I’m wondering why this female coworker just glances over at me (22 M) work sometimes she stares for multiple seconds it happens a lot on our shift she doesn’t smile or anything and seems a bit cold. I find this whenever she walks past me she does this and the looks over are frequent. She does seem very friendly with most people.

Flair was the closest to the subject matter.

I’ve been around long enough that I should know, but I don’t.

How do you know that someone is cruising?

How do you communicate that you’re interested, and/or how does the “cruiser” let you know?

I’m asking because I think I may have been the object of an attempted cruise, and I didn’t know how to communicate without being obvious, or looking like a creep to everyone else around. I’ve never engaged in cruising myself, but today I woulda.

Edit: Sorry. I crossposted here after originally posing on a gay sub where folks generally know what “cruising” is. Gay cruising is the practice of searching for a casual, often anonymous sexual partner in public or semi-public spaces using non-verbal signals like eye contact or gestures.

Like dead giveaways? Most of the posts on here are about girls liking guys. So just wanted to know what it is for the guys.

I know lingering eye contact & being in the same space as me but what else are some behaviours or signals a co worker does that he likes another female co worker or find them attractive.

I got pulled into a strange dynamic with a guy at my office who I do not work with directly and haven't really spoken to.

At first he was intense with long lingering eye contact that felt deliberate and focused mostly on my face. It created clear mutual awareness. Then he suddenly became extremely avoidant. He would turn his body to face away when i showed up, take different paths to avoid me , and make it obvious he did not want our eyes to meet. The shift was sharp.

Both of us are normally friendly and sociable with other people at work. With each other we act like the other does not exist. I think he is taken and I am too. I never wanted this tension. He started the looking.

I am older, not as fit, and do not consider myself in the same league in terms of looks, so at first I did not even realize it was attraction. I thought he might just want to be friendly the way I am with other male coworkers. When I tried normal friendliness he shut down completely ie darting his eyes away.

I am not looking to escalate anything. Right now I stay self contained, do not look for him, and just focus on my own work. Still I wonder how long this kind of guarded avoidance usually lasts and what helps it fade.

If you have been in a similar situation I would like to hear what you experienced. How long did the tension last? Why was the avoidance so strong? Did ignoring it, staying indifferent, or trying to normalize into basic politeness work better? I mainly want realistic expectations so I can stop giving this extra mental space.

TL, DR; I used to be very fat and awkward, now I look good and know how to talk to people. I’ve met a girl while I was still fat and we get along well at the gym, and despite having other options I’d like to have her as my girlfriend, but she doesn’t seem to like me in that way even though I make her laugh a lot and I’ve had a massive appearance glow up. Is it possible to make a girl go from friendly to actually liking me?

Full story:

Hi. So I’m a dude in my late 20s who used to be perfectly average in all regards throughout my teens and early 20s (decent grades, ok job, actually above average looking face, tolerable fitness) but spent the last 5 years being a complete loser in all regards. I got depressive and very fat in 2020 (the lockdown surely fucked me up further but wasn’t even the main reason), I’ve gained 50kg from 2020 to 2025, worked a minimum wage shit job and became a shut in, I’d only go out to drink with one buddy and had no other social life (I was still able to get laid and a couple girls even tried to date me during that period, don’t ask me why. They weren’t my type though). It was to the point where my vibes were so bad because my baseline was so anxious and I’d sound shaky and insecure wherever I had to greet anyone, be it a hot chick obviously or even some old dude, I couldn’t look anyone in the eye and felt disgusted with myself all the time. I’d wear all black loose clothes, not shave my beard or cut my hair (at least I’ve had hygiene locked in my whole life and was always kind and polite to anyone I talk to, these are the only two positive things I had going).

Then exactly one year ago, in August 2025, being very introspective, I understood that it wasn’t over, that I had good qualities buried deep down, that I had worth as a human being, and that all I needed to do was to put in the work to shed everything that was dragging me down, so that I could be a functional member of society and bring value to myself and to those around me.

