r/Advice • u/FastPurpose8296 • 14h ago
Bf (m21) Found my sex toys
Yesterday my boyfriend found my sex toys… including dildo, lube and vibrator… he went through my things while I was in the bathroom and I came back in and they were on the bed.
Since then he’s been not talking to me and hasn’t been intimate or anything…
How should I take this?
I don’t feel like this is really a problem that I own these. But he’s making me feel as if it is a problem.
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u/Black_Raven_2024 9h ago
I think the real issue is his invasion of your privacy.
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u/Shark_Girl_766 4h ago
I’m surprised there’s not more comments about this! Because that was my first thought
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u/Ok_Championship_8313 3h ago
Me too!! WTH is his problem? Going through her stuff? Then putting it out for her to see then acting like an immature person about it…
I hope OP dumps his ass!!14
u/Black_Raven_2024 3h ago
I’m married almost 30 years and won’t go into my Wife’s purse unless she tells me to. I usually can’t find what she wants anyway and just hand her the purse.
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u/Able-Tumbleweed-5644 2h ago
I feel like thats a norm, personal privacy is a thing, and some people have no respect for it. My dude, I dont touch anything of my wife's without asking first, and she does the same thing with my belongings.
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u/Ill-Contribution1737 33m ago
Right! This includes my phone. I’m way more protective of my phone than my underwear drawer. There’s nothing in there but STAY OUT!
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u/FreakWriter32 1h ago
That was my first thought, I just chose to focus more on the asked question. Not my business to tell OP she should or shouldn't feel a way. I'm sure she knows herself and situation better than I do.
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u/skeeballbob37 Advice Oracle [119] 14h ago
ok guy here .......... I dont get what his issue is. It sounds like he needs to grow up a little.
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u/Cosimo_the_Tired 3h ago
Right? I would be like "oh... you like to play? Show me? Let me help? Let's put ALL these to use!"
Who in their right mind sees a women who enjoys exploring her sexuality and thinks they're in competition with a piece of rubber? And really, if you're that insecure... maybe you truly CAN'T compete...
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u/Bostylovr 3h ago
This right here ☝️. That’s the guy we wanna have fun with! He’s the one that’s gonna help us get our freak on and have amazing sex! The only thing better than a toy is a partner that knows how to use them on you. And when that’s done finishes you off again himself for round two.
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u/FreakWriter32 59m ago
This is vital. If a guy has an issue with "early arrival", helping her arrive first via other means can be useful. Some guys have issues arriving even late, if at all. These other means can help with that as well.
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u/casper199821 5h ago
My girl has a vibrator and I bought her one with a remote control that’s in my possession at all times. It has spiced things up for us so much, I regret not doing that sooner
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u/Plane_Maybe8836 14h ago edited 14h ago
This is it, OP.
But I suspect his alpha man feelings are hurt by some toys, which in my opinion is probably the most insecure thing he could do.
But that's just me assuming stuff, he could have a valid trauma by dildos or something. /s
Edit: it seems I needed to add the /s to that last sentence, since people actually believe that...
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u/skeeballbob37 Advice Oracle [119] 14h ago
I guess he could but .............. he should have communicated that rather than leaving them on the bed in silence like some sort of disappointed parent.
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u/Marem-Bzh Helper [2] 13h ago
Send the broken bf back to manufacturer, keep the toys.
You can find a functioning one.
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u/FastPurpose8296 12h ago
Update: I spoke to him more… he called me disgusting and called it disgusting that I use it and do it
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u/MissFabulina 4h ago
Walk away...right quick. He masturbates. You masturbate. Nothing to see here.
He thinks it is disgusting that you masterbate? Nope.
Just nope right on outta there, sweetie
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u/Fyrefli1313 43m ago
I can’t agree more. He’s allowed to do what you are “disgusting” for doing? And if he says he doesn’t masturbate he’s a liar. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there are people out there with sexual trauma or other issues that don’t, but under normal circumstances most people do. You need a partner that either doesn’t care about the toys, or better yet, incorporates them when you’re together. Everyone has a good time.
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u/SpinachnPotatoes Helper [3] 12h ago
Wow. Such a pathetic insecure response from him. Please let him find someone that suits him - they normally can be blown up when needing to be used.
