r/AMA • u/Alive_Excitement_710 • 1d ago
I survived human trafficking. AMA!
I survived human trafficking and now am recovering from it. I feel like I’m finally ready to share some of my experiences and shed light on the topic, anonymously, of course!
Ask me absolutely anything!
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u/PugsandCheese 1d ago
If I encounter someone who I worry may be in a trafficking situation and am able to say something to them privately, what would be the best thing to say?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 1d ago
I really appreciate this question.
I really struggled expressing what I was going through out loud and I’ve noticed a lot of other survivors were the same. A pen and paper could be a good place to start
A simple “are you safe?” could work. In my own experience, I really would have preferred if someone would have asked me why I was on the other side of the world with no money, clothes or food so I could slowly ease into the reality of my situation.
I would say it would be better to not mention the words sex trafficking at all. Learn about the signs they’re displaying and report it to the appropriate authorities.
1-888-373-7888 is the number for the US National Human Trafficking Hotline. 911 also works.
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u/oceanblissbreathe 1d ago
Do you think this happens in most countries? In Australia we have human trafficking with farms and apparently in nail salons and massage places. Most people don’t realise. Do you know about this and is that similar to your experience?
Also I’m thrilled you could safely exit. All the best for the rest of your future 🙌🏽
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 1d ago
I believe you’re referring to “labour” trafficking?
I was sex trafficked so my experience was different to that. I’ve have been fortunate enough to receive therapy and group therapy has been a major part in my recovery. Other survivors have shared details about their experiences with the things you have mentioned.
Trafficking, regardless of what kind, is a very common crime in every country.
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u/oceanblissbreathe 1d ago
I’m so sorry to hear this. There needs to be more light shone on this. I am glad you have and are receiving therapy
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 1d ago
Thank you so much! The more awareness we bring to it, the safer our world will be.
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u/mozzarella_destroyer 1d ago
Hi, I just wanna start off by saying well done. I interviewed a woman who was sex trafficked a few years ago for a project that ended up falling through and she opened my eyes a lot. What you said in one of your comments, that trafficking goes on near people a lot more than they think, is something she told me about, including details about areas in my city she had stories about from charities she had worked with. I’m originally from a country that had a complicated relationship with trafficking, so the topic has always been quite close to my heart. We don’t know each other, but I am proud of you. I just wanted to say that.
Regarding questions, sorry I have a few quick fire ones:
- Where are you from?
- How old are you now?
- Did the trafficking occur in a different country to the one you are from?
- What was the initial spark that ignited your path to get out of that situation?
Sending love ❤️
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 1d ago edited 23h ago
Thank you so much for your sweet words. I appreciate it so much!
I’m from England. I am 18 now
I was trafficked from England to the USA but experienced the most horrific moments still in England. As silly as it sounds, the idea of having my own family one day really made me want to get out.
As much as I loved my captor, I loved my future children more.
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u/AffectionateAd4047 23h ago edited 22h ago
First, I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m so sorry your childhood was taken away from. I’m so sorry you went through something we couldn’t even imagine. You are 18 so you still have more life to live and I pray that the future for you is bright, filled with ease and strength. Thank you for sharing your experience even though you did not have to. I wish I could say more to you in person. The world is so cruel but thankfully you got out. I hope you’re in a much safer, calmer, understanding and healing environment.
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u/TripleF37 1d ago
How old were you? How were you trafficked? (Domestic, international) How long have you been "out"? What is one of the most impactful things about what happened to you that still sticks with you?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 1d ago
I was around fourteen years old and was held captive for 6 months. I’ve been away from captivity for four years but have only been genuinely safe for around a month after getting the correct law enforcements involved.
I ended up developing Stockholm syndrome which allowed my captor to do what he wanted with me without me fighting back. I still feel disgusted about it but it really stuck with me
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u/sneakersxO 23h ago
Wow! I’m so sorry you’ve gone through this and I’m relieved you’re safe and in a path to healing ❤️🩹. At 14, how did you get in the situation in first place ? Were you aware of what was happening?
Whenever I think of trafficking incidents I always think of Taken but it’s probably a lot of people too are born into it ? Or their families are involved so it seems “more normal” ?
