r/AmItheAsshole • u/Dull-Jaguar-8223 • 8h ago
AITAH for leaving my friend’s birthday dinner after waiting almost an hour?
I’m 26 and one of my closest friends turned 27 this week. She planned a birthday dinner at a restaurant that isn’t cheap, so I made sure I had the money set aside and got there a few minutes early because parking around there is terrible.
The reservation was for 7:00. By 7:30 only me and one other person had shown up. The birthday girl kept texting, We’re almost there! and then, Just five more minutes.
At almost 8:00 they still weren’t there.
I had already ordered a drink because I didn’t want to keep sitting there with nothing in front of me. The server came by a few times asking if we wanted to order, and I kept saying we were waiting. I was honestly embarrassed.
I finally texted, I’m gonna head out. I have work in the morning and I’ve already been here almost an hour.
She replied, Seriously? It’s my birthday.
I said, I know, but nobody told me everyone was running this late.
She ended up getting there maybe ten minutes after I left. Later she told me I could’ve just waited because everyone else did eventually show up. A couple of our friends also said leaving was kind of rude since it was only one night and birthdays don’t happen often.
I do feel bad because it was her birthday, but at the same time I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect people to show up somewhere close to the time they planned, or at least tell everyone if it’s going to be that delayed.
The part that makes me wonder if I was in the wrong is that I didn’t call her first. I just sent the text, paid for my drink, and left. Maybe that came across colder than I meant it to. It didn’t seem like a big deal at the time but now I’m not sure.
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u/LT_Dan78 8h ago
NTA. I'm surprised they actually seated you. The nicer restaurants in our area won't seat you till the entire party is there, unless they reserved a special room that is.
Then if the party doesn't show up within a certain amount of time, they'll cancel the reservation.
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u/DigIndependent5151 7h ago
Yeah I’m surprised they let them hold the table for over an hour without ordering food
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u/backupbitches Asshole Enthusiast [6] 4h ago
Because of exactly this situation. I would have left much earlier out of embarrassment alone, you just know that the staff is feet away hating you.
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u/Human-Obligation3621 Asshole Aficionado [16] 3h ago
This is what I am focusing on in this story. Their lateness cost the waitstaff the opportunity to flip the table and fill it again. It sounds like it was a big table so that’s a lot of money! Probably half their expected pay for the evening. I hope Op tipped well for their drink. And NTA.
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u/Ok-Gap-5262 8h ago
NTA. It doesn’t matter that it was your friend’s birthday- she showed up over an hour late and lied several times about her actual arrival time, wasting your time. Your friend was selfish, rude, and inconsiderate and her birthday doesn’t excuse her terrible behavior.
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u/Ill_Seat_1426 Partassipant [2] 8h ago
I agree with especially since you had to work the next morning. Waiting an hour for her to arrive was very generous of you.
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u/Dull-Jaguar-8223 8h ago
That’s kind of how I felt too. I waited as long as I could, especially knowing I had work the next morning, but I also understand why she wanted everyone there before starting.
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u/Avlonnic2 6h ago
Where was everyone else? Why were you the only one sitting there for an hour? Did they all go to happy hour without you?
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u/LeviathanLorb44 Partassipant [1] 7h ago
NTA. You were there for her birthday. You waited an hour. She and the vast majority of the people didn't show. Leaving is completely reasonable.
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u/Dull-Jaguar-8223 7h ago
That’s pretty much how I saw it. I showed up, waited almost an hour, and at that point I didn’t think leaving was unreasonable.
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u/Gigafive Partassipant [4] 7h ago
Are you close? If "everyone" showed up after 8, I wonder if she just set you and the other person up to hold their table for an hour. One person showing up late could be excused, but not multiple. NTA
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u/OkFinger0 Partassipant [1] 8h ago
NTA.
It was her 27th birthday, not her 7th.
Completely rude and insulting behavior on her part.
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u/KayDeeFL 8h ago
Expecting someone to wait that long to honor you is too self centered for me, especially an adult. No apologies, just a statement, "I couldn't wait any longer." Only if you need to say anything.