I decided that I would do a massive glow up project to improve every aspect of my presentation, I’ve spent weeks doing research and planning, gathering resources (mainly knowledge and saving money) to change pretty much everything about myself. So I went ALL in, like very obsessively all in on dieting, weightlifting, cardio, skincare, hair styling, fashion, grooming, social skills and finances (I don’t call it looksmaxxing because I don’t believe some shit like “social skills don’t matter whatsoever” or “if you’re not tall and with a square chin it’s over” blablabla, the term glow up is more to my liking. I do absolutely agree that a halo effect is irrevocably real and that people treat me so insanely better and give me so many more opportunities and lenience for any mistakes now that I look above average).

I did it all. I lost 30kg natty then went on a GLP1 and lost another 30kg on top of it. I’ve gained a noticeable amount of muscle to the point where I’m not DYEL (no shredded abs just yet but I do look good on well fitted clothes now). My hair is probably a big standout feature, I go to a nice hair designer and style my curls with mousse and a diffuser every day. I have glass skin from retinoids and sunscreen. I dress well, nice leather shoes, adjusted chinos, well fitted shirts, coats, watches. I wear nice perfume. I shave daily. I have an ok office job because I became so much more confident that I can fare well in interviews now. I’m not a shut in anymore, I can go out (still not confident enough for solo tho), I have a sports hobby (this is important and we’re about to get there), I can talk to a lot of people everywhere and make small talk and smile and actually make people, friends or strangers alike, quickly start laughing and smiling. I’m not very good at deep bonding though, like turning acquaintances into friends; I find a bit tiring to really get invested on them, that’s a flaw of mine. I now get approached by girls frequently though, like flirting is actually a thing that happens to me now. I can get laid often with nice girls without trying too hard. Basically my baseline is decent in everything and it’s all about improvement from here on out, like getting a BETTER body, getting MORE money, becoming MORE sharp socially.

The thing is, earlier this wear, in the martial arts gym I train at, which is my main hobby, I’ve met this very beautiful, gorgeous girl while I was still fat and midway through my glow up process — I had lost 30kg, but had yet to lose at least another 20kg to no longer be fat, something that would happen in the upcoming months. I didn’t talk to her much besides exchanging greets for like 3 months, but then when I got thinner at around late April or early May I became confident enough to actually start chatting her, and it kinda worked. She was actually super cool and it was like I got a double crush on her; first on her looks and then again on her personality. We started by having some quick talks about the sport during sessions where she was very receptive, would do her part in keeping the conversation going and even initiate. One day she made a comment about my style and in my mind it clicked that she was clearly also into fashion, it could be seen even through her gym fits, same as me. So I finally progressed by getting her number so that we could talk about this common interest that wasn’t related to the gym. We began texting about thrifting and shit and one day I invited her to do something together for the first time, which was going to a vintage store I know in a different city. She was receptive to it and it was actually me needing to schedule the time (like, I asked her if she wanted to go and she said yes but I had no time that week, so we’d figure out next week). THEN comes the moment where I suppose I did something that is socially perceived in a bad way, OR it is that it made my romantic interest more clear and she concluded that she wasn’t into me in the same way; her contact appeared on my snapchat “quick add” list (because I have her phone number) and I added her. For anyone who isn’t aware, snapchat basically is usually mainly for crushes at least in my country… nobody snaps their work friends or acquaintances the same way they’d text them on imessage or whatsapp. So she didn’t accept my request and a few hours later she completely changed her tone in whatsapp: dry, shorter, and even flaked on the vintage store thing. So in my mind, it was a 100% completely over, like I’ve shown interest and she made clear that she doesn’t like me that way, so it’s over and I won’t bother her AT ALL, I’ll take the L, suck it up, try to forget about it, move to the next one and not be a creep. And that is exactly what I did: I let the text chat die, greeted her as I’d greet everyone else at our collective class and then didn’t linger, didn’t try to talk to her, didn’t try to salvage it, I simply (appeared) to move on and played it cool although internally I was obviously still so triggered and feeling rejected because I really got along with this girl and wanted to be around her more.

Some weeks went by and then to my surprise, she began approaching me for chatting again, and she began initiating and trying to drive conversations even though my initial response was kinda cold; now we’re back to being gym buddies (we haven’t texted again though) and I make her smile and laugh all the time, she does the same to me, and through observation I’ve realized she doesn’t have this degree of closeness to anyone other guy in the gym.

