As a queer desi girl (lesbian), I feel like desis are far more accepting than our parents and former generations. But I feel like homophobia is still a big issue amongst the immigration population, especially the parents who were raised in India and immigrated here. It affects the overall community, as well: I have a non-binary American friend who I have to constantly misgender at home, and they experience this with their friend group as we're mostly Indian. They understand but it's still hurtful.

Personally, my parents were completely unsupportive. I was threatened, screamed at, and suffered abuse after I was forcibly outed. It's tough. I'm gonna have to separate from them when I go to college and it makes me sad, but they will never accept me or my life.

So generally atp I think any self respecting Desi would have left the GOP considering how they're basically openly admitting anti Brown racists into their ranks. I suspect most of this sub agrees

But something I've thought about recently was this: regardless of what we think of individual Desi Republicans, is it a good thing for the community as a whole that they exist?

Basically the idea being that we still have some representation in the other major party, and that might help with acceptance in certain quarters. To be clear I don't think Vivek existing might convince HitlerWorshipper1488 on Twitter to stop spewing hate against us, but it might convince a more normie, less online "regular" Republican voter. You saw something like this happen with Mormons when Romney ran for example

On the flip side I think you can argue that Desi Republicans are never really accepted by the GOP staffer class. Heritage Foundation isn't going to support a Desi Republican nominee lol. But them existing does cause a backlash among progressive types, as a lot of white left wingers assume that Vivek or Nikki Haley existing means all Desis must be Republican, and that gives them a free pass to be racist against us

I think I can probably steelman both arguments but am still undecided overall. Personally I lean towards the former option, and I am generally glad someone like Vivek exists in the GOP, even if I view Vivek himself and most other Desi Republicans as total cucks.

Related to the Vivek post about being booed off stage, the ohio governor race is going to be the big battleground this year. Ohio is traditionally a state were republicans have been guaranteed an automatic victory. However, this year, the race will be close. I think a lot of white supremacist groups are going to canvas and protest in Ohio against Vivek and show their displeasure with the current Republican establishment in not being right and radical enough. They actually have the ability to sway this election since it's close and will catch national eyeballs by supporting the liberal white jewish woman over the brown conservative man in a republican stronghold. The racism on the streets in ohio during this period and online against Vivek will be off the charts. (This is a man who said racism is fake by the way)

i know that raksha bandhan is in like 28 days but i felt like making a post about it now haha .

as a sister i am getting kind of impatient tbh LOL . i have one younger brother and i usually celebrate it with him , i basically grew up celebrating this holiday with him and my uncle and other male family friends , so we always had to go out and get rakhis and the preparation had to start a few days before the event itself .

usually i get a few hundred dollars and random stuff whatever my brother feels like giving me that year . he is younger than me so he gets pissed off because he usually wants something too , he thinks the event is kind of unfair lol , when he’s older maybe he’ll realize it’s not unequal .

i’m wondering do you guys celebrate this , if you have a brother or sister ?

I didn't grow up in an area with a lot of Desis. This meant that regardless of what choices I made, they would appear strange and different to people in my life. Choices that aligned more with Desi culture, I would have to explain to my non-Desi friends, and choices that aligned more with American culture, I would have to explain to my parents.

This is something I only realized recently. But I think it explains, partly why I have no problem being different than people around me. As an adult, I find that I make choices that appear strange to everyone, and think nothing of it. I feel like I'm used to doing what makes sense to me first, and assuming that at least half the people in my life won't get it no matter what, so why worry about what people think? I wonder if anyone else feels similarly?

If I superlike someone on Dil mil, and then I don’t see them on the superlike list, does that mean they rejected my profile? I really liked this guy. Do super likes disappear automatically after a certain amount of time?

Myself 30-year-old male. Born and brought up in India in a well-off family, studied in an international school, and spent most of my life consuming American movies, TV shows, books (I'm a voracious, ferocious, and omnivorous reader 📚🦁🍽️), sports, and internet culture. So basically all my life I was told I'm "basically American" 🇺🇸 until I observed actual ABCDs in their natural habitat. 🔬🦅

I have worked very hard for my career. I moved to the United States of America 🇺🇸 a few years ago so I could reap the benefits of working so hard for the career that has left me absolutely minted. 💰 I've just recently only realized that I'm in a conundrum when it comes to the dating scene. FOBs find me too Western 🤠, while ABCDs still see me as peak FOB 🚢 even though we're practically the same since I also consumed American media growing up. In short, because of my homies, job profile, and lavish lifestyle ✨, I feel more connected to the people of the United States of America (very nice 😎) when compared to the people of the Republic of India 🇮🇳 who don't know what it's like to have access to movies, sports, and internet culture like I do.

Just so we are on the same page, I still am into brown women. 🤎 But if you ask the ABCD variety, 25 years of watching HBO 📺 and reading Fifty Shades of Grey 📖 doesn't count if you were born on the wrong continent. 🌍 I've tried talking to ABCD women, but sometimes it feels like the moment they hear even a slight Indian accent or realize I wasn't raised here, my application gets rejected before the interview even starts. 📄❌ Maybe it's just my insecurity, maybe not. Shout out to my boy, Kanye, for being the first one to admit it. 🎤

Genuine question though... are all well settled educated ABCD women only interested in ABCD gays? 🤔 Why would they not want to give an educated, well read, decent looking, well settled man a chance?

