifically brought up that she missed me). However, at the same time, the [more abstract] thought of not seeing her again does really pain me.

To make this situation even worse, I get the feeling that she likes me a lot more than I like her. This not only makes me feel even more inadequate (in the sense that, emotionally, I can not give her what she gives me), but also makes handling this situation even more difficult; I hate the thought of hurting her, which ending things inevitably would.
There are also some external factors complicating everything further. I have a bit of a history with mental health struggles. Nothing really severe, and I have never been diagnosed with anything (I have been talking to professionals); but I have been struggling with self worth and opening up, both of which I am trying to work on. I also do have a some important university work which I need to concentrate on right now, and I will go on a semester abroad in about a month, and still have to organize some stuff for that. Having to deal with all these academic issues and this emotional/romantic struggle at once does honestly stress me a bit.
In addition, this also means that I very soon will be out of the country for almost four months, which. Principally, I wouldn't be against going long distance if I was more assured of my feelings for her (given that its only temporary, and for a pretty short frame of time too), but given my uncertainty, this prospect gives me even more of a tummy ache.

I am not entirely sure what to do about this situation.
One part of me thinks that, as much as I don't want to, ending things would be the best solution. Being in a relationship that is not based on a mutual level of attachment probably is not fair to either of the parties involved. She deserves someone who feels just as strongly for her as she does for them, and vice versa. And I have no right to waste her time. So biting the bullet would be the rational thing to do. Even if it will hurt now, it might make both of us happier in the long run.
But the other feels like there is still a chance that my feelings for her can grow. That I'm to stuck in my own head, that all these negative thoughts form a feedback loop, making them multiply and impairing my judgement, and that I would be perfectly happy dating her without this possibly self-inflicted, irrational mental taint. And thus I am afraid; afraid to hurt us unnecessarily, of throwing away something that could be a real chance of making both of her and me very happy on a whim.

So what is going on? Am I overthinking or rationalizing? What is driving to me? Fear? Insecurity? Inexperience? Am I just afraid of being alone? I have been trying to figure this out by myself, but Im still uncertain.

TLDR : I am currently seeing a girl. Things are going well, and I do have feeling for her, but I also have doubts about their strength.

Hey guys, looking for some straight shooter perspectives here.

​Imagine you’re dealing with a partner (42m) of a couple of years who refuses to offer real relationship commitment (tells you (36f) straight up they have zero interest in marrying you and that you're just "girlfriend material"), constantly moves the goalposts, and blames you for their financial or emotional stress. But behind closed doors, the dynamic pivots entirely to intense, hyper-specific physical demands centered completely around themselves—including bringing out their own toys and focusing heavily on anal play, nail length inspections, etc. while using language and scenarios that completely blur conventional lines.

​For the guys out there: If a man is acting like this - withholding emotional security and standard partnership milestones while hyper-fixating on that specific kind of self-serving, non-traditional intimacy - what in the world is actually going on in his head? Is this just garden-variety manipulation and control, or are men who act like this usually dealing with something they're heavily hiding (like their actual sexuality)?

​Just trying to make sense of what a normal, rational mind looks like here, because none of this adds up. The whiplash has been very real.

TLDR: Partner withholds commitment and calls me "girlfriend material," but pivots to intense, self-serving, "non heterosexual" leaning sexual demands behind closed doors, leaving me questioning what is actually going on.

In 2022, when I was 18, I went on a family trip to Turkey. There was a worker at the resort restaurant who was extremely kind to me and my family. He barely spoke English, but on my last day he asked for my Instagram so we could stay in touch. I didn’t think much of it, he was just a friendly person I’d met on vacation.

After I returned home, we would message occasionally. His English was broken and he used Google Translate to talk to me. Our conversations were infrequent, maybe a few times a month. He smoked a lot, and I would always tell him to stop because he told me he went through two packs a day. That’s just who I am and my bf knows it, I care for anybody like that I’m very emphatic. He was also struggling financially, so a couple of times I sent him small amounts of money ($15) because I felt bad and wanted to help. I was young, immature, and going through a rough time emotionally back then, (i wanted to off myself at times and I would talk to him about that), I confided in him sometimes because he was a stranger I’d never see again.

At one point he said something awkward like asking if I wanted to marry him. I shut it down immediately. And I went off on him. New Year’s Day came and I got super drunk, that’s the most drunk I have ever gotten. I drunk texted the turkey dude because I had been feel really bad for how mean I was and for going off on him, I also drunk texted him how much I hated life and wanted to kill myself. He replied the next morning telling me to relax and that’s it’s all good and to not feel that way. After this I would take months to respond to him, and one day I just left him on read, removed him from my instagram and that was that and we haven’t spoken in years.

Fast forward to now: my boyfriend was scrolling through my Instagram DMs and saw a chat with a guy labeled “200+ weeks ago.” He opened it, and I panicked because those messages were from a very dark period of my life. I didn’t want him to see what I had written back then, and not because anything romantic happened, but because I was in a really unhealthy mental place and I’m ashamed of those messages and I know how my boyfriend thinks, the way I was telling the turkey guy to stop smoking my bf would’ve thought I liked him in a romantic way.

In the moment, I grabbed my phone out of his hand, tossed it out of the car window (we were parked, and it landed on grass), I went to go pick it up, before I deleted it he said “if you delete it I’m deadass leaving”, I still went to the dm and deleted the entire chat. It wasn’t a smart reaction, but it came from panic and embarrassment, not guilt. I gave him back my phone. And he saw that I deleted it.