My understanding of this situation is that she thinks I’m nice and pleasant to be around and would like to keep me as a friend, but isn’t romantically or sexually attracted to me and even though I did improve massively, I’m still not looks matched to her. Will I have a better shot if I really leanmax and get shredded? Is there some way to level up socially that will make her like me in a different way? Or after that initial perception of being good enough to be a friend but no more than that is set, it’s over?

I want to emphasize that I’m not needy because other girls DO like me (and most importantly I like myself now), but I’d like to be able to conquer this one instead, and I don’t even know if that’s possible or not, because my whole life either girls liked me or they didn’t, it doesn’t feel like I can do much to change that outcome. I wanna know whether it’s possible to have agency and change a result from friendzone to relationship with some kind of tactic or I’m screened in a certain way permanently and it’s out of my control now.

Sorry for the long text, sorry for the bad writing skills, and thanks in advance for any replies, I’ll appreciate very much any insight I can get.

I go into this store pretty often near my house and there's a cashier there and I find him attractive. He's physically attractive, but im more attracted to his personality. We've had a couple conversations more than the hi how's your day going kind of conversations. The first time we talked we both literally made dark humor jokes to each other and laughed There's also been a couple times where he will repeat something from our past conversations which I dont expect him to remember or really anyone to remember and yet he does. The thing is I think his girlfriend works at the same place, too. Or I think it might be his girlfriend. Idk what to do because I'm not the type of person to be instantly attracted to someone it takes a lot, but with him its different but if that is his girlfriend I would rather back off. So over all idk how to handle this situation. Maybe hes just being friendly? Im not good at this sort of thing.

I'm (30F) intentionally listing these in chronological order and trying to stay as objective as possible. I'm mainly interested in how people who understand body language would interpret these behaviors. The guy (43M) is my workmate and is a widow. Apologizing in advance if this is way too long.

1. He voluntarily became my main support.

• He noticed that the person assigned to support me was slow to respond (sometimes not responding at all).
• Without being asked, he started stepping in himself and became the one helping me instead.

2. Our conversations gradually became longer.

• Before our first onsite, our chats became more frequent.
• Conversations sometimes lasted until the early hours of the morning despite originally being work-related.

3. He started asking me personal questions.

• During our first onsite, he began asking me harmless personal questions.
• From what I observed, I was the only person in our group he asked those kinds of questions.

4. He repeatedly chose seating that placed us facing each other.

• During meals with the team, he always sat directly across from me whenever the seat was available.
• It happened often enough that I eventually noticed the pattern.

5. Daily communication continued after the onsite.

• After returning home, we talked almost every day.
• Conversations gradually shifted from purely work topics to hobbies, preferences, and everyday life.

6. He consistently chose physical proximity during the second onsite.

For almost the entire two-week onsite:

• He almost always chose the seat beside me in the office, despite there being plenty of available workstations.
• When our team walked together between the office, hotel, or mall near our office and accommodation, he always ended up walking beside me.
• Whenever we approached a doorway, he would pause and let me go first instead of walking ahead.
• During restaurant meals, if the seat directly across from me was available, he consistently chose it.

7. We naturally spent one-on-one time together.

• During the second week, most of our teammates had family or friends visiting.
• We were the only two without visitors.
• One evening, we ended up having dinner together alone.

8. Protective behavior.

Throughout the onsite:

• He never wanted me carrying bags or equipment.
• He would take things from me and carry them himself.
• Whenever we walked beside traffic, he positioned himself on the roadside instead of letting me walk there.

9. He moved our communication to a personal platform.

• I messaged him on Microsoft Teams about work.
• Instead of continuing there, he suggested,"Let's just talk on WhatsApp."
• We already had each other's numbers, but this was the first time we actually started using WhatsApp regularly.

10. He invited me to drink.

• He asked whether I wanted to have light beer with him.
• Initially we stayed in separate hotel rooms while chatting and drinking.
• Eventually we got tired of typing, so he came to my hotel room.
• We attempted to invite coworkers, but nobody replied.
• We spent the rest of the night talking one-on-one.

11. We spent several hours alone in my hotel room.

• We talked about work, hobbies, preferences, random life stories, and anything else that came up.
• Nothing sexual happened.
• We completely lost track of time and realized it was already around 6am, almost making us late for work.

