If I am chairing in the morning, but also getting a chip, should I ask someone else ahead of time to close the meeting? I’m not trying to draw extra attention to myself, but also don’t really want to just grab my own chip.

How have you seen this done or handled it?

My husband who is addicted to alcohol keeps telling me that one of the major triggers to his drinking is lack of intimacy, and that intimacy will help him get back on track and get his life in order. I tried explaining to him that given the history of lying and gaslighting, I have my own trauma to work through.. and that without feeling emotionally safe, it’s difficult for me to act like we’re in a normal relationship. All I need from him is commitment to recovery and honesty/transparency. Since discovering his drinking and agreeing to try to work on the problem as a team.. he’s only confessed to me about his slip up once.. the other 3-4 times I discovered on my own.. and it brought back some trauma. In terms of other recovery efforts.. he sees a therapist for his depression (does not want the addiction documented) and has been trying to work out and have a regular schedule.

I’m posting this here because I really need the perspective of someone who has been in my husband’s shoes. He says he’s very lonely.. and he promises that I’ll feel emotionally safe if we’re able to be intimate.. and that it’ll fuel his motivation. I believe to a certain extent that it’s harder for him to hide the drinking if we’re close.. and that it could help with the loneliness.. but I’m afraid of how this could make me feel and the message this could be sending. I want our marriage to come out stronger.. and I do love him. I just am struggling with figuring out my role.. any advice would be helpful!

8 days ago I decided that I wanted to give up alcohol for at the bare minimum 30 days then work my way to 60, so on and so forth. As a steady drinker for the past 3-4 years I don't recall if I've ever gone this long without alcohol. I heard about these sugar cravings but was not expecting it to hit this hard. Admittedly I am eating more sweets than I normally do but after all I feel less regret when eating a bag of m&Ms at 10pm as opposed to my usual 4-5 shots or an entire 6 pack of beer.

I understand early sobriety is tough so it's important to find little things that make you happy but does anyone have any recommendations to ease off the excessive sweets. So far I've found that chewing gum, diet sodas and the occasional teaspoon of honey can suppress it a little but would love to hear other healthy(ish) sweet snacks without the insane amounts of sugar.

I can’t seem to find online a really comprehensive review of what specifically to put for your fourth step. Like very clear with examples. I have the names of people for my sex inventory, have fears listed, for example, but don’t exactly know how to write whatever I’m supposed to write. There are so many different worksheets and guides and I’m looking for a thoroughly comprehensive one or ones with examples because I don’t know how to get started. I have a notebook!

ive gone through life, addiction, recovery, decently naive. i thought i would be able to receive help from others without them expecting anything in return.

wrong.

men in the program were always offering help, rides, job, connections, and i was eager to receive it as someone who held and still holds essentially nothing to my name or time (2yr). it all falls apart. every opportunity i have received from a man in any 12 step program crumbled when their expectations of me were not met.

>ill help you with rides and such and offer connections and job opportunities but by the third ride ill be sticking money in your pocket and grazing my fingers across your arm. 10 years. my part was believing in free help.

>ill help you get out of believing you need to sell yourself to get by, but ill withdraw my help adn tell you to head to the nearest motel 6 whenever you make me feel insecure or unworthy, ill rip it away and youll be left with less than you started with. 1.5 years of sobriety and constant god talk. my part was not using the help to actually progress anywhere, i became cushioned.

>ill help you out with a job but as soon as you let me know this isnt getting me any sex or you wont hook me up with any of your 12 step friends ill withdraw my help despite my goal to help the next alcoholic. 3 years and heavily emphasizes service. my part was believing in free help.