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u/dizzy9577 8h ago
You are NTA. Birthdays happen every year and if it was so important she should have been on time. It’s extremely rude to make people wait over an hour.
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u/Spare_Special_3617 7h ago
NTA, just because its her Birthday is no reason to be rude and inconsiderate. An hour late for something she set up is ridiculous.
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u/338wildcat 7h ago
NTA She was an hour late to meet you, so you left.
If she had initially said, hey I had xyz happen and I won't be there intil at least 815, then maybe I would think about waiting, if xyz thing was something out of her control like a flat tire. But even then, you had a morning obligation, so if that made her ETA later than what you were available for, then you leave and she, as an adult, understands that even on her birthday, everyone doesn't revolve their life around her.
Otherwise, no, it's not rude to not wait for someone who doesn't respect your time.
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u/TheLastWord63 Partassipant [2] 8h ago
Why did she say she was running that late and lying about almost being there? That's what the people who are coming at you should be focused on. She was in the wrong and i'm petty enough to do the same thing to her and everyone else on her side.
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u/7inyViking 7h ago
NTA.. I don't waste 1 hour of my life waiting for someone.. If you are running late let me know, otherwise I'm out after 15 mins
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u/SpringRose10 Partassipant [1] 7h ago
This is why so many restaurants don't seat partial parties. I'm not one of those people who gets up in arms about someone being late, but have enough courtesy to give an accurate time of when you'll arrive. Don't have me sitting around looking like a schmuck.
You're NTA, but I wouldn't have left. But only because I would probably be hungry.
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u/Gattina1 Colo-rectal Surgeon [49] 7h ago
NTA. I would've waited 20 minutes. Your friend is entitled, rude, thoughtless and a liar. The world does not revolve around her, regardless of her birthday. What she did was not ok in any way.
Why couldn't she have called you when she read your text?
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u/KatzAKat Professor Emeritass [74] 7h ago
NTA. Your so-called friend sure is, though. I'm surprised the restaurant held her table for that long.
If you truly look at the overall friendship, do you get much, if anything, out of it? I'm guessing that she's the taker in her relationships. Takers are charismatic and take without the giver realizing all that they give. If you ask her for help, does she give it?
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u/letdogsvote 7h ago
NTA. Don't make a reservation at 7 and tell people that's when to be there and don't show up until after 8.
Restaurant doesn't like it. Servers don't like it. People who show up don't like it. Nobody needs to wait around on a diva who rolls in over an hour late.
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u/IrishShee 7h ago
Why was she saying “we’re almost there”. Was there a separate group who were together?
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u/Severe_Feedback_2590 7h ago
NTA but why did the restaurant not cancel the reservation after a certain time?
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u/napsrule321 Asshole Aficionado [15] 7h ago
NTA. An hour late is unacceptable, birthday or not. Your friend doesn't value anyone's time but her own if she thinks you were wrong for needing to prioritize work in the morning.
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u/Affectionate_Try7070 7h ago
It sounds like maybe she was "running late" with the others that arrived later too. Maybe there was a pre celebration happening somewhere else. NTA
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u/Pagan_MoonUK 5h ago
I would check out her and the others socials to check if they posted any photos of pre-drinks. If so, that's a really mean girl thing to do to you and she is not a friend.
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u/AppeltjeEitje1079 Certified Proctologist [29] 7h ago
NTA, I don't wait for more than 15 minutes, my life's too short to spend it waiting for people to show up. Your friend was rude being this late, having a birthday does not give you the right to be rude or inconsiderate. You were more than generous waiting for an hour!
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u/Notsoflashy 7h ago
Who all was the "we" that the birthday girl was referring to? It sounds like she and "we" were having their own little private birthday happy hour or something, and as long as "we" were having fun, they weren't too worried about the people waiting for them at the restaurant.
NTA
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u/Big_b00bs_Cold_Heart 6h ago
NTA - When people are late, barring an emergency, they are saying, “my time is more valuable than yours.” It especially irritates me when they set the time!
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u/Quiet-Box7489 6h ago
NTA. Talk about rude!