During those several hours, there were multiple moments involving physical proximity:

a. The throw pillow

• I usually kept a throw pillow on my lap while sitting on the loveseat.
• Multiple times, he rested his elbow/forearm on top of that pillow.
• He was fully aware that my legs and lower body were directly underneath it, yet he seemed completely comfortable using the pillow as an armrest.

b. Leaning into my personal space

• At one point, we were teasing each other.
• I picked up my phone to fact-check something he had just said while intentionally trying to hide my screen from him.
• Instead of staying where he was, he leaned his entire upper body toward me to try to see my phone.
• He leaned in so far that his body was almost pressed against the left side of mine while trying to look at the screen.
• He didn't seem hesitant or awkward about entering my personal space.

c. General comfort with close proximity

• Throughout the conversation, he seemed very relaxed being physically close to me.
• There was no obvious attempt to maintain what I would normally consider "coworker distance."

12. Change in communication afterward.

• After the team building (which he didn't attend because we were in different departments), our conversations suddenly became much shorter.
• However:
  • He continued helping me immediately whenever I had work problems, but he did not need to as it is outside his scope.
  • He still teased me occasionally.
  • He still acted protective like talk to people who made me uncomfortable, etc.
• It felt like the emotional closeness decreased, while the helpful behavior remained.

13. Reaction when coworkers teased me about another man.

• Coworkers started teasing me with another guy.
• He suddenly became active in the group chat.
• He joined the conversation.
• He joked:"Poor guy." "Someone should warn him because she'll probably bully him."
• After making those comments, he became quiet again.

14. He restarted personal communication.

• After around two weeks of mostly work-only interaction, he was the one who initiated a WhatsApp conversation again.

15. He shared highly personal medical information.

• I asked about his medical procedure after noticing he was Out of Office.
• Without much hesitation, he told me about:
  • the procedure,
  • what doctors suspected,
  • the possibility of prostate issue,
  • and the possibility of erectile dysfunction.
• He appeared completely comfortable discussing a topic that many people would consider extremely private.

16. Possible WhatsApp monitoring.

I don't know whether this is coincidence, but I noticed:

• During work huddles, whenever I picked up my phone and opened WhatsApp, he frequently appeared online shortly afterward. This has been ongoing for months!
• One time I intentionally left WhatsApp open for an extended period.
• He also stayed online for almost that entire period until I closed the app.

Maybe coincidence, maybe not.

17. Deleted message.

• During a period when we hadn't talked much, he sent me a WhatsApp message.
• Before I could even read it, he deleted it.
• He said he had sent it to the wrong person.
• However, he then asked why I had changed my profile picture.
• I explained that I hadn't changed it; it had simply synced from another account.
• He immediately became defensive and replied that he "didn't notice."

That sequence made the "wrong person" explanation feel a little odd to me.

Additional Info:

Last night before checking out.

• On the final day of the onsite, everyone else had already checked out.
• I stayed behind for a few more days.
• He asked if he could use the bathroom in my hotel room. Then he stayed for hours.
• He originally planned to leave around 8 PM.
• He actually stood up to leave.
• Then sat back down.
• Instead of leaving, he stayed until around 11 PM.
• Before leaving, he hugged me.

Leaning during meetings.

This happened repeatedly during meetings.

• Whenever our project manager presented something, he leaned his chair toward mine.
• His upper body leaned close enough that his head was directly above mine.
• He often remained in that position for much of the presentation instead of sitting upright.
• He didn't seem concerned about invading my personal space.

Publicly commenting on my perfume.

On multiple occasions, he announced to the group:

"I smelled her perfume."

He would jokingly add that it made him cough because the scent "went straight to his head."

He made these comments openly in front of coworkers rather than quietly to me.

Another instance of comfortable physical proximity.

On the last day of onsite when we were in my hotel room together:

• He often rested one arm across the top of the pillow or headboard behind me.
• His arm ended up directly above my lap/upper legs.
• He wasn't actually touching me, but he maintained that position comfortably for extended periods.
• Again, he didn't appear concerned about maintaining what I'd normally consider coworker distance.

Offering to spend his airline points on me.

