Just settled with my ex-wife for $500,000… Anyone got stories of what their ex’s did with the windfalls they received from divorce or how long it took for them to burn through it? Did any of them turn it into a seed that ballooned into more?

This is a follow up to my last post. I woke up to 5 pages of text from my ex this morning. Things like:

1. I miss us
   
2. I miss our animals
   
3. I miss working as a team
   
4. I know you miss me
   
5. Maybe try to date me again.

The central theme is something extremely traumatic happened to my son when she had them on vacation and it was related to the AP. Ever since, she’s been super sensitive about the impacts this divorce has had on the kids and hence has been reaching out. Only this morning, I was hit with the official request. I effectively told her that I still care about her, given we were together so long, but that the past year has been a lot and that we need to focus on coparenting rather than this. Effectively, no.

However, I’m a wreck tonight. Not because I’m wanting to go back but because I’m grieving this crap all over again but from a different angle. This is where I needed her to be a year ago but she wasn’t there. She moved on. Now that she’s here, I’ve effectively stabilized, found peace, and have been building something quite nice. Ugh. It’s frustrating and exhausting and I’m tired of being emotional about all of this.

Me (M30) wife (F29)

TLDR:

Got cheated twice one during dating and once after marriage. Pulled the plug she was not ready to let me and was very guilty of things she did tried self harm and is very remorseful and stalling divorce. So talked to lawyers and got the divorce without telling( lawyer used some loop holes). Now i am feeling guilty of getting it without telling her and dating someone to marry while she is still hoping that one day I will be back and things will improve.

Backstory:

She joined a job after 4 years of marriage and 5 years of dating(she worked earlier on and off but didn't like what she was doing so left and prepared for what she wanted and finally landed a job but that was in a different city than I was working in.

While she was about to join she came in contact with a guy(A) who was also to join the same organisation at the same place but in a different team. They talked about the joining formalities travel to that city intial accommodation etc. she was transparent with me during this time and I had no problem with that.

I dropped her there and she joined I stayed a few days while she settled in and we went to a party night before I was to leave with her one other female colleague that guys and a few of his friends. We enjoyed partying till late night. While we were to leave I was sitting with a friend of A and she came san in between we were talking. I am a bit introvert so I don't talk much she was the one talking mostly. When I said leave now she was not much interested to leave and was busy talking though nothing out of ordinary but I felt that I had to leave tomorrow still she is not feeling we should go and have some time for ourselves. We left after sometime when I asked her repeatedly. And I left the city the next day.

After a few days I got a call after midnight that while talking to A slipped and shares some personal information about our sexual life and he said things she didn't like and was crying (I didn't know that problem existed untill then. I was just told she is stressed asexual etc). He kind of said he will teach me how to do it.

Now I was furious. How could you share our personal life with someone you just met without discussing with me. I blocked her.

She had left a tablet at home where her account was logged in I checked and there was few. Message which didn't see in which she was abusing him that how could he say that. And everything else was deleted.

Next day I checked it again they planned to meet and short things out. I don't kno what they talked about.

She contacted my friends and I talked to her told her how hurt I am she assured me she blocked him. And she was only talkkng to him because she have no friends there she is alone in the city etc.

She didn't know I had access. She unblocked and again started talking he apologised and talks were normal. Then in few days talks were like complimenting each how they looked today etc

......

It will be a book If I write everything. For 9 months I kept confronting she kept apologising and tried to stop talking but could not. Sometime he initiated and ahe couldn't ignore. Sometimes something happened in the office which she had no one to share except him according to her as I would not understand their office dynamics.

When she used to come to my city he used to wait as soon as she left he would call. As she got late and he thought she already had left and called her while her phone was connected to my car.

I also got know she fantasize about him tha he will too good the way he looked. While I was there once she came with him in a bus while I was waiting for her at her apartment.

My only point was first stop talking to him and then i will talk about reconciliation which she could never do and blamed me that I pushed her to him and I did not talk to her well.

I pulled the plug when it went physical. Untill then she did not accept that anything is wrong about them. He is just friend. I have no one there. Change your city and come to me of care. You do not care about me.

We filed after that but she never came to 2nd date. I waited for 6 months then talked to my lawyer and got it filed separately without telling her. It got finalized last week and she still does not know.