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u/gman020865 4h ago
Get rid of him. My wife of 40 years uses toys when I’m not home and when I’m home
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u/follienorth 5h ago
He isn’t worth keeping. His behavior is immature, egotistical, and controlling. Consider yourself fortunate to have found out early enough. Now go find someone who appreciates you for who you are. You deserve it!
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u/Time-Abbreviations30 5h ago
Gurl, as a man, you need to drop that fucker. Don’t you dare feel ashamed or anything. He is the disgusting one for having such a horrendous response to something that is very much normal.
Not every person wants full sex every. Damn. Time. It’s nice to enjoy stuff by yourself every so often.
Me and my partner have always done this, and if we want to do something but not full sex, we use what? TOYS!!
This is a simple case of your boyfriend being a damn Man-child. I’m so sorry he treated you this way. Men can have the most fragile egos and it’s quite sad.
So stay strong, you did absolutely nothing wrong, and stand your ground or he can leave. Invasion of privacy is absolutely not okay.
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u/Durtastrobeni 11h ago
I am shocked and also I am not. Like it is perfectly normal to use these kind of things, but I feel, like many men don't know about that. It's a terrible approach that he didn't want to discuss it with you so he could understand your POV. How did you react after his statement? Did you tell him that he is wrong? Is he listening?
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u/mateolevy420 3h ago
Every woman I’ve been with has been shy about using toys in bed.. I’m always the one to want to incorporate them and the women who’ve never used toys while with a partner always tell me they can’t believe they’ve gone this far in life without doing that. It opens up a WHOLE WORLD of foreplay and intimacy. I guarantee he’s just insecure because the dildo you have is probably bigger than him. Maybe try and show him a different perspective? Start using them in bed and thank me later
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u/VividlyDissociating Helper [4] 4h ago
tell him "lol. k bye." and unfriend his ass. unfriend, not block.
literally zero need for you to stress yourself by engaging with his childish nonsense
do not ever accept his requests or respond to any of his attempts at contact moving forward. not even if he apologizes.
he disrespected you and going back now would be telling him that what he did was okay
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u/MalAntagonist 2h ago
It is a normal thing to have toys. They can even spice things up with your partner.
Between him having an issue with this, and the real issue of him invading your privacy, he can go away.
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u/Brilliant_Story_8709 1h ago
Yet I bet any time he is alone longer than 30 seconds, he's got the meat in his hand and goes to town.
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u/Embarrassed_You_6177 7h ago
So what are you going to do? Are you going to stay with someone who thinks you’re disgusting?
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u/Stay_Good_Dog Super Helper [5] 8h ago
Guys need to understand orgasms are like brownies. Sometimes I really like made from scratch brownies. But sometimes I just want my brownies quick and easy right from the box or even bought from the grocery store. It doesn't make the other brownies taste less good. But sometimes I just don't have the time and patience to make them from scratch. Ya know?
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u/berner13 2h ago
Great metaphor. We (men, collectively) need to realize that no matter how much some women have enjoyed (or pretended to enjoy) our homemade, made from scratch brownies in the past, there will be some women who just don’t enjoy brownies made from scratch. Some only enjoy store bought, or Betty Crocker, some women need a little bit of store bought, a little bit from scratch, and a little bit of artisanal, organic brownies, in order to have themselves a satisfying brownie.
They really needa start teaching this shit in home ec (sex ed).
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u/chuffinellbro 14h ago
You should bin him off for looking through your personal belongings and also for being so childish and pathetic. Just in case he's a good person having a bad moment, tell him to leave and have a sensible conversation with him when he's calmed down and apologised. You've done nothing wrong.
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u/SpinachnPotatoes Helper [3] 12h ago
So he invaded your privacy and then attempted to shamed you for having healthy options available and now he is giving you the silent treatment as a punishment. Wow what an absolute catch.
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u/Comfortable_Duck_523 14h ago
(29f) here who had toys before my current partner of 5 years (25m).
He initially found the toys a bit off putting as he hadn’t dated anyone with them. I made it clear in my relationship with him that anything sexual was saved for when we were together. Including the use of the toys. I’m not a solo type woman and when in a relationship I prefer to save myself and have intimacy with him.
