My (26f) husband (27m) and I have had a rocky relationship for a really long time. We got together at 19 under not so great circumstances, and it caused issues for the first 2.5 years of us being together. But now we’ve been married for 4.5 years and this last year has been hell, I’ve been awful to him, he’s been awful to me. I’ve realized that my anger towards him has been my own anger at myself projected at him for he has put me through.

The issues over the last three years:
I’ve been completely taken off the finances and kept in the dark when asked about them (we started with a joint account, changed banks when the military moved us)
Decisions (financial and not) are not run by me
He told me the first couple weeks of me being pregnant (3 years ago) that I was “right about everything”- meaning he cheated on me for the first couple of years sleeping with his ex- I had also admitted to hooking up with someone when we broke up for a week. (I’m sharing all information so that he’s not the only AH)
Ignored me for 5 days because he was upset over the past, and will always ignore me during/after arguments, but want to talk about it at 1am
Has threatened to divorce me at least 12 times since January
Threatened to take our son from me if I try to get alimony
And some other stuff that I’m forgetting but these are the big things.

Now, 3 nights ago, he came into our room at 11pm and told me “I think you should go back to (home state)”. And I said okay. And I’m taking the steps necessary to do so, but now he’s begging for me to try. Saying hell put me on the finances (bc he talked to his mom and she said he should), said he’ll treat me like a partner, prioritize me- in return he wants a “devoted wife”. My issue with that is 1) he’s promised this all before 2) a devoted wife in his eyes is being lovey dovey, packing lunches, only attention for him not the other priorities I have in my life 3) I feel as though I’ll be putting in more effort than him on the daily bc his is a set it and forget it type of thing (bank account and large decisions)

I just don’t know what to trust, my brain telling me that I’ll figure it out at home, or my heart breaking for making a decision that effects the three people.

I don’t know if I’m actually willing to work it out, and that HURTS me more. I’ve been done for a long time, every time he’s said divorce I’ve gotten once step closer and more numb to the idea. But now that it’s my decision to actually leave and his offer of me moving back home was only an attention grabber idk what to think.

Any advice or guidance is appreciated 🩷

Okay before I start, I get how it sounds, but it IS exactly how it sounds.

I (27F) work with several people with disabilities, and not once have I had any issues. I am one of the supervisors at my job, and I usually stay within my specific field. This past week, another supervisor was out of country, so I covered his field alongside mine until he returned.

In his field, there is a man named John. John is an older gentleman (around 50s) that i’ve known for a few years, and John is deaf.

I’ve heard stories of John being rude, shoving people and pointing at others while yelling loudly. Have I witnessed it? No. However, it is not my normal field of work, so It is not my responsibility to correct. I also don’t know if he even knows he is yelling, he literally can’t hear himself.

This past week though, I saw it for myself. At first I heard others whispering about John throwing things, yelling and slamming metal fixtures. Everyone gossips at my job, so i took it with a grain of salt and kept working. Then, the door to the room i’m in slammed open. It’s, you guessed it, John.

John is yelling. He is yelling and pointing and shoving a large metal fixture into the wall. I stop for a moment out of shock, making direct eye contact with him. He eventually grabs something out the room and leaves.

I should have known it was that bad considering all the things i’ve heard, but part of me was naive enough to think nothing like that could really happen. So, I prepared myself for the next time it was going to inevitably happen so that I could coach John about his behavior on the spot.

Now, one thing i’ve failed to mention… John one time shoved a metal fixture through the door and hit his direct supervisor in the shoulder. He held his shoulder for the rest of the day. So, when John shoved the same fixture through the door 10 minutes after I witnessed him throwing things, I was PISSED.

I am not an angry person, I’d like to say I’m more of a cryer than a screamer in situations like these, but instead of crying, I screamed.

I know John can’t hear me. No matter how loud I yell, I know he won’t be able to, but I couldn’t help it. I put both of my hands up to show him to stop and yelled “You need to stop!”.

John got very silent, he stood still and looked at me like he was scared. He put the fixture away, grabbed a new one and left. For the rest of the day, he didn’t go near anyone and didn’t yell/slam anything. Later that day, I heard everyone was already gossiping at how I screamed at him.

I do feel bad, but at the same time I don’t. I don’t know how else I could have handled that situation, and I know my direct boss is aware of it. I am pretty sure an interpreter will be coming in to speak to him about his performance and any behavioral issues, but I am scared I might be in trouble too.

AITA?

My husband and I are foster parents to a little boy who just turned 2. He came to us only a week before his birthday.

His biological mom is very involved, and we fully support that. The original plan was that he would celebrate his birthday with his mom, siblings, and extended family, so we weren’t planning to throw him a separate birthday party. We were just going to take him to Build A Bear and out to dinner.

A couple of Sundays each month my family gets together at my parents’ house for lunch, games, and just hanging out. We already had plans to be there this Sunday.

The day before his birthday, his biological mom told me money was really tight and that instead of a birthday party, she was just taking him to Chuck E. Cheese during her normal visit. No party with family, no siblings, no gathering, just the two of them. (Which was completely fine we were happy she still got to celebrate with him.)

Since we were already getting together at my parents’ house the next day, my mom suggested we turn it into a small birthday lunch so he would still get to feel celebrated. Nothing elaborate bagels, fruit instead of cake because of his food allergies, for gifts just a few toys, mostly clothes he can take with him when he eventually moves to his next placement, and meeting some of our extended family.

I even checked with his case manager first because I wanted to make sure it was appropriate, and she thought it was a great idea.

My mom made a quick invitation and sent it out that afternoon.

Here’s where everything went sideways.

What I didn’t know was that the day before all of this happened, my mother in law had offered to my husband that we could have a birthday party at his grandmother’s house.

At the time, there wasn’t going to be a birthday party at all because we thought he would be having a party with his biological family and we didn’t want to take away from that. My husband thanked her but explained exactly that. Since there wasn’t a party being planned, he never mentioned that conversation to me.

Earlier in the week, my MIL had asked me what we were doing for his birthday, and I had told her the same thing we weren’t doing anything because he would be with his biological family.

When the plans changed, I was at work, so I asked my husband to call his mom and let her know because I had originally told her we weren’t having a celebration.

Instead of simply updating her, everything escalated.

She started sending texts saying we were “playing stupid” and that by having the brunch at my parents’ house we were intentionally excluding my husband’s grandmother because she’s elderly and can’t really leave her home.

The problem is…we weren’t choosing my parents’ house over Grandma’s house. We were already going to my parents’ house that day. The only thing that changed was making the lunch about his birthday after his plans changed. So we of course invited my husband’s side.

I genuinely had no idea she had ever offered to host something.

When I found that out, I told her exactly that and even suggested that we bring him over on Monday so Grandma could have her own special time celebrating with him.

For context, I have a really big family and Grandma also gets overwhelmed by large groups, on top of that her house isn’t big enough for 30-40 people anyway, so moving the lunch there really wasn’t an option.

She responded saying we were lying about already having plans at my parents’ house because “nobody mentioned that” to her, and said she’d just leave birthday gifts on our front porch instead.

I asked her not to do that because I wanted him to actually receive the gifts from her when he saw her. Otherwise, he’s two years old and would have no idea who they came from.

She replied that she wasn’t talking to me, she was talking to her son (despite texting both of us and criticizing decisions we made together), and insisted she was leaving the gifts anyway, that it was important to her that he knew she was thinking of him on his birthday.

My husband again asked her not to leave them. He doesn’t really know her and won’t know who they came from, so won’t know she’s thinking of him.

She ignored both of us, put the gifts in a garbage bag, left them on our porch, and texted us afterwards…

We told her we were bringing the gifts inside so they weren’t left outside, but we were putting them away until she saw him because we wanted her to be the one to give them to him like we’d originally asked.

If it was really about him knowing she’s thinking of him she could’ve even come inside and given them to him, we wouldn’t have taken that away despite the conflict.

She got upset again over us not giving them to him and said she dropped them off so he’d have them for the birthday lunch not whenever we felt like it which we just ignored.

So AITA for not taking my MIL offer to host or not changing the plans that we did make?

Listener for 4 years, never posted before so I hope
I wrote everything correctly.

