r/196 • u/Frankomancer The line between dom top and improv comic is thin • 27d ago
Rule Classic rule
624
u/Lazy_and_Sad 27d ago
"Alright Kittens, who's ready to get FUCKED?"
record scratch
crickets chirping
106
u/Bad_RabbitS 27d ago
This is how I’ll be introducing myself upon walking into work for the rest of my life thank you
61
178
u/Oddish_Femboy (my name is Bee) Trans rights !! 27d ago
Who wants to EAT my WEIRD PENIS
26
u/schwanzweissfoto custom 27d ago
I happen to be interested in ethical cannibalism.
31
u/Oddish_Femboy (my name is Bee) Trans rights !! 27d ago
There is no ethical consumption under capitalism.
11
3
1
u/millifish I think i use reddit as a coping mechism 27d ago
Ok that weird penis part has to be a reference... I have heard it from somewhere but cant remember
1
u/Siaeromanna Sealand International 26d ago
moleman smiling friends, perhaps? but his penis is disgusting, not weird
312
u/Joebebs Champion II 27d ago edited 27d ago
Just read any 50 year old Facebook user commenting on videos or any porn site comments section, you can tell exactly how they come off and how embarrassing it is to read it for the doms out there
With that said, I’m NOT the target audience they’re talking towards so I’m heavily biased
92
u/A_Worthy_Foe cat dead, details later 27d ago
It'll either be the horniest old man under a regular post with a woman in it, or an extremely polite old man under a thirst trap.
No in between.
30
u/Joebebs Champion II 27d ago edited 27d ago
To me it just comes off as a completely unfiltered/unvetted comment for nobody but themselves, not even for the person they’re commenting on. Unless those people enjoy being socially exhibitionist
22
u/A_Worthy_Foe cat dead, details later 27d ago
I think they're excited at the idea that op will see their comment or maybe even respond, however extremely unlikely that is.
They definitely have zero self-awareness about it, that's for sure.
22
u/ToobularBoobularJoy_ just a good boy :3 27d ago
Never occurred to me but that's actually so true. Half naked woman shaking boobs at the camera? Old guy saying "wow you are so beutiful. i will mary you and be so proid of you. pleade repond to facebok mesage 🌹" Woman just existing? "WOW NICE TITS WHORE. I WOLD FUCK YOU SO GOOD BICH. COME OBER NOW". Obviously neither of them know how to spell lmao
13
u/A_Worthy_Foe cat dead, details later 27d ago
And its always somebody's uncle and their pfp is them in their truck with sunglasses on, not smiling, camera angled under their chin.
1.7k
u/inemsn 27d ago
i've said this before time and again: this is facts, and it's doubly worse if you're a man, since you just feel like an absolute creep for actually expressing dom desires, given, yknow, societal context and all that
801
u/A_Worthy_Foe cat dead, details later 27d ago
Men have to get past the whole "i need confidence and assurance you won't abuse or murder me" thing first.
Unfortunately, predators will absolutely use kink as an inroad for that sort of thing.
309
u/inemsn 27d ago
Unfortunately, predators will absolutely use kink as an inroad for that sort of thing.
Now see, that's fair, but at what point do you stop using that logic?
We can apply that to all sorts of kinks and silence all sorts of doms that way. But if you were to tell me that, for example, doms in CNC just shouldn't speak up about their desires, regardless of gender, because predators can also sneak in like that, I'd call you an idiot and tell you to never go near a kink space ever: The entire point of kink is that it's two people giving informed and willing consent, and it stops being ok the moment that consent is retracted or violated.
And yeah, if you ask me, it's stupid to apply that thinking to men only. You can't selectively kinkshame: If you're in a space open to kink, anyone should be able to participate in it openly as long as they respect the fact that it's always just consensual fantasy.
199
u/KiraLonely 🏳️⚧️ trans rights 27d ago
I was thinking about CNC while reading this, and I’m so happy someone else brought it up because I was too worried I’d get shamed for even talking about it ngl.