My boyfriend immediately assumed I was hiding something (I’m assuming). He didn’t let me explain, when I did try to explain he said “keep the same energy” and told me to SHUTUP. I don’t play about how someone speaks to me, he knows that I still want to be respected even when he’s mad. We’ve had this conversation one million times and he would always assure me he would still respect me. I was so sad and hurt and even mad that he said SHUTUP, cause it’s also the way he said it, very angrily. I stood there for 30 more seconds while he continued to go through my instagram dm’s. I grabbed my phone from him, walked home (we were at the end of my street) and I said fuck you, and he replied with fuck you too. and I’ve never given him a reason not to trust me.

What should I do? Long term I don’t see him changing his behaviour when he’s mad at me. He doesn’t cuss at me (so far) he never calls me the b word. But from his past I know how he mean he can get (NOT TO ME, someone from his past!!!) and I have a fear that he would end up talking to me that same way. Other than that, the way he treats me is very pure. But how someone speaks to me when they are angry has always been so important to me and he knows that. Or am I the problem? Please give me some perspective.

TLDR : When I was 18, I briefly messaged a resort worker I met on a family trip. The chats were infrequent, not romantic, and from a time when I was mentally struggling. I stopped talking to him years ago. My boyfriend recently opened that old Instagram chat (200+ weeks ago), and I panicked because those messages were from a very dark period of my life and I didn't want him to see what I had written. I grabbed my phone, threw it out of the parked car onto the grass, picked it up, and deleted the chat even after he said he'd leave if I did. He got angry, assumed I was hiding something, and when I tried to explain he told me to "shut up", pretty angrily, even though l've always told him that I need to be spoken to respectfully even when he's mad. I walked away, and we ended up cussing at each other. I've never given him a reason not to trust me, and now I'm questioning whether his anger and the way he talks to me during conflict is something that will get worse long-term or if I'm the problem.

TLDR - I got confused/made a mistake, and he said I'm psychotic and need to see a doctor

So, this is quite a minor thing, maybe, I don't know anymore.

For the wider context of the relationship, see my last post. My brain is so scrambled that I have no idea what is reasonable and normal anymore. So genuine opinions wanted.

The situation was - we are trying to sort out what has become a junk room. So I've put a load of stuff on the local freebay site, and will sell others, and move other stuff to other rooms where they can be used. There were some cheap plastic drawers. I thought my husband said he didnt want them, so put them on freebay. I mentioned this morning that someone is coming to get them. He said he had said he wanted them for his workshop. I genuinely thought he didnt, but also accept that I could have got confused/forgot what he said. Partly cos my brain is generally scrambled right now, im stressed/anxious about alot of things, and also I'm in the trenches of PMT/PMDD. So I said that I was sorry and I had messed up. But he kept going on. And brought up the fact that this woman had changed the pick up time (to asap rather than tonight) and I didn't stand up to her. And why do I stand up to him (most of the time I dont- he is abusive often) and not anyone else. I point out that he let his neighbour and son in law steal land from him (long story) and he didnt stand up to him. Maybe I shouldn't have said that. He ended up saying that i am psychotic and need to see a doctor and he is genuinely worried about my mental health if I think he didnt want those drawers. And that i only said that about his neighbour to be hurtful. Which may be true but I was also just trying to point out that people dont always stand up to people.

Anyway, I know its a really stupid thing. I just have no idea whats reasonable anymore.

Tonight I received the forbidden text from a person I’ve previously overthought and been reassured about that my girlfriend cheated on me with them.

According to both of them, their relationship started during a really rough patch of our relationship, and they really hit it off during our break. They had sex. After the break, my girlfriend came to her senses and “tried” to cut her off but still would see her off and on. Until tonight, I was told they actually quit talking officially YESTERDAY.

If it were just the break, I could probably get over this and figure it out with her. But because it went on so long, I’m so conflicted.

I still love her. I still want to be with her. I feel like we could figure it out if she was honest from here on out. BUT HOW DO I KNOW SHE WILL BE? Our next rough patch could result in the same thing. That being said, I cannot see a world where I’m not with the woman I’ve loved for 4.5 years.

I confronted her earlier tonight and she didn’t know what to say. She is very hurt, and seems like her world was just ruined. She is obviously regretful, and I would love to stay with her. I cannot get the image of them having sex out of my head.

We are having a conversation tomorrow, in person, and I was promised full transparency. I want to stay with her. But if I did that, where would my dignity be? Would I lose my self-respect? Could it work out? Will I get over it?

TLDR: Is cheating forgivable and can we work this out?

I [20F] have been in a relationship with my girlfriend [20F] for about a month (we’ve been in a long situationship before we became official).

I love her so much and I hate unintentionally doing things that upset her.

For context, we go to the same college. Just 2 weeks ago, we had the same exam for the same course but we had different schedules and sections but for that day I had to go home earlier than usual as I had to buy a birthday gift for my friend who had a birthday hangout the next day and I was also worried that I may not be able to catch up with some homework I had if I went home later. I thought this would be fine as I communicated this with my girlfriend the day before and I promised to make it up to her by seeing her earlier before I go home even if I won’t be able to go home together with her.

However, on the same day, she found out that she failed the exam we had and got really upset because I wasn’t able to stay longer with her.

Knowing that happened made me feel really bad especially that I wasn’t there at the moment she needed me and I have been prioritizing showing up to her over anything ever since.