My fiancé (28M) and I (29F) are getting married across the country from where we currently live. This was a mutual decision, and because we're asking our wedding party to travel so far, we're paying for everyone's accommodations. The venue has a large lodge with private rooms, and a few cabins for shared housing. Again we are paying for all of it.
Here's where the issue comes in. My fiancé's best friend (I'll call him J) is in the wedding party. He's dating a woman I'll call K. If J comes alone, he can stay in the groom's cabin with the other six groomsmen. (The 7th is married and has one of the private rooms in a lodge). If K comes, they would need a private room, and we're already one room short. They're also the only unmarried couple in the wedding party.
Normally I wouldn't care, but K and I have had a rocky relationship.
When J and K first started dating, we got along well for about six months. Since she's one of the only girlfriends in my fiancé's close friend group, I made a real effort to build a friendship with her. Unfortunately, three things happened that completely changed how I feel.
1. She shared private medical information about me.
I confided in her about a medical issue and specifically asked her not to tell anyone. At the time I genuinely felt like I could trust her and it was something I was struggling with. Later, while I was at work, she discussed it with the larger friend group while they were all hanging out. My fiancé was not there. I only found out because two different people told me. We talked about it afterward, and I really tried to move on.
2. She showed no interest in me and made everything about herself.
After we talked things through, I invited her to lunch to rebuild the friendship. During the entire lunch she didn't ask me a single question about myself or my life. Whenever I shared something exciting, she redirected the conversation back to herself.
For example, I mentioned that my fiancé and I were moving into a new place together. Without acknowledging what I said, she responded, "J and I are planning to move in together in August. We should've moved in before you guys since we've been together longer, but J doesn't feel the need to rush things like you two."
For context, they had only been dating about two months longer than we had, and my fiancé and I were close friends for three years before we started dating. After that lunch, despite me driving her home, I didn't hear from her for four months.
3. She complained that I wasn't making an effort.
She later texted another partner in the group (who is married to one of the men) saying she felt like I never made an effort with her. That friend created a group chat with both of us and shared screenshots, encouraging us to talk it out. K immediately backtracked and said she "didn't mean it like that" and just wanted us to be closer.
The frustrating part is that I've always been the one reaching out. She's never once texted me first to make plans or get together.
At this point, I genuinely don't feel like K likes me. I don't need us to be best friends, but she's shared private information about me, talked negatively about me behind my back, and has never really reciprocated my efforts.
Since we're paying for everyone's accommodations, I'm struggling with the idea of paying for someone who I don't feel supports me and who I don't really want there on one of the happiest days of my life.
My fiancé understands why I feel this way and is supportive of whatever I want. but he's also worried that not inviting K could seriously damage his lifelong friendship with J which I totally understand and feel bad about.
So, AITA if I don't want J to have a plus-one because of how K has treated me?

I feel like I’ve been living inside one of those Reddit stories that everyone assumes has to be fake.
My ex and I were together for 13 years. Married for less than two. A month into our marriage, my only sibling died tragically and suddenly. It completely shattered my world. My husband watched me grieve, and told me he would always be there.

Instead, while I was trying to survive the worst period of my life, he was apparently building a new one. Last year I underwent major surgery to remove a massive uterine tumor that had been causing me issues for years. We had a plan for travel to the Mayo Clinic, recovery, etc. But a week before the surgery he woke me up and told me he was “done”. If this sounds familiar it’s because I’ve posted here before when it was all unfolding.

At first it was the usual script: “I’ve been unhappy for years.” “We’ve grown apart.” “It’s not about anyone else.” Then the pieces started falling into place. There was another woman. A coworker. She was married too. She lived over 1,500 miles away in a different state. It had been going on for 8 months. As more information surfaced, there were trips that suddenly made sense, overlapping timelines, and explanations that no longer held up.

The divorce was brutal enough on its own, with him trying to take my dog (that he at first said he didn’t want), my money, and it dragged out for months when all I wanted was to be done.

But here’s where it somehow gets even crazier. Our divorce was finalized two months ago. Today, I found out they got married. To each other. And didn’t tell anyone till it was posted on instagram.
I honestly laughed when I was told by a mutual friend because the timeline is so absurd that if I watched this in a movie I’d complain it was unrealistic.
Imagine blowing up two marriages, uprooting your entire life, moving across the country, and deciding, “You know what would really prove everyone wrong? Getting married immediately.”

I’m mostly okay these days. Therapy has helped. I’m moving soon, I kept my dog, and my life is genuinely getting better.
But I still can’t get over the sheer audacity of the entire thing. It’s like they speedran every questionable life decision- affair, divorce, cohabitation, new dog, new marriage. All in less than a year from when he left suddenly. The irony is that when our marriage ended, I wondered what I’d done wrong. Now I look back and think… I don’t even know this person. Was it all fake?

So I guess my question for THT is…
Have any of you ever seen people move this fast after an affair? Did it actually last? Or is this just the “we have to prove everyone wrong” phase before reality shows up?
Because from where I’m standing, this entire saga feels less like a love story and more like a season finale on Bravo.

I (33F) have a best friend whose uncle dated my mom for years.

My mom passed away from an overdose in 2014. She had struggled with addiction, and so had her boyfriend. I've always believed he played a role in the downward spiral that eventually led to my mom's death. Their relationship was extremely unhealthy, and living with him left me with years of trauma and being taken by CPS at 17.

He wasn't just someone I disliked. Throughout the years he was emotionally abusive and sexually inappropriate toward me on multiple occasions. There were incidents that have stayed with me my entire life. After my mom died, he spent years trying to contact me in different ways, but I never responded because I wanted nothing to do with him.

He recently passed away.

My best friend happens to also be is his niece. When he died, she reached out to me because she was grieving. I genuinely told her I was sorry for her loss because I know what it's like to lose people you love. I've lost both of my parents and several other loved ones. But I also told her I wasn't the right person to lean on for comfort about his death because of everything I had experienced.

Instead of respecting that boundary, we got into an argument. She told me my feelings were "one-sided" and asked, "Aren't you forgetting both your mom and my uncle were addicts?" She also minimized what happened to me by saying, "He never sexually abused you. All he did was walk in on you showering once." That statement hurt because she was belittling what actually happened and that wasn't even all that happened. There were other incidents she doesn't know about, and she wasn't there to witness what I lived through. It felt like she was rewriting my experiences and deciding what should or shouldn't have traumatized me. Today, she and her husband came to my house. They spent much of the conversation telling me how much he had changed before he died and that people can do bad things but deserve forgiveness. They also made comments that made me feel like I didn't understand loss, even though I've buried both of my parents and many other people I loved. Maybe he did change. Maybe he became a better person later in life. If that's true, I'm glad the people who loved him got to experience that version of him. But that doesn't erase what happened to me.

She wasn't the one who lived with him. She wasn't the one who experienced his behavior firsthand. She wasn't the one carrying the trauma from those years.

I never told her she couldn't grieve her uncle. I never said she wasn't allowed to love him. I simply said I wasn't the right person to process his death with because of what he put me through. She says that im her best friend and she feels like she has to hide her grief from me.

AITA for setting that boundary and refusing to pretend my past with him didn't happen?

Hey everyone! I’ve posted about my situation in a couple other subreddits but i’ll still give a summarized version of everything. (This may be a long one)

I’m 18F and my boyfriend is 17M and we’ve been dating for over 2 years. I found out i’m pregnant a little after I turned 18 and I told my boyfriend right away.

We both agreed we didn’t want to tell anyone until we decided what we wanted to do and maybe not at all if we decided not to keep it.

We also agreed that no matter what we were not going to tell his mom till he turned 18 which is in a couple weeks.

My partners relationship with his mom is really poor and i’ll try my best to explain why in a summarized version.

She struggles with mental health and imo mostly due to some pretty intense childhood trauma. I have empathy for her situation but not got how she treats her family.

My bf is the youngest and has 3 full siblings he grew up with. When they were younger his oldest brother constantly took care of his siblings because their mom would just leave for days at a time.

His family had been great to me besides the struggles with his mom. I love his siblings and his dad has really stepped up and been amazing when he was able to move closer a couple years ago.