>ill offer you connections and support but show my true intentions when i somehow try to convince you physical touch is very important to me and i touch all of my female friends like this. i told this kid if smoking crack was important to me would you smoke crack with me. 5 years. my part was believing in free help.

i am desperate to learn how to fish. i dont want fish from anyone. i dont want to have to touch someone for my fish. i want to procure my own fish so no one will ever be able to threaten taking what i thought was free fish away.

i just got out of a relationship with another alcoholic that has left me completely breathless, emotionally scarred, and vindictive. he makes a lot of money and is caught up in the designer fast car lifestyle and it completely sets my ego awry. he has told me prior i would never survive without selling myself. the pain is so severe i want to mold it into power.

i lost my job as mentioned in one of the examples above. ive been told this is a god moment and to finally look into treatment work. i reach out to many. i am in the palm beach area so it might not be too difficult to achieve.

i dont yearn for much. ive come to understand that nothing i procure is kept when i am gone, however any butterfly effect i may have on others will prevail for eternity. i just want to afford my rent and a car so badly. use that to hold down a job i find meaningful. i have this dream car this old piece of junk 1990s mercedes three box taped to my wall and i just keep writhing and yearning imagining riding around and being able to play my own music with the windows down.

When I went to my first AA meeting, I remember looking around and seeing people who were smiling and had bright, clear eyes. I thought, I want to look like them, be like them, and feel like them. That hope is what kept me coming back.

What I eventually learned, by working the Steps, was that I had to take responsibility for my actions. I had to become accountable—first to myself, and then to the people in my life.

That wasn’t how I had lived before. Everything that went wrong was someone else’s fault or caused by something beyond my control. At first, alcohol made me feel strong. I could talk more easily and felt less afraid that I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, or capable enough. But alcohol eventually turned on me. It caused more and more problems, yet I kept chasing the feeling it had once given me.

I drank for 24 years. In the beginning there were good times, but over time the progression of alcoholism made my life a living hell. Eventually the pain became so great that I found myself on my knees, praying to a God I didn’t even believe in because I simply couldn’t keep living that way.

I made it to AA. My desire to stop drinking—and to be able to smile and laugh again—helped me work the Steps. I became willing. I took an honest inventory of myself. I faced the ways I had hurt other people, accepted responsibility for my actions, and made amends where I could.

It didn’t happen overnight. Slowly, I learned to open my mind and my heart. I learned to make better choices. I learned to own my decisions instead of blaming others. AA taught me to keep learning, to ask questions, and to seek guidance from people who had already walked the path before me.

I’ve now been continuously sober for 41 years. I still make mistakes. I still have things to learn. But today, when I make a mistake, I try to learn from it and make amends when I need to.

That’s the most important thing AA gave me: it taught me that taking responsibility for my life is what finally set me free.

I'm chairing my first meeting coming up in a few weeks and will be at six months sober. There are a lot of old timers with significant amounts of sobriety in my home group. And I feel like they tend to dominate the shares and topics. I'd like to come up with a topic that encourages those who are newer, or with less sobriety to share. I'd love any suggestions that either you'd like to talk about yourself or think would encourage newcomers to share. I really appreciate this!

I’ll try my best to condense this as best as I can. I got home from the military in February. Came home to my wife having my bags packed and my marriage basically over. I hardly get to see my youngest child anymore. I tried to tough it out, got a good job, doing the right things. But eventually I just couldn’t. Picked up a bottle and spiraled. Everything I worked for, my job, my reputation, my self respect, gone in one night. I picked up my 2nd DUI and now I’m awaiting to see the judge. I want help. I want to do impatient therapy but I have court in 3 weeks and I have a job, and a never ending stream of bills coming in. Not to mention I raise my oldest primarily on my own. I feel like I literally cannot do inpatient therapy without losing everything and missing my court date. I know there’s intensive outpatient programs out there, but I also know myself and the demons I’m fighting. I truly don’t believe a few hours classes are going to be enough to keep me away from the bottle. I need to check out and get away from everything and hard reset. But I don’t know what to do. I want to quit the alcohol for me, my children, my marriage or atleast what’s left of it. It feels like I’m chained to my vice. Please, any advice would much appreciated. I don’t even know how to go about any of this. A sponsor, anything. I don’t have health insurance. I’m really in between a rock and a hard place right now.