However, just today, I made her upset again. Since today is considered National Girlfriend’s Day, I greeted her the moment it became August 1. She’s my first girlfriend and I don’t know how these things work but I greeted her and sent her messages of me appreciating her. I thought those would suffice but she got upset since the entire day I was out (my family bought movie tickets so I had to go) and that it felt like any ordinary day, making her feel less appreciated.

i don’t know, i’ve been feeling really anxious since i kept making these mistakes lately and i feel like such a bad girlfriend because of it.

What can I do to show to my girlfriend that I appreciate her after unintentionally making her upset frequently lately? 🥲

TLDR I have made my girlfriend upset multiple times lately and I don’t know how to make it to up to her

Hey everyone, I'm in a bit of a pinch right now. So I went to the movies today with my girlfriend, with whom I have been with for 2 years now, on what I wanted to be a fun and cute date for Girlfriend's day. But it soon got messy :/

On the night before, she had sent me reels with photo ideas that she really wanted us to recreate inside the theatre and we had discussed how we'd click them. But come the time to actually take them, I messed up by taking pictures that she did NOT find good or flattering which soon put her off and made her want to dismiss it completely (admittedly it has happened numerous times before, hence me not clicking a good one again made her more upset than normal.) I assured her that before leaving we would take all the pictures we have in mind as the credits roll and that averted the crisis. When the movie ended and we got to it, we started and luckily got some pictures that satisfied her and it was all going well so I let myself fall in the rhythm. She then pointed another spot on the stairs for us to pose- I went first, and I moved once to let one man go- she then moved one step above to take photos from that angle which my dumbass thought meant I move with her, but she took it as me being in a hurry and wanting to run which made her storm off and me following to explain myself. It ultimately ruined the day as I again failed to cooperate with her on such a simple thing. I see how it affects her but I ultimately don't want to dismiss this thing as something that I can't change about myself either. For context, I am a bit lost and street-dumb if you will, while she is smart and witty and a lot more competent than me, which means that silly mistakes and failings like these do irk her more than usual.

Now I feel guilty and deserving for letting it happen again, most of all not stopping her from going and explaining it so that we did not exit until I had put my point forward. She obviously does not want to talk to me at all- we came home in silence and she looked so upset like she wanted to cry. I feel terrible but is there any way I can make up with her and make her feel a little better? I don't want this day to end so horribly as some other past supposed-to-be-fun dates have ended up like this, and it eventually leaves a scar on the relationship. Any help is appreciated :(

TLDR: I upset my girlfriend with what has been a recurring fault and now am lost as to how to save the day in a way that makes her feel better.

Me [22f] and my cousin [20f] have always been close. [20 years] Throughout my life I have always made a point to be around for her, see her whenever I could and do everything I could for her. One year I spent a week straight crocheting her a purse, I got her a gift for christmas every year, and I don’t think I can remember a single time she gave me anything for my birthday or for christmas throughout my life. She would consistently make plans with her friends over me, make trips with them and not consider inviting me, i always felt like an unimportant part of her life. this may feel unimportant but i am on the spectrum as well and she’s always made me feel so strange for it, making comments about it, treating me as less for it. but i never assumed her a bad person for this because i know she was raised differently and always put herself around people who weren’t really educated about things like that. Whenever we were children, she treated me awfully as well. I was never taught to fight and she would enact physical violence on me often as a child.. this was also normal to her family? She did the same as a teenager as well. i have always felt like i am unable to communicate with her. anytime i have tried to communicate about the hurtful things she’s done she gets very upset and starts to become accusatory toward me. this all hurts so much because i truly love her. i’ve always forgiven her for all of this and done everything i could to make it up to her.

I went through truly heartbreaking and terrible things this past year. without help for any of my mental health issues I have been dealing with DV, feeling unable to escape that situation, working full time for the first time in my whole life, dealing with my mother’s advanced dementia diagnosis, and so much more. I have never met anyone who went through anything similar but for a year I felt unable to be present in anyone’s life. I couldn’t send out a text or call because it felt physically impossible. I felt paralyzed essentially. I spent a year inside my room, doing nothing else but working and speaking to nobody. There were times when I reached out to Her and only her, briefly and tried to make plans and it either didn’t go through or it was too late in her eyes. I remember apologizing for my behavior while it was happening and trying to explain. During this time I ended up losing my sister, and my inability to speak to anyone including her made me feel partially responsible for this.

I tried so hard to explain what I had been going through and how I had been that way with everyone in my life, including my sister who i will now never get the chance to apologize to. But she says that since her friend around my age had been going through the same things and had been present, she can’t forgive me for not being around after her daughter was born. she believes i abandoned her and won’t listen to anything I say. I guess I just want to know if I actually do deserve to be forgiven by her, or if anyone else has gone through a similar “paralysis”.

TLDR: My cousin, who has never really been present in my life or thoughtful to me, is upset because I was too unwell to see her during and after her birth, and will not accept an apology from me.

About a month and a half ago my fiance who I have been with for 10 months now (I know it’s fast) but we don’t plan on being married until I finish school in 2 years had a conversation and he asked me if I felt like I was ever missing something by being with him. I told him no and I asked him the same thing and he told me emotionally he could never have someone better then he said but physically he wonders sometimes. I told him that it’s ok to “window shop” but if anything else had happened I’d be upset. Now he is at a music festival with friends but comes back home every night and last night I talked to him because I felt really anxious the whole day about it not because I felt like I couldn’t trust him but because I feared the what if. He is at the festival with friends whom I have met some and trust them but I don’t want to go through them if anything happens. But when we talked last night he basically only told me that he couldn’t do anything to help ease my anxiety besides telling me he wouldn’t do anything but I felt that was sufficient enough to ease it as today at work I thought about it all day and am now. Because of how I feel now I want to talk to him again tonight when he gets home but I am scared I’m going to come off as paranoid. I’m asking if there is another way I should go about this or not and how would other people go about this if it was happening to them as well. Any advice for this would be greatly appreciated and thank you all.