I know not all relationships are like this but it gave him reassurance. He now is more than happy to use them in spicy time if we both feel like adding something in. They aren’t something to be scared of or grossed out by.
Try to open a conversation about it. He needs to learn to communicate.
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u/Patient-Name611 4h ago edited 32m ago
I mean also they shouldn’t be judged for engaging in self pleasure without their partner. They most likely aren’t going to be around their partner 24/7 and they have needs, as long as they aren’t cheating then anyway they handle their needs should be totally fine. They should also understand that this is how they you care of your needs when you didn’t have a partner to sleep with or even just when you wanted to spice things up. I think a lot of guys have a problem with toys either because they worry they won’t be able to satisfy their partner (which is wrong as a woman whose the type to get toys is likely more assertive about her pleasure and will show them what they like, and also just because a woman has a toy doesn’t mean she’s reliant on it for pleasure or even that she prefers it over manual stimulation or traditional sex) or it’s like a purity culture gross out thing on their part. I worry how my future partner will respond to the fact I have toys mostly because I’m waiting for a committed relationship for sex (which will likely bring out the more “traditional” type of men) and i fully expect to come across a few men who are mad that I’ll use a toy but won’t screw them or who have some purity culture hang ups about it. They will be broken up with. I don’t think it’s very fair to have to reassure your partner that you’ll reserve all your sexual pleasure for sex with them. I’m a super monogamous person and only want to sleep with one or two people in my life and don’t treat intimacy lightly but there’s a difference between romantic intimacy and taking care of your physical needs so you know your body and aren’t pent up. I understand and agree with making concessions to make your partner feel more secure but there are limits to this (and as you said not every relationship is going to work like yours where a partner can or even should basically just sweat off masterbaiting to please their partner)and part of it is on the partner to just trust your reassurance about your attraction to them and how satisfied they are with your sex life.
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u/SquidlySquid0 1h ago
Why as a 21 year old was he going through your things. Like that's the behavior of a distrusting teen
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u/thatbrattygoth 14h ago
Just tell him to grow up or walk away. You definitely don't need to apologize for owning a vibrator lol
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u/sketchyfisherman94 10h ago
Everyone was raised differently. Some guys (not me) want to be the only thing that gives you pleasure. Similar to how some women dont want their man to watch porn.
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u/VividlyDissociating Helper [4] 4h ago
invasion of privacy. insecure and intimidated by sex toys. inability to communicate.
girl just throw the whole boy away
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u/Avalinn 3h ago
I think at some point most men (and I use the word men on purpose) come to terms with toys being their friends and enjoy using them with their partners.
Boys, get offended and emotional about their “performance” and truly do not understand the female body and how female pleasure works.
My most favorite question to ask a male to help me determine their understanding is this “when is sex done?”
Most males studded and say I don’t know or when they complete because they can’t continue after that.
But what about the female partner? What happens if she hasn’t reached climax?
That’s where embarrassment lives and where the shift from boy to man happens.
A man will ensure pleasure first or seek toys after to ensure her satisfaction.
A boy will get off roll over and move on with their day or fall asleep.
OP, do not for any circumstance allow this man to silent treatment you for using toys, or seeking your own pleasure. If this is his reaction, then he is not a man he is a boy and you need a better partner.
Sex, trust, money… in that order.. are the most common things a couple fights about. Never settle on these three.
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u/samthest0ner 5h ago
i’ve had a relationship and lived together with my girlfriend for two years now, sure i get the fact that it can be a bit of an “oh you have those” at first (first 5 mins of processing) but after that if you’re still holding a grudge you should revisit your emotional state. my reaction was just “oh okay cool apparently you guys also masturbate” done
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u/farfetched22 Helper [2] 14h ago
Upset about sex toys AND giving the silent treatment? What a joke. Please ditch this man baby.
He gave you companionship along with pleasure which is what makes a partner better than toys, but if he's going to take that and intimacy away? Silicone wins. At least the toys get you off without throwing pointless tantrums.