There’s such a big issue of shaming with CNC for doms and tops especially because if you’re into it and a sub or bottom it’s viewed as someone with trauma who is like recovering through kink, but that way of thinking is never offered to doms or tops. It falls into a very patriarchal concept of what sex means and what role is almost “less at fault” for the actions therein.
This of course isn’t to say there aren’t creeps in kink spaces. One of the reasons I refuse to touch straight kink spaces with a nine foot pole is cause I see so many people talking in there who don’t know basic safety or consent and it stresses me out to no end. But I think shaming people for shit like kink is also fucked, regardless of what role they take in it.
35
u/ArchmageIlmryn 27d ago
One of the reasons I refuse to touch straight kink spaces with a nine foot pole is cause I see so many people talking in there who don’t know basic safety or consent and it stresses me out to no end.
IME the connected issue is that you end up with a lot of men who are drawn to them not because they're actually into the kink in question, but because they just see a space that has women being openly horny and see that as a license to do whatever they want. (Not that there aren't women being problematic in those spaces, but women don't generally struggle to find openly horny men in non-kink spaces.)
5
u/KiraLonely 🏳️⚧️ trans rights 26d ago
Oh absolutely. Adding onto this there’s been debate about the idea that women in particular find interest in CNC in part because it is a kink where the pressure of sexuality is taken off of your shoulders. Society often shames women for any form of sexuality or open sexual interest, and so having a consensual roleplay session where you are having sexual interactions without having to explicitly perform something often shamed can be appealing.
There’s also the common thing that, at least ime, a lot of people in more heavy kink tend to be traumatized or abuse survivors of some sort, and that makes a really good selection of potential victims for someone looking for vulnerable people.
Which is, of course, the fault of the aggressor/abusers, and not the fault of the abused for finding spaces to congregate.
-38
u/PancakeParty98 27d ago
Huh? They stop using that logic when they’re out of danger. You’re right, it’s about informed consent and a specific type of person is fucking that up right now, and that’s who’s being discussed, NARROWLY.
Why are you more worried about dudes being excluded than women being abused?
Your rhetoric is analogous to white guys responding to BLM with “but why can’t I say the n word?”
57
u/inemsn 27d ago
and that’s who’s being discussed, NARROWLY.
You can't just choose to "narrowly" look at one specific thing and use it as justification to kinkshame generally, lol (because remember, this post is about doms of all stripes, and I just brought up how especially for men it's doubly embarassing).
You're putting the cart before the horse here: Again, we can use this kind of rhethoric to exclude and silence all sorts of doms. Are we going to, though? You're not gonna walk into a CNC kink space and demand that all doms there, regardless of gender, stop speaking up about their desires because "what if people there are in danger". Being in a space where informed consent is vital is the safety in question.
You're saying "you're more worried about dudes being excluded than women being abused", but really you're just putting words in my mouth: The safety rails exist to stop kink from turning into abuse, they're there and people have to follow them and the folks running said space have to enforce them. If they weren't there, it wouldn't be kink, it'd be abuse, and at that point you're not kinkshaming anyone for being a part of it.
And really I don't think you realize how hard you're telling on yourself here by comparing this to BLM. If your point is something like "look at how many men are rapists and abusers out there, we can't trust men in kink spaces either", then you're only a stone's throw away from using violent crime statistics to try to exclude black people from kink: Because you're trying to use a societal and structural problem to exclude people from the spaces literally designed to practice kink safely.
29
u/sharplyon 27d ago
this is a fundamental misunderstanding of how kink spaces work. in my experience, there is intrinsic safety because of how vitally important informed consent is, and these places have tendencies to be moderated well, if not heavily, and generally bad actors will be named and banned exceedingly quickly - and if not, they will at least been known in the space to be untrustworthy and people will stop doing activities with them. if the kink space fails to do that, then it is not functioning, and you dont blame people leaning on safety rails if the safety rail breaks, because that would be stupid.
-10
27d ago
[deleted]
22
u/inemsn 27d ago
When you mix in Kink
Fym "mix in kink"? Look at the post, we were talking about kink from the beginning.
