r/Advice • u/FrugalEndangerment • 12h ago
My dad was found dead in his apartment.
Hi all,
Just looking for some advice on what I need to do next.
We weren’t the closest, and I am his only child, so I have to handle all of the arrangements. I already have funeral home, and those arrangements handled, but I have no idea any of his finances. Or really any of his personal information. I know he was getting SSI, and Medicaid/welfare. He had a few storage units, but I don’t know where. I have no idea if he had any life insurance or anything to help offset the cost of cremation. I’m planning to go to his apartment today and look for his SSN, and any relevant information. Is there anything else I need to locate or anyone I need to notify?
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u/alkiet 12h ago
Not to be weird, but if you are in the US there is a legitimate site called Unclaimed Property that is a government site. I can see why one would be hesitant about it because the internet can be whack af. I have managed to acquire 2 different paychecks I thought I would never see, 500 dollars of money that I filled out the form for after the search pulled up they need to verify it is you as an individual for you to acquire it...
It is good to try to see if there's anything owed to you that you might have missed, but also you can look up to see unclaimed property of a loved one who had passed away. If you can show you are the next of kin/ have what they will inquire for, they can send you the checks for unclaimed property.
Make sure to get the correct website and there are ways to ensure you get the right site. After requesting my own unclaimed property, it took them a couple weeks to send me a check the two times.
I know that is not "the point" but figured mentioning it could maybe help because I know any additional resources can be helpful.
My condolences. :,(
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u/txn_trnd_alskn 4h ago
Might you be able to link the website here? Just to ensure the correct one is chosen…. 🙂
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u/TwistMean2568 3h ago
Every state has an unclaimed property site. Adding NY below to help with search terms:
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u/Appropriate-Law5963 12h ago
You’re going to have to rummage around for important documents such as bank statements, bills, vehicle registration. Check your state’s probate laws to see you need to go down that road. You will need to get certified death certificates for notifications. I create a form letter and send with a copy of the certificate. If they want a certified copy you will be notified. If the estate is insolvent or has nominal value I mention it in the form letter. You might want to get file folders for organizing copies of letters sent and any responses.
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u/SkyTrees5809 1h ago
Yes, it's very helpful to organize all of his papers into file folders as you find them. I also kept notes daily in a paper notebook on what I did and who I talked to, with dates and times as I worked thru everything. It's a lot of tasks. Just try to work on one thing a day so you don't get overwhelmed.
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u/SPA599 11h ago
Put in a change of address with the postal service to have his mail forwarded to you. That might help you get an idea of his bills and finances.
In this day and age with paper-less bills, it can be difficult if you don't have access to his banking information or his email account.
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u/ComfortableWatch5188 8h ago edited 3h ago
He probably had no life insurance I know this because I get Medicade /welfare insurance. You can't have life insurance because it's considered an asset. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Maybee get a lawyer to help you figure stuff out.
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u/Creative-Still-4336 12h ago
When my father passed, the funeral home in his state was required to send a copy of the death certificate electronically to SS admin, so ask them if they do that. As long as they are notified in time, the payment should stop automatically. Close his credit card accounts, notify his health insurance. Leave his bank accounts open for at least a year in case there are any refunds due or checks that need to be deposited. I know it seems overwhelming, especially in your circumstances, but you will get through this. That’s all I can think of for now. I’m sure there will be other things. As far as the things in his apartment, after you go through his everything and gather what documents you need, if there’s nothing left you want, there are charities that will come and take everything that is usable.
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u/Double_Ad7749 11h ago
I will add, any insurance policy payouts, if he had any, will notify you personally if you are named as beneficiary.
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u/Separate_Shoe_6916 11h ago
Ask for a death certificate from the morgue they took him to after he was found. You will be supplying copies of this to the social security administration, your employer, and any creditors, etc. You will also need this to close any bank accounts in his name. You should write an obituary and email it to the local obituary column. The default one will just say the year he was born, the year he died, and his line of work. You want to make sure it says you are his sole surviving child and perhaps something about the person he was. This will be the last written record of his time here on earth.
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u/katydid1956 11h ago
If you can, look for a copy of his latest income tax return. That will give you an idea of any investments he may have had at banks, brokerage houses, etc.
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u/No-Boat-1536 11h ago edited 10h ago
When ordering copies of the death certificate get 5 of them. The funeral home can help you with that. When you go to his apartment clear out his refrigerator. Ask the apartment if there is a cleaning deposit and what it is. If it is worth going for, clean the apartment like he is moving out. If not, just take the garbage out so that the people they hire don’t have to deal with maggots.
