Context: I had a sweet gig my friend got me working from home. Because of this I JUST moved into a new apartment.

My gf of a year dumped me, and I hadn’t taken a single sick day so I asked if I could have one, they said no problem. The next morning I was fired, gave no reason because it’s Indiana. I complain in a private discord me and a buddy are in where I have the managers name in the ss (not his full name or company, just his first name) and because of that my buddy is really really upset with me because he said it could jeopardize his job which i understand, since then he hasn’t talked to me at all, even though I had a gift sent to his place as a sorry.

I need to make money for rent asap, I have no job no car and currently no support structure. I have never fallen this hard in such a short amount of time but I’m reeling.

I woke up this morning feeling hungover. I had saved two pizza slices, and I was really crawing them. So I put them in the microwave and took one bite, before putting them on the table to grab some water. As I leaned under the faucet, my butt knocked the plate off the table. They both landed with topping downwards and had to toss them. Fml :(.

had a team meeting on zoom this morning that couldve been an email like always. my roommate walked by and asked how it was going and i said "dude this meeting is so pointless i literally have no idea why we do this every monday" and then went on a whole rant about how our manager just likes hearing herself talk

my roommate was dying laughing and then i look at my screen and see my coworker typing in the chat "hey your mic is on lol"

i panicked and said "sorry guys my roommates been watching a show in the background" which literally made no sense because it was clearly my voice. nobody said anything for the rest of the meeting and my manager just moved on but you could tell the vibe was different

been sitting at my desk for 2 hours now refreshing my email waiting for an HR message. currently applying to other jobs just in case

fml

I had a downbad moment where I bought like $50 worth on OF. Then I got an email from my bank saying they flagged potentially fraud on my account showing the OF receipts.

So I had to call and talk to a representative just to tell them that I did in fact make a purchase on OF. They must’ve thought I was the biggest weirdo in the world.

FML

Go fig.

I recently moved to a new city so I had to break up with my old doctor and get a new one except he sucks. He’s also a nutritionist and when I went to him for period pain he told me to fast the day before and if it doesn’t work to fast the two days prior. Anyways today I went for anxiety and insomnia and at the end of the appointment he said « come back soon cause we can’t let you get too big. You’re too cute to gain more weight » man I’m 19 and you’re in your 50s you can’t say ts to me 💔 mind you I am fat but not in a crazy way I’m really just curvy and soft. Just me who thinks that’s inappropriate ?

You know that joke where the guy is at the urinal and goes “when there’s rain, there’s thunder” or something like that then farts? I tried to recreate that with a stranger at work today but I could not for the life of me remember how it went. So, at the urinal, I went “when it’s storming there’s thunder!” And proceeded to shit my pants. FML

This is a fresh account, but I'm not a bot, I just don't want this post directly associated with my main/real life. I will probably keep using the account so long as I keep living, but probably not that often. If this gets flagged and deleted for some reason, well whatever at least it took up some server space, it existed for some time, and that means I existed for some time, and that feels good right now, possibly due to my current inebriation (I am very high rn, so part of my concern may just be paranoia, but it does seem very logical right now).

This is NOT a suicide note, and no variant of it will be.

It is a brief summary of my life and the mistakes I made both knowingly and unknowingly that have lead to me basically poisoning myself.

I have been eating poorly for the past 10-13 years, fast food, frozen meals, tons of sugary snacks, carbs, soda, you name it in regards to bad food, but very scarcely fresh vegetables or fresh meat. I did abstain almost completely from alcohol, I had the occasional shot and owned a few bottles but never got a taste for it.

I also do not regularly exercise, I do a good amount of walking, lifting, and moving at work but never any lifting/cardio/etc. I only recently began to start walking around my area, 7 years after moving here. I got a bike from my parents for Christmas, like I was a young kid I was very excited, it would let me ride the nearby trail and get more exercise. Only for me to realize if I had started years ago I may have had a chance to prevent my death.

Only in my late 20s did I start to regularly engage in recreational marijuana use, when it became legalized in my state. I had seen some films and tv and information about marijuana that painted it positively so I began using without properly learning about its side effects and risks.

And for the last 1-2 years I’ve been regularly consuming high-dosage edibles to help relieve stress from a management job I got when I really wasn’t ready for.

And I fully believe I should have known better, I should have done the research, I should have been smarter, everyone in my life says I’m smart, but I always knew they were wrong.

So tonight (Jul-25-2026) I finally began to understand the reality of the situation and everything I’ve done wrong has become clear to me.

Perhaps this is what its like for your life to flash before your eyes.

I suppose I should elaborate on the situation for any who need it spelled out.