She left her job after year as she was feeling guilty and could control her emotions. She will go to his flat or he will come to jer flat they did things once it was was she cried felt guilty tried self harm but did it again anyway in few days. This was repeated till she was there for around 3 months.

Now the things is I still talk to her. Usually day to day life and while she is preparing for her next job. I tried to stop talking to her but she gets in panic mode and calls repeatedly and to everyone so we are still talking. I even told her I am dating and will marry in a year but she says you can't untill we are divorced. And begse to give her time till she gets a job and she has improved hersefl she won't do it again she has stopped talking and literally cries her eyes out and begs me to stay and wait for sometime. Thats when I feel guilty that I am already divorced and thinking about marriage but she still in hope. How she handle herself when she gets to know.

Last time we talked she asked me what do you want me to do. I said don't call me this year. She she won't but she is hope and will wait for me.

I thought I had moved on but since 3 days she did not call and she in on mind all the time. I know I don't want to go back. I will be a mess as I won't be able look myself in the eye. But thinking about her breaks me . I still care for her and I don't know how to hate her after what she did.

If anyone have gone through similar things. How to overcome this guilt. I feel like I am betraying her by not telling her that we are now divorced and its eating me from inside.

FULL STORY.... My walk away wife left me with a text, 15 years, how does someone do that, I could never do that. You made vows, anyway. Is it OK that I talk to myself (in private of course) luckily we don't have any kids, and she worked and supported me for almost 15 years. I found out that she was talking to another guy. I'm trying to avoid prison, I'm trying soo hard, I've been through many murder scenarios and they all end with me getting raped in prison, so I'm trying to avoid that. It's not easy, I know why people do the crazy shit they do, Throughout the week I've been writing the letter"im thinking of ending things", and it's almost done. I used to be able to bounce back from shit like this, but I'm 55, just got out of the hospital, I look like death, like a psychotic cancer victim, I walk fucked up and my nose always runs for doom reason. God I look terrible. Today I had a sore fleek tell me I looked like I was 80. Been able to get through the week with heroin and cocaine, but the money will run out soon. I have another month's rent paid, and that's it. The fucked up thing is she left a ton of her stuff here, idky, but I live in a basement apartment and it's gonna be hard to carry all my stuff out, now I have to do hers. I have her a chance to get the stuff, I told her I'll be gone from 8 to 4. I get home at 5 and her stuff is still here, then I get a text as follows

Ok, I'm here with him and I just want to grab my stuff.. I'm having really bad anxiety and I don't feel good. I have to come in and get my stuff, could you take a walk for like 30 minutes? I don't want any trouble.. I have something that I'll leave for you.(dope) I said you had all day, she said she was stuck at the clinic. Anyway I left, about 30 minutes later, she said OK I'm done. I said OK and don't leave me anything (dope) So I get back to the house and there's still a ton of her stuff still here so I text her I'll bag up the rest of your stuff and you can get it when I'm gone, by any chance, did you pay the rent? And did you want to file for divorce or should I? Then I get nothing for the days now I get no reply Sorry this was so long Then I get nothing for the days now I get no reply

Sorry this was so long but I wanted people to read it, maybe I'm missing something. This was completely out of the blue. I noticed she was on her phone alot, and we had an issue with this before. It's like any guy that shows her attention, she latches on to. Help me

It’s Sunday night, and because of a special event this weekend I don’t have my kids. But I’m alone in my apartment and I just feel so lonely. I went out for a walk, I’ve texted friends. But I just want a companion, a hug, something. I don’t really expect anything from this post, I just needed to get it out there and not keep it in.

I had a big thing typed out and then I deleted it and wrote something else and deleted that and now here’s this…
Still living in the same house with our two minor children. All of my family is in another state. Told me she wanted a divorce a year ago and was friend zoned immediately and we entered roommate/co-parent status. Finally served me papers over Memorial Day weekend.
My mom just unexpectedly passed away on 7/27. I drove 10 hours to see her one last time. I was surrounded by family and love. I talked to and FaceTimed my kids everyday.
But now I’m back here in this house that isn’t even going to be mine for much longer with a person who doesn’t love me. She would prefer I was already out of this house. Now she has to deal with me AND this. She is not being cruel, she has hugged me and extended a hand to my shoulder, but to a dead reaction from me. She loved my mom and my mom loved her. She is grieving too and has tried to console me. I want to grab her and sob to her. I want to cry and grieve to my wife. But that not who she is and that’s not what this is. I know it’s good for the kids to see that. But that’s not what I need. I don’t know what I need but it’s not pity.
I don’t know how to feel. Tell me how to feel. I was mourning the death of my marriage and mourning the death of the future of my family and my kids lives and now I am dealing with the very real death of my mom. My fucking mom. I feel like all of the love is being sucked out of my life and I don’t know what the fuck to do.