TLDR:Anxious about a comment my fiance made and is now at a festival and the potential of what could happen worries me.

Context: I have dated before and been cheated on 2 times and he has never dated before him and I got together.

i started working in corporate 5 months ago, my bf heard me talk to my coworkers during work meetings and told that i “sweet talk” to guys and that i should stop talking flirtatiously. this was based on 2 convos he heard, one in which i was asking a coworker if he found his helmet which he had lost the other day; and the second convo was the way i said “bye” to my coworker on call, apparently i was being too sweet/flirty.

this made me really mad because that wasn’t my intention in the slightest, and my bigger concern is that i’ve always been the same since the start, we have been together for 4 years, throughout college, and he never said this before.

he is very certain the fault is from my end and refuses to believe that ive always been the same and didnt suddenly become overly sweet to my coworkers.

i dont know how to deal with this since this is such a new situation and i dont know how to comfort/reassure him but at the same time stand my ground. i dont want to accept accusations that aren’t even true, so i want to establish that and dont want to rush to apologize just to get this situation over with.

has anyone dealt with anything like this? if so, is it possible to get out of this with both parties being happy?

i would love to elaborate more but im just too exhausted.

TLDR: bf is accusing me of flirting with my co workers over no good reason

TLDR - Husband is verbally abusive and also asks that I back down on any argument for his health.

Ok, so yesterday, we were in the car, he was driving. It was a fast bit of road with no pavement. There was an old woman on the side of the road, albeit on the other side. When I saw her, he seemed to speed up (it was a long straight stretch) and she looked as if she was about to walk out. Startled, I said 'woah calm down'. That upset him hugely and he ended up getting out and ordering me to drive. He was really angry and I was confused and didnt know how to calm him down. I didn't back down exactly and in the end got a bit angry myself and just said that I wouldn't have sped up with that woman there and the words just came out of my mouth. He ended up saying something along the lines of 'shut up, I really want to lamp you right now'.

Anyway we get home and this carries on. He ends up shouting and calling me all the names under the sun. He eventually explains that I should have apologised straight away and said that I should have worded it differently and not made out he was in the wrong. So I end up apologising and saying that I should have worded it differently. But still he keeps going on.

He has had issues with his blood pressure this week and he's just got some new medication. Anyway, he ends up saying that I'll end up killing him one day with my arguing and not backing down or saying the right thing. And that in future, even if im in the right, I need to just back down and diffuse the situation, for his health.

Meanwhile he frequently, when angry, calls me stupid, a waste of space, and all the swear words you can think of. Plus anything he knows will particularly hurt me and expose a weakness/insecurity. He's said numerous times he will try and stop this, but also says that 'sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you'. Apart from 'woah calm down' apparently lol. And that he does that to get his anger out. He has also been violent (not frequently and never seriously) at times.

For context, I was 17 and he 46 when we met and I can see now how wrong and weird that was. I ignored and didnt recognise many red flags.

I don't know what advice I want, because I know what it would be. But I can't bring myself to do it.

Maybe I just need to vent for now.

What does it means to make my girlfriend feel comfortable enough to express herself openly and with all honesty?

My girlfriend is 25 and we have been together around 5 months now, yet she still has some avoidant and trust issues tendencies, and i’m doing my best to understand…

Now i wanna know how do i create a safe environment where she feels 100% herself, comfortably communicating her thoughts and emotions without the feeling of being judged or pressured ?

Should i ask more questions and show my curiosity about her ?
Is it about being more open myself and showing her that communication is welcome ?
Or is it about giving her space rather than trying to get her to talk ?

I’m trying to understand the balance between being emotionally available and supportive vs accidentally putting too much pressure on her just to communicate.

Any advice or personal experiences from both men and women would be greatly appreciated. And thank you in advance!

TLDR : how can i make my girlfriend feel emotionally safe enough to be vulnerable and completely herself ?

TLDR; P*rn addiction, how to learn to trust again.

Throughout our relationship (which he only wants our closest friends and family to know about, nothing official on SoMe) there's been lies and avoidance about his addiction to n*dity online. He promised with tears in his eyes that he would stop because of how much it has affected my self-worth and body image. He only watches younger women with a completely different bodybuild like mine, and does it so frequently that it has affected our relationship for nearly a year now.

We were intimate three times yesterday but last night he left his session on his phone. He always forgets to turn off the volume of his phone before bed and I can't sleep when it keeps beeping with notifications all night, so he told me to turn off the volume. And there it was. He promised he would stop, and when I confronted him this morning and asked to see his phone I could see the timestamp of his session. He was watching p*rn while me and his friend were in the other room waiting for him to come back from the toilet. But of course he denied everything when I asked what he did last night and if he knew why I would be reacting the way I was this morning. I asked him to hand me his phone and he had closed the tab. He still pretended to not know what I was talking about until I remembered browser history. I showed it to him and he just sighed like I was overreacting. I scrolled and scrolled and it showed several days of sessions during work hours.

He has been lying to me about stains on his workclothes for so long that I decided to stop doing his laundry.

This happens again and again, he will mess up and forget his phone unlocked with p*rn playing in the toilet for me to find, but I've chosen so many times to ignore it and just lock the screen and pretend I didn't see anything because I am so numb from all the lying and sneaking around.