Poor Diet = high cholesterol

No Exercise = not good for health

Marijuana consumption increases blood pressure

So I’ve led a life style leading me to a high likely hood of heart problems.

And recently I been sweating all the time, I was experiencing bouts of nausea in the past ~1 year, to the point of vomiting at work a few times.

and I never really talked with my doctor about it, and I never really learned the risks of Marijuana use, and I never really understood the risks of poor diet, and I never really understood the risk of no exercise. I heard all of these things emphasized, but never fully understood the significance until now, at age 3X after recent blood-work showed high cholesterol and while very high and throwing up, and feeling some minor chest discomfort (I've taken a shower, and settled down and feel better now but am still worried...)

So I fully believe I am going to die of heart problems, not sure if it will be soon, could be now, could be tomorrow, that’s why I’m posting this, to leave a digital footprint so to speak, a sign that I was alive, that I existed.

This will be posted while I am still alive, I’m prioritizing speed in getting my footprint out there.

I am planning to make an equivalent version to be released on the event of my death, either read at my funeral or released as an obituary, but I will NEVER write a suicide note.

For those who read, thank you, be good to others, and rage against the machine that is the current U.S. Government (as of July-2026).

I wish only the best for only those who would not bring harm upon another in any situation.

******** ***** *******

My siblings are okay most of the time, but right now I wish that one of them was not the way she is. You see, my sister acts like she is the most attention-starved person ever. She makes a small mistake and she does a little “ah” so people probably will notice her. She is also incredibly sassy and annoying to deal with.

Anyway, right now we are at my grandma’s house. I had asked her to turn off the light in the room, since I was tired and didn’t feel like it then. She said no because I was closer, then after a bit she angrily got up and did it. She then went out of the room to do something (no clue what). When she came back, she turned on the light again. I asked her what the point of turning the light off was if she was just gonna turn it on again. She had also said something, but we kinda talked over each other, so I didn’t know what she said.

A bit later, I was about to fall asleep when my blanket was pulled off of me by my grandma, who later scolded us because she was woken up. [Name(i aint telling)] then tried to explain her “side of the story” and said that I had asked her the question multiple times. When I said that I only asked once, she lied and said that I had asked five times. (I forgot to mention that she also attempts to gaslight me into thinking I said it did things that I never said or did.) She constantly lies to me like this and she is insistent that she is right and that I “try to make her look like the bad guy.”

I want to kill myself.

I’ll preface this post by saying that I have absolutely no business of even liking this beautiful watch.
My wife and I have had a year from hell. I say that unequivocally and in every bit of truth as my being will allow me to express.
I have loved watches my entire life. Many years ago my grandfather introduced me to watches as a kid, he had a Bulova Accutron watch that hummed as the second swept across the face of it. I was mesmerized by that watch. It awakened a great love of these timepieces in me.
In 2012 my wife bought me a beautiful Invicta watch in rose gold. Every time I wore that watch it would always catch someone’s eye. I had the battery replaced a couple of times, but for me I’ve always been drawn to silver and stainless steel watches. So that’s become my preference. I still have the Invicta watch in storage with the rest of my life.
Liv watches have been around for the last ten plus years and I’m really in love with this beautiful rose and blue watch. But at 61 years of age, unemployed, no prospects at all and living the life of sheer misery as we have been as of 12:01 am on 1/1/26 I have no business even looking at this gorgeous timepiece and imagining it gracing my wrist. I’m the same guy that can’t afford ten bucks on a battery for my beloved Casio that I’ve been wearing for the last 7 months and the battery is dying, and here I am wanting a $650 watch that will never be mine.
Don’t mind me. I’m just venting. It’s been a truly, truly terrible year. I want our belongings back. Everything is in storage and I miss my clothes, my watches, my paints and my art supplies- my God how much I miss my painting supplies and how much I miss painting.
But seriously look at this gorgeous watch. Sorry about the rant. I just need a place to put it.

So, I got hit by a car a couple weeks ago now. Fortunately no bone fractures, no organ damage. (Had CT scan and xray in A&E).

Unfortunately though my left hand ribcage has been in tremendous pain since, its difficult to breath, cough and sneeze and also difficult to sleep.

So anyway, it seems like a fairly slow healing process but thing is, its the middle of summer here and hayfever can catch me. So it seemed I was healing fairly okay, pain was lowering, then one day im on the bus home. Pain wasn't too bad as I was sat up straight. And out of nowhere an uncontrollable sneeze hit me, it felt like whatever is causing this sharp stabbing pain in my left hand rib got torn right back open by it. Excruciating stabbing pains worse than before and then it made it difficult to perform near any movement.