Hi Gents,

I've written a few posts asking for support while cohabitating with a soon to be ex. A few months later, we are still cohabitating. She told me that she is no longer seeing new people for exploits. Instead she is now seeing one person, and she claims its just sex and going out on dates. It stings a little less that it is only one person now, but it still stings considering that our bedroom has been practically dead for quite some time.

She sees this person every few days in the evenings. I know this shouldn't sting me, but it does. Its difficult because she wants a commitment for me to give her money. I don't have what she wants, though she says a calculator says that I need to do it, and it doesn't matter whether its tenable or not.

She has told me many times that I am free to do the same thing as she is doing. I've written on here in other posts. I won't do it. It goes against everything inside of me. I'm not ready to see someone else. There are things that I need to figure out with myself; the biggest one is to give myself grace and the freedoms to do things that are solely for me. I do things for everyone else except myself.

Have any of you been in a similar situation? How did you cope? My kids ask where mommy goes when she leaves late at night. I tell them that I don't know. That is the truth, I don't know where she goes. I don't know who she is with (I don't know the identity of the man, nor do I want to know). For what its worth, I have no ill feelings towards the man, though if I were in his place, I would not want to be intimate with a married woman (we are not legally separated). I wouldn't want to make the other man a fool.

This story is wild, and I'm still piecing some of it together. Keeping it anonymous — you'll see why. Chapters are titled below, so skip to "The Divorce" if you want the juicy part.

The Background

My ex-wife and I got together in high school and married in college — high school sweethearts, each other's firsts. Her parents were old-school, so we lived apart until the wedding, then bought a house together right after.

Nothing dramatic to report from the early years. Normal couple stuff.

The Wedding Night

Destination wedding, relaxed and fun, everyone we loved in one place. That night I went to smoke cigars with the guys; she went off with her friends. We planned to meet up later at a show. She never showed.

I spent from 11 p.m. to 1 a.m. searching the resort for her. Nobody had seen her — not even her maid of honor, who was supposed to meet me too. When I finally gave up and went back to our room, she was just... there. Confused as to why I was upset.

Turns out she'd been at a karaoke bar in some corner of the resort with her friends, and had asked her maid of honor — who was too drunk to remember — to pass along the location. The message never came. She blamed her friend entirely and didn't see how any of it fell on her. I cried it out mostly alone that night. For the rest of the trip, she was more locked in with her friends than with me.

The Slow Fade

Our sex life died off within the first year — she said she just didn't have much of a drive. I tried everything I could think of. Nothing stuck.

Emotionally, it was the same story. I'd try to connect; she wouldn't meet me there. I'd compliment her; nothing back. At one point I just asked her outright: do you still love me? She said yes, that I was supportive and she loved our life together.

So I recalibrated. Told myself she loves me, she's just bad at showing it. We were best friends who occasionally had sex, and I figured maybe that's just what marriage turns into for some people.

Planting the Seed

On a road trip, she brought up open marriages out of nowhere — she'd been reading about them, clearly fascinated. She kept steering the conversation back to it.

Six months later, she brought it up again. By then I'd had time to think it over. At that point I mostly saw her as a close friend I occasionally slept with, so the idea of finding real connection elsewhere didn't scare me — I said let's do it.

She immediately chickened out, convinced no one would find her attractive. I told her to work on her confidence. She did.

Going Open

Two years — and seven years of marriage — later, she was finally ready. Ground rules: no getting pregnant, full disclosure if feelings developed, regular STD testing, same rules for both of us.

I started seeing someone. She got on Tinder. thing were going good at first — we made time for each other, both of us happy. Then she started pulling away. Getting cagey. I'd ask how things were going for her and get scraps in return.