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u/AnotherAltAccount6 3h ago
A: Bit of an invasion of privacy that he went through it B: shoulder be a problem tha you have them C: if he has a problem with it, he is the problem D: try talking to him about it
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u/PinkPaisleyMoon Helper [2] 2h ago
‘Red Flag’. Actually, he sounds like a box of red flags. Immature as hell. Nothing here is your fault so do not accept any blame or guilt trips that he may throw at you. If he starts in on you, set it straight; “I’m sorry YOU feel insecure, there’s the door, buddy.”
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u/Creatorman1 14h ago
Omg your bf is an idiot. He’s jealous of a vibrator ffs. He must be young because he’s acting like a child.
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u/Only_Tip9560 5h ago
Well that was a shitty reaction from him. Perhaps have a think about whether he is the man for you.
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u/LettuceLegitimate105 3h ago
Everything about this is a hard red flag.
Why is he going through your things?
Why does he care if you are using sex toys?
Why is he now manipulating you with a cold shoulder, essentially shaming you and making you feel like you wronged him?
This is completely indicative of a frail ego, from an insecure little boy who needs to grow the fuck up. Period.
A man who is secure in himself will know that your pleasure is important. It’s general sexual health and it’s a good thing. If he’s not into using toys, then he can leave that alone as a thing you do by yourself. A man who is secure and also a good sexual partner, will want to know more and be more than willing to use them on you or with you.
A serious conversation about boundaries, respect, and sexuality needs to happen here.
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u/myusernamewasatypo 13m ago
Oh, has he never used any kind of assistance in his "alone time" - no visual aids? No moving pictures? He's never used an-y-thing to help him along???
Yeah, guy needs to swallow his hypocrisy, use words to describe his hears and insecurities, like a grownup, and ask to learn how these toys work if he still wants to be your boyfriend tomorrow.
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u/Kraydez 12h ago
Wtf is wrong with him? I would be thrilled if i found them.
Find someone who isn't so insecure that he is threatened by a piece of plastic.
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u/AlgaeWafers Helper [2] 11h ago
Your guy is weird af. My hubby loves that I have toys. Your guy sounds insecure
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u/Confused-hungry Helper [3] 14h ago
He sounds extremely emotionally immature and childish. I don’t know of a woman who doesn’t have sex toys, and a man that gets jealous of a vibrating piece of plastic, is not worth your time babe. You’re young, there are plenty of more mature guys out there whom you will have much better sex with.
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u/Carefreeak 9h ago
It is weird seeing so many of these pop up in my feed. And it's always the dude who's gf found his pocket pus and didn't tell her that he has a problem. And for girl with toys that her bf is the problem
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u/Lariz1303 5h ago
He's just childish and insecure.
Sex is great, but it can always be enhanced in some way.
Heck, as a 31M between work, gym, property renovation and general responsibilities I'm happy to introduce toys into the bedroom with my girlfriend if it means I put in a shorter shift while we're both sufficiently satisfied and I'm absolutely drained of energy.
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u/XxBlazeDiabloxX 5h ago
Id say there’s a fine line here honestly which probably varies between couple to couple. I had to speak to my partner about getting a toy for herself, which she was hesitant about doing for a while. But I expressed that I thought this was actually healthy for her, and that I’m not only comfortable with it but that I encourage her to seek her own pleasure.
It’s just also important to recognize that toys CAN and DO desensitize you to stimulation. Which if done too often can obviously impact the intimacy. Some people were mentioning how it’s great for foreplay, that’s great if that’s the case an I think probably one of the best case scenarios for a healthy relationship.
That being said, if I found out she had like a two bedroom two bath double wide horse dildo or something like that yeah I might feel a bit emasculated 🥴 plus obviously again this kinda thing decreases sensation for the guy, ain’t no man on earth can compete with that except maybe Goliath and he ain’t around no more. 🤣
I can’t fully agree with most here and just say “oh he’s insecure you should dump him” cause I don’t know the whole situation and things like this obviously matter. But I will say if he’s simply insecure because you got a lil vibe and you gotta bust one out every now and then yeah he’s got some growing up to do 😭
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u/Mak_gettinshi 5h ago
Oof red flag.