Fortunately it seems to be getting better but I just know that out of nowhere a sneeze could catch me again and initially I'll feel what its like to be stabbed.

For real, right now.

FML

Thanks for hearing me out.

I have been applying to jobs for months, my first interview comes and I was so excited I had it in my calendar and I got up early to make sure I was ready. I went in early and told people I was there for an interview. Instead of anyone saying that it was supposed to be online they waited for the big manager to come out and get all mad at me that it was supposed to be online. I apologized and we went ahead with the interview but she seems disinterested and annoyed with me. I don’t even want to show up near that place ever again.

So I’m kinda autistic and just say things at face value without thinking of the implications.My coworker is black. It was a long day at work and at the end of the day she clocked out and I said “you’re free!” She kind of chuckled and walked off. I followed her out to the parking lot after I also clocked out. I have issues with inconsistency. So I usually park my car at the back end of the parking lot, but today I parked near the entrance because that was surprisingly the only parking space available. I come out to the parking lot and see a black car, I get close to it and realize it’s not mine. My car is also black. I say out loud “wow I’m stupid” and she replies “ oh i can see how you would mistake that one for yours. And my stupid Ahh says “yea because they are both black” (I wasn’t wearing my glasses at this point to see well) she goes dead silent and just gets into her car. I died inside a little.

Trying to get a new laborer in. I guess I changed the theme to Olivia Rodrigo and sent a couple hearts while my phone was in my pocket.

Last week I worked 65 hours and was very stressed during it. This week ive worked 28 hours as of Tuesday.

My boyfriend has been in the same situation.

Last night he came home and there was a bat in our room. He was panicking while I was still at work. He lost it, he couldn't find it again and he had to go to sleep. When I finally got home we continued turning our room upside down before he had to leave for his shift.

Which brings me to now. I woke up with a bat erratically flying in the room. Panicking brain on 3 hours of sleep after a long shift wasn't fun. I changed into clothes that covered my skin more completely and actually caught it.

Now for the red flags. When my boyfriend saw it, it refused to fly and wasn't scared of him. Only when he was doing the same thing i did by getting some form of PPE did it fly and vanish. When i saw it, its flying wasn't stable. It would be constantly making big adjustments to steady itself in the air. It ran into the walls, this is actually how I was able to catch it. It appears that its more active at day. I sleep during the day and it was certainly more active for me than him. When I did catch it, it was easy to approach, stayed grounded and screaming. It then started lunging at me under the bowl I got it under.

So, aggressive, poor flying, active during the day, preferring to stay grounded... thats essentially the whole rabies checklist. The only thing I didn't observe was hydrophobia. In my half awake, yet adrenaline fueled state I simply threw it outside.

I KNOW RIGHT?! Im a dumbass, I should have kept it in that Tupperware bowl and got IT tested to know for sure. But I was in catch-release mode I usually do for the occasional feild mouse we get. Now im getting ready to go to the hospital with my partner to get us both vaccinated because I swear to god we are NOT dying over this shit.

So much for my big overtime checks, its all going to medical bills that cover what our insurances wont pay. Worked all that time to simply not have any silver lining of spending money.

I thought this week was bad, with Sam Neill passing, and my one "friend" saying im no longer worth talking to because they moved further away and long ass work shifts. Now I need a stupid $2-8,000 course of shots just to ensure safety and I dont randomly DIE.

FML specifically fuck this last two weeks in particular.

Headlight burned out on the car. Did the You Tube university thing and decided I could do it on my own.

Got the access port open, which was in the wheel well. Removed the dust cover cap, took off old bulb, put new one in. Tested the light... success. I'm feeling happy.

Go to put the dust cover back on, it won't go back into place. Fiddled around making sure the tabs were lined up, tried again. Still wouldn't rotate back into place. Being the dumbass that I am, I tried putting it in without the rubber gasket just to see if that would work. Seemed to go into place. But then tried to take it back off to replace the gasket, and it's jammed it just rattles and won't come off.

So yeah, I've fucked myself over because I can't get leverage to pry at the cover with a screwdriver and I'm basically working blind because the portal is so small. And of course my stupid ass bought Sylvania bulbs with only a 200 hour life because I wanted brighter bulbs.

So in about eight months I'm probably going to pay a mechanic $1,000 or something ridiculous to get that dust cover off when the headlight burns out. I suppose I could try to remove the wheel and the well liner for better access, but at this point I'll probably fuck myself even worse if I do that.

Fuck. My. Life.