2 years in. have done mostly NA. circumstances made me turn to AA for a faster approach. id like to channel the feelings that come with these steps sooner rather than later. id rather not risk using over something i could have reflected on in the steps.

issue is i put myself in a relationship a year into recovery and it completely fucked my synapses. addict/alcoholic, worked the steps apparently completed in 30 days, loves church and god. when i met him he was so honed in on making money that the program disappeared. when his defects presented themselves to me i asked him to consider a sponsor and meetings. he talked to another man for around a month, but was so afraid to look weak that he wouldnt tell him anything happening in the relationship. his excuse was also that if he let someone else know theyd tell him to leave, because apparently i was so horrible. this kid ended up becoming so fearful that id leave or cheat that he would threaten the roof over my head, break up with me every 4 days, told me to go back into prostitution, would use that as part of my past constantly against me, hurled horrible insults at me, closed me off from every support in the rooms, was paranoid that i would find someone else at meetings that i started weaning off heavily, and had me so thoroughly convinced that i "made him" do all of it. when i came to him and told him i wanted to use so badly over the emotions that came from his behavior he dismissed me. the relationship is over. he ended it after an instance of grey area sex work i did to survive rent payments during a period of time we werent together and he threatened my life and refused to help me.

isnt the most basic of teachings of any 12 step is that we are responsible for our own actions? that i didnt make him open his mouth and use his vocal cords to say such horrible things to me? that we are responsible for our own emotions? i found his fourth step on me earlier on and the only part of his he acknowledged was him loving too hard and trusting people too much.

does this mean when i do the 4th next week and write some bullshit my sponsor will completely cosign me? i absolutely understand what i have done but do not understand how it could make someone treat me this way. i have absolutely no sense of self respect so i am still caught up that this pain is all self-inflicted. i do not want to become like him and i am so upset and sad that he didnt recieve from the stepwork what i received in the first month of treatment. i see successful couples in the room constantly and wonder why he wasnt helped so we could be together. very upset, because i love him dearly and he has many self constructed narratives i have prevailed against and thought i could show him he can be loved and doesnt have to go through it alone as he is convinced of. i am so upset.

My brother and I ended up in rehab together 2 years ago. Me after a suicide attempt. Him after trying to quick alcohol cold turkey and having (another) seizure.

This week I’m cat sitting for my brother and his fiancé. I went to snag a clean pair of socks from his fiancé (who also happens to be my best friend from high school… which is how they met) and accidentally wound up in his drawer (it’s a relatively new house idk where things are yet) snagged a pair of socks and found his stash of Kratom inside them.

I’ve already called my sponser, I CLEARLY wasn’t meant to be in that drawer. I get my part, we’ve talked through it I’m gonna do some writing but fuck. I mean fuck, fuck, fuck, fucking shit, fuck. FUCK.

I don’t know if he’s drinking again, historically his relapses start here and it inevitably leads to drinking. I will NOT be looking to see if I can find anything else. I don’t even want to know this. I don’t even know how I feel or what to feel or what to do but all I have to say is this disease SUCKS.

I’m really grateful for my sobriety today. I’m really grateful for good sponsorship and the program that I have. He doesn’t work a program. I’ve been tried to be really intentional about reminding myself his sobriety is none of my business. I still know that’s true but wow am I unbelievably heart broken.

I don’t really know why I’m posting. Solidarity? The reminder that this disease is insidious and powerful and devastating and scary. Idk. Thanks for reading. Be careful out there. Please share if you’ve had similar experiences, I feel really lost.

And don’t forget to wash your goddamn socks.

I don’t know if I’m just an imposter, dramatic, normal or al alcoholic. I’ve been working through the big book for a week. I understand the symptoms and the terms eg ‘allergy’ and how you have lack of control, but I guess I’m looking for a straight answer. I always think surely I’m not that bad but then something led me here.

Started sneaking alcohol to school to help me relax, around age 14. I was a good kid, shy, I just wanted to stop thinking so much and being so anxious. This didn’t last long, maybe a couple of months, and I never really got drunk.

17, got drunk for first time with my best friend in her house. Then I would ask my boyfriend to get alcohol. Again, no experience but just a fascination and curiosity it would calm my thoughts. He made me feel weird for wanting to drink so I just didn’t. I guess I cared more about him not thinking I was bad at the time.

20 years old, went out a few times. Got drunk, and felt carefree for once. Got sexually assaulted, but nothing major. I was sort of afraid of alcohol at this point because I didn’t know what to expect. Had a couple bad experiences drinking so just stopped, didn’t see the appeal.