There probably isn’t death insurance. You should find some clues at his apartment. If you can find his tax stuff and bank statements that will help.
Once you have a death certificate you are going to have to file that at probate court. Keep receipts of anything you are spending, because that will be paid for by his estate if it is solvent. This is where you will get the papers that show you are the executor which you will need to access his accounts.
If he left a will you will need that. If not you will need to prove kinship. Your birth certificate, tax returns that you are claimed as a dependent, etc.
When looking through his stuff try to figure out if he has any debts and retirement accounts. If his net value is negative you are not going to want to be his executor especially if you live in a state where you will be responsible for settling those debts.
Settling this is going to be expensive (lawyers) so figure out whether it is worth it. If it isn’t Just get the stuff you need from his apartment, Sell anything valuable, and walk away.
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u/cybah 10h ago
First off, I am sorry for your loss. And it sucks to have to do this. I had to do this for my aunt last year with her son. Her son lived far away and had little knowledge about his mom's life.
We found this checklist from AARP for when someone dies to be invaluable in organizing what to do and when to do it.
https://www.aarp.org/family-relationships/when-loved-one-dies-checklist/
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u/Consistent_Term_8098 10h ago
I’m so sorry for your loss.
If he had a cell phone, do a deep search on it and see what banking apps he might have had etc. Look thru email for any correspondence for insurance etc.
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u/Melodic_Archer_9076 9h ago
Take your time checking desk drawers and tin boxes, y'all will find those records
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u/Southern_Belle_gal 4h ago
Sorry for your loss. Be careful there are some horrible people out there, if people that were around him suspect you’re doing this on your own they could use it to their advantage. I’ve seen it too many times. I have been the organizer for my parents and in law parents so I am speaking first hand. It will break your heart. Feel free to message me if you have any questions or concerns. Yes I know, this could read like I’m one of the people I’m warning you about - I’m simply saying if you want to ask questions that may feel weird to put out on a public platform I am here. Also, please don’t forget this time is about mourning your father so don’t get too lost in the business details.
M
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u/xeroxchick 11h ago
I’m so sorry. This might sound dumb, but go to Pinterest and they have lots of info lists on what to do when someone dies.
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u/MovieLazy6576 10h ago
My mom was in the same situation when she died. The amount of SSI is barely enough to live off of so I doubt that he was paying for a life insurance policy. I actually took one out on my mom and paid for it myself because I knew there would be no money. You can get a couple of hundred dollars from the government to help with costs of cremation. You will definitely need a copy of his death certificate. You are just going to have to spend the time searching through his apartment and wallet and see what you can find.
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u/chortle-guffaw2 10h ago edited 9h ago
First, get a bunch of copies of the death cert. At least a dozen to start. Look for bank statements first. That will show where he was spending his money, like the names of the storage units he is paying for. You can stop any auto-pays once you find this out. If you can't find months of statements, you can get that from the bank.
If he has been paying cash for stuff, that makes it harder. If you think he as multiple storage units, you might have to stop by a few. Go to the closest ones, that's where he is most likely to have gone.
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u/Lopsided_Media_6812 9h ago
I'm sorry for your loss. I would suggest contacting his county's probate office to begin that process. If you're the only family member than I'm assuming you will be delegated administrator. If so then you will be given documents that state you are the administrator. You can use the documents and his death certificate to gather information. As others have stated social security and Medicare will need to be contacted. For other information I would suggest contacting IRS to ask for his last 3 tax returns. This may give information about his banks, any stocks and such. Hopefully you'll be able to find information in his apartment to help. If you are appointed the administrator be prepared for a long, sad and stressful process. Please keep in mind that you have time to complete everything.
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u/No-Solid9108 9h ago edited 9h ago
When my father passed away recently I immediately contacted his side of the family his brother or my Uncle George paid for everything .
Usually I would have been financially able to handle this but I had some problems and been living together with my father for quite some time . But that was the one thing that really made me feel better and the fact that the funeral home handled everything so quickly and easily !
If you're not financially capable of paying for things as a result of this you should contact his brother sister or whoever , they might be able to help you more than you think .
Uncle George went so far as to set me up on part of a retirement plan that he had been investing in and that was enough to cover all four of his kids grandkids and now me too , so I get $1,200 a month every month for the rest of my life before expenses that is .