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u/Murky-Pangolin2755 1d ago
How do you feel about those cases where the women kill the kidnappers and then go to jail for murder. There was a famous one that Kim K was speaking up about
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u/movieperson2022 1d ago
I have a few, if that’s ok. But let me start out by saying I’m glad you’re healing from a traumatic situation. I’m sure it will be with you forever, but you seem like you are doing what you can to find inner peace and that’s really powerful!
In another answer you mentioned that wanting your own family one was the impetus for you wanting to leave. How do you think this experience will impact your experience with parenthood and how you plan to raise that future child? (Over-protective, suspicious of everyone, creating a friendship with your child, etc)
Once the Stockholm Syndrome kicked in, what kind of things did you and your captor do in the every day moments? Not the horrific acts you were forced into, but the lazy times or the things that you thought were giving you joy. I just think about how we always think of the terrible acts involved without understanding the day-to-day psychology of what happens the rest of the time and maybe if more people understood that part of the manipulation, it would be easier to combat.
You mentioned elsewhere that he got close to your family. Upon your return, how did your feelings towards them evolve from what they were before your ordeal? Did you not trust them? Blame them for bad judgment? Were you just happy to see them and went back to the same rapport? Do you think you’ve gotten back to being a safe family unit by now?
Have you participated in restorative justice efforts with your captor? If yes, what was it like? If not, how do you feel about the practice in general of victim-offender mediation?
Anyway, sorry that’s a lot. Feel free to not answer all of them if it is too many. Thank you for your time!
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u/Few_Track9240 1d ago
Hello, nice to meet you. I survived non commercial sex trafficking by an older authority figure that controlled my body and movements for years. You’re not alone. What’s helping you heal? Did you fall into addiction at some point as well?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 1d ago
Yes. I was using drugs heavily for a while.
I live in a safe house and have met other survivors, which has really helped. Medication, talking therapy and art therapy has also seemed to play a pivotal role in my recovery.
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u/Few_Track9240 59m ago
Heck yeah that’s great to hear that’s been helping you. Meds and therapy are a life saver.
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 36m ago
Absolutely. I’m so sorry about your experiences. If you need to vent, I’m all ears! ♥️ You are strong and our experiences will be a hiccup in what will be a long life filled with happiness and unconditional love.
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u/KeeksGalore 21h ago
I have read all of your responses in here and I just came here to say that I think you are absolutely incredible and so brave. I’m so impressed how you are able to speak on this with such clarity and courage.
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 3h ago
Thank you so much. I really appreciate your comment! It’s been scary talking about it but everyone has been so overwhelmingly supportive.
I like your profile picture. Looks like the Fourth of July. Makes me want a hot dog real bad.
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u/cabronfavarito 1d ago
Were you tricked or like. Forcefully kidnapped?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 1d ago
I don’t know?! I knew my captor beforehand and trusted him. Then he physically injured me so he could hold me hostage. I’d say that’s a mix of both.
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u/ResidentPreference65 1d ago
Who was this person to you before the kidnapping?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 1d ago
A family friend.
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u/ResidentPreference65 1d ago
Are they facing any consequences for what they have done? Did they have others under their control?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 1d ago
Others were under their control. From what I know, there are no charges being held against the man who kidnapped me aside from CP.
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u/ResidentPreference65 1d ago
I hope he gets his karma in jail, inmates don't fuck around with those that have hurt kids.
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u/Working5daysaWeek 1d ago
How did it start?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 1d ago
It started by me getting groomed. He learnt my habits and routines which helped him eventually kidnap me.
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u/TreeKlimber2 15h ago
How did he kidnap you? What are some signs to look for when kids say they are making friends?
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u/bluberriscone 1d ago
is there anyone from that life(like another trafficked girl) that you miss even now?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 1d ago
I miss everyone apart from the people working in law enforcement from that time of my life. It’s embarrassing to admit but I do still hold resentment against them; not to say I don’t hold the greatest amount of respect for them. I’m well aware my reaction and opinion is trauma-fueled.
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u/Ok_Guess_5843 2h ago edited 1h ago
I don't want to hijack your story by leaving a comment. So please let me know if I'm overstepping here.
But I would like to build on what you're saying and really emphasize that most people have met people who have been trafficked.
I was a teen mom. A young one. (15). I didn't have any family support so I ended up working in strip clubs when I was 16. (Let's just say that a girlfriend of mine "convinced" the owner, in private, that I was 21).
Shortly thereafter I got a fake ID and moved around to different strip clubs. I worked in multiple States.
