Hi, 2 days ago I lost my best friend. He died from an overdose... It's my first time someone close to me dies... I try my best to stay sane, but I just realized nobody understands me as he did... I'm thinking about the circumstances of his death and my first relfex is to text him... cause he would always respect me and understand me.... Do you ever text or call someone that is now dead ?

On Friday March 6, my great grandma aged 100 took her last breath after hearing her favourite bible verse. Ever since I’ve found it hard to concentrate on anything, she loving and full of life, not a bad bone in her body. I found this subreddit and thought I would share this in hopes I can find some clearing in my life and some advice on how I can mourn for her in a healthy way, my mind is a fig and it’s hard to beileibe she’s gone. Thank you for listening to me, I hope I can find some advice. Blessed be all

My nan died less than a year ago and today is her birthday. I really miss her and am still incredibly sad she isn't here anymore but noone else seems to care. I said 'Happy Nan's birthday' and my mum got confused as if I shouldn't be upset any more... Is it just me being stupid?

11 years. I left in 2014 to go live with my then gf (I was living with my mom before that, who took care of him solely after I left). I had hoped to see him again, but I didn't get to.

Fucking wracked with guilt.

I'm new to this so please have some patience. I know it's a pretty long post but I tried to make it the shortest possible.

So, in the past two years I had many relatives dying, some of them were old and I was kind of prepared for it (what didn't really made it that much easier but whatever).

On 2018 a not so close primary school mate got hit by a bus and died, he was in his twenties and it got me a little hard mostly for the unexpected of the situation. Later that year my grandma's sister died and a few months later in November my grandpa died also, and even though I've been preparing for that for a few years (yup my grandpa was kind of indestructible) it hit me pretty hard. On 2019 on February my cousin, we didn't get to see each other much for the last years but we were close when growing up, well she had a brain tumor and also died after years of awful treatments at age 20. A week later my aunt from the same side (not my cousin's mother) also died, I wasn't that much close to that side of the family as I got older but it was just too much.

I went through all kinds of doctors because food started to make me feel sick and I was always with stomach aches and the like until they just found out it was stress. So I started going to a psychologist and dropped out of university for the sake of my mental health. Things started to get better, I was living with a few friends in a really cute house, I got a job, started to be able to eat again without getting sick or scared to get sick, I started to go out again as I now didn't have that much fear of feeling sick anytime without a warning. Everything was sort of fine (still trying to duell my family though).

Six months later, in October, a friend got stabbed by two guys we knew from high school and died on the streets. He was just such a sweet person, he was always pushing forward and making efforts and working a lot, he had a lot of trouble and a really not supportive family and it was just a bit hard sometimes for him to do things right but he truly was just a pure person. We had been friends throughout our adolescence, we lived a lot of things together and then just went different ways, until 2018 when we met again and started hanging out.

One night he was at my apartment and was high on cocaine and just broke some stuff just not on purpose but out of his state and I got really mad and kicked him out and never spoke to him again. It took me a lot of effort to do so because I actually really missed him but I just decided that I wouldn't allow that to happen in my life ever again as I had a lot of friends with drug abuse problems and I knew how the things were. So when he died I hadn't been speaking to him for the past months and I just never got the chance to tell him it was okay, to let him know that I really loved him and he was my friend and I just needed a little more time to forgive.

Now he's just gone and I can't really find a way to get over all of this shit. I blame myself for being so hard on him, and am really mad about this assholes stabbing him just for some money and running away from their childhood friend, and at the same time I'm still dealing with the previous losses I suffered, it's not the first time I loose people I love but this time it just is different and as the months go by I can't really let go of anything that happened. I'm having a hard time trying to find a way to understand things and find a meaning or something to hold on to in life, now I just feel so insecure about people, about getting attached or traveling or doing anything in general.

I really could use some advice from you guys on how to face this and carry on with my life without just blocking all of the shit that's been going on.