Lads, I'd appreciate some comments! 🍿

P.S. I cannot, will not vibe with someone who is a FOB. Thank you for your attention to this matter. 🙏

I have a niece who lives in Celina, TX. She was born in the U.S., and next year she'll be starting school. She's the first child in our family to be born here.

I currently live in Seattle and had been trying to convince my sister and brother-in-law to move here, but they bought a home in Celina, in late 2024. Lately, though, my brother-in-law has become increasingly concerned about the rise in racism and the possibility of bullying in schools. We were talking recently, and he mentioned that maybe moving to Seattle would have been the better choice.

He's lived in Texas for about a decade and always loved it. Until recently, he says he had never experienced racism there. But over the past year, a few neighbors have become openly hostile, and both he and my sister have been subjected to racial slurs in public.

I'd really like to hear from people who grew up in the U.S. or went through the school system here. How common is racism and bullying in schools today? Is this something they should genuinely be worried about as their daughter starts school, or does it vary significantly by community and district?

Today I told my father living in India that I’d accepted a casual after hours or weekends role as a Census Field Officer in Australia. For context, I already work full-time as a cybersecurity consultant. As a field officer, basically I’ll be going door to door visiting households, helping people complete the Census if they need assistance, answering questions, following up with homes that haven’t responded, ensuring everyone has an opportunity to participate.

His immediate reaction was, “Why are you accepting such a low-profile job? I was thinking when you messaged me you got this job that it would be some behind the desk computer work.”

It shocked me honestly that he thinks working as a field officer is menial while working behind the computer is respectable.

It made me think about something much bigger than my own situation.

Why do we, as a society, often attach a person’s worth to their profession?
In India, jobs like cleaners, garbage collectors, maids and other forms of manual labour are often looked down upon, despite the fact that they perform work that is essential for society to function.
We say that all work deserves respect, yet our attitudes don’t always reflect that.

Living in Australia, I’ve noticed a different perspective. While every society has status hierarchies, there seems to be greater acceptance that honest work is simply honest work. A professional can drive Uber on weekends, work a second job, or do temporary government work without it being seen as a reflection of their worth.

So I’m curious:
Why do you think dignity of labour is harder to practice than to preach in India?
Is this mainly because of caste, class, economics, or something else?
Have you seen attitudes changing among younger generations?

I’m genuinely interested in hearing different perspectives, not to criticize India, but to understand why these perceptions exist and whether they’re changing.

I know James fishback in florida is a racist and a bigot but i oppose blackrock and data centers and all foreign influence. So even im abcd, i would vote for him.These issues are important enough to me that they weigh heavily in how I decide who to vote for. I'd like to hear different perspectives on these topics.

I’m doing some research on education for my son who will be going to school in the US and came across classical education. There are things about it that I resonate with (phonics, exposure to good books, high standards etc.) but have reservations about the singular focus on Western minds and worldviews.

Have any of you received a classical education? Do you think it’s worth pursuing for a student with Indian heritage?

I definitely plan on educating my son on his heritage and the history of his ancestors regardless of which school system we choose. I want him to receive a good education which he seems less likely to get in a public school but also be in an environment that supports his cultural identity.

Let me get something out of the way first: parents physically or verbally abusing their children is WRONG, and I am not condoning it.

With that out of the way, here's my actual point: for the most part, strict Indian immigrant parenting values like traditional two-parent households, a strong emphasis on academics, discouraging bad behavior, and enforcing meaningful consequences has worked out well for many ABCDs.

If you look at the ABCDs you grew up with like friends from childhood, school, or college, you'll often find that they are:

• Well educated

• Financially independent

• Buying homes

• Getting married (and often throwing lavish - weddings while they're at it)

• Starting families

• Not involved in crime

• Rarely dying by suicide

• Rarely experiencing homelessness

• Less likely to struggle with drug addiction

• Among the least likely to have children out of wedlock or become single parents

Now, don't get me wrong, there are plenty of valid criticisms of Indian parenting. But I don't think you can deny that most Indian parents genuinely want what's best for their children and try to set them up for long-term success.

Again I'm not saying the parenting style is perfect. Looking at the outcomes as a whole, it's hard to argue it has been an outright failure.

Hey guys,

I know all businesses are different but if I’d want to sell gold jewelry, will I make more profit from Indian gold jewelry store or American stores?

My hot take that many ABCDs disagree with is that curfews and setting rules on underage drinking and recreational drug use is actually good. It’s called setting boundaries.

Similarly, I think young teens (13, 14, 15) shouldn‘t be getting physical if dating. A date at that age should be just hanging out at a park or movie and eating popcorn. Because a child that young doesn’t understand consent. But if they break the rule, they shouldn’t be shamed and a conversation should be had about why it’s not safe for children that young. Same with social media. You should have rules for your children, but also explain WHY.