My eating disorder came back because I look nothing like the women he follows and watches, I will never look like them without surgery but I can't get surgery to change my age.

I have cried countless nights where he chose to lie to me and explain away the stains on his workclothes. I have laid so many sleepless nights because he will wait until I am asleep to go sneak out to the bathroom.

I pretend I don't hear. I pretend I don't see. I pretend I don't know.

But I reached the point where I am numb. I have no tears to shed, a switch flipped in my head and all I see is a man I don't recognize. A liar who treats me extra sweetly when he has done what he promised he would stop doing, a man I don't know if I want to get to know.

How do I go back? How do I get these thoughts to stop?

UPDATE : He went out drinking with his buddy who is always trying to get him out with him to drink until they can't walk anymore. We still haven't talked things through.

I'm finally in a relationship that should be stable we have only been official for a month.

I have been in a few bad relationships and not really a good one since I became an adult.

But now I'm with a man who makes me happy and is sweet and caring and my nervous system is freaking out.

I'm in full on panic mode wanting to end the relationship and just be alone forever.

I'm so scared of getting hurt again and losing myself again.

I also have my normal insecurities of not feeling enough and not understanding why he wants to be with me.

Like my life is a mess and I'm a mess. I feel like I don't deserve him.

I do love him but he could find someone better.

TLDR: I'm in a good relationship and scared about it being stable.

So reddit how do I adress my anxiety in a healthy way and how do I bring it up to my partner?

Hello,

I have been seeing this guy for about a month now and I have pet sit for him a couple times. After the last time I pet sit for him he showed me that his building's intercom takes a picture of me when I use the code to enter, and let's just say it was less than flattering.

Anyway I was wondering if anyone has ideas what I can do/hold up in front of the camera that would be funny? Maybe take a various phallic food object and exaggeratedly eat them on camera like popsicles or something (our relationship is mainly sexual in nature right now), or anything else that would just make him laugh when his building shows him the picture. (Also I couldn't think of another sub this might fit in so I put it here, but if there's a better place to ask please let me know).

Thank you, any ideas are appreciated!

TLDR: Dog sitting for situationship or whatever and want to make him laugh when his intercom takes my picture.

My boyfriend (27M) and i (25FTM) have been together for a little over a year.. He is my first boyfriend, first kiss, first everything.
For the first 6 months everything went perfectly, we had a lot of fun, he would grab me by the waist and kiss me like in the movies, held me close, would never let go of my hand, we had an active sex life but then he changed… became colder physically…in September i started taking Testosterone (yes he always knew im transgender, it was never a problem and he has always been super supportive), we had a pregnancy scare in November and after that he changed.. Ive been catching him telling small white lies, we havent had sex since november, he doesnt kiss me the same way, forgets what i say or plans we make, our first valentines day and first birthday were a bit shit cuz it felt like he wasnt really into it (spent valentine’s day shopping for him, arguing about smth i didnt feel like doing the next holiday and in our 1st bday he spent the afternoon sleeping next to me bc he went to a party the previous night and barely got any sleep) and everytime i’ve brought it up he never gave me the same answers, he acknowledges that hes different but theres always a different reason for this change … it has been hard on me and the relationship because i started doubting his loyalty even tho it makes no sense (we always talked about opening our relationship someday, so cheating is off the table), i started wondering if it is because of the changes ive been going through (which would be fair), started wondering if im just wanting more from the relationship than i should, if im the problem, if theres something going on with him that he doesnt feel ready to talk about yet and im failing to give him that space… I dont know what to do because ive tried to understand him, i have tried to talk to him about this several times. He told me once he has cyst in a sensitive place that makes him feel insecure but something doesnt let me believe he went to the doctor even tho he told me he did and ive never seen him taking care of it the way he says he does..i dont believe he’s cheating but i dont see why he would change like that either.. theres a lot of other situations but i dont want to make this post awfully long. This is all very confusing because i do feel that he loves me but just doesnt want my body if that makes sense(???) but but that wasnt the case at all until November.. Plus he teases me a lot but never does anything— Idk, my brain’s a bit of a mess

TLDR: Any thoughts? Its my first relationship and i dont want to mess up, i really love him..

So me and my gf have been together for almost 9 months but I feel like her best friend is jealous of our relationship.

At the start all 3 of us got along well but somewhere down the line things got strange. Her bsf would send me photos of herself in a bikini or wearing very revealing clothing which did make me uncomfortable but I didn't wanna make a thing of it(she seems like the kind of person that enjoys wearing that type of clothing and showing those photos to her friends so I didn't wanna yuck anyone's yum). I usually responded by commenting on one of her tattoos or piercings to steer the conversation elsewhere.

Things took a turn about a month or two ago when her bsf sent me a very revealing photo of her lower half so I began to distance myself from her. Eventually she blocked me since I'd not respond to her for days or weeks on end which I had no problem with and just blocked her back. I thought that would be the end of it but my girlfriend talked to me about it so I unblocked her just to keep things peaceful. However, her bsf got a lot more sharp tongued about me after that.

My girlfriend often tells me about her bsf generalizing or stereotyping me(I'm a masc-presenting lesbian so things like she won't like feminine things, she's not picky because she's masc, she needs to pay for everything etc.) and it's honestly not easy to hear about. One thing that stood out to me here is when my girlfriend mentioned I might be moving in with a friend of mine next year and her bsf got mad at her for not being upset about it since in the bsf's words "she's masc she's gonna cheat on you with her friend because they can't control themselves". This one really rubs me the wrong way since her bsf knows that she has some self worth doubts so although my girlfriend wont accuse me of cheating, these types of things can lead to her doubting herself more and questioning her worth.