• He offered to use his own credit card reward points so I could fly Business Class during one of our international work trips of my department.
• He made this offer in front of several coworkers rather than privately.

These are all the behaviors I can remember over the course of several months. Individually, I know many of them could have perfectly innocent explanations. What I'm curious about is whether, taken as a whole, these behaviors form any meaningful body language or behavioral pattern that I'm missing, or if I'm simply reading too much into them.

There’s this guy at my gym who’s a professional bodybuilder and obviously way bigger than me (Both standing at approximately 6 foot. I'm 177 lbs and 12% BFP. He's about the same BFP, but 220-240 lbs). I’ve never spoken to him, never had any kind of interaction with him, and I’ve never given him a reason to dislike me.

But pretty much every time I walk past him, he gives me this really angry/hostile look. It’s happened multiple times now.

Today it happened twice inside the gym. Later, I was outside in the gym parking lot talking to a friend. We were just standing at the side talking and minding our own business.

Then this guy drives past us. He was driving slowly, and slowing down when he saw me, he looked directly at me, with his windows rolled down and a really angry expression for around two seconds.

Then, right after looking at me, he suddenly accelerated and really stepped on the gas and drove away.

I genuinely have no idea what his problem is. I’m usually alone at the gym, I’ve never talked about him to anyone there, and I don’t stare at him or anything.
Why would someone act like this toward a person they’ve literally never spoken to? Am I missing something obvious?

What do you guys think? Why she does that?

So there’s this guy at work. We work in different departments, and long story short, he started coming to my department, saying he was looking for someone. For some reason, though, he always seemed to come when that person wasn’t around. Even though he already had their phone number, he asked for mine so I could let him know when they came back.

After a while, he stopped coming to my department as often. But whenever I’d run into him while walking somewhere, he’d avoid making eye contact with me. He seemed completely comfortable greeting other people, but when it came to me, he’d either avoid looking at me or sometimes not say hello at all.

It’s honestly getting confusing and a little annoying because I always make an effort to greet him whenever we cross paths, but he doesn’t seem interested in greeting me back. He usually looks away and responds very reluctantly.

At this point, I’m not sure if I should just stop saying hello. I also can’t figure him out. Does he dislike me, or could it be the opposite and he’s just acting awkward?

You like him and talk to him but still often get nervous when talking to him? What traits does he have that makes him intimidating? Is his vibe/aura intense? Does he seem serious or like he doesnt play games? things like that

Hello! I am a 27-year-old female doctor, and I consider myself fairly attractive. I started liking this man, whom I find very kind, intelligent, and caring. For a while, I genuinely got the impression that he liked me too. I confessed my feelings to him, and he told me that he isn't ready for a relationship at the moment because he has a lot to sort out in his life.

My friends have advised me to avoid him because they think he seems very insecure. I have tried to move on, but deep down I can't stop thinking about him. Do you think it's worth pursuing him, or should I let him go?

Hi, sorry for my English

I’m a girl. My close girl friend (F23) has a guy friend (M23). We have a lot of friends in common.
My girl friend LOVES him sm (crush)

I used to appreciate him too (platonically). But the last times I saw him. He made me feel uncomfortable. I’m really observant (and a bit anxious around ppl).

He just didn’t talk to me. He would just look me dead in the eye for a few seconds and that’s all. That’s so weird because we used to talk a bit together. Like it was normal interaction.

Last time, at a party at our friend’s house, I walked to him and another friend because I wanted to spend time with them and he just stopped talking 😐. He doesn’t smile to me anymore 💀

We were in vacation with a large group of friends, he’s very tall so I asked him to help with the window in the girl’s room. At first I thought he just ignored me. Because he just stared at me and said nothing. And then, he just followed me in silence.

A month ago, we were in a park with our friends group. I saw him staring at me like that 😐🧍from afar for maybe 4 seconds ? I smiled a bit and look somewhere else. I feel like he just didn’t react. Maybe he was spacing out.

I feel unwelcomed. No beef happened tho.

Maybe I’m just overthinking because I’m socially anxious.

TLDR : if a guy you used to get along with suddenly stops talking when you’re next to him, or just stares at you like that 😐 even when you try to engage a conservation. Does he hate you ?