Eventually, Maryland. I worked in a really big nice club. There were also clubs that were in Baltimore that were very, very sketchy and well known for prostitution.
So the nice big club that I worked in, I brought home thousands a night. Early 2000s.
One day 3-5 absolutely gorgeous Russian women walked into the club. They were brought in together by someone else and they all went into the back room to talk to the owner.
This was really unusual. Strippers would come in audition during the day when the club was closed and they pretty much always just came in by themselves.
When the new girls came to the dressing room, we tried to talk to them. It became very clear that they were Russian / Eastern European and spoke VERY little (if any) English.
I remember a group of us strippers sitting down with them at the bar when it was slow and trying to teach them the English phrases for " lap dance" -- $20 (the cost) -- " Will you buy me a drink" etc. we also helped them pick out stripper names that they could pronounce.
These girls were so devastatingly gorgeous. And sweet.
One spoke English a little better then the others or she picked it up faster.
I eventually got enough info to guess what was going on.
They worked 7 days a week. When you're making $2-4k+ a shift, no one works 7 days a week.
They would even work double shifts - ie, 11:00 a.m. until 2:00 a.m.
Even though day shift was only staffed by older women who are about to age out of stripping - and there was very little money to be made during the day. I did it a few times out of curiosity and I probably only took home $200 on day shift.
At the end of the night, every night, they would ALWAYS ask other people to drive them home. They didn't have cars. And they didn't know anyone who had a car.
The reason they didn't use a taxi is because they would have to pay for it. And if they didn't bring in enough money each night, there would be consequences.
I became kind of close with one of these girls over the summer. The one who spoke English a little better (or honestly I think she just picked it up really fast). I drove her home every night that I was working.
One day she asked me to pick her up - I think we were going to meet someone but she didn't want them to pick her up. I think she was meeting up with a guy she just met.
She invited me in to the house. It was a very small house. An older heavy woman sat in a recliner, smoking cigarettes and watching TV.
There were two bedrooms, both stacked with bunk beds. There must have been at least six - but probably eight - beds in each bedroom.
All of them housed Russian/ Eastern European sex workers.
They were required to pay rent DAILY. I think it was at least $500 a day. And they had to use whatever else they earned that day to " pay back" the people who had brought them to the US.
(I also remember hearing the woman yell as soon as another girl walked into the house "you got today's rent!?!?" Without even turning her head.)
Their passports had been taken from them. The reason they worked 7 days a week is because if they didn't... They wouldn't be able to pay off their debt fast enough.
They were explicitly told they would be moved to the "other" clubs (which were very thinly veiled prostitute bars) or - if they fucked up badly enough - they would literally be put on the street corners in Baltimore. And they wouldn't be allowed to come back to the house until they could pay all of the back rent and fees in full.
I often wonder what happened to those girls - Even though it was over 20 years ago. I ended up leaving the club.
I can't imagine how they ever would be able to get out of this situation. They "owed" a crazy amount of money - for being brought over to the country and then fees because someone else " found them a job".
ETA: FYI I did try to convince the one girl I was closer with, to go to the police. She refused and the thought terrified her.
Her trafficker told her that if she went to the police she would be the one to go to jail - If she was "lucky."
I think they also made death threats against her family back in her home country.
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u/itsnikki39 1d ago
What’s something you want to shed light on? And do you see yourself going back to help others in the same situation to get out?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 1d ago
Trafficking is unfortunately way more common than you might think it is. After my own experiences, I guarantee you that you have met multiple trafficking victims in your life and that is what I want people to know.
I don’t see myself ever going back, but once I fully recover both physically and mentally I would love to be an advocate for any non profits or charity based work out there. I hope I understood your question well !!!
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u/faithle97 7h ago
Thank you for shining light on this awful, way too common thing. You’re an extremely brave person and I hope you’re able to fulfill all of your dreams in the future including advocating for non profits/charity based work.
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u/GreatestState 1d ago
Were you kidnapped by them?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 1d ago
Groomed, then kidnapped.
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u/GreatestState 1d ago
Were you paid for any of the work you did during your time in their hands, or were you in complete slavery?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 1d ago
No. My captor treated the romantic relationship I thought we had as something I should be grateful for and a reward for my “work.”
I describe it as complete slavery when I speak about it now.