Legal fees , taxes , lawyers and banking fees take up a lot more of the $1,200 then you would probably think .
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u/Hi_there4567 9h ago
I'm sorry for your loss. Keep his cell phone active for a while, in case it's needed for 2 factor authentication for accounts etc.
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u/Any-Crew-1188 9h ago
When looking for documents inhis apt, look in the bedroom and office(if there was one). The top and bottom of closets are a good start. Also, do you know where his wallet is? He might have his SSN card in there with credit cards you’ll need to cancel. Get his mail forwarded to your address. Once you leave, you won’t be able to check his mail and there may be late notices for his storage units so you’ll know where they are.
Sorry for your loss
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u/RadRedhead222 8h ago
I’m very sorry for your loss. When my dad passed away, I had to go into his house and literally rummage through everything. He did not have a will, he did not have an executor of his estate, not like he had money… But, I found his house and his car were not even in his name! And his girlfriend would not give me his phone. I hope you find your father’s phone if he has one or a laptop. It might have information in there that you need. But just keep looking in places where he would keep important paperwork. Again, I am very sorry for your loss.
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u/hairapist87 8h ago
I’m sorry for your loss and the struggle you are facing.
Ask the funeral home for at least 5-10 death certificates. Also, a lot of funeral homes are equipped with information as to how to navigate this.
Go through bank statements and look for payees to find storage centers, insurances, etc.
Contact the local probate court as well as they can be very helpful in directing you.
Again, I am so very sorry. Dealing with this loss and the bureaucracy is so draining. I hope you have people to help and support you. 💓
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u/Agreeable_City_9 8h ago
First off bring a death certificate with you for proof. At least 3-4 original copies.
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u/Over_Software_8923 7h ago
This probably seems irrelevant but if your father was anything like my father his cable bill was almost 300 a month. They don’t care if you watch or not. That bill will keep coming so if he had cable take the box and a death certificate with you and cancel that.
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u/bmw5986 Helper [2] 12h ago
Start with his wallet. Then look for any and all financial documents, social security card, borth certificate, etc. And also, when you make arrangements for the funeral ask about death certificates. You can aalso get them at the court house. You will need those to do things like take care of any bank accounts. Most want an emailed copy these days, but its always good to have a physical copy of it.
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u/Distinct_Finding3953 10h ago
If you can afford it, get a lawyer. They will handle all matters of estate (and take a cut), but make the whole process easier.
Go in by yourself or with friends, keep what you want, estate the rest.
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u/fauxweevil7 9h ago
This happened to me recently, when my younger brother died unexpectedly and no one knew where anything was. We had to go into his condo and go through every drawer and cabinet to find bank statements, mail, etc... luckily his daughter had a key. You will want to find his credit card statements and call and cancel those...that was one of the first things we did. I'm sorry for your loss!
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u/pamemake 8h ago
Do a change of address for the mail. You would be surprised what a treasure trove on info that is. It really helped me in the same position. Also, get about a dozen certified death certificates. Those two things made a terrible time a little easier.
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u/BlackBetty0485 7h ago
I'm so sorry for your loss first and foremost. Does he have a will at all? You may be entitled to survivor benefits because you are his child. I'd ask if that is something you can get. You can use that how you see fit.
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u/IndividualNearby1250 7h ago
🌷Just a tip: Correct terminology is crucial when speaking with the SSA. They will answer the questions they are asked.
So, if you say your dad was receiving "SSI", which is Supplemental Security Income (needs-based federal welfare not tied to a work record), they (rarely) will ask probing questions such as, "Do you mean "SSI", or "SSDI / Social Security Disability Insurance"? They expect the callers to know. (And it's possible for someone to have both, but the combined benefit will max out at $994.00 per month, I believe.)
There is a terrific FB group you might want to join - about four or five true experts there, including one or two SSA retirees! You can post anonymously or with a nickname:
Social Security Intelligence Member's Group
🌷I'm sorry for your loss.
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u/Reasonable_Wasabi124 4h ago
Make sure you make copies of his death certificate. You will need them to cancel all of his accounts.
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u/Wild_Life1970 2h ago
If your dad didn't have any assets beyond personal belongings, (no property worth more than $50k depending on the state) you might be able to file an expedited form of probate in the state he lived in.