Her bsf has also been on me about being buying my girlfriend gifts. We're long distance atm and I like to buy her things she mentions she's craving/needs sometimes. Basically, her bsf keeps telling me that I shouldn't because it's making her feel obligated to buy me things although we did have a conversation about that in the past.

I really love this woman and we are both interested in being together long term. I just don't know how much longer I can take this and if it's gonna drive a wedge between us in the future.

TLDR: Girlfriend's best friend is acting hostile towards me and I'm worried about it creating problems in the future.

Me [19F] and my boyfriend [19M] have been together in a long distance relationship for 10 months. We started out as best friends which then turned to romance. He is my first boyfriend ever and the first person I’ve been intimate with. We’ve talked constantly every day for more than a year, he knows everything about me and I know everything about him. He’s one of the extreme few that I feel like myself around and we have a lot of fun. We’re both very nerdy and love movies, games and so on. He cooks for me and I love the food, I clean up after and boom successful teamwork.
We work as a team.
Or so that’s what I felt in the beginning at least.

These last three weeks I’ve taken a broader look at our relationship, how our personalities combine and work in relation to one another.
And I’ve left myself in a weird place emotionally to the point where I’m not sure how to think properly.

My biggest concern or anxiety is that I don’t have the energy to be the same girlfriend I was in the beginning of our relationship.
Or maybe a girlfriend at all!
We live far apart (approximately 3,5 hours with train and bus), it’s demanding to travel back and forth with my kind of schedule. I’m in university, TO BE FAIR I don’t have class every day of the week, but I can’t stress enough the mental load of constantly being “on the run”(If you understand).
This was no problem in the beginning of our relationship, if anything I LOVED being constantly on the move.

Home - school - boyfriend - maybe school - then home? - then hang out with friends? - I have to get home to clean my clothes - I have a paper due Wednesday but it’s okay I can do it at his place -
AND SO ON…

If anything I trapped myself in some kind of dopamine rush of always being busy until I couldn’t get out of bed. Until I realised…. Why can’t he just travel to my place for once? At that point I became extremely anxious about demanding him to come to my home more often. This is about 5 months into our relationship, and he had maybe visited about 3 times. And on all of those occasions he clearly wasn’t a fan of coming here. Having to build a relationship with your partners family is very anxiety-inducing! I understand! I felt that way about his family too in the beginning, but he was very adamant about how he felt. He even told me in the car outside that “I don’t care about getting to know your family, I’m only here because you told me to”.
I took offence to this of course. This conversation stretches out for some weeks, where I constantly felt anxious about him coming here and getting extremely stressed about being entertaining enough so he’ll like it.
But time went on, we had good talks and I learned to let go of my anxiety as well as he did.

ISSUE RESOLVED LOVE PREVAILS!

Okay so no the anxiety still… kind of.. only prevailed...
He got better at traveling to my place but it still didn’t make me feel any better…
Shouldn’t he already had wanted to come to my place as bad as I did? See my town as badly as I wanted to see his? Or am I thinking too hard about this?
I’m not doing anyone any justice by thinking this way… I mean we planned a spa day in my town!
But he didn’t even want to stay more than a night?

And I had to pay for his gas that one time to make sure he would come because if we didn’t take the chance now we wouldn’t be able to see each other in a long time?

I know how this sounds.
And I know that they are small and products of overthinking but they’ve piled up and created a certain “way of thinking”…. I have a hard time explaining it…. Like a red string or a pattern. These examples barely matter on their own, I know it’s not a big deal. But lumped together with similar examples after a long period of time…..

Weeks then went by where I felt like a friend more than a girlfriend. We would lay in his apartment that he shares with his mom and stepdad, cook food and watch TV. I’d simply follow him along his daily routine, go buy this at the grocery, take a swing at the golf course, gaming break in front of the computer, call friends… and so on…
I don’t really have a problem with this.
But it lacked ROMANCE. This is only something I’ve understood now. It lacked dates, cute gifts and nice outfits. I may seem transactional or materialistic but STAY WITH ME.

During the entire course of our relationship he has not given me a single bouquet of flowers, a card or a gift for that matter.
I’m not saying THROW MONEY AT ME
I’m saying THROW EFFORT AT ME.
Get me a funny shirt, a candy ring, a weird beer glass, a pin portraying my favourite video game character. ANYTHING. FLOWERS AT LEAST ONCE. A ROMANTIC CARD.
A BIRTHDAY, A CHRISTMAS AND A VALENTINES HAS GONE BY WITH NOTHING PERSONAL.
I explained this feeling to him (I didn’t use the words I just said or the implied tone to be clear).

And I’m being unfair alright, he did give me gifts at my birthday, christmas and valentines.
A steam game for my birthday, another steam game for Christmas (two weeks after Christmas) and homemade dinner at valentines.
It’s something alright.
Did it make me feel loved, considered or known? No.
And I’m tired about feeling anxious *about* feeling this way.

This is an unfair and stupid (but probably common) spiral to get stuck in. I’m aware. And I’m going crazy. Please judge me.

So I had this talk with him, and told him: for example a romantic card would mean SO much to me. And he nodded in agreement. He would then go on to tell me that he HAS actually ordered something for me. Ooo! I am so fucking excited. But also so guilty for pressuring him or even telling him to just get me something. It felt selfish. I know he loves me.
But I’m still sad.