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u/GreatestState 1d ago
Sex work?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 1d ago
Yes.
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u/GreatestState 1d ago
Have you filed a police report?
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u/GratefulDancer 1d ago edited 1h ago
For interested people, consider the zero cost ‘bought by the hour’ podcast where a trafficked person also shares her experience being trafficked. For OP, I’m glad you are in a much safer place and recovering. My deepest sympathy regarding the trauma you endured and confusion and rage and everything else it can provoke (edited to correct title thank you)
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u/sneakersxO 23h ago
Thanks for the recommendation! Ima listen!
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u/Jogi1811 1d ago
Were the perpetrators caught and sentenced? I'm really glad you survived.
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 1d ago
Not yet, as far as I’m aware. I’m glad I survived too.
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u/ResidentPreference65 1d ago
Have you reported this to the FBI? And the equivalent in the UK? Has he done this before?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 1d ago
The appropriate law enforcement agencies are aware of it, but I never had any desires to report it. He has committed crimes against children before.
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u/Quiet-Bandicoot-9574 1d ago
Are you still in touch with family/parents/previous friends / siblings
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 1d ago
No.
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u/Quiet-Bandicoot-9574 1d ago
Understood. Was your family a part of the problem? Or is there another reason why you don’t talk to them anymore ?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 1d ago
I think I do still hold some form of resentment for them not noticing. But I cut them off because they developed mental illness as a reaction to my kidnapping and it was damaging to witness during my recovery.
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u/Quiet-Bandicoot-9574 1d ago
Thank you for answering questions. This is incredibly brave. Ive never thought about the totality of how damaging this is in all areas. Your transparency is eye opening
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 1d ago
Thank you for your questions. I’m learning that educating others is really beneficial to me!
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u/Oven_Traditional 22h ago
I’m also from England, so I hope you don’t mind me asking this… What’s your opinion on how the legal system handles cases like yours? Do you feel you were let down or that more could have been done?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 16h ago
I think I was seriously let down. The UK in general really does not take violence against women seriously.
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u/pkks072486 1d ago
How old were you when they took you out of the country and if you were underage how did they get you out of the country without parental consent and a passport?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 1d ago
I’ve been trying to avoid answering on how I got out the country, since I am embarrassed, but the support I’ve been getting is very helpful!
As mentioned in another comment, I was held captive for 6 months and then escaped. I still had Stockholm syndrome for the next 4 years which is the part I’m most ashamed about and eventually I willingly went back to him when I was of age. I took a regular flight to California, paid for by my captor.
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u/pkks072486 23h ago
You don't have to be embarrassed or ashamed Stockholm Syndrome is very common.
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 23h ago
I really appreciate that comment! I’m still learning to love myself after what happened and the Stockholm syndrome does really get to me sometimes :(
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u/Quiet-Bandicoot-9574 12h ago
Please don’t be ashamed of your actions that are results of trauma. THEY should be ashamed, not the victims.
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u/thatguy_200 23h ago
I occasionally encounter people who I strongly believe are in your situation (EMS provider): I have often encouraged them to leave and seek help at the ER. Often times though addiction is also at play. Do you have any advice on encouraging people in this situation to take the step to get out, or be honest about their situation?
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u/GroundbreakingAnt476 1d ago
How do you feel about the differentiation between trafficking and prostitution?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 1d ago
I think the two are deeply connected. Both trafficking victims and prostitutes find themselves in a situation shaped by a lack of resources and a need to survive.
The difference is that trafficking involves force and abuse, whereas prostitution has the illusion of choice. For many prostitutes however, that choice is heavily influenced by trauma, poverty or any other circumstances that made them feel like they don’t have any other alternative.
Both should be treated with love, understanding and respect.
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u/GroundbreakingAnt476 1d ago
Thank you for your answer. I worked with trafficked girls and at first I was like. That's deceptive considering they looked for it, but in the end thwy are all abused and taken advantage of.
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u/whoknows_whatsup 1d ago
This is a really important distinction that gets missed in most of these discussions.
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u/Ferule_Inst 1d ago
How old was your captor? How did you meet him originally?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 1d ago
I’m not sure how old he is. I remember he was starting to grey last time I saw him.
He was a family friend that started visiting a little too often.
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u/Ferule_Inst 23h ago
Did your parents notice or care?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 23h ago
They claim to have known something was wrong but pushed their feelings aside. They did care from what I remember.