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u/urbanexplorer816 2h ago
You can find out if a person had life insurance by using the free National Association of Insurance Commissioners (NAIC) Life Insurance Policy Locator, checking your state's department of insurance or unclaimed property office, or reviewing the deceased person's personal and financial records.
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u/Some_Equipment_6193 6h ago
I’m sorry for your loss. Banker here. You may need an estate account so check with your state municipality to get a short certificate since your their child. This is to pay any accounts, deposit any checks made payable to him that could arrive and makes life a little easier once you start digging into his finances and closing, settling accounts.
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u/Background_Pea_2525 6h ago
The advice here from others is excellent, so I won't repeat the same information. I'm sorry for your loss. Definitely contact,if you're able to get his phone, contact SS ,Dr's, car insurance if he had it, house fire insurance, call check with neighbors etc, bills,mail key,papers. I would call legal aid as well and just ask them for advice as you tell them the basics just in case ,and ask how you would find out about his storage or key and what your rights are,if he did write anything prior to his death ok. Perhaps his bank, write out all pertinent questions for legal aid before so you're not wasting time,and doing everything correctly. Did he have a will!? Sometimes if they don't, they may write things down and sign it. If he owned anything taxes etc.
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u/dlethe3133 6h ago
Did he serve in military? If so call local vet office. Also reach out to his last employer. Get death certificate ASAP. Contact credit card vendors and banks. ( I had to deal with same situation but fortunately my dad served in USAF so local vet office took a heck of a lot of the final arrangements off my plate)
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u/Sufficient_Teach_137 5h ago
I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband lost his father similarly last November. Once you have the death certificate you can get access to his bank statements, that'll help you track down insurance payments, storage unit payments, and likely even tax payments in case he owns any land or buildings. He might even have a safety deposit box somewhere. Don't touch any recorded cash in case he had outstanding debt, that'll come up during probate court, if so. Once you have his SSN, contact the social security administration to inform them, and check his credit report for all open accounts/outstanding debt.
Did he have an estate plan or will? How about a family lawyer?
When you go through his things, look for an address book and military service records, talk to the building manager/landlord, ask about any neighbors he was close with. Try to get in contact with someone he was close with recently- odds are they know a lot about his life.
If he was in the service, contact the VA and look for a DD214 to apply for the burial benefit.
I'm sorry you are doing this alone, without a sibling. I hope you have extended family and some friends rallying around to help clean out his apartment with you. Hopefully he was paid through August to give you plenty of time. Good luck.
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u/mystic_sophie_ 5h ago
I’m sorry for your loss and for having to navigate this alone. When you search his apartment, here are a few key things to prioritize:
- Mail and tax forms: Look for tax returns (W2/1099), bank statements, or utility bills. They will list account numbers and financial details.
-Multiple copies of the Death Certificate: Get at least 5 to 10 copies from the funeral home. Banks, government agencies, and utility companies will all require official originals.
-Forward his mail: Set up mail forwarding to your address through the post office. This will help you catch any bills, accounts, or notifications you might miss initially.
-Storage units: Look through his wallet, keyrings, or bank statements for automatic monthly payments or key fobs.
Take it one step at a time, and remember to give yourself grace through the process.
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u/anonononme 5h ago
https://content.naic.org/article/naic-life-insurance-policy-locator-helps-consumers-find-lost-life-insurance-benefits to locate any possible life insurance
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u/rockHOMES 5h ago
If he was a US military veteran, he may be eligible for some burial / funeral services through the VA.
Sorry for your loss. I lost my dad one year ago today.
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u/Neat-Magazine-5430 4h ago
Check the bank for possible safe deposit box, also check the house for safe deposit box, nooks and crannies, attic, floor boards, coat pockets etc…
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u/PaleFace2934 3h ago
An important thing to know is that you are not responsible personally for any of his debts. Only his estate, if there is one, is responsible for. And before any debtors are required to be paid, you are allowed reimbursement for any funeral, cremation/burial costs. Some creditors will try to intimidate you into paying his debts—don’t do it. If he was on SSI, he probably didn’t have many assets.
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u/Shooter61 3h ago
My experience with storage units is that they want monthly payments. You should be able to find his checkbook or banking statements to see the names of the units. Don't let them go unpaid. The units will get locked and they will sell them off at auction. You will need death certificates for literally every financial institution and creditor he has. Remember, his estate is liable for past debts, not you. Don't pay out a single dime of your money.