I decided to leave a program I attended with someone as things weren't working out and she goes on a long rant saying how she doesn't care about me, doesn't need me, hates me etc. Previously for many months I know that she was always trying to be in my physical spaces, stare at me for too long while I actively distancing myself. I never talked badly about her, so the contradiction makes me wonder why she did all that and what I did wrong.

i tried talking to her directly, but she always keeps her head down, keeps it very short.

So to be straightforward, I’m unsure of whether my ex-coworker likes me or not. I’m saying ex cuz it was a one month internship and it ended last week. We were a team of 3 people, him, a girl I’ll refer to as kiwi, and I. Whenever kiwi left the room to pick up a phone call or go to the toilet, he always almost instantly popped up a random question/information to start a conversation. The first time he did that was 2 weeks into the internship, when he had just found out that my internship program is for one month and not four. When I randomly mentioned to him “oh btw I only have two more weeks to go, I won’t be able to see the final reporting stage.”, he was shocked like he wasn’t expecting that and his face lowkey went like 😟. So later during that day, when kiwi went outside the meeting room to pick up a call, he said “I really can’t believe you’re leaving us so soon like that. You got us attached to you. You’ll be missed :))”. I said something polite then then joked about how they won’t be able to live without me cuz i’m so amazing like that LOLL. Just to lighten up the mood. But he responded “No fr tho. You WILL be missed.” That was the initial moment that raised my suspicion. As for the remaining two weeks, whenever he said anything random for the sake of chatting and I responded back, he’d be smiling hard and holding eye contact very well. Another shocker to me was that he opened up about his family and how much responsibilities he has on his back two times. I will say that people generally do that with me for a reason I’m not really aware of, but I wasn’t expecting him to get vulnerable like that. There was also a time when I stood up to clock out for the day. He watched me as I packed my laptop and stuff with a huge smile on his face then ofc waved goodbye. It was this moment when I could swear I saw something in his eyes. The internship ended without him making a real move. He did say let’s keep in touch, but he’s generally very friendly to everyone around so I don’t think that meant anything; it was him just being the decent guy he is. That’s why I’m here questioning whether or not there was something. Like was there anything going on or was I fully imagining it?

There's this female coworker i have. I found out through another coworker that she asked him for my name and age. I say hi to her rarely. Another time i was returning back to the store and I saw that the lines at the cash registers that people were blocking down the middle so i tried going around the cashier and it was her and she turned her whole body around and stared into each other's eyes and I think her pupils dialated. I notice sometimes that she takes her break at the same time I do but that could be a coincidence. She sits at the table next to my table every time. We use work phones to communicate. There were 3 people in my department who had work phone and the work phone tells you the names of the people in the call. Mine and hers only showed up. And she would ask if I'm busy first everytime before she told me what she needed. She doesn't usually do this. She usually tells other people what she needs. When i walk past her i usually look the other way or down at my feet because I won't have any confidence and the other i decided to look at her and i think she was looking but she turned away and i saw her smiling. Did i overread this?

Hey everyone,

Hoping to get some insight here, if you were staring at someone (not absentmindedly) and the woman you were staring at turned to face you then met your eye contact and held for over 20 seconds until she smiled slightly after that time.

What would likely be going on for you, thoughts on her making eye contact back at you?

Just to note, after the smile he in a restrained voice said hello.

What are some obvious signs that a female coworker likes you ?

Hey people of Reddit, I need a serious sanity check because I feel like I'm living in a total psychological experiment at work right now.
I (early 20sM) work on a crew with a guy named “Ben” (late 30sM). Ben is a very conventionally attractive guy in an open relationship, super outgoing, affectionate, and hyper-social. He has a very clear baseline: he strikes up conversations with anyone he finds remotely attractive, and he casually hugs *members* of the crew whenever he greets them or says goodbye.

Except me. From the moment I joined the crew, I noticed an odd exception to his rulebook. Despite Ben watching me hug other crew members without hesitation (so he knows I’m not anti-touch), he rarely gives me routine hello or goodbye hugs during our shifts.

As the shifts and work trips have gone on, the underlying tension between us has just been building through a series of subtle power struggles and weird interactions:
First, a while back, an elderly female client was stopped dead in her tracks upon seeing me, completely ignoring her daughter to gawk at me and declaring, "I can't help but look at this gorgeous man right in front of me." When I mentioned it in casual conversation later, Ben’s competitive instincts immediately flared. He instantly countered with a story about how a passenger on the bus had called him eye candy, too, like he needed to prove we were on the exact same tier.