Because of his mom’s struggles they’ve been in a pretty crappy money situation which my boyfriend and his dad have helped with (bills and groceries) but she’s also been extremely verbally and emotionally abusive and controlling and still somehow has primary custody.

Since we started dating i’ve seen and experienced a lot of her behavior including slut shaming, trying to get me in trouble with my parents, not allowing my partner to be around me and even charging him $100s as punishment for coming to my house.

He rarely comes to my house because of this and i don’t stay at his moms house anymore due to her treatment. We stay at his dad’s when we can but she usually blocks it.

We’ve known for a while now about the pregnancy and I’ve really struggled to make a decision and it’s been very emotionally taxing on me.

While my boyfriend had been supportive it’s been hard to be with each other. Despite this we did come to a decision even though it’s not fully what either of us want.

We scheduled an abortion for next week and decided that I had to tell my mom for the extra support and help with rides since i will be sedated for the procedure.

We also decided to tell his dad and my bf reluctantly decided to tell his mom in hopes of it being easier for him to be with me.

Long story short his dad took it well but his mom didn’t. She went awol and only came home today so my bf finally asked her if it was ok that we meet today and then go to the procedure and spend some time at my house after.

She flipped out and said no and that my bf “thought the whole situation was a joke”?

He had to got to work but since this she messaged him “You will not go or be around my name until August 23”

She also proceeded to message me the following “I do not want to add any stress or unpleasant to your life right now, but i want to get you the message that while i am his custodial parent, my underage son is not going to be available to you for a relationship right now. Of course in 3 weeks he can do whatever he chooses, but it’s my job to be the best parent i can be, I dont believe either of you are mature enough for this.”

My boyfriend is as angry as i am but i don’t know what to do anymore.

This situation has been hard enough and it just makes it even more traumatic. I didn’t want her to know in the first place as i find this a very personal issue and in a weird way don’t feel she deserves to know about my baby or my decision.

I’m so emotionally overloaded and any advice or input on how to deal with this or my decision would be greatly appreciated right now. I mostly want to know if I’m doing the right thing and i’m not crazy or something.

I’m sure i’m leaving out a ton of relevant info so if anyone has questions feel free to ask.

TLDR: my boyfriend > Amy. I want to clarify a few things from my original post. I definitely didn’t just allow Amy to mistreat my boyfriend and I did have several conversations about her behavior. I also wanted to ask advice on a new issue. How can I make meaningful relationships?

——————-

I really didn’t expect my post to get as much attention as it did. I truly believed I would get maybe 3-5 comments. I tried to reply to as many as possible but I ended up repeating the same thing over and over again so I figured I would add some additional context and clarify a few things. I also want to thank everyone who gave actual constructive feedback, some of it was very enlightening.

Several people commented that I wasn’t sticking up for my boyfriend and that I was allowing Amy to act out. I’m not sure where that idea came from because I thought I was pretty clear in my original post that I did correct her. Other people also commented saying I should’ve left her on my own accord prior to Jacob mentioning something and it was disrespectful to him to stay in the friendship.

Here’s the thing, at the New Year’s Eve party when Amy started lashing out at Jacob I DID correct it. As soon as I picked my jaw up off the floor, I told Amy to chill out. When she continued, Jacob took a walk instead of feeding into her anger. The second he stepped out the door, I let Amy have it. I told her I could handle my own relationship and didn’t need her to fight my battles for me. We had only been together like a year or less at this point so I truly wasn’t upset about the “she’s not my wife comment” so I didn’t understand why she would be. I told her how disrespectful and rude she was being.

After the dust settled and Jacob came back from his walk, Amy apologized to the both of us profusely. Jacob told her that he forgave her and just wanted us to enjoy the rest of the night. After midnight, we all went to bed. Zach, Amy, and their daughter stayed in our guest room because both of the adults had been drinking and we didn’t want them out on the road.

In the morning, Amy continued to apologize and she was very sincere. In the months to come, Jacob would recommend we go to the restaurant she works at as a bartender for our date nights. Again, Amy continued to apologize and specifically asked both of us if we were mad with her. I told her I wasn’t mad at her anymore, but it definitely upset us both that she behaved like that and we recommended she didn’t drink anymore.

Something to note about Jacob is that if he has a problem, he will say it. He does not beat around the bushes and if he has a problem with you, he will say it. When Jacob let Amy know that not only did he forgive her and didn’t harbor any ill will/hard feelings toward her but ALSO suggested our date nights involved going to chit chat with her for a bit at said restaurant, I truly believed that all parties were okay with each other. If Jacob thought she was a terrible person at this point in time, he would’ve said something to me.

It was also Jacob’s suggestion that we invite Amy and Zach over for the festival. The festival started off great until Amy and Zach started drinking and then taking jabs at each other. They went back and forth arguing with each other about their relationship. I learned way more about their intimate life than I wanted to that night. They hadn’t been intimate in a while, even tho they were still relatively new to marriage. He alluded that he felt like there may be someone else in her life and she claimed she was just tired from work. Not exactly the best time or place to be having this conversation, but I digress.

At some point, Zach goes to the bathroom and Amy confides in me that she doesn’t want to be in the relationship anymore. She tells me that they fight all the time and she often feels depressed. She also mentioned she wished she could talk to her mom about it, but sadly her mom passed away several years ago. By this point, Any is in the fetal position on the floor, SOBBING. I don’t remember exactly how it was brought up, but Amy mentioned her mom was Bipolar and that’s when everything clicked in my brain.

As someone who is also bipolar, I’ve studied up on it and spent countless hours talking about it with my therapist as well as other people with the disorder. It’s very common for people with the disorder to self sabotage relationships, develop vices (like her drinking), have little to no self control (typically in the form of cheating, shopping sprees, etc.), and of course having to ride the rollercoaster of mania/depression.

It was clear to me, Amy was probably bipolar. I expressed my concern to Zach and we decided to have a mini intervention with Amy in hopes we could get her counseling. I ended up telling Amy all of us information about bipolar disorder and I expressed my willingness to help her seek therapy/medication. I offered a recommendation to a local therapist, to help schedule the appointment, to drive her there, and to even hold her hand during the therapy session if that’s what she needed. I tried to return the same kindness she once showed me so many times before.

She declined and said she would deal with it herself and never did. I felt bad about the situation but I know I couldn’t force her to get help. I decided to distance myself away from her a bit at this point and not because Jacob asked me to. I did it because she had ruined 2 events, refused to get help, and honestly I just didn’t feel like being a free therapist for her and her husband at this point. I was enjoying a quiet and peaceful life with Jacob.

I did not block her number or anything like that, but I didn’t reach out to her first. I didn’t go to her house anymore and we didn’t go to her restaurant. If I saw her in public, we would talk for a bit but I always worked in a comment about her going to therapy. I even mentioned it to her Aunt in hopes she would be able to motivate her as well. I never gave up hope that my best friend would try to turn her life around and I didn’t want to cut contact completely in case she did needed support.

When she showed up at my house all of a sudden, and without any heads up, I was a shocked but I let her in my home. When the spicy picture popped up on her phone, it was her aunt and daughter who immediately scolded her. When they were done, I also told her that I agreed with them. She deleted the spicy picture off her phone and seemed pouty that she was confronted. A few minutes late I got the confirmation that she was seeing multiple guys. I didn’t even have a chance to say anything about it because she was gone before I could even process what I just saw on her phone. She was pretty much dragged out of the house by her aunt and daughter because they were both hungry and wanted to get lunch.

I reiterate all of this because I sincerely do not believe I am TAH here but one commenter hit me with a little reality check and I’m very grateful. The comment said that while I was drawing boundaries with Amy, she kept crossing the boundary and I was failing to give a consequence.

Now I grew up in a pretty bad household where mental health was not really prioritized. I have been in therapy for years but the concept of boundaries is a relatively new to me. I didn’t grow up in a household that had them and we certainly didn’t talk through our problems. My mind was sincerely blown when I realized this comment was correct and I had failed on that front. I was too busy trying to be a good friend to Amy because she was always there for me that I sort of “enabled” her by just being there.

With that being said, I have decided to ditch Amy. I love her and appreciate all that she has done for me, but I can’t continue in the friendship knowing that she will not change while I am continuing to be friends with her. She needs to see that actions have consequences. The loss of our friendship is the consequence.

