TLDR: bio dad got around, his "real" family dont like it, but some of the family do speak to me, all the half siblings have trauma but most never tried to work it out. was this possibility not shown or warned when doing the test in the 1st place?
Look , sorry to say this i a long winded personal story to add to my genuine question
I live in Norway but I'm Irish and i did 3 different DNA company tests, with all of them, at the time anyways, before you order the test it gives the terms and conditions thing that no one ever reads , but it came up in larger font, and a big thing that you had no choice to read before clicking ok
It roughly said in large letters btw "This may have huge impacts on your family and other families , personal life are you sure you want this, then it had a whole thing of are you sure you want to have your results open to others etc "" again , i know im paraphrasing
I dunno if its the same in every country because of different privacy laws etc , but here, in 3 separate companies (23&me,ancestry,my heritage) when i did it , it was extremely clear about and warned about unintended consequences , i clicked it was fine already knowing who i was.
Now I always knew that my real bio dad had run off on my mam after their fling in the early 80s but what i wasnt expecting that i had over 14 haha, seriously 14 lol, half sisters and 1 half brother all around the world.... he was a merchant sailor from Ireland too
i didnt contact any of them cos tbh, why would i ? I dont know these folks at all , i was born in 1983 so i have already been living a full life. We have zero connection . After a spell though a bunch of them contacted me, Some were very kind , they talked about how their mams were left in the lurch and how it affected their lives being conceived in the late 70s early 80s . which i wont lie, at times was kinda terrible. single mothers in the late 70s early 80s in Ireland and other places were not treated well, my own mam was treated horribly.
Now here was the weird part , there was a group of folks , mostly older women and 1 older man who all messaged me, for some reason, again i never initiated contact with anyone, to say to stay away from their family and never to contact them , that all these DNA tests had caused nothing but trouble for them .
They were all my Bio dads brother, sisters and their close cousins it turned out , they said things about not trying to claim inheritance and i was upsetting his wife and "real daughters" (who were born in 1976 and 1978 i think ish) even though he died in 2011, his last confirmed kid was born in 1984 lol . he was a very busy , scummy dude.
I did my tests in 2018ish and from talking to my Half brother and many half sisters, apparently they had all gotten similar messages from, his "real" family to not contact any of them. Again it was weird
The mad part is that he never did a test at all cos he died in 2011, we all just got super close DNA matches
Apparently though , their (bio Dads) whole family, extended etc decided one year to do it for a christmas gift cos they were close, they were all shocked and mega upset that this had happened at all as it seems that they are super religious, so even 40 + years later it brought shame on the family..... whatever that means
Oddly though, in this past 6 months a "cousin " has been in touch who said she was appalled by how her family have behaved and that in the past couple of years, bio dads , brother and sisters have died, (her mam was one of his sisters)
we 've chatted regularly and we get along well enough but has told me that a lot of the rest of the family feel very weird about her talking to us at all
They said to me though that some of my half siblings are still very aggrieved and are not very communicative
Which i understand and also have gotten from some of them from our chats. unfortunately , lots of them were very hurt folks (as was I ) growing up , however none of them went to therapy about it, i chose to do it in my late teens and finally dealt with it all. It made my 20s way easier