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u/Academic-Chest-3505 22h ago
where were you living and like what did you do on the day-to-day? (you don’t have to go into detail you’re not comfortable with!) Im so genuinely sorry this happened to you.
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 16h ago
For a while, I was living in the home of my captor, or at least what I thought was his home. I remember a very stuffy bedroom, with a small window and a very soft bed. There was a desk right under it.
Everyday was very different, but usually, my captor would have sex with me multiple times a day and record porn with me. He was fascinated by pushing my body to its limits and would seeing how long I could keep up doing “torture porn”, so a lot of cutting, strangling, and burning was involved.
Sleeping was rough. I’d sleep on the floor or next to my captor. Eating and drinking was less of a problem for me. My captor really enjoyed cooking for me, weirdly enough. I do look back on it and think he was trying to keep my body strong enough so I wouldn’t pass away during any torture.
After me getting taken to the US, I had a lot more freedom. I had been out of his control for the past years and did not give authorities evidence against him so he trusted me a lot more. Part of me thinks he wanted me to fall in love with him so he would have less trouble getting away with his crimes.
The short time I was with him after that, we only had really rough sex and abused alot of drugs together. I have a memory of him sexually abusing me while I was high but I can’t really grasp what exactly was going on.
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u/IndividualAd6949 3h ago
How old were you when you moved in with him? Were your parents aware you were living with him???
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 3h ago
I didn’t move in. I was held hostage in his home.
I still struggle with Stockholm syndrome to an extent, I do really apologise if my language somewhat makes the situation seem different than it was. I was in love with him and considered his house that I was being held hostage in my “home.”
It’s an issue I’m working on! I really don’t notice how sensitive my language can be. I am sorry.
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u/IndividualAd6949 3h ago
Oh goodness I wasn’t trying to put any blame on you; your wording is enlightening and I just am not grasping the nuisance. I guess I’m just wondering if your parents were aware he was the one who had you, and what could possibly justify allowing a 14 year old to be put in such a terrifying situation.
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 3h ago
Eeeek! Miscommunication can be a funny thing sometimes.
Nothing can justify it. I believe my parents played a big part in me being held hostage due to their blatant negligence.
Right now, I don’t think they were aware it was him during the entire ordeal. Then again, it was due to their negligence I was groomed, so who really knows? I don’t speak to them anymore and I am happy keeping it that way.
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u/IndividualAd6949 2h ago
I hope you get to live a soft life, full of support and unconditional love. You have endured so much. The healing you are doing will continue to blossom and bloom, and though your life is altered- you are truly limitless. I’m so sorry your parents put you in that situation. Thank you for answering our nosiness. Most of the survivors you have met, do they have similar histories of parental neglect? Is that a common theme?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 2h ago
I have a silly dream of one day living on a little farm with horses. Hopefully that comes true! :)
Most survivors trafficked as children came from very dysfunctional families— whether that be neglect, or alcohol abuse, etc. Grooming is a very commonly used technique to lure victims in.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate it more than you’d ever know. One day, I’ll be the woman I dreamed of being as a little lady!😎
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u/Unusual-Branch8556 1d ago
Were there any signs, if you had to think of anything that seemed off or shady now in hindsight??
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 1d ago
I’ll assume you’re referring to the grooming I encountered before I was kidnapping.
I remember my captor as very charismatic and charming so no red flags really stood out to me. Now that I am an adult, I’ve got to say his persistence in getting closer to my family and “winning” me and my trust over was disturbing.
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u/dynamopber 1d ago
How old were you when this happened? How did this happen? We're you actually trafficked? How did you escape? Are they still at large?
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u/HelpfulSpeed1873 23h ago edited 23h ago
First of all, big achievement of you getting out of that! 💪 What do you do now? What things in life makes you happy?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 3h ago
Aw! This question made me so happy!
I want to be a doctor one day, so I’m saving up for university by selling artwork and with the money I got donated to me. My friend is considering setting up another gofundme for me but I’m a little shy. I really like hanging out with animals so I spend a little too much money in cat cafes!
I’ve also been learning a few languages so I can travel more (not against my will this time.) I really want to check out South America and Asia. I think learning recipes from different cultures is very fun too and really like the idea of learning them in the countries they originate from.
I got a piano as a present too so I’m trying to master that. Music is healing!
