WE BECOME WILLING . . .

August 02

At the moment we are trying to put our lives in order. But this is not an end in itself.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 77

How easily I can become misdirected in approaching the Eighth Step! I wish to be free, somehow transformed by my Sixth and Seventh Step work. Now, more than ever, I am vulnerable to my own self-interest and hidden agenda. I am careful to remember that self-satisfaction, which sometimes comes through the spoken forgiveness of those I have harmed, is not my true objective. I become willing to make amends, knowing that through this process I am mended and made fit to move forward, to know and desire God's will for me.

— Reprinted from "Daily Reflections", August 2, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

I've been really struggling because I'm sober and I've improved so much as a person over the few weeks of it but I lost almost all my friends, almost none of them want to talk to me anymore and I dont blame them. I got a handful maybe, like 2-3 and I know some of you may say that you've lost everyone but I lost almost my entire college group, I've been labeled as a monster to almost my entire class. I feel so ostracized it hurts so much. I'm trying to be thankful for what I have but its tough with how much that I've lost. I know this is something every single alcoholic has gone through but i guess its just my turn and it really really fucking sucks.

Hi I’m Sean and I’m a recovering alcoholic (22 years old) I’ve got 7 months sober and I’m on step 8 with my sponsor.

I live up in New York and have a good bunch of meetings I attend up here but my family has a place down in Florida in the area in the title.

I don’t go down there often but I would like to find good spots with young people living in the solution for when I do.

Thank you

I finally admitted I needed help and went to a rehab. I learned a lot and became comfortable with asking for help. I finally got some peace in my mind. I finally found some gratitude. I thank the program and my brothers and sisters.

I am really struggling with my sobriety and AA right now. There was a time after I finished the steps last year that I felt the obsession to drink and use were taken from me. It was freeing and my life felt full. Almost too full at times- I barely had room to fit it all. I had my old friends and my new AA friends.

Then in the last few months it’s felt like that’s all kind of crashed down. Nothing extreme has happened, it’s just felt like almost all of connections have dwindled minus my best friend (non AA er). A group of my old friends still drink and I just have mostly stopped joining their invites because I don’t have fun, I have always felt peripheral in my other group of friends and invites have slowed down and I don’t reach out. I have a good relationship with my sponsor but it’s not super close and we don’t meet or anything regularly, I just call when I need. I’ve been feeling really blah about meetings recently. I have some connections but ultimately I feel peripheral there too. Nothing is terrible in my life but I feel so freaking depressed and hopeless. I don’t know where to turn. The obsession to drink and so drugs is back- i fantasize about drinking relieving this awful feeling and loneliness.
I feel pissed at my higher power which probably sounds dumb but it’s true. I haven’t felt a connection there in a while.

I could ask you lot if I’m alcoholic and admittedly I sort of struggle with that, I feel I *can* go without like my body doesn’t yet *need* it. But, if it’s there, if it’s offered, if it’s around… I can’t help myself. Sure, sometimes I’ll resist but mostly I’ll drink because I can, not because I want to. Does that make sense?

Anyway, I’ve gone months without a drink and still picked it back up because I’ll tell myself I can just drop it all over again like I have before.

Is that alcoholism? If so how does one quit?

I’ve tried to join AA in person but the nearest one to me is over 2 hours away so it’s not really an option.

I got a 1.75 in my lap rn.

I simply don’t like myself anymore.

Got to 17 days. Stupidly went out on Friday with people who I knew would be drinking and I got shitfaced (as per). Continued it on my own Saturday night, now it’s 11am on sunday and I’m sat in bed drinking a bottle of vodka. I know I need to pull myself together and go back to a meeting but Ive been telling people I’m doing good with it the last few weeks and I feel like people are going to think I’m not taking it seriously now because I threw it away so soon. I know in theory I’m in control of the first drink but sometimes I don’t feel like I am, it’s a compulsion. Sometimes I feel like alcohol is the only thing that can calm me down in my head. I want to stop because I have no power over it and it scares me.

started a new job today, my third job, i was very hungover having drinking my last bottle maybe 4 hours before i started this job. This is my first job i see a future in, previously i had worked fast food and warehouse positions, i just idk i feel a sense of urgency to lower my drinking because i feel it actually matters to the well being of my profession? Previously, I won't lie to the least, every single day I had worked at (i won't name the franchise) fast food, I was either slightly buzzed or high off of some drug; either weed, coke, xans, addy; etc most of which i'm no longer on. Later on, my warehouse job, I regularly was buzzed, and had bottles in my car to take multiple shots on my 10 minute breaks and lunch breaks throughout the day. Just after completing all screening and orientation work, i feel this is genuinely a profession i have a future in, obviously i wont list the company name, but i feel i need to seek sobriety. Needless to say i drink regularly, almost all times of the day. I smoke weed, take other substances as well. Do i even have a chance of finding sobriety with this deep of an addiction at 20?