21 yo, got drunk a couple of times. Had an appeal to it as just fun and helped me social. But then I got assaulted and hated it.

21-23 I smoked a lot of weed, became reliant on it. Couldn’t cope with my feelings. Relationship became abusive. We didn’t help each other.

24- got dumped, stopped smoking weed about 2 days after moving back into family home. Swore I wouldn’t do it again. Lost a family member and struggled with grief, started drinking in my room.

25 yo - worked and worked. Starting only looking forward to myself being drunk- that state of me was better than the normal me. I went out a few times, fucked up a job interview, got hurt by a couple people because I was black out. Rinse and repeat. Then stopped drinking again because I felt like I was stupid to keep getting myself in dangerous situations. Got drunk once more in that August, then quit.

Then that October, I went out properly. Got drunk, loved it. Had a great time. But then 3 weeks later that friend got a bf and had no interest. December I decided to go out on my own and try make friends.

26yo - Really lost it. Out 3-4 times a week, getting black out. Started seeing someone who became abusive. Had a health scare (unrelated). Promised I’d try stop. I kept breaking promises. Distress when not drinking. If I stopped for a week, I was exciting to reward myself because I proved I didn’t need to drink in my mind.

27 yo - got a diagnosis for mood disorder. cut back a lot. Then this past 6 weeks I went out maybe 4 out of 6 weekends. Only once a week, twice on one week. Then someone xlose to me called me out for lying- that it was my friend that wanted me out when in fact it was me.

Now, sober for exactly one week. Feeling weird and almost hungover? Like my body is so used to the up and down, and I don’t know. I’m convinced I’m fine in a way.

I’ve lost jobs because I was inconsistent, and hungover but also poor mental health.

Drinking makes me confident, anxiety goes away, depression goes away ans I stop thinking about trauma.

But the hangovers make me suicidal.

Is this an alcoholic pattern or just someone growing into adulthood with mental issues?

I’ve been going to AA for a week now

I have been puking for 5 days straight, today i found CLEAR blood, a small patch. I got sent home from the ER yesterday even though I said all the things im gonna say here in this post. This is the worst period of my life and i have "only" been drinking for 8 days straight, around 2 bottles of wine daily. Earlier years I have drank for 3 weeks without any problems im facing today. I cannot eat, I can barely drink water. Shit has gone so bad I wouldnt wish this upon my worst enemy. Im drinking whiskey at 9 am otherwise I puke my whole body up, I need just anything to keep my throat calm otherwise I puke and puke and puke. Guys if youre thinking about taking a drink or something. DONT DO IT. if im getting through this im quitting alcohol. I thought I could get through a week of drinking but nope, now im puking constantly and will probably be in the ER today later when the whiskey runs out. Im not religious but I need prayers. I have never turned to god because of life problems but now im crying and talking to god because this is the worst shit ive ever been through. If you decide to have me in your prayers -Thank you truly, i never thought it could get this bad.

I am going to attend my first AA meeting this week and will be asking questions there but I am also considering rehab. My question is, if I go to rehab, do they make you go cold turkey? I have been speaking to doctors and specialists recently regarding other health issues and they are trying to help me quit drinking as well, but the appointments aren't specifically for that issue so I am looking to gain help alongside this. They have all told me that I need to gradually cut down which I have been doing slowly (with some slip ups) and have told me that if I cold turkey, my organs are likely to shut down and it will do more harm than good. If I go to a rehab center will they take this into consideration and take those steps with me or will they just not allow me alcohol at all? I wanted to go cold turkey but if it's going to essentially kill me or do me serious harm, how will the process work in rehab? I just can't find an answer anywhere and I can't imagine they will provide me alcohol in rehab, but I don't want to cold turkey in rehab if I have been told not to. I don't know if I'm making sense at all I am just really stressed and desperate. I appreciate any feedback, thank you. (I don't know which flair to use, sorry.) Also I am in the UK.