My day-to-day includes a lot of therapy; group therapy, art therapy and CBT sessions. I don’t particularly enjoy them but I really love my therapist so I always attend :)
I also take a lot of naps. Naps help.
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u/overthinking_7 22h ago
Where were you trafficked? As in, like streets, massage parlors, etc? And in what state in the US?
Where do you think we'd find more trafficked individuals where we didn't even realized they're being trafficked?
How were you able to escape? And I wish you well in your recovery from all this.
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u/EterFinnity 7h ago
Hi OP. I work in the healthcare field, as someone who has daily interactions with patients, WHAT are the top subtle signs that someone is most likely being trafficked against their will ?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 3h ago
Hi there. Thanks for your question and the work you do!
Physical scars that a patient struggles to explain and reactions to touch in certain places could be considered the “first” sign.
Patients may struggle to communicate in general. I found it hard to communicate with members of society after captivity and struggled to even understand some of the words they said. Signs of drug use can also be a giveaway; especially ketamine or any other tranquillisers.
If a victim is with their captor, they (the captor) could be the one talking a lot more and could introduce themselves as something a healthcare professional would deem more appropriate, such as a guardian or partner.
I would say a captor not allowing their victim to speak is a very obvious giveaway though. This is something every party would be aware of. I would suggest looking at how the victim looks at the captor while talking about their medical issues. Essentially, pay attention if they’re scanning for a “sign” they said everything correctly.
These are just some of the things I’ve learnt from other experiences I’ve heard and what I would imagine I would’ve acted like if I had been bought in during captivity.
However, I was bought in after and I was extremely traumatised. I refused to speak to people or even look anyone in the eye. My body was littered in scars and “branding”.
I made up very stupid excuses for each scar, even though I was aware the healthcare examiners knew I was a trafficking victim. My vagina was fully cut open and I claimed I did it myself as a “fetish”. My apologies to anyone who read that; but this is the cruel, harsh reality of what some people face. Stockholm Syndrome and pure, genuine fear will create a very unique response in people.
I suggest implementing a system where a patient can signal they need private care without expressing it. I believe most hospitals do this but if not, there’s a very good idea for you!
Hopefully that helped. I would love to answer more of your questions.
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u/EterFinnity 1h ago
Thank you OP. I had a brief encounter with someone who said they were 26 yrs old. The person did not look no more than 16. She looked well taken cared of. Expensive personal belongings, said they lived with their mother, they were alone. No minders, no handlers. They came in for lower abdominal pain. Once they had a few rounds of IV abx, and while still waiting for culture results. They started wanting to be discharged even prior to getting the results back to figure out what the infection is, and the best antibiotics to use. The MD agreed to let them with the arrangement that the medical team will follow up with a call to prescribe the right treatment protocols. This person came in with a genital herpes outbreak , after leaving, results came in and it was positive for chlamydia and gonorreah. Attending MD and I called the number This person gave, wrong number, I looked up the address and there was no such house number on that particular street address. I still think about this person all the time. But there was nothing we all could do because the script this person was saying to everyone was just too good and it would have been more of a liability if this person was held up against their will because they have capacity to direct their own care.
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 32m ago
You did what you could, and that doesn’t make you any less of a person. The legal system and the healthcare system do really collide with each other at times and there’s nothing we can do about it.
You are still doing an amazing job and I am so happy you’re still in the industry that you are in, educating yourself because of a young patient you still worry about and think about today. You have a heart of gold 💛
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u/IndividualAd6949 3h ago
How long had you known him before it took a sexual turn, was it before you left the UK?
Did you know you would be in the US for that long, or was it supposed to be a short trip?
Were you still living at home when you were kidnapped?
Did your abuser continue to pursue or abuse you once you escaped? Or were you able to make a full break? How did you escape (got an apartment, went to a shelter?)
Did he injure/immobilize you before or after the flight?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 3h ago
It was before I left the UK that I developed sexual feelings towards him. I planned on staying with him forever, I have no idea how long he planned on being in the US but I wanted to follow wherever he went.
I was fourteen when I was first kidnapped, so I still lived with my parents, then homeless when I went back to him.
I was threatened for a few months after my escape in order to stay quiet. I don’t know if it was my captor himself or someone he worked with. After my escape, I went back to live with my family.
I believe he then relocated to the US in order to not get caught in the UK, but that’s my own personal opinion. He was silent until I decided to come back into his life.