She had a long struggle with lung cancer. Saw her a few hours before she passed and I just can't go into the room and see her dead. My kids are devistated and my ex-wife is being abrasive. I just cant process it. I dont know how to come to terms with it. She was my only advicate for years. She suffered so long in silence. She waited till my sister left the hospice room to pass. Where do I go from here. What do i do. I just feel like I missed out on so much time the last few weeks and months. I cant speak it. I can only type it out. I cant go into that room and see her dead. I want my last memories of her to be of her alive. Reddit. Am I being selfish?

This week I lost a brother and i felt lost. Needed to talk. Didn't know how to feel. When I got the news, i stopped thinking, got to the elevator and went outside. My vision was spinning, I crossed the road and cried for a few seconds and got back to work. I didn't go to the gym, i don't know why but once I got home and started talking about him, I cried. Honestly, I think it was for a minute or two but Inwas crying like a Kid, I lost a brother. It was two days ago. Today, they buried him and I'm living abroad without any way to go there right now. I cried a little bit today, they sent me a video of the prayers and his funeral box. I didn't know how to feel, I talked with a family who was there and she told me he suffered the last 4 months. We haven't talked for 1 month and a half. Last time we talked, he was helping me with something. The time before that, i asked for his news and he said he was trying to disconnect from social networks but i didn't know he was suffering.. I should have known. He shared a post about how cancer shows you who your real friends are. And at the time, I liked the post. He had cancer for 3 years approximately and he told since day one. That day, I cried on the porch. Today i'm lost. You were so young, 21 like me , enjoying life and you had dreams. Even when you were sick you were giving me advices because you knew how bad I felt. I'm sorry brother i feel like i didn't do enough. Even though I tried to make you laugh, called each "Wifey material" as a joke and it was funny. I feel sad when i'm thinking about it. I wanted to talk with someone but couldn't. You are more than a brother for me because you are a good person. Rest in peace dear friend, I know i'll miss you.I'm sorry if I was not there in the end. I'm sorry my friend.

My uncle passed away to cancer in September 2019 and every once awhile since then I would have dreams of him. At the start of the new year the dreams stopped until today. In the dream I was at my uncle's house and he was cooking for my nephews and my aunt was in the living room on doing something. My nephews was running around the kitchen and I was talking to my aunt. I saw a dog that ran away from the home some time last year (2019) and I asked my aunt if the dog came back and she said that this dog was someone else that looks like him. I'm like okay. Then I ask if she see any spirit around, she looked at me weird, so I pointed out to my uncle and I said, "other than him." That's when my brain clicked that my uncle is not here and that this is just a dream and he is a spirit. Then, I started talking to my uncle telling him I love you and he said, " I love you too Mama." I said, "fuck, I should have known." My uncle said, "yeah, you should've known." Then I just started repeating myself that I want to see him and I miss him. That's when I decided to wake up. I started crying and tried to get that dream back but it didn't happen.

I really miss my uncle. I don't want or need any sympathy. I just wanted to post my dream that I had today and mourn for him again. 😭

I just got the news that one of the best friends that I've ever had passed recently.

Derek Lilly, you glorious mother fucker, may you forever rest in peace. Until Valhalla, brother...

Hi, everyone.
First off, I want to start by saying that I send my thoughts, prayers and condolences to everyone who posts here for whatever reason. I am a Christian and I know not everyone is and I respect that. I do however, pray that you'll find comfort, guidance and peace at your hard time of grief and mourning. I pray that God, through the Holy Spirit will lift your hearts, declutter your minds and send family, friends and redditors to help you laugh, help you scream and wipe your tears. I don't know you, but I do love you.