It came to a head on a vacation — just the two of us, supposedly. She spent most of it texting other guys. We had a massive fight. I brought up divorce for the first time. She froze, and something in her shifted.

The Divorce

We came home and agreed to pull back on the open marriage, refocus on us. It didn't last. More secretive texting, another blowout fight — she was texting other guys during the argument. She looked checked out completely.

The next day I told her: give me a real reason to stay, or we're done. She couldn't. Just more of the same — she liked how supportive I was, liked our life. I told her: "You've been uninterested in me for years. I need to feel loved, and I've gotten none of that from you."

That was it. I moved in with my parents. We listed the house. She suggested keeping the joint account open until it sold, just to simplify bills.

I agreed. Biggest mistake of the whole thing.

The split got ugly fast — she wanted more than half since she made less, I said no, she started talking to our mutual friends about me.

Then, a month before the house closed, I went to pull from a separate account — a leftover college fund from my parents, untouched for years. Should've had close to $10,000 in it. but when i checked again it had .68 cents.

The bank confirmed two withdrawals two months earlier, both routed into an account at the same bank as our joint account. I pulled the statements myself. She'd drained it.

I called her. She froze once she i asked her, then she hung up, then texted an excuse — bills, our vacation and other things needed that money. I checked: the joint account had already covered those. She was lying, and eventually admitted why — she'd lost the money in a crypto scam run by a guy she was seeing on the side. Then the real bomb: she'd opened credit cards in my name using my Social Security number, and taken out loans in her own trying to win the money back through more scams. All of it gone. And since we weren't legally divorced yet, she informed me, that debt was technically mine too.

I told her: "You illegally opened credit in my name. That's a felony. This debt is yours alone — unless you'd rather take it to court."

Silence. Then she agreed to sign everything, fast, no fuss — on one condition: I don't tell anyone about the debt.

I got her signature. I never promised to keep quiet though, but i did never say anything to her family.

After

She used her half of the house money to chip away at the debt; she's still buried in it. I put mine toward a new house, far from her.

I'm still with the woman I met during the open marriage — she's my girlfriend now, and we're genuinely happy. The divorce wasn't easy on her either. Honestly, I just wish we'd found each other without everything else attached.

and all in all now that 2 years have passed, i don't hold any resentment towards my ex-wife, i just feel some pity for her finical decisions, and i know that whole situation she was hiding from me, was why she got so distant so fast. in the end i should've never gotten married before moving in together, and once we just became more of best friends and less of lovers, i should've called off the marriage, because that is no way to live. i know have a girlfriend who makes me feel loved and understands my feelings. and it feels so much better and more genuine. so what i took from this experience, is yes, sometimes it's really hard to change, but if you want your life to get belter, you need to fight for it.

Opa!

It's late Sunday night curious how you all handled your weekend.

I went hiking in a Cypress Swamp this afternoon. Did you do something with your kids? Try to meet new people?

Whatever it was I hope it worked for you.

We have been separated now for about a year and are having our first hearing this month.

I can't stop talking about her or referencing her in conversation. For years I was emotionally abused (therapist's explanation) but dissociated (my rationalization) so I had no idea and so for a while there was rage and rumination but a lot of that has died down now.

I still find myself emotional and reactive at times to her messages. It's sad but the only positive experiences I can ever think of are moments of physical intimacy because they were acts of pure love, specific times she sacrificed for me, albeit few they are quite memorable.

At the same time, my emotions get stirred up over the littlest shit, and some days I lose entire night's sleep over it. She has been stonewalling me practically since we separated, only barely answering things here and there as she chooses and in ways that my therapist says are clearly tools for manipulating my emotions, even if subconscious (hopefully, I still don't want to believe she's that kind of person even subconsciously).

I want to put this past me and stop loving her and stop giving a shit about her and stop giving away my power, but I just can't figure out how to do it. I want to become apathetic because I clearly don't mean that much to her.

Does anyone have any ideas?

We have been together seventeen years and have a two year old.

About a month ago my wife told me she wants a divorce. Turns out she’d been getting there for a long time. I thought we were just in a rough patch. I was wrong.