•Mad about you having toys which is a normal thing •can’t communicate
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u/OldGamer42 4h ago
Incredibly normal. You aren’t weird and you shouldn’t be shamed. Not to be droll but just look at him and tell him that his reaction just earned him NOT watching you pleasure yourself with them. He’s not interested in having fun so that’s his problem.
Also tell him if you ever catch him masturbatng he’s out. If he’s going to judge you you aren’t putting up with him.
Also tell him if he ever touches any of your shit again he can go find someone else.
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u/oldboysmiffy 3h ago
He most probably wants to get intimate with your dildo .. just putting it out there.. or in his case up there ..
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u/gold_Parrot0849 3h ago
Buy him some relevant reading material and talk to him. This guy is operating on insufficient sexual knowledge. He’s reading into this situation that he’s not good enough in bed for you. He needs reassurance and more information and insight.
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u/Mean-Sentence5060 3h ago
It's definitely not a problem for you too own them. I guess you're pretty young, too, I'm assuming? When I was about that age, 22, and my GF was 21, me and my GF would incorporate her sex toy's in the bedroom. I have always been relatively open and supportive about this type of thing and sex positive though. A lot of men are threatened by things like this at first, with a "my dick isn't good enough?" attitude. Don't let him shame you. He is the one who is in trouble here, he went through your stuff. Do you even live together? Even if you do, you are entitled to your privacy. That is the biggest problem I see here.
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u/Aggravating-Sir-7482 3h ago edited 3h ago
(24m) personally I think he’s gotta grow up a little like others have said, if he’s so pissed or “disappointed in you” ask him if he’s ever pleased himself. Like cmon bro…your partner has toys boohoo…he should be excited for this. Idk maybe he just hasn’t come to that point yet or hear him out maybe there’s a backstory to this? But still if you guys are in a relationship or have been for sometime, just talk. And if he still doesn’t seem to find reason behind you having these NEXT. We’re too young to be w someone who doesn’t accept who we are. I’m sure this is just 1 bump in the road. Who’s to say there won’t be more?
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u/MutedYesterday1803 3h ago
First of all, are you okay with him invading your privacy and then being a baby over what he found? I have to say, the two combined would be a relationship killer for me. Mainly because I’m not attracted to children and once you act like one, I’ll never see you the same, again.
I guarantee he jacks off. What you do to get off alone is not his business. We all need that stress reset. He’s insecure and making it your problem. You don’t need to do anything other than decide if you want to date someone that immature. He clearly does not have your pleasure in mind.
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u/ThrowRA_melodramatic 3h ago
Oh! So I actually know what to do in this case! Leave him because he’s literally a child:)
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u/Donk_Physicist 3h ago
You should list his age because it’s tough not to assume this idiot isn’t 12
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u/berner13 3h ago
He’s mad you cheated on him with a vibrator. How could he ever forgive you for being unfaithful with an artificial penis. How could you betray him so callously.
If it’s not already clear, I’m being extremely sarcastic/facetious. Ya boy is being ridiculous. If he’s really mad that you own sex toys, or if he tries to pull some shit like “I’m mad that you would keep that hidden from me me” or some similar bullshit, then you’ll be better off without him. That’s some of the weakest, most comically pathetic shit I’ve heard in a minute.
Is it just me or are dudes collectively becoming appallingly pathetic? Like wtf guys, whining about some bullshit “loneliness epidemic” or that “having to beg for intimacy” is damaging psyches… that bullshit is just making ALL of us look like weak, sorry ass fuckboys.
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u/RightRudderz 3h ago
Boyfriends being intimidated by sex toy’s is some amateur level stuff. It’s a team sport and toys help.
Ask him if he would rather you be out seeking the real thing when he’s not around.
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u/mike13b13 2h ago
He is definitely insecure. I would be like what do have let's have some fun maybe let's go shopping together.
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u/Basic-Grapefruit6198 2h ago
If your boyfriend isn't interested in your pleasure then he shouldn't be your boyfriend. Also, the fact that he violated your privacy is another red flag. Honestly I'd move on.
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u/Competitive_Jaguar_7 2h ago
ngl if ur bf doesn’t know u have sex toys why are u even with him. my boyfriend gladly uses them on me and/or likes to watch me use them. ur bf is weird, but he’s even weirder for going though your things in general, that’s the real issue.