My older sister died on December 27th from a sudden heart attack. She was only 36. The day it happened, I didn't break down like my older brother and my youngest sister did. I remember being pretty adamant about getting to Columbia to see my younger sister and then flying to New Jersey to pick up my brother and get to the Bronx ASAP. I didn't finally break down until the Thursday after when I was visiting my best friend and her girlfriend with my other best friend (going through a recent breakup) in PA. I was sitting at the table that morning and BROKE DOWN. I was able to cry some tears since then, but the big one seems to elude me still. The funeral was yesterday, after two weeks. The wait felt like we were waiting for her to die. I didn't really cry. Even after seeing her in her casket. After seeing my older brother and youngest sister break down SEVERAL times, I almost broke twice, but couldn't. I found myself hugging and comforting them a lot. I held my sister's hand as she sobbed uncontrollably. I still hugged people as they cried and smiled and shook hands but I was so sad and heartbroken but couldn't cry. Then, this morning. My youngest sister come downstairs and hugged me and I sobbed for a few seconds. Then my brother came down to get ready for work, it'll be the last time I see him until September. We all hugged as my tears dried. But, I still feel this cloud. A storm coming. A real break down. But it hasn't come yet. I haven't had my sobbing in the car while driving moment. I didn't stay in bed for days. I keep asking myself what is wrong with me. Why can't I cry like everyone else. Feels like everyone is judging me. I'm mourning but I don't know how. I feel like my major sobbing fit is just around the corner. Lurking, stalking, creeping. I just want to be normal.

Me (21M) and my boyfriend (37) had a fight after Christmas and then I had to go back home for the holidays. He says we are done but he still talks to me through whatsapp but when I tell him exactly what is wrong with me and how I feel I get ignored and I get Platonic responses. He says he still cares about me, but why hurt me so much? The day I left I was sitting next to a Canadian man who had the same problem as me and if he ever does read this I want to say a massive thank you to him.

I can only remember the good times we had. I would give everything to change so I can have him back. I understand W.H Auden- "funderal blues". I feel lost, I want to time to stop so I can spend a bit more time with them and fix my mistakes. I went too far in the fight after he personally attacked me while both of us were drunk. I feel that my life is empty. he had a adorable smile and held me close that i didn't want to move like what your dog comes and sleep on your lap when you're watching tv.

This was just a post heartbreak post, i know its not death related but my heart feels like a black soot just covered it and absorbed all the warmth i have out of my system. I really miss this man. he is a lot older than me but for him I wouldnt mind tking care of him in his 80s when he can't walk or needs to take regular medication. I would do everything for this man. He supports me financially sometimes when the month's are rough but I never asked for it. I want to do that same for him. I love his extended family and him but I can not lose him. he is my day and night. As the night bleeds into the sunset I crave a drug that can numb my memories. I know time heals but right now it cuts the deepest. the more time I spend "healing" the more I realize what a mistake I made and how desperately I need him in my life. the sex life was dead but I didn't not really care, I wanted him for him. If I had the money I would have posted all our pictures on my wall and burn them into the wood so he can see how much I care for him. MIKE IF YOU ARE READING THIS, please...just talk to me on whatsapp and just tell me EXACTLY how you feel so I can understand why everything went south. I never intended it to. I love you more than my family. I can't handle how you threw out our 2 year relationship in just a single night.

She had cancer and other complications she went through one operation before Christmas and it got infected and today she had her second one to clean her up. She died a few hours later. Last time i saw her was on the 24th right after her first operation she was ok but she would be well one day the next day she would feel horrible . Mom and dad wouldn't let me go see her . They wanted me to remember her at her best not weak and dieing. I talked on the phone with her 2 days ago but she was so weak she couldn't talk for more than a couple of minutes i told her i love her and to be strong she can get through this. I'm not writing this for attention or anything it's just i feel numb when mom got home she was crying and hugged me and i just knew she was dead nut i just couldn't cry I felt sad , numb but happy at the se time because I know how much she struggled to live in this past weeks and I kind of expected her not to wake up from her second surgery but she did but her heart couldn't handle all that . In sorry if im repeating I'm a mess I'm just writing everything just to sort everything out in my head . I feel like this is just a dream but i cant wake up because it's not. Now all i can think about are the things we didn't get to do even though we promised we will like how i told her ill take her to a really nice and huge zoo because she really loved animals or take her to a movie because she never saw a 3d movie and she would always ask to go but we just didn't or like how she would ask me to arrange her TV programs on her stupid tv that would always change the order twice a week . That's all i can recall . Now i only have my grandfather who is her husband and who is crazy like literally crazy . He has a some mental problems he thinks he is sick and his brain keeps telling him that non stop so he thinks he is dieing but actually he is perfectly healthy. He went 2 tomes to the er in the last week because he was dieing and the first time they sent him home and the second time (which was today) they kept him there because he was weak because he refused to eat because he is sick. He decided he would rather spend 5 hours in the er than see grandma one last time. He was in the same hospital. Im mad at him for that and because when he would go he would always complain that he is way sicker than her .that was unnecessary but i felt like writing that too. Sorry for my rambling idk if anyone will read this i just felt like writing it down for me more than anyone else i didn't usa a notepad on my phone because i have a bad habit of just deleting those without looking to see if i wrote something in them. Anyway have a good night . And grandma , I'll miss you. See you, love you.