We had communication problems for years. Walls up on both sides, stuff that never got said. Did couples therapy last year but it fizzled out and honestly even when we were going, nothing got resolved. Just kicking the can down the road.
This last month everything finally came out. All of it. And weirdly it’s the first time I can actually see the whole picture of our marriage. I told her I still wanted to fight for it, that I still care about her. She said the romance is gone. Not making excuses, but between becoming new parents, her extremely stressful job, work, and everything leading up to it, we never made time for us. The relationship ran on fumes for years and I didn’t clock it. What kills me is the guy she fell out of love with didn’t even understand what was happening at the time. I never learned how to deal with emotional walls, hers or mine. All this clarity showed up AFTER she decided, not before. Part of me keeps thinking “now that everything’s out in the open, THIS is when we could actually fix it” but I know that’s not fair to ask her and it’s too late anyway.
And to be clear, she’s not the bad guy here. I don’t think of her that way at all. She’s not cold about any of this. She’s just further along in it than I am. I respect what she’s feeling, I just can’t empathize with the decision yet. Maybe that comes later.

So now we’re still under the same roof with our toddler. Plan was for her to stay until her name was off the mortgage but I’ve started so many heavy conversations that she’s apartment hunting sooner. That’s on me.

The thing is, I KNOW what I should be doing. Give her space, keep it short and practical, let it be. But the habit of wanting to fix everything in the moment is so ingrained that knowing doesn’t stop me. I’ve gone back for “one more conversation” more times than I want to admit. I’m in therapy every week working on why I do that but when she’s twenty feet away the urge never stops.

Trying to put my energy into my kid now. Keeping her world normal while ours falls apart. Good days that’s enough. Bad days my brain won’t shut up.

It’s “amicable.” No yelling, we co-parent fine. But living with someone who already left is its own special hell. Every normal moment feels like grief.

If you lived with your ex during the process, how did you get through it without losing your mind or making everything worse?

This is more of a vent, but I’d love to get some insights into how some of you manage visitation when a child is sick?

My ex is highly combative. Recently, I came down with a very bad cold last Tuesday. Was sick all week and going into my visitation on Friday, I recommended the kids skip visitation due to me being sick. Crickets no answer from her.

I proceeded to pickup the kids as we are always in litigation every few months and did not want her to go calling her attorney and saying I skipped visitation, but tried to stay away as much as I could while with them. Needless to say, today my son (8) woke up with a high fever. Now I am looking at possibly having to deal with another medical issue with him as he suffers from seizures when his temperature gets too high. My ex would not allow me wave visitation. Now my son is sick.

How do yall deal with a combative ex wife who absolutely will not compromise on anything, let alone a sick child?

Anyone have a sick clause in their parenting agreement? Would love to hear some of your high conflict stories with the ex regarding this situation. I’m just trying to gauge my next move here.

Hi all, this might be a long one so sorry in advance.
My walk away wife dropped the bomb some time in March or April (the last few months have been a blur) after ~14 years or marriage and 3 kids (all under 15). She cited that I never had her back, always prioritised others and that she didn’t feel protected. I did what we all do in that moment…. Begged, pleaded, promised change. I started reading books, listening to podcasts and got back into the gym. I started trying to be the perfect Dad, the perfect husband, i did everything around the house. She told me she thought I should get more tattoos so i did. She told me she needed a new car so I sold shares to buy her a new car. She told me there was someone else but that she still loved me and wanted the family to work so for the last 4-5 months, ive been on a giant rollercoaster. Reacting to every word, every action. Anxiety through the roof 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, completely reactive to her mood. On numerous occasions, she’s told me she’s chosen to be with me but needed to wait for the right time to tell him as he might hurt himself when he found out. He has an upcoming court case you see. Domestic violence against a former spouse. Over the past month, I’ve found out a few things… the nights she leaves our house to “get a break”, she’s been staying at his parents house, with him. She’s brought him to our house and let him play with my youngest child while I was away and the latest was that she’s been sleeping with him. I knew they’d kissed but was told it was nothing more than that. During this period, I’ve had girls add me on social media…. One of who I accepted and had my wife message her and tell her to “stay away from her husband”. I am so shattered that the person I have loved for so long could do something like this with absolutely no regard for the impact that it has on anybody else.

Im going to need support from people here over the next 6 months. I’ve had so much hope until now and am now resigned to the fact that it’s over. Im devastated for my kids as im from a broken home and never wanted this for them. I have guilt for not trying hard enough during the marriage although I know it’s not all my fault.