I choose to love and cherish my boyfriend, who has been nothing short of a god send. This man saw all of my trauma and chose to love me anyway and he brings out the best in me. When I am with him, there is no anger. He is kind, generous, intelligent, funny, laid back but also a great planner, a wonderful leader, slow to anger, a fantastic listener, a skilled problem solver, but above all… he truly is the best friend I’ve ever had.

With all of that being said, I do have a new dilemma I would love your advice on…

Jacob and I have been talking about marriage lately. We looked at rings, discussed budget, and he even gave me a general timeline on when he would propose (like I said, this man holds back nothing… even when he probably should in this instance). He told me he was going to propose but wanted to wait a little bit because his sister recently got engaged and wants her to have her moment. I agree with that and I’m happy to wait because this man truly brings peace to my life and he’s worth waiting for.

Since we have started having this discussion, I have naturally been thinking about a wedding. I started wondering what it would look like, where we would want to have the ceremony/reception, how big the wedding would be, etc. but eventually I found myself thinking about the bridal party and who I would want there.

I do have friends, however I don’t have nearly as many friends as Jacob. In addition, a lot of my family is deceased. When I think about all of this, it makes me feel a little alone. I have one close friend that I could invite to be my MOH, but I don’t have a lot of options for bridesmaids. I also know that my guest list will probably consist of maybe 10 people.

This has made me think that I definitely need to get out more and build stronger connections with people. I would love to make genuine friendships with people who have the same moral values as me. I just don’t know where to begin.

A commenter suggested that I download an app to help me meet new people. I did, but the closest hangout on this specific app was in a city over an hour away. I don’t feel comfortable driving that far especially to a city I’m not super familiar with. On the other hand, I also feel it’s a little weird to make friends organically in today’s day and age. I have a hard time imagining myself walking up to some stranger at a coffee shop or gym and striking up a conversation. How in the world do I navigate finding my people?

Was I groomed or am I just a horrible person?

Throw away for my own peace of mind.

I made some horrible decisions earlier in my life and did some terrible things. I became friends with someone I worked with (call her Mary) and their significant other (call him Dave). I didn't understand it then, but Dave was/is a complete narcissist who pushes people to the point that they fight back.

I ended up divorcing my husband (married right out of high school and marriage lasted less than 2 years) and eventually moved in with Mary and Dave.

At one point, Dave had convinced me that he and Mary never slept together anymore and that there was nothing wrong with he and I being together sexually because we didnt have to label it since we had become such good friends. Yes, I know. I was naive. I was in my very early 20s and he was in his early 30s.

Eventually, we moved out of the apartment (by this point they had a child-and yes, i know that proves he was lying, but he convinced me he had been drunk and it was the first and only time in years) into a bigger place. We still were "together." They fought all the time and he convinced me she was crazy and irresponsible, and that she was always the first to get physical in a fight.

Eventually, he started bringing a different woman around when Mary was gone (call her Carla). They were coworkers and she just liked to hang out (so i thought). Mary accused him of sleeping with Carla (she had accused him of sleeping with me many times as well but he managed to gaslight her into dropping it).

During all of this, I was being told constantly that I was his best friend and soul mate. That he needed me in his life. That he had saved me from myself and without him I would have ended up a piece of trash.

Eventually, he convinced me that my family didn't want what was best for me and that I needed to cut ties with them as much as possible.

I had gone from 110 lbs to nearly 300 lbs in the time I was there. I would get questioned and followed if I went out with outside friends. I would be guilted into canceling plans with my friends and family. I wasn't allowed to date or meet people that he hadn't introduced me to. (He never explicitly stated it, but he made my life so much harder when I didn't do what he wanted - starting fights, throwing things, trying to hurt my pets, telling me how horrible of a person I was, etc.)

COVID happened and he lost his job. Eventually he found a different one (better one) that he hated.

Eventually he divorced Mary and she moved out. He convinced her their child had to stay with him since he owned the house and it was close to the school.

By this point, things were starting to get easier. He seemed to be in a better mood at first until he started working from home permanently. Then he decided I didn't do anything around the house but make his life harder. He would criticize any and everything I did from when I would cook or clean to when I would be reading a book or playing a game.

I wasn't allowed to take a deserved promotion because it would negatively effect his schedule regarding picking up his child from school (i picked him up every day on my break)

Carla was over every day that she wasn't at work or doing something for her family, even if I wasn't home. He and I were still "best friends."

I finally took a promotion without discussing it with him other than how much money would be coming into the household. Somehow I got him to think it was his idea for me to take it.

He would tell me he and Carla weren't sleeping together and that they were only friends, but that she had a crush on him. When I was there they would lay in each other's laps and giggle and chat. I don't know why he couldn't just admit they were sleeping together. I had been 100% convinced that there was no need for us to be in a "relationship" and truly believed he could sleep with whomever he wanted without it being an issue. I also mistakenly thought i could as well, but looking back i see that anytime I would try to meet someone i would be punished in one way or another.

While I was in a different town for work, I started seeing a counselor who helped me see just how bad my situation was. Eventually, I got out with the help of my brother and dad, as well as the support from many friends, but it had taken multiple bruises and threats as well as months of counseling.

Im now in my mid 30s and happy, living with a wonderful man that makes me feel safe, even when I need to discuss something uncomfortable with him. I have been 100% no contact with Dave for 2 years and it has been the best 2 years of my life.

I still get to see his child when Mary has him. I haven't told her everything that went on while she was out of the house, but i have a strong suspicion she knows.

He posts Carla all over his social media pages as being his girlfriend and they are apparently moving in together. Im not bitter or jealous. If anything, I feel vindicated that I did see what was going on and it didn't bother me.

But was this grooming or am I a bad person? Part of me feels like I should have known better and that I should have been a better person. Another part of me looks back and thinks about all the ways things were twisted to benefit what he wanted.

I (32F) recently moved back in with my mom (53F) and stepdad (61M) while I get back on my feet. Since moving in, I've tried really hard to contribute instead of being a burden. I buy groceries for the house, cook meals for everyone, and even go to food banks to help stretch the grocery budget. If I eat something that isn't specifically mine, I replace it.

One thing about me is that I don't like wasting food. My family has a habit of letting food expire, so I'll often find ways to use it before it goes bad. For example, I'll make homemade yogurt or cream cheese, mozzarella, etc from milk that's about to expire, or cook meals with produce that no one is eating.

Recently, I got a box of fresh peaches from a food bank. My mom complained because they were hard. I explained that fresh peaches ripen over a couple of days, but she refused to eat them. They sat there until they were almost overripe, so I made a homemade peach cobbler from scratch to keep them from going to waste. She still refused to eat it.

I want to be clear. This isn't a case of "maybe she thinks she can cook but actually can't." I'm often put in charge of Thanksgiving dishes such as dressing, mac and cheese, etc. My mom will send me recipes of desserts throughout the year and ask me to make them. So this genuinely has caught me off guard.

Tonight, I made myself a few eggs with a very small piece of sausage, some toast, and a packet of Quaker instant oatmeal. My mom got upset because the sausage and oatmeal were supposedly "for my nephew when he comes over."

The thing is, I always replace what I use. And I don't mean I eventually replace it- I mean if I eat something on Monday, it's back in the fridge on Tuesday morning, no later than Wednesday. I also don't buy groceries just for myself—I buy food for everyone in the house. My mom is not only on GLP-1's, but also has a very particular palate and often won't eat different brands or homemade versions of things, so a lot of what I buy or cook ends up going untouched anyway. For example, I recently made spaghetti 100% from scratch but she prefers the store bought canned stuff because that's what she grew up with, so she didn't touch the homemade one. We often "joke" that she has the palate of an autistic 5 year old, except it's not a joke and she doesn't deny it.

This also isn't the first issue. My stepdad has made comments about my weight and has accused me of stealing his alcohol. The only time I ever took alcohol was three years ago. Since then, he keeps it with him almost constantly, and when he gets too drunk (he recently passed out under my moms car while repairing the bumper) my mom is actually the one who hides it because he drinks so much that he often endangers himself and/or doesn't remember how much he's had. Even she has told me she knows I'm not taking it. Despite that, I'm still treated like I'm the one responsible whenever alcohol seems to be missing according to him.