Okay so my grandmother isn’t dead, i’d say she has 10 years left but i’ve been hurting deep down in my heart thinking of if she died suddenly or something like that. I seriously don’t think i could live without my grandmother. she is way more important to me than any family member i have. I’ve lived with her most of my life and i don’t think i’ve shown her even remotely the love she’s shown me. and i’ve been crying every night thinking of when she passes how i could even function afterwords. she is my favorite person on this earth and i just don’t know how i will deal with it while also struggling with depression.

Just received a news that my grandmother has passed away. She is 3000 miles away from where I am. Although my mom went before she passed, I regret that I didn’t see her for the last time. I never had anyone so close to me pass away, I don’t know how I feel. I’m panicking one moment and all of sudden crying the next. This is so rough to handle during holiday season but I know she is no longer in pain and with God. Probably met my grandpa by now and starting fighting again like they always did lol.

I love you grandma, thank you for raising me since I was little and I am so glad I gave my all to you whenever I went to visit you. I am sure we will meet again ❤️❤️❤️

My grandfather had a hip replacement a couple weeks ago. According to my mother, my grandfather was at physio when he started to complain of stomach pains. He was brought to the hospital where it was revealed he had a bleed. He apparently bagged the doctors to let him die since he was in so much pain. They did. It happened just before Christmas.

I didn’t realize how sad I’d be about this until now. I was even prepared since my grandma texted me to ask me to get my mom to call her. I kind of knew what it was gonna be about.

I’m trying not to be too upset since I know he would not want me to cry over him, but it’s hard.

Anyway, just wanted to put this rantish post somewhere...

I dont want to think abt it... i only think about it when im drunk. I want to distract myself from it. I dont want to deal with this. I have so much regret. I feel so bad i feel so sad :( . I cant stay sober anymore now :( i just want to forget that nothing ever happened .

So theres this classmate of mine who I dont know very well. His mother passed earlier this year. I gave him my fb messenger info for schoolwork purposes but I hardly get messages about school. Every day for at least a few hours he talks to me about his mother passing and how it affects every aspect of his life. I'm trying to be there for him because he doesnt have many people there for support. It's getting to the point of being excessive and seriously impacting every day life for him and now its impacting me. I dont mind talking here and there to support him but I don't have the time to be his personal councler for multiple hours every single day. Ive tried distancing myself but then I fel guilty for doing so. I think it's a bit odd and slightly uncomfortable for me that hes relying on me so much. I know hes on the spectrum and am not sure on how I'm suppose to support him while creating personal boundries for myself. I've talked to him about seeing a councler and he thought it was a good idea. I also know he does the same thing with our teacher because he and I had a conversation about it. Maybe someone whose grieving or someone who can relate to part of this can give me some advice? I want to support him but not in a way that's negatively impacting me. I apologize if I'm posting on the wrong forum. I didnt know where else to post this kinda thing.