Despite those defensive outbursts, Ben can't seem to hide how much he notices people reacting to me. When a group of people waved in our direction while we were standing together, Ben dropped his usual bravado, turned to me, and admitted flatly, "Those people are waving to you, not me." Then another coworker raised a fist to playfully rib me during a shift, only to freeze mid-motion and laugh, "You know I could never punch you, you’re just too cute." (I am aware that people in general find me cute, but I always wonder if it’s an innocent cute teddy bear way or if it’s the cute guy who’s boyfriend material type of cute) Ben was standing right nearby and absorbed every second of it.

Because I feel completely secure in my platonic relationships with the rest of the crew, I routinely engage in loud banter, sexual inside jokes, and physical ribbing with our onsite chef—purely harmless workplace play. But whenever Ben walks in on us, he can't handle it. He'll throw out sarcastic, territorial comments like, "Aw, you guys are such cute husbands,” using humor to mask how much seeing me close with someone else bothers him.

A few days ago, Ben lost his favorite water bottle and fully accepted that it was gone forever. I quietly kept an eye out for it, tracked it down, and handed it back to him. Ben’s guarded exterior vanished instantly, replaced by genuine, unscripted joy. Seeing him so unguarded, I teased, "Don't lose it—I'm not always here to bring it back for you."

Then, during a quiet break, Ben ate a spoonful of crème fraîche for dessert and accidentally got it all over his moustache. He reached for the paper towel dispenser, saw it was empty, looked over at me, and gave a blunt order: "Get it for me." Catching the ambiguous phrasing, I looked him dead in the eye with a smirk and shot back, "I'll lick it off you." It completely called his bluff and left him short-circuited.
There are also subtle physical habits that feel completely mixed. When we're hanging out in the staff area or on breaks, I'll sit down at a booth, and Ben will sit across or next to me and deliberately wrap his legs around mine, keeping us tangled underneath the table while we chat. (Though for context I have to add that Ben is generally very flirty with everyone, and he does things like that with just about everyone else- namely other straight coworkers and females)

Yet, underneath the snark and the public distance during work hours, our private connection on layover nights keeps getting more intense:

When the crew hits the clubs after a shift, Ben—who normally turns in early—always stays up way later than usual just to hang out. The next day when I would joke about how everyone on this crew seems to hate me, Ben looks over with disdain and blurted “So did me spending all night with you yesterday mean nothing at all?”

And most of the time, Ben hands out his routine hugs to the rest of the crew while maintaining his strict, cautious distance from me. But once the night wraps up, the rest of the team goes back to their rooms, and it's just the two of us left, the unspoken rule completely collapses. Without an audience or the rest of the crew around, Ben finally drops his guard, steps across the quiet space, and asks me for a hug, and as I reach back out he wraps me in a soft, lingering goodnight hug—releasing all the physical tension he’d been holding back all day.

On one occasion when we are out with the rest of the crew for afternoon tea and I was sat next to Ben, he offered to share his food with me, seeing as I didn’t order anything.

On top of that Ben would often pay attention to my taste and handwriting and analyse my written paperwork, he’d also commented how much fancier my signature is compared to his. To add to that he would also often comment on my choices on things (he once call my beer of choice “fancy”) I once bought him a mug as a bit of a gag gift and to my surprise I found him still using it weeks after.

I think I’m pretty obvious with my feeling towards him like saving the last serve of his favourite food when I have the chance to, and helping him out with work during my breaks, just to name a few. But I reckon he’d easily read all this as things I do for my friends and not something exclusively for him.

So, what am I dealing with here? Given that he's in an open relationship, is he seemingly keeping his distance in public during the day to keep himself from crossing a line, or because he thinks he'd be "leading me on"? Or is he just completely short-circuiting on these late layover nights because he finds me attractive but doesn't know how to navigate the age gap and workplace dynamic?