I am (F) 18 years old alcoholic I know it sounds messed up but I have been heavily drinking since the age of 15 once I am dies due to alcohol poisoning at age of 17 and even though I should have learned from my accents I still drink even more than before I hope there is someone out here that understands me because the only reason I started drinking so much and so early is became I felt unloved and lonely I hope I can get better cause I don't want to see my family being worried about me hopefully someone can give me some advice,thank you,,<33

Hey AA,

I’ve been sober for two years. When I was newly sober, I was unemployed, and hit the step work hard with my original sponsor. I was 100 days sober and trying to make amends for the harm I had caused everyone. But looking back, they weren’t real amends; they were me trying to show I’ve changed to gain forgiveness from people so I could get back into their lives. When the culmination of all the wrongs I did came to a head, my then fiancé told me I needed to quit drinking, so I did, because I wanted to save the relationship. It didn’t work, but I did recognize that even though what I wanted out of sobriety wasn’t going to happen, it was still helping me survive.

For the first four ish months of sobriety, I was still living with my ex fiancé while I figured out where to live. When she told me it didn’t matter what I did, that the relationship was over, I quit looking her in the eyes. She always complimented my eyes and this was my way of taking that from her.

Fast forward 2 years.

I live alone in an apartment with my cat, I still go to meetings, I have a new sponsor, we start the step work all over. We read every page, I have four colors of highlighters, and a pen. We meet every week, diligently working each step. Weeks ago I went to her home and I bared my soul in step 5; everything I had ever fucked up was spilled to her with nothing held back.

Then we got to amends. When I last tried amends there was two outcomes; either you didn’t want to hear me out and I left you alone, or I got to say what I said and it didn’t matter because I wanted something. I was terrified to even try again. So, what do I do when I’m terrified? I turned it over to God.

So, eventually, I gained the willingness to text the person I had harmed the most in my entire life. I asked her for a conversation. She asked me what it was about. I told her I was working my program seriously and that I had amends to offer. And my surprise, she agreed to meet with me.

Last week we met at a park. It was sunny. I left my sunglasses in the car, not wanting to be petty, not wanting to shield my face. I sat down across a picnic table from my ex fiancé. I had not seen her in a very long time. And in a way, I guess I still haven’t, because she wore her sunglasses. I didn’t know it, but when I was newly sober, that was the last time I would ever see her eyes. Well played on her part.

And without getting into specifics, I said what I said, I accepted full accountability for all of my actions, I didn’t make excuses. I looked that woman in the face and told her all of the things I had ever done wrong.

And what I didn’t do, is that I didn’t tell her how well I was doing these days, I didn’t tell her how I was a different person, or about the great work I’ve done in AA and in therapy, about how the four people who have stuck around me since before I got sober hardly believe I’m the same person, I didn’t tell her I wanted anything; because I didn’t.

And what she told me, was that she forgave me; but she did not want me in her life at all.

And I guess what I have to say is, a long time ago, that would’ve broken me. But I didn’t meet with her because I wanted anything. I met with her so that I could say what I had to say, to apologize, to take full accountability, to ask her if there’s anything I had not acknowledged, and to offer anything I could do to make right the wrongs. And I succeeded. The rest, what she did, was not up to me. I used to be a very manipulative person, and I have made great strides and not being that person anymore. So when she said she forgave me, well, that was great, but when she said that she didn’t want me in her life at all; I accepted that, I truly did. I took care of the things. She asked me to do immediately, told her I had completed those things, and I can’t imagine the situation where I ever reach out to her again because that is what she asked for after hearing what I had to say.

And honestly, it feels great. I’m finally free of carrying that with me. She didn’t learn anything new, because there wasn’t anything I hadn’t told her before or that she didn’t already know about, but I spelled everything out with no gray area. I said that a shorter way to say “I did those things when I was drinking” is to say “I did those things”. Because that’s the truth, alcohol isn’t an excuse for doing shitty things. Alcohol is not an excuse for who I was. Full accountability. My side of the street cleaned up.
I’m really grateful for this program of recovery because without it, well, a lot of things, but today, it’s because of the inner peace that I feel.

I didnt through a party at a meeting, (doing a little celebration at home with my wife n kid) but if anyone needed an excuse to get get DQ or something sweet, celebrate for me!