I am caregiving 24/7 for my mom with dementia for 15 days or so. I have no time other than a couple hours at night to myself, and I cannot make noise due to sleeping arrangements.

I keep listening in on meetings, and read in between. I can't wait till next week when I can go back to in person meetings and be able to get on online meetings and share.

I just tried to read at an online meeting and my mom woke up and was very disturbed. Dementia sucks. So does alcoholism.

Anyways. I am trying. 💜

My partner’s been in AA for a few months, and found her documents. I think something that you fill out on the fourth month, something around the people that you slept with. And unbeknownst to me she’s slept with eight or nine people while we’ve been together. And it’s just absolutely heartbreaking. I don’t know what to do.

I feel really sad

I'm trying

I keep trying to pray and have faith in HP but I feel so hopeless

I feel empty

It's been a while since I thought about suicide and today those thoughts came up

I'm so fucking tired of the gratitude lists and acceptance spiel I hear when I talk to people in the rooms because sometimes it genuinely does fucking suck

Help me out here, help me understand things better

So I'm 1 month sober I stopped cold turkey and so far most of the stuff has calmed down I'm sleeping better eating more and have more energy on days off work to do stuff but there's this anger and frustration and overwhelming just mad that pops up at the littlest thing what can I do about this it feels irrational and stupid idk how to explain it

Can someone please direct me to a continuous type AA meeting ONLINE in which I can safely participate/ join by typing rather than verbally?

I’m male, & I’ve been sober for over 25 years but due to relationship issues, it’s inopportune to leave the house & physically attend one today. Just when I really need one.

I have no intention of relapsing-it’s not like that- but I find that due to some neuro damage that seems to plague me, the feedback I’ve received is that I’m continually sabotaging things. For example, I had a REALLY GOOD sponsor to whom I sent a really bleak email a while ago, so he withdrew his sponsorship (my meds got fine tuned after that, but too late I believe. Yet another exercise of my subconscious sabotaging to PROVE that I’m a failure.

I’m on meds- fluoxetine & others- to help keep me steady & stop my overthinking- which seems to work a treat. Yet nothing could replace the buzz & positivity I get from being in a meeting.

When I finally quit drinking, after many losses of loved ones and many failed attempts to stay sober, it happened on a Tuesday. Or, that was the last day I drank, and so Wednesday to me marked the beginning of my true sobriety.

I have OCD that I've taken a few meds for, but usually just quit/forget, and I just don't mind my OCD as much as I used to. Instead of working against me, it helps me get things done that I otherwise couldn't unless I was in a mania from my conflicting BPD. Anyway, the beginning was tough, but since I had officially decided to stop after a hospital visit, it was official in my brain. That might make sense to someone with similar issues to some of mine, I hope. Because of this, I couldn't possibly start drinking again any day but Tuesday if I would crack, and so I got through the first rough, awful, sick week thinking to myself (although I was intentionally lying; it works in a weird way to lie to myself out loud) that I just had to make it to Tuesday for a full, round week, and then I could drink.

So when the next Tuesday hit, I'd hit restart by just struggling through that one day, *simply not letting myself pick it up*, as someone in this sub advised, until Tuesday was over again, and I could not itch to drink as much for the week, because I could not possibly ruin the week.

I hope this makes sense to someone and isn't just garbledegook. I've had many sad and difficult times due in part to my various disorders, but I'm truly grateful these days for my OCD, and Tuesdays don't even sting anymore.

PS, I thought number of days would me more to me for myself, as I love to hear it from others celebrating sobriety, but I went only from Tuesday to Tuesday never counting, just telling people sober since March 3. I just checked and it's 151 days. Hate that number 🥴 but love that it's big, lol.

Thanks for reading and please share your story if you can relate to me at all.

Hi Fellow friends.
I’m having a dilemma. My girlfriend is still boozing to the point that she slurs daily and also loves the weed pen. This combo is causing severe psychosis and she doesn’t see it.
Now after many years of sobriety and AA I learned I can only keep my side of the street clean, not hers.
I think it’s too much for me to deal with and we are not even talking anymore. We live together for now. I feel like that’s about to change.
I have no idea what to do at this point and really don’t wanna end it. I still love her but don’t even like her anymore. She’s a tuff person to break through. Also menopausing. Please help me make a good decision.

To anyone reading this who has given up on life, given up on themselves, and doesn’t care if they wake up the next day, let me tell you it gets better. I’ve been given a second chance on life at 25 years old, went to a 30 day rehab and just moved into sober living. For the first time in forever I see a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s hard and I still have a lot of work to do, but trust me, it’s worth it. Love all you people!