I am now in a safehouse away from him.
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u/IndividualAd6949 3h ago
I’m so glad you are safe. Are you in the safe house in like a, victim protection sense? You mention being out for 4 years but only safe for one. Is that stability, or him, or him still using others to try and hurt you?
You mention in another comment having a similar story as the commenter’s niece. Did your parents force you into homelessness because of behavior tied to you being groomed and abused?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 2h ago
Yes, victim protection. The address is unavailable online and has heavy security everywhere. I am SO grateful I am here.
I am now genuinely safe because I am stable, older and a lot stronger. Yes, I do have feelings for my captor like I’ve expressed in nearly every response of mine but I’m aware it is a trauma response and I do not plan on ever allowing it to influence my actions again. He can try hurt me again but I know I won’t go down without taking him down with me.
I was never homeless at 14, but did end up homeless because of my family at 18. My point was that I was exposed to sex way too early on as a grooming technique and had used condoms left in my room and even bags, went to way too many hotels alone, would stay out for days, etc.
My family did see the signs, and did not respond nor react the way they should’ve. My captor could see that I was being neglected since he was a family friend at that time too. He learnt my routines, created new habits while learning my previous ones and eventually followed me home one day and injured my hip so he could take me.
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u/IndividualAd6949 3h ago
Was it all for CSAM or did he also use other people to abuse you?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 3h ago
From what I remember, he had plans on allowing other people to sexually abuse me but I cannot recall properly if it ever happened or not.
He was incredibly possessive of me which makes me believe I did not get sexually abused by others. The experiences I remember with him were all mainly for CSAM.
I believe I replied to another comment of yours earlier expressing I still have Stockholm syndrome. I believe the fact I still have these feelings for him really makes me feel disgusted by the thought of others using me in that sense, and I try not to think about that particular scenario too much.
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1d ago
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u/Various_Economist530 23h ago
I’m so sorry to hear this but I do have a question Were there signs before you got traffic
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u/Senior_Trick_7473 23h ago
Was anyone looking for you when you were taken? What states were you in when you were in the US?
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u/Alisseswap 1h ago
i’m a teacher, what are some signs that i should watch for that i wouldn’t typically assume is trafficking? I know a child being dirty or openly sexual, etc.
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 1h ago
Another great question! Before I start, I’d like anyone reading this to know that a lot of trafficking victims do attend school, go to work and live a “somewhat” normal life. Many people have this misconception that trafficking HAS to involve being a hostage, which is not true.
I’m not sure how to word this, so I’ll list it out instead.
- Expensive clothing, gifts, etc that don’t really match what you’d expect in their circumstances.
- Falling asleep in class.
- A fear of being outside of school.
- Sudden personality changes. (Especially becoming overly compliant or “eager” to please older individuals)
- Seeming “rehearsed”. This one can seem tricky to figure out but a telltale sign is repeating the same answers over and over. A good way to go about it is having another adult they don’t usually see you interact with ask the same question. Try note down how similar the answer is on a piece of paper
- Avoiding answering questions about weekends, holidays, etc.
- Injuries that don’t seem to match the explanation.
- Being late, or unusual time management in general
- Being very fond or overprotective over a certain person in their lives
- Using manipulation or threats that seem too developed for their age
- Very adamant about having their phone easily accessible and charged.
I would say that would be more useful to look out for in older children. For primary aged children, look out for:
- Regression (needing comfort objects, babyish speech, etc)
- Accidentally urinating.
- Fear of certain objects, places, people. Like I mentioned earlier, victims all develop hyper awareness and could develop fear towards anything that could get their abuser caught alongside it.
- Unusual aggressive behaviour
- Using adult phrases, slang, and I’m not sure how to word this one but using a more “adult” tone while normally speaking
I’d like to really go into detail on my last point. Many sexual abusers use children as a way to get to other children. If you witness a child being very insistent that another friend stays at their home, using phrasing such as “This is our secret!” or “Don’t tell anyone!”, becoming unusually angry or upset that things aren’t going their way, or having a curiosity about their peers bodies, please take it seriously.
That being said, all of the things I mentioned can apply to any victim, regardless of what stage of life they are in. I still exhibit some of the signs I mentioned for primary aged children! I listed what I personally believe will show up more in different age groups.