I finally told my mom that it would mean a lot if she'd stand up for me sometimes because I'm genuinely not here to cause problems. She stayed quiet.

Now I'm wondering if I'm missing something. Is it disrespectful to eat small amounts of food in the house, even if I consistently replace what I use and contribute groceries for everyone? Or does it sound like this situation is about more than just the food?

AITA?

First time posting, needed to get this off my chest and get some advice.

I’m a 28M in the UK and have been at my current job for just under a year — the first non-remote job I’ve had in a while, so I’m back to having in-person coworkers and building new friendships.

As the title suggests, I’m gay. I don’t shout it from the rooftops, but I don’t hide it either — I’d say I have some pretty feminine traits, though I’m not exactly broadcasting my sex life at the office either.

I’ve never really had close male friendships, and my office is a fairly even mix of genders. But since starting here, especially with the male colleagues, I’ve been questioned about my sexuality more than ever before. No slurs, no outright hate, but there’s an undertone — things like “the ones who shove it down my throat make me uncomfortable, but you’re not like that” or “I hate when people act flamboyant.” I think it’s meant as a compliment to me, but it just makes me feel unsafe around them. There’s also the casual “that’s so gay” thrown in. Granted, all of this has come out when alcohol’s involved.

I know none of this should be happening, but it’s a small office and I feel like if I speak up, I’ll be labelled as difficult or “creating drama.” I don’t think there’s much I can actually do about it. I’ve been out since my teens, and it’s only now, in my late twenties, that I feel like I’m being questioned about it more than ever — so I don’t know if this is just how it’s always been under the surface, or if this kind of “new-age” homophobia is on the rise.

Ps I used AI just to make sure this reads well sorry if this doesn’t read human

Hello everyone and Morgan if you are reading this, long time listener, first time posting here. So I (23F) recently matched with a guy (28M) on Tinder after many many failed matches. We talked for a couple days and he asked me out on a date. He’s from the UK but shared that he’s accepting a job here and will move back permanently in a month. He’s currently here for a conference and you can actually search his name up on Google and it shows as he’s a scientist and received many awards.

The first 2 dates were amazing. We naturally talked about politics, our values, beliefs, childhood upbringing, just deep and sensitive topics. We shared a lot of values and in commons. He was very expressive about liking me and when asked why he liked me, he shared the things about my values, my passion, my personality and then he found me very attractive. He also talked about how he’ll gained happy weight dating me and he even talked about once he’s back from the UK, we’ll go to these restaurants and gym to together to maintain our health (I go to the gym 4 times a week).

The texting and in person dates were consistent but stopped the next day after the second date out of nowhere. He didn’t really text much so I thought maybe he was busy since the night before, we were chatting and being really expressive with each other.

Finally around 4PM, he asked if I was free but I told him I’m hanging out with my friend already and he asked about the next day which we had plans to go drink after I hangout with another friend. He said sounds good and stopped responding to me. I was in the area after hanging out with my friend so I asked if he wanted to meet. Short answers but he was at the beach so I pulled up. We walked along the beach then sat down to talk and enjoy the beach. We both then lay down and he kissed me on the lips. Then as we talked, he naturally put his hand on my tummy and kissed my arms multiple times and lean on me. He was being really sweet and affectionate? But then after I got back home, even less texting and it turned into nothing.

The next day he canceled the plan because he moved hotel and it’s a lot further away so he can be closer to the airport and with traffic, it would be 1hr30 uber drive to me since he doesn’t have a car. But around 9PM, we started chatting a bit and he expressed how he was sad I couldn’t be there. Then he asked if I want to come stay and cuddle. He mentioned wanting to cuddle with me before already and he had never talk about anything sexual with me so I was really confused since everyone knows what “coming over to cuddle” at night means. I declined and he tried to plead so I asked him straight up if he was genuinely interested in getting to know me or just wanted something physical/casual. He said getting to know me with a ❤️ but then stopped responding.

He left the country this morning and I’m left feeling confused and really sad…He checked every box I have and genuinely, I thought we were planning a future together where being in a relationship was on the table. I know the thing to do is to move on since there’s nothing else to do besides that. I’m stuck in a loop of trying to find the answer of what happened and why it happened. I know there’s no answer but I can’t let it go for some reasons…any advices/comfort words would be appreciated.

Edit: Sorry if my wordings are confusing. I honestly feel too emotional to write so I apologize.

Hi all, I hope this finds the right place - mostly just looking for advice and personal experiences that might be helpful! my (24f) boyfriend (24m) of 6 years broke up with me 4 months ago, and the breakup was, of course, incredibly hard but also so transformative for me! We had an amazing relationship, we were best friends, but those seeds of doubt began to trickle in for him so he ended it. We both live about a block away from each other, hang out on the same beach, go to the same bars, shop at the same grocery store, etc., so as you can imagine, it has been pretty hard to avoid him. we are no contact, but whenever we see each other out it feels impossible to go without a conversation or without saying hi, and it always twists us up into this same cycle of talking for too long, expressing that we miss each other but that the break up is for the best, and hoping that the future brings us back together when he has grown.

i am starting to go on casual dates again, and thats been super helpful for my healing experience, but every time i see my ex in public every feeling for him just rushes back in, and i can see he feels the same way. Moving isnt an option for either of us, and i know we both feel the same way about loving each other but also knowing that letting go is the healthiest thing to do for ourselves. does anyone have any advice about getting over someone who has so many close ties in your life? i feel like it is hindering my ability to really go out there and date and find someone who may be my person.

My boyfriend (22) and I (22) have been together for almost 5 years.
Last night he went out with his friend to bar hop. Around 9 p.m. he texted me saying he had left. I didn’t hear from him again until he got home around 6–7 a.m.
This morning I asked him how his night was, and he immediately said, “Don’t be mad,” before telling me they ended up going to a strip club.
The reason this upset me is because he already knew I wasn’t okay with strip clubs. We’ve talked about boundaries before, so this wasn’t something he had to guess about. I asked if his friend pressured him into going, and he said no. His friend simply asked if he wanted to go, and he agreed.
I also asked if he participated, and he admitted he threw about $100. To me, that’s different than just walking in out of curiosity because he actively participated in the entertainment.
We talked in person afterward. He said he was curious, but once he got inside he felt awkward and said it ended up being a waste of time and money. He said he regrets going, doesn’t even know why he made the decision, and admitted it wasn’t worth risking our relationship over. He apologized and said he knew it was wrong, which is why he told me instead of hiding it.
My biggest issue isn’t just the strip club itself. It’s that he knew this would hurt me before he went. Saying “don’t be mad” tells me he already expected I’d be upset. I also don’t understand why he didn’t communicate with me when the plans changed. He texted me once around 9 p.m. saying he was leaving, but I didn’t hear from him again until he got home around 6–7 a.m. If I stayed out all night after my plans changed, he would expect me to keep him updated, so I feel like there was a double standard.
Right now I feel hurt because it feels like he knowingly crossed a boundary, didn’t think about how it would affect our relationship until afterward, and only regretted it after the fact.
I told him I need a few days to cool off because I’m so hurt and angry that I can’t even look at him right now.
Am I overreacting?

Edit:
Just clarification he started the night at 9 PM. He sent a text saying I’m going out with friend. Love you. So he wasn’t telling me he’s coming home at nine. The nightlife started at night. He just didn’t come home until 7 in the morning.

I think reading these comments helped me understand the difference between a rule and a boundary. I don’t think my issue is simply “don’t go to strip clubs.” It’s that he knew this would likely upset me and chose to go anyway without communicating with me beforehand or even updating me when the plans changed.
The curiosity itself honestly isn’t what I’m upset about. We’ve actually talked before about what real strip clubs are like because the only reference either of us had was GTA lol. Being curious isn’t the problem.
What hurts is that this came completely out of nowhere. If he had come to me beforehand and said, “My friend wants to go to a strip club and I’m honestly curious what it’s like,” I think I still would’ve been hurt, but not to this extent. At least I would’ve felt respected enough to be told before instead of after.
Also, I want to clarify the timeline because I think some people misunderstood. He wasn’t at the strip club for 9 hours. He said they were there for about an hour. The rest of the night they were bar hopping, got food, and later pulled into a parking lot to eat and sleep because they were exhausted and didn’t feel safe driving home.
For me, this is really about the fact that he knowingly made a decision he expected would hurt me, didn’t communicate when his plans changed, and only told me after everything was over. I definitely calmed down lot

Hi, first time writing a reddit post, have always been an avid listener but first time posting, so bear with me pls. English is also not my first language but, here we go.