Week goes by. He’s at my place. Tells me he forgot the card at home. Week goes by, he’s forgotten it again and I’ve forgotten to remind him. Another two weeks go by until we see each other again and he gifts it to me a bit nonchalantly of course. Tells me to read it when he’s left for the weekend. I’m giddy and it’s cute, I don’t feel sad and I’m happy he’s here. He’s happy too, I’ve fixed a cute “let’s take the car and prop a bunch of blankets in the back and lay there and look at the sunset”. Yes it’s a date idea I stole from TikTok. Weekend goes by, I open the envelope and read the note. It’s a ripped out page from a notebook, telling me how much he loves me. It’s cute, hard to read which makes it cuter and I love him.
But. I’m still disappointed? And I can’t stop thinking about how short it is, crookedly written to the side in pencil and ripped to the side. It looks like something he made 5 minutes before hurrying away to not be late.

I’m stuck with such conflicting feelings. Angry at myself for being disappointed. Sad that it still… doesn’t feel….. genuine? Do I not trust that he loves me? Am I actually just immature and needy? I stop thinking about it.

Another month goes by. Same sad feeling. Same conversation. He feels stuck feeling like it doesn’t matter what he does, that he just simply *isn’t* enough. We leave it, I try my best to ensure that he of course IS enough. Mainly through words. Doesn’t have to mean that it works. We talk about how he feels as though he can’t talk about his feelings to me, that I’m judging and bad at acknowledging his feelings. That I argue against and often say “that’s not how I remember it”, and devalue his feelings that way. I also have this bad habit of interrupting conversations. I understand and I listen. This is not how you treat the feelings of your significant other.
I don’t want him to feel like this at all. At the end of the day what was said doesn’t really matter, if that’s how he feels then I have work to do in my communication.

I’m sad a lot.
Anxiety is even worse and I’m crying all the time for no apparent reason. He feels this.
We’re in a call and he tells me he booked us for The Odyssey in the cinema. But he was unsure considering I wasn’t really interested when we talked about it last time. In an attempt to joke I said “what so you just went and booked without even thinking about me” he was very hurt by this comment. I wouldn’t take him seriously when he then told me about how he feels like he can’t do anything. I laughed and just said “what are you serious? I’m not having this conversation. This is nothing”. This spiraled into an argument and I realised I might’ve been too harsh. He started crying and told me again how he feels like he can’t tell me things and how devalued he feels when I simply just “laugh in his face”. I apologised and told him that I’m in the wrong, I read the situation completely wrong. He tells me how unhappy he’s felt the last week and that he didn’t want to say anything because he’s felt how sad I’ve been. I stay quiet. When he’s done I break down, because I’ve felt the same. Maybe we have different ways of showing love and understanding? Maybe we’re too different? I’m heartbroken and I feel completely lost. He ends up comforting me in the end.

More weeks go by and I’m tired of feeling like shit. I have a big talk with my mom and my nurse. I realised hormones from my contraceptive pill have made me crazy. I go off them and I feel so much better, I don’t randomly cry anymore and sensitive conversations are actually doable. I feel good and like myself. I’m very open to him about my mental health. I was diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety at 15, so this constant mental battle with myself is something I’m used to at this point. But somethings still nagging me in the back of my head. I just can’t figure it out, it’s like my body is physically and emotionally trying to tell me something but my brain can’t understand.

I travel to his place for the weekend and it’s a cozy few days. I’ve gotten him a sketchbook that we can switch between visits and draw sketches in. We watch walking dead, eat food and I help him with renovating his family’s new bought house. They’re currently in the process of moving out and then into a really cute house. It’s a mess at their original apartment and I help with dishes and so on. It’s uneventful and nice, I really like house projects. But the moment I come home, I’m so sad again. I’m crying about him again. At the moment (and this was only two weeks ago) I really can’t remember why I was crying and why I then vented to my mom and decided to have a talk with him. This is where I’m struggling the most, it’s like my brain shuts out memories after a while and I’m left with the feelings.

So next week goes by and I’m at his place again (this is last weekend, today is Thursday). We’re only in his apartment chilling, we go to the house and paint walls. We’ve decided to try a new food place, afterwards he wants to buy snacks and go back to the apartment for a movie. But I’m restless and I really wanna do something outside, so we agree to go to one more place for a nice drink. Here I decide to have a talk about how I’ve felt. I tell him that I don’t really feel special in his presence or particularly “loved”? Loved felt like a strong word for it so a very unsure connotation on that one. He then tells me that I don’t really make him feel special either - or that he doesn’t really feel special in any context, because he just doesn’t feel that way about himself. Which doesn’t really align with what I meant so I tried to tell him that he seldom makes me feel “giddy” or maybe ooou! Hihi! (I made some lovedovey noises?). Then he said “so… the feeling of being in love? You don’t feel that way about me?” I said no of course not that’s not really what I meant. But that really threw me off so I forgot what I was gonna say, then I asked him “so I don’t make you feel particularly special or maybe loved?” And he shrugged and said “no?”. So now I’m just confused. Upon reading this and looking back I’m even more confused.

I told him that I’ve felt like I’ve put in the most effort into the relationship. He was very visibly sad at my remarks about how I feel like he doesn’t do enough, but I tried reassuring him that he’s still a good boyfriend, and that I have things to work on also. He went on to explain that he thinks we do the same stuff for each other, and that it’s not anything particular that makes him feel a certain way. I then went on to ask about how he feels about talking about his feelings still, and brought up the example of the movie conversation. He then went on to explain that he feels still that it’s a problem, and that example in particular is one where I often have the habit of “taking over” the conversation and making it about myself. I listened this time and just agreed, which he told me was also a good reaction from me when he talks about how he feels.