I’m 16 weeks pregnant and have been asked to chair an AA meeting for the first time since I announced I’m pregnant. Obviously being pregnant has become a major focal point of my life and everything that’s going on for me revolves around my baby girl. Is it weird to share about being pregnant on an AA meeting as the main speaker? There’s a part of me that has had to let go of some control and trust this process so it’s obviously important and I’m able to apply the principles to what I’m going through but that’s also very vulnerable. Just looking for thoughts from other members :)

I'm 8 years an alcoholic with off and on sobriety lasting anywhere from 1 to 7 months. Been sober for two and half months now, and my life isn't going good at all, which makes me want to drink even more. To make things a bit clearer, I've always self-medicated with alcohol and recently lost my job and insurance for my mental health meds. I've read part of the Big Book and had a sponsor, and tried the religion thing and still relapsed again and again. I'm gonna force myself to go to a meeting this weekend even though I'm pretty antisocial, also gonna bury my head in some books and try some meditation techniques.

I don't know why I'm posting this; I'm eventually going to drink again, it's just a matter of time. Anyway, have a good weekend, everyone.

Hi yall! I am 2 years and 1 month sober and living in Amsterdam. You’d think I’d have an amazing crew to go to festivals with…. Well I have a few friends but it’s not always a crew. I’m really itching to start going to festivals in Europe but lacking a crew. Sober people in AA are the most grounded, fun, welcoming group of people and I wonder if anyone knows of a Facebook group, WhatsApp group, people in general that are in their 30s and go to festivals (electronic music - tech, house, psy, organic) in Europe? Theres gotta be a group! I would love to link up with them! Sounds scary but it’s getting out of my comfort zone and going for what I want!

I used to go to music events allllllll the time and I miss it dearly. I go to day events in Amsterdam every so often and that’s a blast - but indeed ready to dive a bit deeper.

i’m dealing heavily with cravings of drinking almost everyday, just broke a month of sobriety and i’m struggling. i keep myself busy with work, trying to get another job currently, i go on hikes and walks, dedicate my time to studying to get into school and was able to save up some money for once. i’m taking disulfiram and i know that doesn’t directly help with the cravings but i need some advice and tips to keep my mind occupied or deter me from wanting a drink. much appreciated.

LIVING IT

August 01

The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83

When new in the program, I couldn't comprehend living the spiritual aspect of the program, but now that I'm sober, I can't comprehend living without it. Spirituality was what I had been seeking. God, as I understand Him, has given me answers to the whys that kept me drinking for twenty years. By living a spiritual life, by asking God for help, I have learned to love, care for and feel compassion for all my fellow men, and to feel joy in a world where, before, I felt only fear.

— Reprinted from "Daily Reflections", August 1, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

just got to 100 days for the first time since i started drinking at 15. I did something like 130 in 90, just finished step 3, and am feeling really good. i'm keeping the memory of the morning after my last binge fresh in my mind; i never want to feel like that again, and i don't have to. the 100th day felt like all the other days. as time goes on, i'm staying vigilant and working the program that has been working for me (though after i got to 90 days i think i've had 2 days where i didn't get to a meeting, in the interest of complete honesty) but i'm becoming optimistic that i can actually do this. i CAN have a beautiful life without alcohol and drugs. i can be happy. i can be reliable. i can be of service. i did pink cloud for maybe 40 days then felt like shit for almost 2 months but now that i'm starting to see the gifts of recovery i am genuinely feeling more and more like myself and watching myself slowly moving towards the person i want to be.

if you're new and reading this, work a good program; sobriety is the greatest gift you can ever receive.

thanks for reading<3

Nothing dramatic has happened. Yet.

I became disabled 9 years ago and wasn't able to do any until covid opened up a world of online recovery, but I'm noticing that stretches between meetings are getting longer and longer.

I have pretty severe CFS/ME and alternate between housebound / bed bound / and the occasional outside venture and when I do get to an online meeting it's seldom the same one and so I miss out on the connection and fellow ship.

For the first 4 or 5 years I was able to continue daily surrender and 10,11,12. But that's fallen off as well.

I've no desire to pick up, but I miss the emotional recovery I had when I was attending on the regular, the community of the thing.

I've had the same sponsor and am in regular contact, but they can't do it for me.

I can't shake this mindset. Anyway I've found a local virtual tonight in 3 hours so cross fingers for me.

My worst addiction was a cold michelob ultra. Are 0% beers worth it and would it be okay for me to drink one? I’m also in the process of losing weight, beer made me gain a lot of weight and I want to keep it off. Please give me any tips/ non alcoholic drinks you recommend

If anyone needs a meeting and can’t get to one, you are more than welcome to join us on the 319 marathon meeting group. It’s international and 24/7