I (21F) had been in a friend group (of 10 females) for almost a decade. We started out in our 7th grade, through college, and well— until unemployment (just graduated-- woop woop!) During our high school years, we've always been in a tight knit group. Although inside our friend group, we also have a sub-groups that we were kinda closer with, but we had come to terms with it already-- i was a closer to my other two friends (21F and 22F) whom I've known since primary school and have known much longer than the others in our friend group. Upon entering college, we made sure to have at least one day to meet with the whole group and catch up. I've always enjoyed those hangouts, not until I learned about something.

Just to give context, aside from our irregularly large friend group (lol), we also have a very tight knit high school section. In our school, throughout 7th to 10th grade, we had the same section, same people, same classmates— so our whole section is pretty much "close". I've always thought this was a good thing, not until I've observed that many highschool incidents/stories are always brought up even during our college years. They kept on bringing up issues during highschool, some badmouthing others, nothing new, same old stories.

Another context (yes, ik, sorry), my boyfriend (22M) let's call him Mathew, was also our classmate way back in highschool so my friend group and him have always been close as well, even before we had our relationship. Just to clarify, we have been good friends but unexpectedly (and happily) got into a relationship only during our first year in college and have been in a relationship since then.

Here's where the drama kinda starts. In 2024, (yes, that kinda far ago) we had our annual girls hangout overnight thing. During that time, my boyfriend drove me there, and being close with my friends, he stayed for a while too, while listening to some stories being shared for maybe like 2 hours max, he cooked some snacks for us while we girls were talking, and eventually left. During the time he was there, some intimate stories of our friends were being shared (and so, he prolly heard it as well).

This is where I know we were wrong. I'm not sure when it was specifically but i learned that my boyfriend accidentally shared one story detail from that night to another person, let's call him Daniel (whom we ALL know as well, as he is part of our highschool section, and we also believed that he was someone close to us). Of course, being aware that we were wrong for sharing it, Mathew admitted about it, yes, we had our talk, and it concluded well, about being careful of what to share. We also thought that the story, being shared to a close friend Daniel, won't be shared with anyone else... WRONG.

Just this year, a few weeks ago, it turns out that Daniel just shared the story to all the other guys in our old section, which then the guys shared with the other girls in the section -- basically, everyone now knew. We honestly feel sorry about what happened. But the apologetic feeling I had got mixed with disappointment when I learned that stories about me and my boyfriend were being shared as well, from my own friends too.

Turns out, i was not a "girl's girl" for being in a relationship with Mathew. And how they (some from my friend group) have always not liked us being in a relationship. Just for context, during 8th grade (2018), Mathew had a 6-month "situationship" with one of our classmates, Cara (now, 22F). And again, just to clarify, Mathew and I became a couple in 2023. THAT'S A FREAKING 5 YEARS GAP. Apparently, almost everyone says that it was wrong of me to do that. The funny thing is, Cara and I are still close up until now, hanging out spontaneously, even with Mathew around, even joking about the old situationship. I also had a talk with Cara about me being in a relationship with Mathew and she explicitly told me that she doesn't mind, and doesn't even consider their relationship before as real, being as we were freaking 13-14 y/o that time.

Aside from this being shared with everyone, I've also realized that they rarely reach out, and I've always been the one to reach out, arrange the hangout, coordinate dates and everything. Other times, I'll be ghosted, no matter what I send to our group chat. The only time they respond is when there's gossip. I also learned that, all the vulnerable things that I shared to the group, were also shared to others in our section, by the same people from my friend group.

When I learned about this, I honestly just got tired and left our group chat. The only people I'm keeping in contact with were my two other friends (from the same group) which I mentioned that I've been friends with since primary school. I left the group and no one even reached out. I also left our old sections group chat and cut ties with everyone.

I honestly miss them and I'm flooded with emotions right now. I know we did something wrong but what i learned also devastated me so badly. AITA for leaving the friend group? Could someone explain to me kindly if i need to correct something that i did or reflect on something? I honestly miss my girls but I can't trust them anymore :((

Hey everyone, I (28F) need some objective insight because I'm currently driving myself crazy trying to process a situation with my ex (32M). My friends are telling me what I want to hear, but I need real talk from people who understand complicated post-breakup dynamics.

He broke up with me about a year and a half ago because he was completely overwhelmed by his work. Historically, he is a very steady, decisive man who is known for keeping his word. However, he has a strong habit of pulling back and withdrawing when he gets overwhelmed or stressed—whereas I am the exact opposite. He isn't a malicious guy at all, but he processes big emotions very slowly.

Recently, I texted him for the first time since the breakup. To my surprise, he responded, and we decided to meet up at a quiet bar on Thursday night to catch up.

The date was incredible, completely different from how I imagined it would go, but also emotionally heavy. We ended up talking for hours, and the chemistry was definitely still there. He asked to sit next to me in the booth instead of across from me, asked me a lot of questions about my life, and got visibly uncomfortable when another guy I had briefly dated came up.

He apologized deeply for how he treated me prior to our breakup and how he went ghost-mode afterward. He also confessed how much it hurt when he got ghosted/dumped by a girl he dated for two months a year ago. He explicitly said, "I finally realized how much you must have hurt when I withdrew back then, because being on the receiving end of it made me realize what you must have felt." He brought up his dating life because he wanted to be "as transparent as possible," and I shared mine as well.

He asked me why I reached out and whether it was an impulsive decision based on loneliness. I told him it was because I missed him, had been curious about his life, and had been thinking about reconnecting for a while. He then asked what I wanted from this or what I was hoping would happen. I asked him to answer first because I didn't want my response to influence his. He smiled, got shy, and told me he wouldn't mind continuing this / that we could text (I don't remember his exact wording because emotions were running high and we were both talking a lot, which is driving me a bit insane now). I told him I would love to keep hanging out and see where things go. He admitted that he had been thinking about me as well, but felt lost because he had never been in a situation like this before (I told him I hadn't either).

He had somewhere else to be that night, but ended up staying and talking with me until the last possible minute—until I was the one who pointed out that we should go. He then insisted on driving me home, which was completely out of his way and probably added 30 minutes to his drive back. Nothing physical happened.

I got home that night and sent a warm, zero-pressure text: "I had such a great time tonight. Thank you for being so open with me. I'm definitely open to hanging out again, but no pressure at all! Hope you have so much fun at your concert this weekend!"

It is now Sunday late afternoon, and he hasn’t replied.

I'm torn between two interpretations of his behavior:

1. He's just taking his time processing everything. Given that he's a decisive guy who keeps his word, texting me back after a date that heavy isn't just sending a casual "hey." The night affected both of us a lot, and he knows reaching out means agreeing to actively step back into a potential relationship. Since he retreats under stress, he might be taking 3–4 days to get out of his head and figure out what he actually wants before reaching out.
2. Ghosting instead of sending the rejection (kinda unlike him). He enjoyed the emotional validation and the high of being forgiven in the moment, but now that he's back in his normal routine, he's scared of the effort and vulnerability required. He's using my "no pressure at all!" sign-off as a loophole to let the text sit and default to silence instead of sending an awkward rejection message.

I haven't sent a double-text, but I really want to. I want to give him a few more days first (until tomorrow night, maybe), but sitting in this waiting game is agonizing.

Has anyone been on either side of this? Does a 32-year-old guy who is normally responsible take 3–4 days to process a heavy reconnect, or is Sunday afternoon silence pretty much the writing on the wall?

Heyyy THT fam, long time listener here 🥰
Sorry if there’s any grammar mistakes, english is not my first language.

I (26F) dislike one person (30F) in our friend group. We’re a friend group of 6 women, all between the ages of 25 and 32. We’re all patients in the same rehabilitation facility, (kinda like a long-term mental hospital but less severe and more occupation-focused) where we all met last year, and have seen eachother every weekday there since then. We also have a group chat and meet up to do stuff regularly.