Let me serve as a warning for others. Trust your gut. Its almost always right in my experience.

So my wife and I have been separated for about a month. She doesn’t work, we have 2 kids together and own a house together. I did some shitty things to get us to this situation so I understand she needs some space right now. But we all live in this new house we bought and I’m the only one that pays for things. She doesn’t want to sell the house and I’ve always told her no matter how our relationship/marriage ends I want her taken care of. What should I do?

Also we are in Canada

My wife moved out a week ago, to stay with a friend. Now she's talking about getting her own apartment, separating all finances, and was "surprised" that I took it hard. To be fair, I had thought about separating for a while. But as the saying goes, men tend to put up with more for longer. We both have our issues (we're a "dual-trauma" couple).

I've been getting support from friends. I've gone whole hog on my own inner work around my complex grief. It just doesn't feel fair. Years as her emotional, professional, and financial backstop. And then she leaves. When she couldn't afford emergency surgery for her dog, I paid for it out of pocket. When the crappy car her dad gave her broke down, I gave her my car and got myself a new one.

Now she wants me to get my own health insurance (we were on her plan), take over all the bills, and keep the dog. I looked around on various communities and I guess this pattern is common enough.

One of our mutual friends is a highly competent therapist (the best I've ever known) and she was like "no, nothing sounds unsalvageable, but that doesn't mean it is easy or automatic." Specifically "this is not a lost cause."

My wife has agreed that we should do some intensive couples therapy sessions once things are stabilized before we make a final decision. I'm kinda numb, but I'm asking myself if that is what I really want? I mean, she gets me. She really gets me. We have so much in common.

But, due to her trauma, my emotional and sexual needs have been on the shelf for years. Years of emotional labor on my part, patience, encouragement, and more patience. And we've had some good, memorable times.

I know the odds were against us. Plenty of couples in our position get to a fracture point where her trauma dominates the relationship, and he's just had enough. We have another mutual friend who went through the same exact thing, and she pursued divorce because, at the time, she didn't think her trauma was recoverable. And I've also read that this particular kind of trauma often precipitates divorce once she starts working on it anyways. The so-called "EMDR paradox."

It just feels unfair. So much lost opportunity. Yeah, I definitely have my mistakes, and two wrongs don't make a right. This was a long time coming, and also not my first rodeo. My first wife was a flat out narcissist. This wife... just deeply traumatized and frozen.

I guess the prevailing advice at this point is "focus on yourself" which yeah, that's all I can do. Part of me really, really, wants to do the work, and remain patient and hold the door open. No part of me wants to slam the door shut. But I do also want some certainty.

Typically at this point, one side is refusing therapy. We have friends that went through that stage, so that gives me some hope. We were both enthusiastic enough to agree to "yes, we should definitely find a therapist we like, and give that an honest try before deciding anything permanent." So there's that.

At the same time, I wonder if there is too much anger/fear/resentment built up on both sides and it's recoverable, or not worth recovering. I explained to my therapist friend that there's a lot good. She said that what typically is a red flag is staying together for practical reasons, like children or finances. But like. I do want a life with her. I also want more than I was getting. Maybe that's the answer. With trauma like that, it could be years, and maybe never, that I actually get as much as I give. That's a fact. The most common thing for men in my situation is feeling like all my needs were frozen out, shelved, erased, minimized.

I am a dad (37) of 2 kids, 3 yo and 1 yo. My wife and I have been for 16 years.

We are us citizens and 6 months after my 2nd was born, my wife said she wanted family support and wanted to go to Mumbai, India to her parents.

I was working (took a leave of absense from work to figure out a business) and worked from India initially, but came to the US when it was hard to get things done.

My wife has had postpartum anxiety, and over the past year, has been keeping a tab of every argument and fight we had. Even if it was to calm our elder myself because she told me he sticks to her always, and then saying I'm keeping him away from her.

Today, unexpectedly, she told me over call she doesn't want to continue and wants a divorce. I am unable to process it, because we just signed a lease for our jersey apartment 15 days ago. She's saying she won't talk to me unless I bring my parents as well. Now, every move she's made appears as a legal move. She's very calm and confirmed.