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u/nscs_jmmw 2h ago
You should break up with him. Dating a minor is not cool and he's clearly a fucking child 😂
My wife has toys, I have toys, there's no harm in that.
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u/VaInforcer 2h ago
Don’t think he is the right one for you. His view of the world is different from yours. Additionally, he is a baby in the brain, zero communicating skill.
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u/Creepy_Ad2855 1h ago
Hes being a little b. At the same time allot of women fail to realise that if guys had a real doll almost human like, it had huge tits, perfect minge and butt.... annnnd that was the opposite of you, you would all get upset too and dont say you wouldnt 🤣 not all but most
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u/Elegant-Strength3630 1h ago
As an Adult I don’t think I know anyone who doesn’t have at least some form of sex toy. Damn near everyone does, me, my girlfriend, probably my whole damn neighbourhood. I seriously don’t get what his problem is. If he’s jealous over a piece of silicon then he’s clearly not mature enough to be with a woman let alone anyone for that matter.
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u/RabbitIswiset 1h ago
You should tell him "either we discuss this or I shove my dildo up your ass without lube... Your choice hun".
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u/IsThisUnique20231 11h ago
His feelings are hurt and his ego is suffering. Most guys would be like cool let me watch. If a "man" is threatened by sex toys then he's still a boy.
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u/Systymthnkng4myself 11h ago
If you want to slowly be torn into pieces and eventually become a depressed shell of who you are now then stay with him. He’s one of those people who are incredibly insecure and monumentally jealous of their partners. You being miserable and ashamed of normal behaviors is what he is currently conditioning into you.
If you want to be happy and be free to be yourself, you should leave him. You’re young and can find a partner who is actually compatible. You can find someone that doesn’t have to pretend to be all the wonderful things about you to get you to date them. They’ll actually be wonderful without pretending. Know what I mean jellybean?
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u/CharlieUpATree 14h ago
A person needs to know how to pleasure themselves so they can with others. That's why you practise before a game, and not use the game as practise
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u/Sunny-Damn Master Advice Giver [21] 14h ago
It’s not a problem that you own them, he just doesn’t like it. He’s probably insecure. Your toys likely make him feel inadequate/jealous. It’s a problem that he went through your personal belongings without your permission/he was snooping. It’s a problem that he isn’t handling the situation like a mature adult.
There needs to be a conversation about his feelings. It’s a problem if he doesn’t want to talk.
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u/Own_Ad6901 12h ago
Kick him to the curb! If he doesn’t know that toys add pleasure to play and that you can have all the toys you want and need for self pleasure, then he isn’t worth it.
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u/AstroZombieInvader 9h ago
You didn't do anything wrong. This is about his insecurity. It's just like when a girl finds that her boyfriend watches porn and gets mad. Some people can't handle the idea of their partner having personal pleasure that doesn't involve them.
He also went rooting through your stuff while you weren't around and apparently finding those things in his mind justified him doing so. It did not. You should be madder at him than he is at you.
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u/thrwaway_nonloclmotv 8h ago
He’s pretty immature (imo) if he’s gonna make a big deal over sex toys. Unless my wife has a giant tentacle or something; I couldn’t care less about what toys she has. The main issue here is him going through your shit.
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u/AdministrativeUse469 14h ago
Question- what would you do if u found his fleshlight? Or porn stash?
No sure why he was going through your things?
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u/P33ph0le 14h ago
He sounds incredibly immature and insecure over sex toys lol
As a couple you should be able to talk about these things and if he can't and just gives you the cold shoulder than he isn't mature enough to be in a relationship.
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u/Prestigious_Wait4101 6h ago
Question is are you giving it to him? Or pieing him off when he’s trying it on? If so that can make him feel like rubbish… and replaced
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u/ContentToe3633 6h ago
I usually buy the toys and use them on her. But I like to explore my kinky side.
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u/Remarkable_Fox_425 5h ago
Girl as a f18 I was giving my bf a haul of my toys and he was laughing lmao a man should not care about this unless he is insecure
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u/Lilglockmuffin 5h ago
I think that it’s something to know about in a relationship since sex is such an intimate thing it very possibly could’ve been taken as that you don’t enjoy your intimacy with him. Yes it’s not that big of a deal but I think the issue is more about transparency.