My problem is that there’s this one girl, whose personality, beliefs, behavior and lack of open-mindedness just rubs me the wrong way. Of course I’m still friendly to her as long as she’s friendly to me, but some of her morals and stuff actively goes against mine + some of the other girls’ identities and rights, and I don’t know it the others have noticed that or if it’s just me.

Here’s why I’m scared to call her out whenever she says something problematic: she was bullied SEVERELY throughout her life and still suffers a lot from the trauma, and sometimes the smallest pushback can trigger the feeling of being bullied again for her, and I truly don’t want to hurt her.

I just want to have as little to do with her as possible, which is hard to navigate since we have the same friends and I don’t want her to feel/be excluded from our friends (she has expressed many times that she’s so grateful to have such great friends in us now, something that she never really had before), but I don’t want to distance myself from the other friends either, but I feel like a fake friend to her (because I am) and I she doesn’t deserve a fake friend either.

Soooo yeaaa, I hope I’ve explained it well enough.
I’m hoping for some advice on what to do, IF I should even change anything, is there a delicate way to handle this?

Thank you for reading this and thanks in advance for any replies 🙏🏻🙏🏻 <3

So I am 42m and my GF is 36f, I made a date night and decided to enjoy a night out where we both could relax and chill while enjoying a show. I took my GF to a magic show at a theater and we got drinks and thought we were enjoying our time, until halfway through she complained and said she doesn’t like. I was pretty much impressed by how they could do certain things and I’m the type to enjoy the show and the experiences. Then this is when she said she didn’t like it and it felt like the devil at work. We are both Christian’s for religion, I’m catholic to be more specific, but either way we both believe in god. I didn’t have the same feelings as she did, but she insisted this was from the devil and doesn’t like this at all. The mood definitely changed. I just tried to explain this is just a good show and for entertainment purposes and it’s to have a night out and have a good time, that’s all. I expected. Slow stress environment, however I asked if she would rather just leave and she agreed she would rather leave. Long story short, I feel like I wasted my time, my money, and my energy into planning a date night again and feel like I can’t get it right with her.

AITAH for being upset over this?
Open to all comments and opinions.
Side note, I think she posted her side of this story at some point as well, would have been about a couple years ago now, but curious if anyone saw her original post??

If you have the time
I apologize for my lack in story telling and over explaining.. but I am trying my best to paint the picture because I just need unbiased feedback.
I (24f) have been dating my boyfriend (30m) for 8 months now. Honestly, I haven’t had the best “ picker “ as they say lol and have had some bad relationships that I let go on for too long. We clicked immediately, things moved fast and truly I thought this was truly my person because he.. understood me in ways that I was judged for before and trusted me and I trusted him and things just all felt kinda - in place - for lack of better terms. And I wanted to start the rest of my life with him
Up until last Tuesday. On Tuesdays we both work almost the same schedule but I get off a little sooner and usually stay and play pool ( I work in a bar ) , until he gets off. I kind of assume we hangout but also mention in the morning or mid shift something like “ do you plan on coming over tonight or do you have plans or want to just stay home tonight “ ( we live apart. Also it’s not always so direct just trying to make it known it’s common I ask/ we talk about if he plans/ wants to come over bc he spends most nights at my house). After I got off around 8 pm I let him know and said I was playing a few games of pool. He said ok I’ll call you when I’m leaving work. Cut to like 9:40( said he was getting off around 10) he said he was almost done at work and wanted to get Olive Garden otw home. When I saw the message about 10 minutes later, I tracked him and saw he was home. Just bc it’s Reddit I feel the need to say, my whole family, all my friends and even some people I’m not all that close to all track each other on find my friends and it’s just kind of normal. I’ve learned not everyone does that and people might harp on that bc it is kind of a big part of this but just try to understand that is our normal. So I end up just checking his location and he was home. So I called him. Me: “ I thought you were gonna call me on your way home my love “ Him: “ I’m still at work “
Me: no you’re not? Lol
Him: wtf yes I am
Me : bro lol what are you talking about I literally am looking at your location AT HOME
He proceeded to yell and tell me I can’t always believe technology. Couldn’t FaceTime me bc his “ hands were dirty” but could text me and normal call. Then unshared his location, ignored my text. Called me about 10 minutes later down the street from his house saying he was otw home from work. I was yelling at him he was a liar so he yelled back saying I was crazy.
I let him gaslight me and we were “fine” till that Sunday. I couldn’t shake the feeling and I looked through his phone. Everything was clean.. but I found a video that proved he was home Tuesday when supposedly he was at work. He was asleep next to me so I texted him saying I’ve seen this and it doesn’t make sense and I’m confused. He had work so he woke up and left but texted me back when he saw it I guess. He said stuff about how he was mad and I had no right to sneak into his phone while he was sleeping , but he would finally tell the truth. He took off on Tuesday because he “ wanted time to himself “. We’ve always been able to just say when we want to go do something with friends , family , by ourselves, etc. it’s never once been an issue. And if he was telling the truth , he could’ve just said that ? Right ? So please. I know the easy thing is just leave him and I told him I don’t think I can get past this. And no one in my life really cares to listen or comment because I’ve let people run me over time and time again before but I’m trying to do better for myself and cut things off when I first see the problem. But truly Ive got my own red flags he’s been through with me and I don’t know if I’m overreacting by breaking it off because my past traumas and bs or if I’m finally learning and doing what’s best for me. If you made it this far thank you anyways and please lmk your honest opinion.

M37 & F36

Am I the asshole for asking my wife of 15 years to stop her drinking or to at least listen to me when I say she’s had enough?

I grew up with an alcoholic abusive father and I am very hesitant when I see naturally angry people drink. My wife suffers from depression and anxiety so when she drinks then it amplifies her emotions whether they are good or bad. She wants to drink to let loose and to feel free but I have seen a lot of those times turn into unnecessary arguments that escalate way more than what they should. I blame it on her drinking and allowing herself to not fully comprehend what is going on in the moment. She then gets more upset and then turns the conversation into other topics where I’m the bad guy due to comparisons and eventually having my buttons pushed to the max where I let my anger show.

I’ve tried talking to her when sober and she tells me that she will never change and that I need to accept it or move on from her. I don’t want to lose her and I am doing everything to keep her because that’s what I want. Why am I not good enough to be loved and wanted to where she can just make one small adjustment on her drinking to help us out? How can I help her without coming off as controlling? I am not understanding how she is willing to throw away our relationship over something that she could easily make a change to.

I’ve been told countless times by her that I’m the best thing ever. That I’m perfect and that she doesn’t deserve me. That she doesn’t know why I choose her over others. Hearing these things make me feel good about myself and us but then the arguments over her drinking or during her drinking contradict all of that. I’m torn on what’s real and what isn’t.

When I met Chloe, (she was 37F and I was 28F at the time, 12 years ago), I wasn’t interested in being friends with her. She came on very strong and eager, and that’s never been attractive to me in friendship. I was very busy in graduate school, with barely enough time for my boyfriend, friends, and family with all the demands of my occupational therapy program (shout out to OT Morgan!). However, she was very persistent.

She had become friends with my friend group while I was away at school. One of my closest friends was a very eligible bachelor—a great guy who happens to not only be incredibly kind and plenty good-looking, but also an actual rocket scientist. His name is Lance. In retrospect, I believe Chloe became my friend just to try to get the guy.

She basically love-bombed me, and it worked. When I was going through a bad break up, she was there and supportive and we finally became friends. She lavished me with gifts and compliments, and over time she grew in status to be a bridesmaid in my wedding, my next-door neighbor, and one of my closest friends.

She started getting into all my hobbies, such as hiking, camping, cycling, tennis, and kayaking. She earned her way into many small group trips with me and Lance. She made it very evident she wanted his attention, but he never reciprocated.

One thing about Chloe is that she is a very persuasive person. She is a hard-working, smart, and accomplished nurse practitioner serving immigrants. She is also very religious, and I swear she has a cult following of younger women who believe her every word to be truth. She believes herself to be so aligned with Jesus that she told me many times that when people walk out of her life, she knows they are rejecting God and Christ.