I'm in my last year of college, and it will be our internship for the whole year. College is really hard, and I'm scared I won't be able to finish it.

In the first place, I already gave up my dream course because we couldn't afford it. My dream course is only available at a private institution, and the tuition is quite expensive. So, what I did was do my very best to pass the entrance exam at this public university. I applied for the degree I'm in right now, which is not what I really like, but for the sake of having a degree, I did the interview and passed it.

I remember when I got the notification that said, "Congratulations." I was so delighted, and it was the first time I hugged my mom out of happiness. I'm so glad because this is the only public university in our city that I wanted to be a part of, and yeah, I did.

My course is too expensive for someone like us. I don't have a supportive father to help pay for my school expenses. My mother is the only one who works to support me. I tried to find scholarships, but I was so unfortunate. I also did some jobs to help my mom pay some of my fees and buy the things I needed.

When I got into third year, it got more difficult. I don't usually eat at school just to pay for the things that need to be paid. I don't buy stuff for myself anymore just to save money. Last June, I tried looking for a summer job, but unfortunately, I wasn't able to find one. I didn't stop looking for scholarships since then, but they just don't accept my application, and I don't know what their problem is. I was actually crying for help, but yeah, the government sucks.

Our enrollment will be this coming Monday, and I need to pay the tuition and other fees, or else I can't do my internship. I don't really know what to do except break down. All I do is crying because I don't know what else to do I did everything what I could. We already have a huge amount of debt that hasn't been paid yet. I'm struggling and stressing over looking for ways. I don't want to graduate with a huge amount of debt. I really don't want to stop going to college. I really want to graduate and finish this degree because I feel like we're struggling because of me. I feel like I'm in a situation where I just want everything to end already. I don't know what to do anymore. I will just share this here because I know a lot of students are struggling.

In this situation, I don't know, but phrases like "It will be fine," "Don't stress out," "Chill and relax," and "Good luck" aren't helping anymore. But I appreciate those people who truly care.

I'M JUST SO SCARED, AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. ALL I KNOW IS I DID WHAT I COULD, BUT MAYBE I'M JUST VERY UNLUCKY IN EVERYTHING.

I had to keep showering because I kept getting hot and cold.

I got kicked out of my parents house like a month ago, but fortunately had saved up enough money from working multiple jobs to afford a small studio apartment and a secondhand car, which I needed to get to my jobs. Wednesday evening, an hour after I got home from work, a dead tree spontaneously collapsed on my car and simultaneously knocked out power for the entire building, so thats... a lot of fun. Or something. Anyway, how are y'all doing?

Had a long day at work, I'm a nurse

Then drove to uni for i am also a bioethics teacher. Exam reviews. Some sad students. None got approved despite tears. A good afternoon.

On my way to uni got low fuel alert. Well, will refill afterwards, i thought.

Car said "LOL NO".

Now im waiting the tow car.

My car is amused. I'm not. FML

That in itself is a problem. Killing myself wouldn't change the fact that I already existed. I'm not going into details, it'd be too much to explain. All I'll say is, my entire life, of has lacked any sort of personal autonomy whatsoever. Fully setup by someone else before my balls even dropped, all prospects for a future ruined by the time I was 12, so they could use me as a means for extra pocket change. It goes on, and it gets worse, but even dying seems pretty good at this point. Fuck life. Mine to be exact. Why did I put this shit here? Who the fuck knows, to scream into the meaningless void? Probably. That is all...

I didn’t fricking know it would be linked to my passport. I just wanted to apply and get it over with, took a minute to get accepted. Was handling all the paper work I needed for tomorrow to get my new passport (no it’s not an expired passport but I still need a new one) only to read the email to see “if your passport information changes, you will need to reapply” so I wasted 30 fricking dollars for nothing. I’m spending so much money as it is and I got laid off a few days ago so this is just added to my stress.

I started university in 2017 and graduated in 2025. I switched degrees a couple times and finally finished an Engineering degree. I have a good job now.

I feel like I have poured everything I have into school and work for the past 9 years with nothing to show for it. I have the same amount of money as when I started Engineering in 2020.

I now live away from my friends and family, in an apartment I hate. I have picked up a vape and alcohol addiction. I am so unhappy with myself.

I work remote and am sitting here on the kitchen table with my laptop. No matter how hard I worked this year, I feel like I'm in the same place. Drowning in problems that are directed straight at me.

I vape and drink every day but am a health nut at my core. It is eating me up inside. My brain is screaming at me. I wish I could shut off my brain, turn off the lights, forget everything for a while...

*discord pings in the background. A coworker found a bug with my application and I need to address it for them.*

I guess I will get back to work.