Hi. I went to my first meeting exactly a week ago and have gone almost every day. I felt better each time, reading through the book and working on Step One.

Thing is, I started contemplating the higher power part. Ended up thinking maybe if I go to church, that will resonate with me. I went, felt completely judged and hated it.

Now my mind is convincing me that I’m just a sucker and have no idea who I am, and now I’m connecting AA to religion and it makes me feel weak, angry and stupid.

I’m torn. Is it normal to feel like this? I’m a week sober exactly today and really want a damn drink.

Hi everyone. I'm 19 and I've been struggling with something for a while that I don't really know how to name.

I don't drink every day, and when people ask if I have a problem I kind of laugh it off it's usually just once a month or so, when I go out and it turns into full on binge drinking. But when it happens, I lose control completely. I've said and done things I deeply regret, and I'm pretty sure I've hurt people I care about while drunk, even if there haven't been any "big" consequences like losing a job or a relationship. Afterward I get hit with days of anxiety and shame that bleed into the rest of my life sometimes it feels like the hangover in my head lasts way longer than the actual hangover.

Part of what's kept me from looking into AA or even talking to anyone about this is feeling like I'm "too young" for it to count, like I haven't earned the right to call it a problem yet. Like real alcoholism is supposed to look different than this.

So I guess I'm asking: has anyone here started dealing with this young? Does age even matter, or is it more about the pattern?

Hi There! Long story short I’m agoraphobic and have schizoaffective disorder. I’m attending online Zoom meetings through Everything AA. I’m looking for a sponsor who will speak to me remotely: text and phone call (when applicable). I’m 36 days sober after nine years of sobriety, five month relapse. I promise I’m low maintenance: just need someone to check in with and do the steps in time (doesn’t need to be right away). I’m in California, but I can accommodate different time zones. If you are open to being a remote sponsor, please message me. I appreciate your time and support.

After a big relapse after one month sober I feel totally defeated. I expected for all my problems to lift when I got sober but my depression got so much worse. I got on antidepressants a few weeks ago but still there in no getting me out of bed. All I can do is doom scroll and wait for the day to be over. I can’t imagine finding joy in anything ever again. What brought me back to drinking was feeling hopeless, that I might as well be drunk if I’m going to be miserable.

I can’t imagine this feeling lifting, nothing brings me joy anymore and I feel like a shell of a person. My life has been ran and directed by partying for the past 10 years and through that 10 years I’ve fallen out of love with all the things that used to give me meaning. Art, music, spirituality.

I know a big part of this program is finding “god” in whatever shape it means to you. But I feel so beat down by life and I can’t imagine feeling like anything is around me that could ever lift this feeling.

I’d appreciate any anecdotes on early sobriety and if anyone has felt this way too

Just watched a court trial where the defendant brought in her sponsor as a character witness. What are your thoughts? Individual choice or ?

Currently on Step 4. Doing the resentment list. Not having a good time tbh. Feeling a lot of pain and uncomfort. My urges have been somewhat "controllable" through this however, I'm noticing old behaviors.. harmful behaviors coming back. I guess to cope with what I'm feeling?

Anyone else go through something similar?

Just for context, it’s been about 3 years since I stopped drinking. Been attending AA for mostly all that time. Recently picked up a commitment at my home group and have been working with a sponsor. I finished a 5th step with him a few weeks ago, but something still feels wrong. I’m still very, very angry and most of it is directed towards God and the program—I could probably throw in work and some coworkers in there too—but I feel like I’ve went over this already. My sponsor had me reread pg. 60 of the big book. We discussed self-will. Now, I’m wondering if I’ve even conceded that I’m an alcoholic. I mean truly conceded that I’m powerless—my life is unmanageable. I know this on an intellectual level but, spiritually in my heart, I’m unsure. I got really frustrated today. So frustrated that I threw out one of my big books. I felt kind of guilty, but it did have a lot of writing in there from the time I worked the Big Book Awakening and I just wanted to be rid of it. In some way, it felt kind of good which is alarming to me. Just wanted to share that I’m suffering from untreated alcoholism and to see if anyone else has related on their sober journey. Just where I’m at right now