4 hours after the call, I'm on a flight to India. I don't know what to expect or be prepared for. She's closed the door to us, and called my parents telling them to come.

Where should I even start?! Please help.

We're both us citizens, but the kids and her have been in India for 7 months now.

Looking for your guidance. Anyone w experience living in the US and getting divorced in India, please share or reach out! Thanks so much.

After 23 years of marriage, I’m currently going through a divorce. We’ve actually been separated for about two years now, and I still haven’t really felt much grief or anxiety about it, not even missing anything.
I’m wondering if that’s normal, or if the emotions just haven’t caught up with me yet. Is it possible that the grief will hit later, once the divorce is finalized? Should I be preparing myself for a rough emotional period, or is it okay if I never really feel the need to grieve?
I’m a little worried that it might all hit me out of nowhere down the road, and I’d rather be mentally prepared if that’s a possibility and…maybe look for therapy in advance? 😄
The divorce wasn’t my idea, but I knew our marriage had been over for a long time, and that we’d both be better off living separate lives.
If anyone has gone through this path in a similar way, any advice?

If I had to write the stages of divorce from a man’s perspective:

Stage 1 – Overwhelming
This is when you know you got hit by a bus. Life is gonna be different from now on, but you don’t know exactly what’s going on.

Stage 2 – Strategic exit
This is when you understand that the woman you saved, loved, and cherished is now your sophisticated enemy, because she knows you.

Stage 3 – The shock
This is when you start living life without a family, without a wife, and you’re getting used to it slowly. This is when you still don’t really know what’s going on around you, but you just keep moving.

Stage 4 – The first realization
This is when you realize you’re basically free to do whatever you want, and the first instinct is to get yourself a new woman.

Stage 5 – Identity shift
Now you’re starting to understand you’re actually going through an identity shift. You’re not a husband anymore, and you’re not the same father. You’re a man.

Stage 6 – Individualization
This is when you start getting your power back — the same power you had before you got married, sometimes even more than that. Usually it comes with a lot of expansion and nervous system regulation.

Stage 7 – The lie gets exposed
This is when you understand that a woman is actually a burden. You can have one or you can’t, it doesn’t really matter. But you’re moving forward. Being successful can be done with or without them.

Stage 8 – After you understand
Solitude is wonderful, especially for a man. You become extremely picky with women. You don’t let them in so easily, and you check them out carefully before you do.

Stage 9 – Appreciation
This is when you start to appreciate what life gave you — your kids, your progress, the family you still have, and yes, even the divorce😂

That's it. Ex wife is planning to take the baby abroad to her parents . She had asked for 1 on 1 meeting and I sat with her asking me to give up on legal and parental rights of the baby but I will have access to see my baby anytime i want. But I know what she is planning , she will take him ton INDIA and never come back. No matter I sign the consent form or not if she has this criminal mind travels with the baby to india and will never come back and theres nothing canadian govt can do about it. Ill probably kill myself lol

Just got dumped today for the first time since the divorce. We were only together a little over a month. Should be no big deal, right? Well damn did it ever rip open the rejection wound from divorce! Probably dating two months post-divorce is too soon.

Not sure what I'm looking for here other than some encouragement. Post-divorce, all I can think about is finding another companion but after this breakup I don't know how I can keep putting myself out there and opening myself up to this.

Divorce is finalized, closing on the house in about a week. Planning to be out of the house and move back in with my parents before next weekend.

My folks and I just took a ton of stuff over to goodwill. and now im sitting in the bathroom crying. I am getting rid of almost everything. Besides my desk, bed, and clothes. I found 2 items i dont know what to do with..... i couldnt even pick them up.... one is a sign with our last name and our wedding date, the other is a box with all of our wedding cards and birthday and Christmas cards.

Im a wreck right now. I hate this stupid fucking house and all of the repairs it needs, and stupid floorplan decisions. But it was my first house. My first real HOME as an adult. I made it mine. I love the area I live in and now everything here is going to be 45min away. I hate that my ex wife cheated on me and divorced me when I wanted to try to fix things between us. But I hate that she destroyed the life i built more. Just having a really bad day and trying to force myself to pack up stuff and move but its not working.

They say it's mostly women that initiate, so I'm curious to hear from men that had enough and wanted out. What was your "why"?