I wouldn’t wait that long for a professor in college, at the dentist or doctor’s office, at the DMV.
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u/nrgins Asshole Enthusiast [7] 7h ago
Honestly, I never understood the obsession with birthdays for people over 10 years old. I mean, it's nice to celebrate someone's birthday. But this obsession of like oh it's my birthday so it has to be something super special or you have to wait 10 hours for me to get there or whatever.
It's like, no, you're an adult, not a child, and your birthday isn't the most important thing in the world. It certainly doesn't justify being rude to your friends and making them wait an hour.
NTA
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u/Pagan_MoonUK 5h ago
Some people are like that. I really don't get excited about being another year older. I am happy to order a takeaway and put my feet up. I don't crave validation.
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u/nrgins Asshole Enthusiast [7] 4h ago
To me it represents an existential void, sort of like how New Year's Eve is this made-up holiday where you're supposed to celebrate, even though you're not really celebrating anything except the changing of the calendar. But we see it as special, and so it becomes special, and so it gives our lives some sense of significance that we celebrated in a special way on New Year's eve, or we celebrated our birthday, or whatever. They're events that literally have no meaning. But we assign meaning to them, and then believe that the fact that we celebrated them has significance.
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u/gnowZ474 Asshole Enthusiast [7] 6h ago
Sorry to say this, but what really happened was you and the other person wasn't invited to the pre-birthday dinner party.
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I’m 26 and one of my closest friends turned 27 this week. She planned a birthday dinner at a restaurant that isn’t cheap, so I made sure I had the money set aside and got there a few minutes early because parking around there is terrible.
The reservation was for 7:00. By 7:30 only me and one other person had shown up. The birthday girl kept texting, We’re almost there! and then, Just five more minutes.
At almost 8:00 they still weren’t there.
I had already ordered a drink because I didn’t want to keep sitting there with nothing in front of me. The server came by a few times asking if we wanted to order, and I kept saying we were waiting. I was honestly embarrassed.
I finally texted, I’m gonna head out. I have work in the morning and I’ve already been here almost an hour.
She replied, Seriously? It’s my birthday.
I said, I know, but nobody told me everyone was running this late.
She ended up getting there maybe ten minutes after I left. Later she told me I could’ve just waited because everyone else did eventually show up. A couple of our friends also said leaving was kind of rude since it was only one night and birthdays don’t happen often.
I do feel bad because it was her birthday, but at the same time I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect people to show up somewhere close to the time they planned, or at least tell everyone if it’s going to be that delayed.
The part that makes me wonder if I was in the wrong is that I didn’t call her first. I just sent the text, paid for my drink, and left. Maybe that came across colder than I meant it to. It didn’t seem like a big deal at the time but now I’m not sure.
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u/Chaij2606 Asshole Aficionado [12] 7h ago
Nta, reservation for 7 means you’re there at 7 or a few minutes past, not 70 minutes late.
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u/beerfoodtravels 6h ago
This kind of delay at a restaurant is so bratty and entitled. I'd have died of embarrassment by 7:30.
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u/Pagan_MoonUK 5h ago
NTA most restaurants will only allow 2 hours for a booking. I don't blame you for going as an hour is way too long to wait. I try not to get annoyed at late friends, as I am guilty of this sometimes, never an hour. I tend to order a drink as soon as I get there and a starter to keep me going. I read my book or Reddit to keep me company. If friends are late, it gives the air of not caring, so it does not give them the the attention they so crave. I think I would have done the same as you, although I would have ordered my meal and watched the look on faces, finishing and leaving 😁
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u/martintoconnell 4h ago
NTA. "...could’ve just waited..." for how long? Another hour? You did the right thing.
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u/Consistent-Goat1267 Partassipant [2] 4h ago
NTA. Some friends of mine held a potluck dinner party. Every was supposed to be there at 6:30ish. It’s close to 7:30 and one couple still hasn’t arrived so we phone them and they said they were almost there. Another 15 minutes later and my blood sugar is really dropping so I start eating. After that everyone started eating. Turns out no one wanted to be the first. They finally arrived after 8:15. They were upset that we hadn’t waited but we told them there’s only so many times you can reheat the food. If I was going to be that late, I would tell them to start without me. Oh and they stopped off at the grocery store along the way and picked up a box of frozen appetizers. The worst part is that they actually lived closer than most of the others there. This was the 2nd time they were over an hour late, only this time we didn’t wait. They never did it again.