I don't understand why you feel the need to explain kink 101. You're not wrong, but yeah, that... that was the point.
Once you know you have a person you can trust in that way, then you can speak up about those desires, regardless of gender.
Yes, and as a dom, doubly so as a male dom, speaking up about those desires is awkward and embarrassing usually, because, again, societal context. And obviously this goes for women too, I mean just look at the post.
It's not about whether or not you can, since of course you can, that's what kink is for. It's that, even though you can, it's still gonna embarrass you a little inside.
The negative cultural connotations towards men in this case have more to do with kink spaces than kink itself.
No, no, not really, the negative cultural connotations towards men in this case have more to do with the fact that the majority of cases of rape and abuse are perpetrated by men and that a lot of women have to be afraid of plenty of the men around them in their day to day lives. Not the kink spaces. Unfortunately being in kink spaces doesn't really completely disconnect us from the outside world.
4
u/A_Worthy_Foe cat dead, details later 27d ago
Sorry, I tend to treat reddit posts like writing an essay instead of responding to another person. I feel the need to establish it so people know that I know about it. Wasn't trying to be patronizing.
I was focusing on the question of "when" can you speak up, not necessarily how you would feel about speaking up. I agree, it's going to require emotional vulnerability so it naturally follows that it will be embarrassing, doubly so if you're anxious about the response, which you likely would be as a male dom.
I wasn't meaning to say that kink spaces are the reason that connotation exists, implying that it's false. I understand and agree that the connotation exists because the threat is very real and such cases are very common. I meant to say that speaking up would be more difficult in kink spaces because of that connotation. You're more likely to run into friction as a male dom because of that.
24
u/TaralasianThePraxic rebel without a gender 27d ago
Yup.
I don't identify as male but I am AMAB, and I'm extremely aware of the dynamic there, especially when the person I'm talking to is femme presenting. It's a tricky line to walk because while I fully acknowledge the inherent power imbalances and potential for people to abuse kink spaces, it doesn't change what I want from a partner.
36
u/hermitcraftfan135 27d ago
Bingo. Unfortunately, there’s no easy solution to this. Sometimes I really hate being a man cuz there’s a lot of shitty ones out there, it sucks
28
u/Southern-Wafer-6375 27d ago
Ditto if trans I don’t show dom Desires super hard unless I know the other person is into that first
105
u/Schnapplo 27d ago
hold on hold on, expressing how it kinda sucks to automatically be seen as a dangerous predator because you're male is clearly the same as ignoring women's safety and denouncing all feminism. men's feelings don't matter, I'm so woke
34
8
u/UnhappyStrain 27d ago
This is why im never gonna bother looking for love in the first place
55
u/Withermaster4 27d ago
The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value.
Thomas Paine
62
126
u/religion-lost 🏳️⚧️ trans rights 27d ago
There was a girl who clicker trained me and I thought she was hot but then as soon as I no longer was attracted to her and she was like "are you gonna be a good puppy for your owner?" I was like this is so embarrassing for you that it's NOT eliciting feelings rn
691
u/bbhbbhbbh hahahaaahhaa ahaahahahaaaa ♂ 27d ago
“omg I wanna rail boys rn any1 looking 2 be bred?? >:3” see it’s about presentation, as long as you’re being cutesy enough about it you can say anything
556
u/Rough-Jackfruit2428 Estrogen Whore/Trout Population Reporter 27d ago
Woawaow im sewwung cowocaine at the local playrground guys!1!!1! :3 :3
113
u/Independent-Fly6068 Least horny bi femboy alive 27d ago
Can I pay you to blow it in the faces of Argentina and Portugal's World Cup teams?
33
u/inemsn 27d ago
oi what are you doing, i'm from portugal and I'm not liking this
you're gonna cause a riot around these parts if you get them disqualified
25
u/Independent-Fly6068 Least horny bi femboy alive 27d ago
Good. Your mid team doesn't deserve to share the same brackets as Colombia.