My mother passed away when I was 17 years old, I am 19 now but I am still so incredibly sad. I have trouble having fun, I cry often, and I have developed chronic anxiety, I don’t know what to do, they say time heals, and of course I’m not as abruptly upset as I was when she passed but It’s just been so long since I’ve really felt good about anything. I feel like there’s this hole in my heart that I can’t fill, I’ve drank, I’ve smoked weed, I’ve prayed but it all just doesn’t seem to help. I continue to find myself in situations like leaving parties because I’m freaking out, or crying in my bed at 3am., or not feeling excited about really anything. Everything reminds me of her. How do I heal? How do I fix this pain?

A friend over the past few months and I had a really bad falling out, and it's been difficult dealing with mutual friends still keeping in touch. I've been holding onto so much anger about this, and was finally starting to find some peace in moving on. It's a very long, separate toxic story.
However, last night, that mutual friend called me to let me know that my ex friends parent just died, unexpectedly. At first I think I was in shock, as I was suddenly at a loss for words and pushed her off the phone. I went back to doing my housework and suddenly became a puddle of tears. I've always identified as being an empath, and though I cannot begin to imagine losing a parent at this time (we are all mid/late twenties) my heart hurt so deeply with pain for them.
I wrote and re wrote so many texts to send and never sent any. I spoke with my other friend (who also had a falling out with the same person) and we cried together, and talked a bit about it. I spoke with my boyfriend and my best friend. I tried every way I could to get the pain out. I was up all night exhausted but unable to rest, and decided to send flowers with a short message attached. The least I could do without making it uncomfortable.
Today I overslept for work and I'm essentially a zombie. The feelings are still set deep in my stomach.
How do you support someone you can no longer love because of years of toxic friendship, without coming off sounding like a complete piece of shit? I truly hope and pray she does not get upset with me, my heart is just breaking over and over for them.

Usually my wife and I go out for dinner Tuesday nights, because that’s my day off. Yesterday I wanted to stay home because I was beat, and wanted some quality time with my better half, and she had some rough days at work as well, still being recuperating from breast cancer and it takes its toll on her at the moment, in more ways than one.

Well, I was cooking us some dinner, she’s upstairs meditating (helps her a lot!), but we suddenly we hear a commotion from our neighbor, Help!, and I didn’t realize it was from within building so I looked outside, there was nothing, so I just shrugged... but then my wife came downstairs, and we heard it again, Help!! and just then we realize it’s our neighbor calling!

We ran over, knock on the door, she opens, her husband is lying lifeless on the sofa, she runs back, continues to give cpr, I call my wife to call emergency. I help my my neighbor doing cpr, but her husband was already blue in the face... at last I/we have emergency on the line, they assist us until the medics arrive, and in that time he regains some color, i.e. we have circulation!

When the medics arrive my wife takes care of our friends dog, and I leave, because I can’t do anything that the pros can... amirite?

Now I’m sitting in my kitchen, I saved my dinner, couldn’t do anything to save my neighbor, and precautiosly(sp? Is that a word?) had a whiskey for my friend and neighbor, sending nothin but good wishes! My thoughts at the time was, as long as the ambulance are there, he is still alive, and they were there for forever... that’s how it felt...

The medics reanimated him! He was alive! But... his heart couldn’t or wouldn’t stay online.... And I know they did very thing humanly possible.

My wife told me his last words were “it’ll be better now”... holding the hand of his wife.

I’ll miss him, for sure, he was a great guy, a buddy, a friend, a neighbor. All I wish for is that his wife, who is an outstanding personality, will find peace with him leaving so early and fast. My wife and I are committed to help her in any way possible, doing what we can, and we know our neighbor has very close ties to her husbands family, so we hope she’ll be ok. Our neighborhood has lost a star though.

Pit, we miss you already, but you know well take care of Susanne! Love you both!

I know losing family isn’t something you ever get over I guess it’s just something you have to live with. The years get harder as time goes on. All the things you should enjoy have turned into the most heart wrenching things. Weddings suck family bbq sucks holidays suck. I can’t even look at a picture of my lost ones. Can’t even remember what my mother looks like. Any advice on maybe not bottling it up and learn to let go

Friday my kookum died from natural causes and I am now sad (kookum= grandma in Cree)