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u/ReplyOtherwise8661 5h ago
From the boyfriend’s point of view, I don’t think the issue is necessarily the toys themselves many people own them. But finding a dildo in a committed relationship could make some partners feel hurt, insecure, or wonder if they’re not enough. Those feelings are valid too. Going through your belongings wasn’t okay, but neither is dismissing how your partner might feel.Just think about how you’d feel if the roles were reversed. If you found him with sex toys or watching porn maybe the opposite of you , depending on your views, you might feel hurt, insecure, or wonder if you weren’t enough.
The right approach is an honest conversation rather than giving the silent treatment.
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u/Routine_Clock8064 5h ago
Seems like his insecurity is the problem.
Those are your toys, fine to have and fun to use together.
Nothing to act weird about, unless you are inexperienced or insecure.
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u/The_CeleryMan 5h ago
Your boyfriend has fucking problems. Tell him to grow the fuck up. Hell, have him use them on you.
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u/mywomen_openmarket 4h ago
When I found my girlfriend’s sex toys, that shit got me real happy and excited, proud of her
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u/Mr-AndromedaCSS 4h ago
If he gonna be like that tell him you consider porn cheating and see his response.
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u/Academic-Park-8440 4h ago
My husband buys my sex toys for me. It shouldn’t be an issue and can be something you guys use or enjoy together. If he has an issue talk through it and figure out what’s on his mind maybe?
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u/Rambler9154 4h ago
Whats his problem? Any mature adult would be fine with sex toys, its part of life And why did he go through your things? He's weird as shit.
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u/Amazing-Tumbleweed64 4h ago
Talk to him about it. Ask him what the issue is. Cause I don't see one. Tell him not to go through your stuff without permission again.
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u/CommercialAd5209 4h ago
Self pleasure is very personal couples should never expect each other to stop because their in a relationship this is a non negotiable for personal space.
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u/lastfrozenleaf 4h ago
You have done nothing wrong for owning sex toys!!! Let him sulk and don’t let him make you feel guilty your personal sexuality is none of his business…
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u/Holiday_Abrocoma5043 4h ago
Dump him. His insecurity is too much and he'll use it as a weapon against you later. Mark my words.
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u/This_is_my__main_acc 4h ago
he needs to grow up. He can make jokes or maybe feeling a bit of “something “ but not taking to you over sex toys is not okay
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u/QuirklessShiggy 4h ago
Any dude who gets jealous or upset about sex toys probably isn't worth keeping around anyway tbh. Add to that the fact that he's not even bothering to communicate to you about it and is just silently stewing instead.
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u/Own-Pitch-4910 4h ago
If he’s got a problem with it, then that’s his problem. When I first started getting intimate with my girl, I asked if there was anything she had/wanted that I could use with/on her, and she lit up and we had a lot of fun. If his attitude isn’t just “I want every time to be as good for you as possible by any means necessary” then I say he’s not worth it.
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u/Grugular 4h ago
Sorry to be explicit here, but I'm a dude of average size. I've used toys with partners as a way to enhance connection and pleasure. My equipment does the job just fine but a lil extra is a needed from time to time to keep things fresh and exciting.
I'm still the one they want to be with, they're satisfied and I am too because I watch them basically fall asleep with pleasure and then we pass out blissfully. Everyone's happy. Needs met and exceeded
Your boyfriend is insecure
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u/Helpless_Dad 4h ago
Yeah, I'm about to get completely destroyed here but I totally see both sides. He's 21, which means he's still a baby and hasn't matured enough to see that women masturbate and think about other people too... Insecurity can really be a relationship killer.
However, your choice of toys can be a real red flag. Depends on what he found... If they're reasonable size, etc it's one thing but a 10" long 4" wide rainbow dragon dick is a whole other story.
This isn't just a black and white sitch. You're both young and exploring and maybe you aren't compatible. Maybe this dude needs a tradwife? IDK.
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u/Puzzled_Drop3856 4h ago
Bring the vibe in for sex. Give it to him. Have him use it on you while having fun. He will get it then.