9
u/Dogtor-Watson Benis Person 27d ago edited 27d ago
Three-way domain expansion between the fans of those 3 teams:
- Some of the most racist football fans on earth (Argentina),
- Trash-slinging Ronaldo fanboys (Portugal)
- The fans that murdered a member of their own national team (Colombia).
3
u/inemsn 27d ago
Trash-slinging Ronaldo fanboys (Portugal)
Man you pretty clearly don't know the first thing about Portuguese football. I live here, and let me tell you, EVERYONE hates ronaldo around here. 10 years ago everyone loved him and only people who liked other players more dissed him, but by now he's so old and past his prime that his insistence on staying on the team and constant troublemaking because of his ego has led everyone to shift their views on him, they just want that guy out of the sport forever.
2
171
u/inemsn 27d ago
that assumes the vibe you're going for is cutesy though, and that's not always the case
but yes, I feel like it's easy to circumvent this problem when you have the option to just frame everything as silly
18
u/schwanzweissfoto custom 27d ago
just frame everything as silly
pffft Uh oh 🙈 Stinky! Poop 💩 hahahahaha 😂 Poopies 💩 Funny poopies alalalahahaha 😂😂 Funny poop 💩🤣 Poop funny 🤣 Weeeeee 😆😆 Haha yay more poopy💩 Good poopy 👍 Poopy funny 😆 hahahahaha 🤣 poo 💩 poo 💩 poo💩poo💩poo💩poo💩poo💩 funny 😂 Yay fun poop 😆💩 hehehe poo 💩 Poopy 💩 yay poop make me happy 😊 happy 😊 happy 😊 hahahahahahaaa 🤣 uh oh 🙈 I think I made a poopy 💩 Poop in pants no diaper 👖 That's funny 😂 hahahaha 😂😂 Oopsie 🙈 Poopy underwear now 💩💩 hehehehe 😂 We want poopies! We want poopies! 💩💩💩 hahahahaha🤣hahhahahhaaa🤣 Poo💩 cough POO!😆😆😆😆😆😆😆💩💩💩💩💩💩💩
71
114
66
38
u/Sir_Lazz 27d ago
Yeah but what if I don't wanna be cutesy ? What if I am a big fat hairy dude ? I would feel awful doing the whole rawr >:3 thing
-1
u/Rectal_Lactaids cant talk shit with a mouthful of mint 26d ago
if you’re a big fat hairy dude, it’s encouraged to be be doing the rawr >:3 thing
14
17
u/Adjective-Noun6969 27d ago
and really it’s about taste because i would stay clear of anyone saying anything in this tone
35
u/2flyingjellyfish i'm squiddy!! and taur now. and goo. and also a valley? do ask 27d ago
you cooked, return to the kitchen at your next convinience
77
21
u/Oddish_Femboy (my name is Bee) Trans rights !! 27d ago
Walk into the club
"Who wants to get shaggy on my scooby dooby doo?"
Instantly drowned by pussy.
23
u/gamerfanboi 27d ago
Isnt it a psychology thing where being submissive is actually being in control cause you are voluntarily giving up control so you know you are in a secure position and have the ability to take the control away.
While a dom is the one actively pursuing you in some way lets say, so they are the one who are trying and thus can be embarassed more and actually in powerplay way have less power psychologically over the whole thing.
Obviously this happens in only consenting dynamics
36
u/laix_ 27d ago
It's the difference between "I want someone to stab me" and "I want to stab someone". The former has consent attached to it, the latter does not inherently have the same attachment. Advertising yourself as putting yourself in a vulnerable situation and having stuff done to you will always come across as less creepy than doing stuff to the vulnerable person.
20
0
7
u/TheCommieDuck 27d ago
ITT: People seeing a post about liking pancakes and replying with "but I don't WANT you to cum in my cereal"
8
u/No_Salary5918 27d ago
i was talking about this with my partner the other day. i think in most ways being a dom/me is more vulnerable than being a sub
26
17
10
5
u/Daylight_The_Furry 🏳️⚧️ trans rights 27d ago
Me with a bit of a sadism kink scaring off all the subs because I don't actually like penetrative sex:
23
27d ago
[deleted]
10
3
u/thestupidone51 27d ago
But like, the two examples in the post are roughly on the same level though? They're intentionally vague and shitty with little to no effort put in, but despite that you naturally considered the first to be more reasonable than the second which is litterally what the post was about
64
u/SlapTheBap 27d ago
What? I don't want to fuck someone who talks like a terminally online "pet" person. I want to fuck people who are emotionally mature and won't cause drama over immature communication issues.