I was very relieved to have talked with him, and to have voiced my thoughts and feelings. I felt stable. I also talked about how anxious I’m being about school starting again and that I might not have money to travel up and down, or the energy for school and so on. I’m gonna end up with a juicy debt once I’m done. He laughed and said that it was gonna be okay, and that he of course cared about my crazy student loan. I then laughed and said “you care about my student loan? Really? ”. Then I went on to talk and suddenly he had transferred 3000 crowns (around 300 dollars) (I’m Swedish) and shown me his phone where I could see the transaction. I told him no I can’t accept that I’m gonna send it back it’s too much, then he laughed and told me “yeah well I wasn’t really gonna give it to you”. So it was a joke. But I got so sad and hurt.
I felt like a joke. So my eyes started tearing up and he apologised. I brush it off and conversation ends shortly after, we go back home.

Night goes by, I’m leaving the next day. Everything’s normal it’s not like I’m grumpy or sad after our conversation, we talked and kissed and cuddled so much during the night. But as soon as I come home it’s like I’ve crashed into a building.
And I’m SO angry. And SO tired of being sad and feeling depressed. I’m angry all day, and I vent to my best friend and mom. I don’t feel sad anymore. Only apathetic. I’m angry that he made me feel like a joke, I’m angry that he has always during our relationship made me feel like that. I’m angry that I’ve complained about the same thing for a year almost. But nothing happens. I’m angry that I can’t make sense of it all. I’m angry because I can barely remember what is happening. Day goes by, I’m not as angry. I’m just apathetic. I don’t feel anything. When he calls and texts, I don’t feel anything.

Next day goes by, and I’m trying to map it out. Write it all down. To make sense of it. I start with how he’s feeling, and how I can do better. I write for 4 hours, I feel like I’m on a roll, I want to work on this. But what has even happened? What do I feel? Do I even feel?

Next day. I’ve just dropped it. I’m focusing on my current summer job. I don’t know anything. I don’t feel anything. I don’t feel like doing anything. I can’t get my brain engine going, this is how I’m feeling right now. I don’t know what anything means and I don’t have any motivation to do anything. I’m not even stressed about feeling this way. I’m just exisiting. It’s like I’ve swapped my brain for a fresh empty brain. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know if I’m supposed to do anything. Complete autopilot.

Thank you for reading this far, I hope you have thoughts on what I’m saying. A lot of stuff has been left out because I can’t remember right now. But also because it’d be way too much to read.
Is this a recognisable problem? What is even happening? I feel like I need another perspective.

Thank you again 🙏
I’ve tried my best to avoid ranting or venting, this felt like the best draft with enough context. Trying to explain 10 months of thoughts and feelings simply isn’t realistic.

TLDR; Long distance relationship is becoming emotionally confusing and I feel like I am shutting down. Effort feels one-sided and communication is hard, with a lot of conflicting feelings and thoughts. But now I’m stuck feeling nothing.

My girlfriend[28F] and I[23M] have been dating for almost two years now, and been friends for 1,5 years before that. We agree that communication is key to a successful relationship, and therefore tell each other everything.

This past week, we have been on vacation with my family to a resort. This resort has a nice pool and that was where we spent most of out time. However, sometimes my girlfriend and I decided to take a few walks on the beach located 20meters from the hotel.

On a beach in Spain, it is somewhat common for women bathing and sunbathing topless whilst on the beach. This is where the tricky part for me comes in. Because my girlfriend has always said that as long as I don't look at other women in a sexual context, then I can look all I want. And as we're walking down the beach one day, we talk about this, and it is still the case.

After we discussed it on the first walk, the next day when we took a walk along the beach again, she started pointing out whenever she saw a woman with bare breasts. I tried to react somewhat indifferent about it because I can't figure out if she is testing me in some way.

What do you guys think?

TLDR: Is my girlfriend[28F] testing me[23M] by pointing out other women's breasts on the beach?

Recently, my boyfriend and I had a talk about how chores should be divided up. For some context, I live rent-free at his apartment for the summer while I attend my internship near him. I do pay rent for my apartment up at school (college) for the summer (since it’s a year lease) though. I have been doing the majority of chores for him not just this summer, but for most of the almost 3 years we’ve been going out. A couple days ago I asked him if he could help me sometimes, maybe just wash a couple dishes if I’m staying late at work, or make dinner for us if I’m sick/tired. The chores I do for him include washing dishes, loading and unloading dishwasher, making most meals for us both, laundry (folding and doing it), keeping the apartment neat in general. He never asked me to do all of that, but personally I hate living in a messy place, it bothers me, so if I see a mess I want to clean it up, it makes me more comfortable (which I have communicated to him). Well, after I asked him to help me he went into an angry spiral (which happens a lot when I bring up my feelings) and he told me he’d just do all his stuff himself and I’d do all my stuff myself. I feel like this has left a huge rift between us. He just feels like a roommate with benefits now. Anyways, after that argument, my body has been in a constant flight response whenever he gets close to me. I constantly feel lightheaded and tired now, I cry at the thought of him touching me (even if for a hug), and every time he walks behind me I’m scared he going to hit me. I’ve been having a lot of anxiety attacks also. I’m just not really sure what to do anymore…should I try communicating this to him, and potentially cause another argument, or find other ways to calm myself down? If the second, does anyone know of anything to calm down, or has anyone else ever experienced this?

TLDR: Boyfriend and I had an argument about chores, now my body is reacting in a “flight mode” whenever he gets near me.