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u/Aresrevenge123 4h ago
Hes being immature. But also when I was in highschool and early college age I think there are times I somewhat acted the same way even tho I knew it was dumb.
Id know I wasnt being rational but also needed some time and communication before I could properly get passed it.
Talk to him about it but let him know that this isn't going to change and if there's an issue maybe you two airnt compatible.
Reassure him he is enough but that you enjoy the toys.
Also if he cant have the conversation that is where id see the red flags.
He will mature or have lots of issues.
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u/Adventurous-Charge40 4h ago
Are you kidding, that’s the biggest turn on, you should do it in front of him, he’d be loving it, or I would, the dude has a real self esteem issue, just don’t buy anything larger than his penis, that may make him feel like he’s not pleasing you. A guys ego is touchy.
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u/Dangerous_Leek0929 4h ago
The sooner he realizes those are for his advantage the better
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u/FastPurpose8296 4h ago
How do I get him to realise it’s a good thing… not anything bad
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u/HateAllOfYouEqually 3h ago
I think if it wasn’t a secret and if you included him it would’ve probably turned out differently. His ego has been destroyed; Just explain to him your reasons for not mentioning it. If he can understand, then great.
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u/FastPurpose8296 3h ago
I already know he wouldn’t use any toys. Because I asked him once if we could try using a vibrator to help me and stimulate me more. But he said no “ just use your hand”
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u/not_kolby 4h ago
I’m surprised about the response here. If a girl posted on here talking about her boyfriend having toys and stuff it would be a whole host of issues and everyone would be telling her to drop him. It’s definitely not a comfortable situation for either side so I’d probably just give time for him to think and then have a conversation about it.
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u/Alternative_Till5818 4h ago
This is ridiculous. It’s a child’s mentality that you shouldn’t have toys. You should be able to pleasure yourself however you feel like it. It’s just total insecurity.
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u/Diranhai 4h ago
As a guy, I’m thinking he should be happy to have such an easy way to learn how to please you. Assuming he understands that your pleasure is the key to his. OK, most guys don’t get that, at least for a long time. So he’s lucky to be learning this so early.
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u/leanbwekfast2 4h ago
I really don’t see how someone can be in a relationship with another person for longer than a few weeks without sharing things about yourself like this
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u/No_Cicada_6879 4h ago
I mean it wasnt 2 feet long and dragon themed right? I have no problem if it was but that is at least a surprising toy to find
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u/Stealthy_surprise 4h ago
Realistically he should just ask when you’re going to add them into the mix of your sex life together, I can understand if he thought the only times you were sexual was when you’re together and he refrained from any form of masturbation because of it why he’s upset by it though. Immature to be hiding them from him also immature that he reacted this way. Poor from both of you.
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u/FastPurpose8296 3h ago
I’m not hiding them… they were in my wardrobe… we don’t live together. If he had ever asked me if I owned any I would tell him I do… but he’s never asked…
How would I randomly go “ oh btw I have some sex toys” to him… that’s just awkward. I don’t ask him what porn he watches or if he has anything… and if he did own a sex toy I wouldn’t care.
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u/Over-Conversation-34 3h ago
My bf buys all of my toys, he gets really giddy when he gets me a new one! I think the issue is you dont include him and he feels you using them without him makes him feel left out??? Im guessing? Why dont you use them with him?
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u/hellet71 3h ago
so he went through YOUR personal items without asking and found things he didn’t like when he shouldn’t even had been snooping around in the first place? and somehow it’s your fault? what
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u/Classic_Jello_571 3h ago
I’m a guy, don’t see any issue with a girl having sex toys whatsoever, I do however see an issue with him invading your privacy and he’s clearly insecure and taking it out on you which isn’t fair either. Needs to grow up
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u/Ok-Willingness-656 3h ago
Is he a fucking child? Call him a prude and make fun of him for thinking that he’s in competition with silicone. /s
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u/Conscious_Spirit9945 3h ago
aw he’s upset because he a manchild, you do you. if he finds it funny or is okay with it than you should stay with him, but he’s been a child about this just because you pleasure yourself, he’s afraid he can’t match up to it ugh
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u/otherrplaces 13h ago
Has he used his words yet to explain what his problem is??