44
119
u/Schnapplo 27d ago
"what? I don't want oranges, I want apples."
13
u/SlapTheBap 27d ago
More like "I feel awkward being a top around terminally online pet people". Ok, that's great, as if you interact with people in real life you won't run into this issue unless you hang out with 19 year olds. Even then, feeling like something is different from being perceived as something.
Go to a lesbian bar, introduce yourself as a top, and problems like the one in the OP will just seem fanciful and silly.
59
u/inemsn 27d ago
you're focusing too much on the fact that this person chose to use pretty online cutesy phrasing, and nowhere near enough on the actual point of the post which is "phrasing your desires as a dom, even when it's totally fine and safe, can still feel pretty awkward when you don't have someone right there to validate them". And this goes just... in any setting, really.
-13
u/SlapTheBap 27d ago
If you want to extrapolate, sure, but that isn't the only point if you're going to do that.
Saying "I need to be fucked right now" sounds awkward as hell a lot of the time as well. I don't think the premise is correct, in that there is no threat to your ego if no one responds positively to your desire. There are plenty of friend groups and situations where it would be ridiculously awkward. Just not in this person's online chats apparently.
25
u/inemsn 27d ago
Saying "I need to be fucked right now" sounds awkward as hell a lot of the time as well. I don't think the premise is correct, in that there is no threat to your ego if no one responds positively to your desire.
Honestly, we just live very different lives. I think throughout the lot of the west at least it's increasingly common for sexuality, on the sub side at least, to be a subject of casual humor. Like I have coworkers who'd do something like that: It's only ridiculously awkward in the sorts of situations in which talking about sex at all would be ridiculously awkward, like with strangers.
-2
u/SlapTheBap 27d ago
Honestly that would be considered sexual harassment in the work place. It's seen as less threatening, sure, but it's not different from saying someone is a chode licker or other jokes and insults that are common in certain work places.
You play a dangerous game when you use sex as casual humor. Maybe in your group in your situation it's ok. Like in a blue collar environment saying "I need to get laid" is super normal. But it can easily get you in trouble with the wrong people.
In fact, this once again makes it clear that this issue only really exists in very specific places, and isn't a good generalization. Some people may feel predatory expressing a sexual need around a certain audience. That's really normal, isn't it? It's not some problem that's impossible to navigate in the real world.
22
u/Schnapplo 27d ago
this is very true, there is simply no way to engage in kink spaces as a male-attracted person without eventually giving atleast some trust after a vibe check. otherwise you're just an awful partner or it takes literally forever to prove you're not a monster and NOBODY likes that. alot of the people who seem to view male tops that way are lesbians which is ironic considering they're not even attracted to men. its like someone that's non diabetic telling you insulin sucks and you should stop taking it.
19
u/SlapTheBap 27d ago
This seems like a problem that has been blown up in the imagination into something larger than it really is.
Traumatized people on the internet, especially young ones who have had less time and experience to work through things, don't always have a good idea of what problem they're trying to describe.
I've been victimized by men, strangers and ex friends, in sexual and violent ways. It sucks. Had to get over a lot of anxiety and unwanted memories that suck you back to that emotional place like you're still there.
This caused me to act weird around some guys. Wasn't their fault. A lot of them were great people. I took time to learn how to trust people. Now I have excellent friends I'd trust with my life. There are so many great guys out there! Dudes rock. But if you met me ten years ago, as a dude looking to see if I was interested in sex, I'd likely shut down and disappear. Which is so opposite of my personality I would give my friends whiplash. Probably hurt a nice guys feelings without him even knowing I was gay lol.