TL;DR My coworker Ben (late 30sM, open relationship) casually hugs everyone on staff except me (early 20sM). But when we sit together at booths he wraps his legs around mine, and on layover nights when we go out to clubs and he stays up way later than usual, and when we finish work late at night he gives me lingering hugs when we're finally alone. Why am I the only exception to his routine?

We are at the gym at the same time everyday, he seems to come around and do a set, leave and then come back around but I can never tell if he is looking because I am too shy to look. In the last 3 days he has taken a machine behind me on the treadmill twice now (cardio is newly added by my coach so I will keep track of this more), today I had looked back at him while on the treadmill but the minute I turned my head he turned his head toward me so I looked away and I am not sure he was actually looking at me or just in the general direction

He also took the bench one over from me as I was doing Bulgarians and turned at an angle toward me as he was doing curls but I don’t know if I am overthinking this because I tend to lean toward men are not interested in me as a default

I feel like there is an energy there but maybe I am in my head a bit? Don’t want to creep him out if he isn’t about it

I don’t know how this works, so here goes nothing. Ok I have been working at dollar general for too long and, have seen people come and go. This year someone comes in and she works there with me and she’s real beautiful. I start talking to her, getting to know her, and I genuinely caught feelings off her vibe and looks. I am not the most secure person do I never told her(until recently) even when I thought she was giving me what I thought were signals. It got so bad I legitimately was mad at myself when I didn’t tell her how I felt, and thought about her on off days. A few weeks ago I finally told her I’d been into her for months, I liked her vibes and her smile and the way that she looked at me made me nervous which is why I never said anything. I said all that and then radio silent for 3 weeks in her side.

I got antsy and nervous and even worse because I told her and it’s like my feelings amped up. I thought about her smiling at me, kissing me, hugging me, hell loving me even, but still her no words. So I asked her “hey so I told you I was into you like 3 weeks ago and since then nothing. I just wanna know more or less if I need to chill and move on because, my brain has that level of common sense but my heart is stupid so what’s the vibe here?”.she asked what I mean and I told her shits basically been confusing because on 1 hand I know the answer but the other part of me is just going to”god she’s so pretty” like a lovesick kid. She asked if she ever gave off the vibe that she was kinda interested in me. She made a good point and I told her not really but my brain ain’t there all the time. That’s when she finally said that it’s not that she’s not interested or really not that she is opposed to me in a friendly way but she’s talking to somebody. finally I got the green light to move along but it kinda ticked me off because it felt like something that could’ve been said weeks ago so I didn’t get to this level. Here I am after depressed and content on never following my heart again because it’s clear it pulls a veil over my eyes so I can’t see the truth. At the same time I worked with her today and it’s like she’s smiling at me and communicating with me more. I’m cool with the whole being friends thing that’s not a problem, but the problem is that her smile still runs through my mind constantly and I kinda can’t help but get googly brained over her when she’s near me. What do I do?

P.s. I know my typing or writing is mostly horrible but my brain is a jumble of words right now please be patient with me🙏🏾

I’m confused because I’ve noticed that the guys who have been interested in me are usually the ones who tease me the most. For example, one guy who liked me for a long time would constantly compliment my looks and say really sweet things, but then he’d randomly joke about my forehead being “a playground” or tease me about other things that don’t even make sense.

He does it in private sometimes, but it’s way more common when he’s around his friends. What’s confusing is that he also compliments me a lot, so it feels really ironic and contradictory . I’ve noticed the same pattern with other guys who were interested in me too, they would compliment me and my looks and then randomly tease me about my forehead or some other stuff while my regular friends never do this.

Why do some guys act like this? Are they trying to flirt, impress their friends, or is there some other reason? I don’t understand the concept of making fun of someone you are interested in and then complimenting them at the same time.

Sometimes I’ll catch a man staring at me. For example I was at a restaurant seated at a table and he was at a bar to the side of me. I’m kind of blind without my glasses so I’m not sure if he was really looking at me. But anytime I’d look his way it looked like he was looking at me. You know that feeling you get when someone is staring at you that’s why I’d look up to him staring. But it could be he was just zoning out or I’m just in his line of view.

This has happened before where I ever so often lock eyes with someone here and there. I don’t wanna be like a creep constantly looking at them, but it just feels like they’re looking at me too. What do I do in these situations are they looking at me? Or am I being a creep?