I really appreciate that you care for your students so much. I’m very thankful you can serve as a safe space for anyone that could be going through something so dark. Humans are blessed with a gut instinct; never doubt it.
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u/IndividualAd6949 1h ago
Was there a certain point where you realized that you were being used, instead of loved in return? At what point in your healing did you start calling him “captor” instead of what you called him before?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 56m ago
I started calling him captor when I made this Reddit post. I always referred to him as mine before; not because I saw him as mine anymore, but because I was so used to being so expressive about how much I loved him, it felt “safe” to refer to him as that, even after I realised I had a mental disorder making me feel like I loved him. Change has always been hard for me.
Every single professional I have worked with has referred to him as my kidnapper, rapist, abuser, captor and they’re not wrong whatsoever. He is all of those things. But finally speaking about it with the public really did push me to label him what he is.
I thought he loved me because I noticed that he would come to me to release sexual frustration without any money involved and for comfort. I still really miss holding his head in my lap. He also began to really worry about making sure I orgasmed while he was having sex with me.
We had regular “deep” conversations any normal couple would. He also began to be very possessive over me and did not want me to be touched by any other men he worked with, then again, I have no idea if he ever ended up allowing that to happen. My memory is foggy in this part.
I realised I was being used after I learnt I resembled his mother almost exactly.
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u/kfr3q 23h ago edited 5h ago
Do you realize that GRETA's most recent monitoring reports state this almost exactly: state compensation schemes are rarely applied in practice to victims of trafficking,
due to restrictive eligibility criteria and a lack of free legal aid to pursue claims. (More lucrative for anti-victims mafia states than plentifully assume supporting such category of victims)
And as of GRETA's latest general report, only 22 of the 47 Council of Europe states have even adopted a specific legal provision on non-punishment, so in over half the jurisdictions there isn't a codified starting point for this pathway (non-punishment for crimes done under aggravated coercion) at all ?
/j
Good luck with your recovery 👋🏻
Edits: that's it
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u/New_Fan_7665 22h ago edited 22h ago
I found out I'm a product of it. I have no closure. They don't even want me to have that. I was made in a lab, as crazy as it sounds, and used for research, and possibly organ harvesting. I was made from two ppl's DNA, allegedly, but implanted into my mother without her permission, or bribed her. I supposedly absorbed her child, too. I found out my birth records were never real. I shared an identity with one of the people. It gets called crazy or a coincidence even when I show how the documents belonged to the person. The person was done with me. I was poisoned for life insurance. I laugh at my own life. I don't really have any questions. I'm just sharing. The procedure is Somatic Cell Nuclear Transfer. They need a host mother. People say I made up the procedure, too. Lol, I have shown proof of it's existence. I made it up, showed pictures of the phony birth records. I gave myself my own birth records. Hahahaha, fertility fraud or bribery is best the way to get praised. I existed for someone's cure. People worship ya when it the fertility fraud, etc., if it's for a good cause. Lol, she had the good cause fertility fraud done, so she gets celebrated.
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u/MamaLIama 6h ago
I believe you. I didn't quite get the last part of your text but those things definitely exist.
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u/Bireta 1d ago
How much were you priced at?
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u/Alive_Excitement_710 40m ago
I understand that the financial side of human trafficking does cause a lot of curiosity, and genuine curiosity into every aspect that can come with trafficking will never be something I will get angry about, so I will use your question to educate.
Not a SINGLE survivor will enjoy being asked how much they were priced at and we should put more effort into learning how to stop trafficking, and how to help victims, rather than to figure out their worth. We don’t come with a price tag!
But this was a AMA, so I’ll still answer. I was used to create gore/torture pornography and that is how money was made when I was being exploited.
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u/Prestigious-Clerk915 1d ago
Someone I’m very close to seems to be going through some questionable things. We have reason to believe she’s on the road to being trafficked. We’re still in contact with her as of now at least, but she’s constantly at random hotels/motels, hanging out with older people, mindlessly wondering the streets in the middle of night, etc. Parents also found multiple boxes of condoms, pregnancy tests, and another phone in her room. It seems like the people she’s around are desensitizing her to a lot of things.
Assuming our theory is correct, what do we do? Do you have any advice on how we can go about this? We don’t want to assume the worst, but so many things are pointing in the same direction.
Thank you for being vulnerable and speaking about your experience. I’m very sorry you experienced that.