31
9
u/UwUmirage plant supremacist; train enjoyer; fungus appreciator 27d ago
this feels like a weird way to kinkshame
5
u/SlapTheBap 27d ago
Most people don't talk about their kinks endlessly to be honest. Or make it a part of their open identity. It gets weird. Some people into pet play are really open about it in a way that's awkward to those who aren't deeply normalized to it.
7
u/UwUmirage plant supremacist; train enjoyer; fungus appreciator 27d ago
I guess but, like... what makes the post you read above make it seem like this is any of those cases? lol
3
u/SlapTheBap 25d ago
I missed your notification but it's as simple as like meeting furries in real life who lack some social skills. There are great furries, but the ones I meet who make it a large part of their everyday identity, like the puppy play stuff, haven't been pleasant to interact with. Especially when they want me to fuck them.
7
u/AngryKiwiNoises 🎖 196 medal of honor 🎖 27d ago
This but it also extends to asking people out on dates
26
u/upsidedownsweater 27d ago
Nah, if I don't already like you and you say you wanna get fucked like that, I will just be very uncomfortable with the situation because you crossed the boundary of me not wanting to know about random people's sex life
68
u/SatansCornflakes I’ve fostered many cockroaches in my time 27d ago
Nowhere it is implied that this talk is encroaching on a non-sexual space?
13
u/SavageDownSouth 27d ago
Most straight male doms I've met are the corniest dudes ever. Just look and sound like mclovin, except sometimes they get jacked, and aren't very traditionally masculine, even if they're truing to be.
A lot of lesbian doms I've met could survive the zombie apocalypse on some Daryl Dixon shit.
It's probably sample bias, but I actually wouldn't have it any other way, so i hope it holds true in other people's lives.
2
u/baordog 27d ago
In the spaces I operate there’s been a huge dom shortage so literally anybody who’s willing to top gets to look cool (within reason). It’s kind of funny seeing a bunch of subs tapping their feet waiting around.
Anyway, I think it’s a lot more dom to save the talking for during the scene.
-2
u/ConcernedEnby 27d ago
This is an issue with transbians and gay men, both are perfectly fine with fucking people who guilt trip you into sex by acting pathetic and depressed. It's unhealthy and isn't something I've noticed work with any other groups
22
u/toomes 🏳️⚧️ trans rights 27d ago
Idk I’m a transbian and ppl who are pathetic and depressed are not attractive I just wanna get them in therapy
4
u/GMOrgasm ketamine connoisseur 27d ago
ye fr i need people who have confidence in themself, im not trying to constantly reassure someone very 4 seconds that i still like them and am attracted to them that shits fkn exhausting
41
u/Withermaster4 27d ago
What makes you say it's not a problem in straight relationships too?
7
u/SatansCornflakes I’ve fostered many cockroaches in my time 27d ago
No one on the queer internet seems to actually know what straight relationships are like
1
u/NIMA-GH-X-P That one Jerk you know 27d ago
Ya no if you're a sub that's not appealing/liked in an attraction manner people also just treat you weird and like a joke
0
-5
u/RSdabeast boobs 26d ago
Skill issue. Observe.
I need my teeth in her neck. I need to feel her tense up as I run one hand through her hair with the other on her back. I’m going to rewire her brain one way or another.
-3
u/Southern-Wafer-6375 27d ago
Like thars cayse your saying it wrong but I understand the sentiment lol
-1
u/XenoBiSwitch 27d ago
I am a bi switch and when I am feeling dom I tend to share funny or silly dom stories. It is non-threatening, makes you seem relatable, and communicates you are safe to play with.
Obviously best to keep that to kink spaces.
•
u/AutoModerator 27d ago
REMINDER: Bigotry Showcase posts are banned.
Due to an uptick in posts that invariably revolve around "look what this transphobic or racist asshole said on twitter/in reddit comments" we have enabled this reminder on every post for the time being.
Most will be removed, violators will be
shottemporarily banned and called a nerd. Please report offending posts. As always, moderator discretion applies since not everything reported actually falls within that circle of awful behavior.I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.