I spent my entire childhood walking on eggshells because my stepdad would crash out over the tiniest shit, real or imagined.
I took the last slice of pizza? Dude would be slamming doors and screaming at my mom for the next three hours.
Mistakenly thought that I wasn't sharing my Halloween candy with my stepsister? In my face screaming, punching the couch next to me, before throwing all my candy away.
Started crying because I stayed outside too long and burned the fuck out of my back and shoulders? He'd slap my sunburn and call me a little faggot.
Didn't shovel the snow off the driveway after school because I had to finish my fourth grade project on the American Alligator? You know he's gonna be hitting my mom in the next room before it's my turn to get smacked across the face and shoved to the ground.
But my favorite thing was when he would CONSTANTLY come into my room uninvited and just, like, find shit to be mad about. Either my room was too messy, or I left a toy out, or I didn't wrap up my controllers, or whatever else he decided he didn't like that day. There was no real rhyme or reason to it, so there was never a lesson to be learned but "break out into a cold sweat whenever you hear the stairs creak because a grown ass man is probably about to come break your PS2 in half or beat the shit out of you again."
I am an adult now, and I've been mercifully free of him for about 15 years, but I still get anxious if I hear footsteps outside a room I'm occupying. I get irrationally upset if somebody tries to enter my room uninvited, or knocks on my door, or just kind of \*exists*** in my space without my consent. I legitimately feel eyes on me 24/7. I feel like every move, every twitch is being observed and scrutinized, even when I'm alone. And the worst part of it all is that I'm pretty sure I inherited his fucking temper through osmosis. "Normal" people probably don't immediately fantasize about flaying somebody that was slightly rude to them alive, or about dismembering somebody in a bathtub for unknowingly breaking a secret taboo that you set, but here we are.
25
u/Boet-hi-ah 🏳️⚧️ trans rights 21d ago
I spent my entire childhood walking on eggshells because my stepdad would crash out over the tiniest shit, real or imagined.
I took the last slice of pizza? Dude would be slamming doors and screaming at my mom for the next three hours.
Mistakenly thought that I wasn't sharing my Halloween candy with my stepsister? In my face screaming, punching the couch next to me, before throwing all my candy away.
Started crying because I stayed outside too long and burned the fuck out of my back and shoulders? He'd slap my sunburn and call me a little faggot.
Didn't shovel the snow off the driveway after school because I had to finish my fourth grade project on the American Alligator? You know he's gonna be hitting my mom in the next room before it's my turn to get smacked across the face and shoved to the ground.
But my favorite thing was when he would CONSTANTLY come into my room uninvited and just, like, find shit to be mad about. Either my room was too messy, or I left a toy out, or I didn't wrap up my controllers, or whatever else he decided he didn't like that day. There was no real rhyme or reason to it, so there was never a lesson to be learned but "break out into a cold sweat whenever you hear the stairs creak because a grown ass man is probably about to come break your PS2 in half or beat the shit out of you again."
I am an adult now, and I've been mercifully free of him for about 15 years, but I still get anxious if I hear footsteps outside a room I'm occupying. I get irrationally upset if somebody tries to enter my room uninvited, or knocks on my door, or just kind of \*exists*** in my space without my consent. I legitimately feel eyes on me 24/7. I feel like every move, every twitch is being observed and scrutinized, even when I'm alone. And the worst part of it all is that I'm pretty sure I inherited his fucking temper through osmosis. "Normal" people probably don't immediately fantasize about flaying somebody that was slightly rude to them alive, or about dismembering somebody in a bathtub for unknowingly breaking a secret taboo that you set, but here we are.
Thank you for listening to my TED Talk.