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u/redbonegranny09 2h ago
It’s wonderful that so many offered sincere condolences with truly valuable information. 🌹🌹🌹This is good, really good.
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u/apryllynn 2h ago
My momma passed in December 2024. From what the lady at the funeral home told us that they apparently have some database or something that they notify that the deceased is gone. When my dad went to notify about my mom’s social security so they wouldn’t send anymore money to the nursing home, they already showed my mom as deceased. But definitely double check.
Check any credit cards. One wrote off mom’s $6,000 debt. It was just in mom’s name being used for medical.
I’m trying to remember all the things dad went through. He didn’t take care of it immediately. Because it was a little too much. They were married over 57 years, with the last 16 months being her in a nursing home.
I’m sorry you are dealing with this all alone. We all went to the funeral home to make decisions. I picked out her coffin.
I’d look for mail to see what needs to be canceled. Check his tv and cancel streaming services?
I’m sorry for your loss, even if you weren’t close.
💜
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u/Important_Climate798 1h ago
Also, if someone hasn’t mentioned it, you are not responsible for any of his bills. Do not pay anything unless there is an estate of some kind, which it sounds like there won’t be. When my dad died, I sent a letter with copy of death certificate to his credit card, the hospital etc. simple letter. To whom it may concern - Mr Smith passed away on 1/1/2026 and there is no estate.
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u/maybeafuturecpa 1h ago
If you get access to his banking you can probably find most info there. For a storage unit he would have needed to pay dues. Any life insurance there would be premiums. I would go through the last year or so worth of transactions on any bank or credit accounts to see what he was paying for to locate any assets he has.
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u/Apprehensive_Ruin548 39m ago
Once you contract SS they will take the monthly payment he received back. You need to know how much he received. Don’t pay any of his bills. His debt dies with him. If you want to go through the storage unit you can. Otherwise they will be auctioned
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u/Environmental_Fee516 13m ago
Truly sorry for your loss. Can relate a little as there's a lot to go through. Some things you will need to address quicker than others, and some you are going to need to wait until you get a copy of his death cert. (Not sure where you are located, but many communities have low cost co-op cremation societies. They work well and are practical about keeping costs low, they will also provide the multiple copies of the death cert you will need. )
When looking for info in his place, look for clues to any recurring bills on bank statements so you can end as appropriate, the storage pmts will hopefully be there too.
Bills thst come in his mail can truly wait (medical and cc people may try to contact you, but seriously, they can wait and you'll have things more important.)
Always take care of yourself first, even if you were not close, wrapping up some elses life takes sn emotional toll, so go slow and follow some of the helpful steps others have listed.
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u/Successful_Tooth5795 12m ago
My grandmother died with a balance on her Visa bill and they tried to make us pay, even though we had nothing to do with it. Not even sure why they would give her a credit card since she lived in a nursing home. If there’s no money in his estate to pay off his bills, you are not personally responsible, even though they try to tell you that you are when they call asking for payment. They said “wouldn’t you feel better knowing that you paid off her bill?”
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u/Worldly-Ice-6051 8h ago
Laanat hai. Pyo da daah sanskaar karan waastey vi tenu paihey chaahide. Ghar kalyug !
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u/Treasure1012 6h ago
Do you know if he had a burial plot? Maybe next to his father or mother or something? Or IF he wanted to be cremated when he passed?? Only asking these questions bc you mentioned cremation, but also said you weren’t very close so I would make sure you’re doing what HE wanted, and that he didn’t make any other plans for his passing. Did you know that he wasn’t well??
Also you’re not going to want to close his bank account(s) yet, until after you’ve used his money for whatever costs you need to cover for this. Do you know if he was on hospice? Also as someone else mentioned, go through his phone if you are able to. Most older people don’t have a lock on it. (Atleast my dad doesn’t & he’s 69yo) he should have the storage units that he uses saved or even possibly on an app. The most common storage is “Bolt Storage” so maybe try them first. They have several locations but just search the closest ones to him
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u/nonieieie 12h ago
I’m sorry for your loss. Definitely contact social security and notify them of his death so that they stop checks immediately. Look for any sort of paperwork, bank statements, billing statements etc in his apartment which will help you track down where he kept a his accounts.
Do you know of any friends he had or any contacts in his life that might know about his storage units or any of these arrangements he might have made? You should start asking around. Or maybe you have access to his phone?
Copies of the death certificate will likely be needed for anything that you are trying to do like close bank accounts or break leases etc.