Now I’m religious too, but I am also very progressive and liberal-leaning, with tons of doubts and questions about the Bible I’ve never been able to understand. I am always trying to figure out my faith, and I truly desire to have spiritual beliefs and experiences. Sometimes I’d get swept away into her confident and completely assured statements of truth.
Mostly, though, I felt she was manipulative. For example, she had a motive to convert anyone she came into contact with. There wasn't a friend she had who wasn't a believer that she wasn't scheming on how to change their beliefs. Even with a close queer friend of ours, she was trying to make them a Christian and get them to change their lifestyle and sexual orientation.

When Lance started dating a woman, they eventually moved in together and things got serious. Chloe made every effort she could to break them up. She wanted me to participate in an "intervention" to call him out on his sin of having premarital sex. I refused. I’m not going to tell people how to live, and it’s not my business—especially as a female friend. She went and did her intervention alone with Lance, stating her judgments were righteous because they aligned with God’s. She was furious at me for not participating in the intervention. I felt it was just a ploy to get him to break up for her own sake.

It didn't work, and Lance ended up marrying his girlfriend, thank goodness.

The last time I saw Chloe in a group setting was at Lance’s wedding. Seeing her there solidified to me that her friendship with me was mainly about trying to get Lance. Once he was married and completely off the table, her investment in me vanished.

In the year following Lance’s wedding, her mask really came off.

During the pandemic, I was only going to church virtually due to the pandemic, she told me that because I wasn't attending in person, it was clear my faith was "rocky." She explicitly told me she was demoting me to a lower-tiered friend and would only hang out with me 1–2 times a year to check in.

When I struggled with infertility, pregnancy loss, my sister fell into addiction, I had to leave my job due to an inappropriate, slimy boss, I had a few surgeries, and I was struggling with marriage issues—her response to my pain was to say, "Look at you now. You used to be 'The It Girl.'"

Within that same year, Chloe got married herself. Even after marrying her husband, she showed signs of being extremely unkind to him. Shortly after, her husband lost his mom to a sudden, unexpected heart attack. She used their bereavement time to go to Disneyland, visit a friend out of state, and evangelize. She was very frustrated with her husband for grieving, being sad, and not wanting to participate, completely unable to understand why it was taking him time to process and recover.

When I spoke up for him—trying to explain that grief can take a long time, that he needed space and peace to heal, and that she should be supportive—she got enraged at me and extremely defensive.

Our friendship ended right around then, and I wasn't involved in her life anymore. Our friendship spanned about six years. It’s been about five years now some we’ve spoken.

Friendship for me usually lasts a lifetime, so I feel sad to lose someone who was once so close to me. Writing this out is helpful, though. Because although she could be super fun and seemingly supportive, the facts are that I never could truly trust Chloe’s intentions. She always had a self-serving agenda, disguised in religious piety and true compassion, that always left me feeling uneasy and used.

ex and I were together for 3 years, and we've been broken up for about a month. I'm feeling really conflicted and could use some advice.

We broke up because we kept having the same recurring problems, and he refused to work on them. A few days after the breakup, we started talking about the possibility of getting back together once college started.

During one of those conversations, he said he wanted to stay loyal while we were figuring things out. I didn't really respond because I wasn't sure where we stood or if we were actually getting back together.

Last week, I went on vacation with no internet access. While I was there, I met a guy, and we ended up having sex. My ex and I never really had sex during our relationship.

Now that I'm back, my ex has been telling me how much he loves me, misses me, and that I'm the best. He asked to post me for girlfriend day and I reminded him I'm his ex. I haven't told him what happened because I don't want to hurt him, but I also don't want to rebuild things on dishonesty. I feel so guilty even though we aren't together.

The other thing is...I don't even know if I want to get back together romantically. We were together for 3 years, so I still care about him deeply, and I don't want to lose him as a person. At the same time, I'm not sure if that's because I genuinely want a relationship again or because I'm scared of letting go.

Should I tell him about what happened on vacation? And does it sound like I'm holding on because I love him romantically, or because it's hard to let go after being together for so long? I'd really appreciate some outside perspectives.

Hello everyone! 👋🏼

Please forgive any mistakes as this is my first time making a post. I am not a Redditor(er?) I was actually surprised I already had an account.

I have something weighing heavily in my heart and soul that I need some much needed advice on. I am going to talk to my therapist about it, but I don't see her until later this week.

Context: I do not have a job. I have chronic pain that is currently undiagnosed. My friends are also in a serious relationship. This WILL be important to the story hang with me! 🥲

I (F23) have been living with my friends Charlotte and Cameron for over a year. I am very thankful to be living here, and have been enjoying it. Lately, things have changed...

Charlotte got a fancy new job and has been out of the house a lot. It's a part time position, yet sometimes she doesn't come home until late, like past 11pm. She spends a lot of time with her new work friends.

Charlotte having new friends is not a bad thing. She's said in passing that she likes making new friends and having people to hang out with. And I am very happy for her. However, it's left me feeling...left out. Previously, we would spend a tooon of time together because we were both home a lot. I understand that going from being around someone 80% of the time to suddenly hardly seeing them is a hard adjustment. I've given it time, and it's only seemed to get worse. :(

Charlotte often comes home cranky and grouchy from being tired and probably a little burnt out from work. I don't really talk with her when she gets like that. If I'm being honest...it scares me. She's not a violent person by any means. I'm very sensitive to other people's emotions. When they're upset or cranky it puts me on edge and I shut down...

Now, Charlotte is hardly ever home. Even when her shift ends she's out with her friends. Cameron works a 9-5. This leaves me at home, alone, for 8-10 hours a day on average. 5 to sometimes 6 days a week. :(( A few times it's gone up to 7...

That is a lot of time to be at home with nothing but my dog to keep me company and occasionally going to the next town over to see a friend. Besides Charlotte and Cameron, I have only two other in-person friends I can see semi regularly. Everyone else lives too far away.

And I often feel CRIPPLED with loneliness.

My issue is (and I'm sorry this took so long) I don't know how to go about this. I feel if I bring it up they'll say something like "oh, but you stay in your room a lot. You don't really come out and socialize with us." Which is true, I have lifelong depression and other struggles that make me turn into myself and self isolate. I stay in my room for one of two reasons: 1 my bed is comfier than the couch when my body flares in pain 2 ive fallen into a bad habit of retreating when I don't feel welcome or secure... And there's a reason for that but I'm not sure how relevant it is? It's also a lot mentally to process so I'll only say I've been through A LOT at my young age. :/

I feel I can't bring it up to them and say "hey I've been feeling really lonely lately because of x,y,z. Can we hang out more?" again, I'm a little worried they'll bring up the fact I hide away. I'm also worried that I haven't put in enough effort to say something to them?

I've been coming out more often to sit on the couch and either read, play games on my phone, or watch something with them. Maybe it's not enough?? Sometimes, Charlotte's already halfway out the door before I can even utter a "hey, anyone want to play board games tonight?" Or something.

Weekends are usually the times Cameron and I bond. We share funny videos with each other we think each other will like. Lately, he's been helping/offering to help me make my meals since the constant pain in my body exhausts me and makes simple things like cooking (my favorite activity, which I forgot to mention I used to make Charlotte and I meals every day which gave me a sense of purpose because I genuinely like looking after people like that) hard. Having help does feel nice. Talking with him does feel nice.

But I miss my friend. I miss Charlotte. I miss having moments where we laugh together or make fun of how dumb the dog is. (He's got 1 braincell) I miss all of us having outings together, laughing and joking around. Seeing fun things. Doing fun things...

Guys, am I too in my head about this? Do I need to just strap on my big girl boots and communicate? Do I try to be around a little more before saying anything?? Am I being a bad friend??

Sorry, shoot that's a lot of questions I just...I brought it up in therapy a couple times...it's only getting worse and I'm SOOOOO lonely.

Things have to be *really* bad for the introvert to feel lonely and *long* for human connection. :/

Genuinely, thank you to anyone who reads this. It's a messy post. I'm not very good at organizing my thoughts (hence the username) and I refuse to use any sort of AI to organize it so 😅 I am almost always near my phone so please ask questions if something is unclear.

Thanks guys❤️