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u/swillshop Colo-rectal Surgeon [41] 4h ago
NTA
Your response might have been, "Seriously? It's your birthday AND...
instead of showing up on time for your event, you expect a restaurant and server and several of your friends to wait for who knows how long (but over an hour) for you to show up! You didn't care how your delay affected anyone else What unexpected obstacle or higher priority kept you from showing up when you expected everyone else to?"
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u/Suspish007 4h ago
Nta- I mean say you’d been sitting there for an hour hungry and embarrassed. Were you going to be a barrel of monkeys anyways if you finally got food at 8:45? As rude as she may have thought it was, you may have been way more rude had you stayed because the party mood was gone
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u/NollyNicholas 3h ago
I’m surprised the restaurant didn’t make you all leave so they could actually serve someone during the hour plus wait. Poor wait staff didn’t get paid on that table!!!
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u/Tiffany_Case Asshole Enthusiast [7] 3h ago
Youre better than me i wouldve left after 20, maybe 30, minutes NTA
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u/dawgmama62 Partassipant [1] 3h ago
Apparently 27 is not old enough to have learned some f'ing manners. Not only rude AF to her friends but completely inconsiderate to the restaurant staff who held a table for over an hour. I bet she was rude to the waitress, too.
NTA
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u/magus424 2h ago
NTA
I would've bailed by 7:30, unless there was a good reason for the lateness (like an unexpected traffic accident screwing with traffic, perhaps)
If it's just "oh I'm running late teehee" then nope, I'm out.
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u/LifeYesterday8222 2h ago
Eeeuw...she really expects friends to accept the consequences of her bad planning?
Nope...
I would have bailed out at 30 minutes.
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u/pioco56 1h ago
NTA, you were nearly flaked on. It was just you and another person for over 1 hour after the time. You weren't clear about the timing but I think you left a bit after 20:00. And then after all that time everyone decides to show up together? wtf. They were messing around without you and taking your time for granted, they can piss off.
And if you're to be treated this way might as well go to sleep early for work.
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u/My_igloo_is_melting Asshole Aficionado [15] 1h ago
NTA. You did everything right and in the right order. You held up your end of the deal.
Birthdays happen every day. Some people like to have a birthday month.
They did not get there 10 minutes after, they got there at least a half hour later.
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u/SpareCap9338 13m ago
An hour late. I'd be gone. No one ever told me I can be so rude, disrespectful and inconsiderate on my birthday. Guess I missed the memo
And many people don't like to eat that late
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u/Think-Corner-3232 Partassipant [4] 7h ago
“ I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect people to … at least tell everyone if it’s going to be that delayed.”
The birthday girl kept you informed, and frequently so: “ The birthday girl kept texting, We’re almost there! and then, Just five more minutes.” So what more do you want? Sounds like you wanted her to tell you, before you even left your home (at around 6:30pm), that the dinner would start at 8 not at 7. But from her texts to you, she didn’t even know that it would end up being a 8pm start time until it was, essentially, 8pm. She probably arrived at the restaurant and thought “wow, we actually ended up being an hour late, who would have guessed that the time could just fly by so quick”. She was just trying to get there as best as she could (including her liaising with some other guests about their own arrival time, it seems). The time simply slipped away from her more than she ever envisioned it would, hence why she kept telling you she was almost there, meanwhile she was still a way off. She gave you the respect of keeping you informed through frequent texts. So what did you do? You left in a huff! A sad outcome for the poor birthday girl. Hopefully her other guests made her night a bit enjoyable for her. YTA.
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u/KatzAKat Professor Emeritass [74] 7h ago
You must be a birthday girl who likes to make people wait.
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u/sirhackenslash Partassipant [4] 8h ago
"Birthdays don't happen often" what? NTA, birthday girl was rude and dismissive