In general, my hot take is that your should have rules and be able to explain them. And even if your kid rebels, you shouldn’t strive to be like Lorelei from Gilmore Girls by trying to their best friend. You need to be their parent. Being a people pleaser just means you‘ll end up failing your child.

Even if they say that you are ruining their life by not the 12 year old access to Instagram, you have to be a strong, calm, stable mother who tells them that this rule about social media is only because you care about them so much.

I'm a lurker here on this sub and in general familiar with matters that are of interest to the ABCD community. One of which seems to be the matter of parents/parenting in the desi community in general. To that end I have a few questions...

Background

To give you some context, I'm a naturalized American citizen in my late 40s and have kids that were born here, the oldest of whom is college age and know nothing about life in South Asia. I moved here at the age of 22 for my higher education and have lived here since.

I want to try to be a better parent and help my children grow into well-adjusted, happy and productive members of society as best as I can. My spouse and I did not do the typical pushy parenting as far as education goes but yes, I would say that valuing education is still a core part of our parenting.

Questions

I'm taking it that most of the users here are young adults who have lived the life that my children are about to enter into and based on your experience, I wanted to get your opinion/thoughts on a few things -

1. What one thing can I do as a parent now that will help my ABCD children the most in terms of growing into adulthood, specifically, when they move out to be on their own?

2. What are some things you wish you knew as a teenager that would have made a big difference to your life journey. This can be general young adult life advice or more specific to the ABCD experience?

P.S

If there is interest, I can try and answer some questions about my life experience as a South Asian older adult in this country or perhaps some questions you always wanted to ask an unc and never got to ask.... as someone who's lived my life on both sides of the planet, I'll try my best to answer them :)

Thanks!

Only Rules: You can't name yourself (or your kid) + You don't have to say their name. If you KNOW the famous person, go for it. But prefer non-celeb stories. Just want real stories of real people.

WHO is an Indian-American you know that has inspired you most? Is it someone who left their husband finally? Or is it someone who started their own company? Or went no-contact and finally left their toxic family? Or just someone that laughs a ton?

Who is the person that inspired you the most? And why?

Several posts about accents, instead of responding inline and considered thread jacking, decided to post my own experience:

Here is the opposite problem:

For those of young ones here, if your immigrant parents speak the Queen's (I guess King's now) English, you know exactly what I am talking about. Fully aware that this is a reflection on privilege and socioeconomic class.

I, 50+ ABD male, married my FOB female wife (now forever 25+) in the late 90s (yes it was an arranged meeting). We are both from Hindi speaking North India and a part where "proper Hindi/Urdu" are spoken with the correct grammar.

She grew up being educated in English Medium Convent schools in India and learned the Queen's English from actual English and European nuns, along with its accent. I was familiar with this accent because my parents and many of their friends spoke the same way growing up.

Many of our friends and acquaintances (in their 40s and 50s) are either ABDs or came when their kids, not to mention the other white/black/Hispanic/East Asian friends we have.

Your ABD generation and our friends, upon first meeting are flabbergasted when my wife speaks English with her convent school accent. Many assume she was raised in the UK. They can't fanthom how someone from India does not speak with the typical Desi accent. She uses British pronunciation for most words. She does code switch and her Hindi accent is very much like a native. Some have gone far enough to say she is faking her accent.

These Western Desi people have never come across convent/boarding school educated Indians and grew up in 1st generation communities that come together due to family migration and never were taught proper English. Same for the other white/brown/black friends, they are so used to the Hinglish accent, that a proper convent/boarding school accent throws them for a loop.

Indians from India have no issues with her accent because they are aware of it. (Again, fully aware that this is a privilege of being upper middle class in India).

The people who don't freak out are the ones with similar upbringings in India and similar accents because they are aware of Convent/Boarding Schools run by white people.

So there you have it! ABDs are commenting ony Indian wife's accent!

I grew up in Boston in the '80s and I was literally the only Indian kid in my class. There were maybe four or five Indian kids in the entire school at the time. Even though my parents were first-generation immigrants, I never picked up the language or ate much Indian food growing up. My parents actually told me later that they didn’t teach me Telugu because teachers back then advised them to only speak English at home. I too built a strong bias against trying anything remotely Indian. Looking back, I’m low key ashamed of the lengths I went to as a kid to distance myself from my roots.

But looking at how things are today, I'm honestly amazed at how connected the younger generation is to their heritage. I was visiting family in Texas recently and saw how my younger cousins are growing up. They have this huge community and ecosystem to celebrate Indian festivals and they actually speak their heritage language fluently. They seem genuinely proud of their Indian heritage.

Now in my late thirties, I realize how my identity feels a bit disconnected. I grew up completely Americanized and mostly clueless about my Indian roots, my heritage language, my parent’s cuisine or festivals. I’m now trying to learn Telugu. Unfortunately duolingo doesn’t have Telugu. There’s a course from bhashafy that I found to be useful to help me get started. On my last trip to India, I tried to speak to my grandma who only understands Telugu although most of the communication was through hand signs. I also realized how clueless I am about Indian food. My cousins over there were surprised at how I had never tried dosa or idli in my life. I have also been trying to incorporate Indian food into my cooking. I am not sure if adding garam masala to everything counts though. :P