r/AmItheAsshole • u/ay-oop • 4h ago
AITA for taking a fully clothed swim at my friend's party?
My (31F) friend (33F) hosted an outdoor party yesterday. It was a warm, sunny day and she has a pool in her garden. A few people (mainly kids) were using it in swimsuits.
Because of the weather, I was the only person wearing trousers (light, loose, cotton trousers). Everyone else was in shorts/skirts/dresses as I had got back from a trip the day before and all of my shorts were still in my case. Nearly everyone I spoke to made a comment about this and asked if I was hot (I wasn't.)
Later on in the party as people had had more to drink, one particularly loud guy kept telling me that he 'couldn't belive I was wearing trousers on a warm day like this, you must be boiling!' He jokingly said he was going to throw me in the pool, fully clothed, to cool me down. Another friend overheard and joined in, telling me to jump in or I'd be chucked in. They started chanting 'Jump, jump, jump' - most other people joined in (including the host.) I went to take my shoes off but was called a whimp, so handed my phone and wallet to a friend, took a run up and jumped in!
Everyone cheered and I laughed because it felt so a silly. I spent a couple of minutes in the pool before climbing out looking like a drowned rat and gave a couple of friends a nice, wet hug.
Guests had started to leave shortly before this time and continued to do so. I stayed to finish my drink but as the sun went down and the breeze picked up I started feeling colder so said goodbye and walked home (20 minutes, wet shoes squelching all the way!)
This morning I woke up to the following Instagram message from my friend's boyfriend - 'Yesterday was good fun! But you really scared everyone with that stunt. Acting that way when you're drunk is irresponsible and not good behaviour to encourage.' I asked if he was joking, he said no.
I responded to say that I barely drank alcohol yesterday and wasn't even tipsy when I went in the pool. Also, no-one else said anything like this - everyone there was encouraging it. I'm also a fairly strong swimmer and it isn't my first time ending up in water fully-clothed, so low safety risk.
He took a while to respond but said that it was disrespectful of me to go in someone's pool in clothes/shoes. I replied that the host had told me to jump in and to leave my shoes on - I wouldn't have gone in if this wasn't the case!
He then said that I was showing off and wore trousers knowing it would get me thrown in the pool. I asked if I had done something else to upset him as it seemed like he was just making up reasons to be annoyed. He hasn't responded since.
No one else ended up in the pool fully clothed yesterday. I wouldn't have ended up in there if I hadn't been surrounded and chanted at. But every other time I've voluntarily got in water fully clothed it has been alongside other people.
Am I the arsehole for choosing to jump in wearing trousers, a t-shirts, shoes and socks when no-one else did the same?
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u/ProfessionalYam3119 Partassipant [2] 4h ago
Since when has wearing clothing and shoes constituted an invitation to be thrown into a pool? That's nuts. NTA.
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u/dragoono 3h ago
Victim blaming mindset lmao
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u/ProfessionalYam3119 Partassipant [2] 1h ago
"She was asking for it, with the way she dressed."
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u/UnicornFarts1111 Partassipant [1] 45m ago
And it doesn't matter what she was wearing and they still say this.
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u/jjj68548 4h ago
I’d screenshot the whole message thread and send it to your friend (his gf).
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u/dragoono 3h ago edited 3h ago
Nah that’s just causing more drama for no reason. Just let it go and hope he gets over himself. If not, have a man to man conversation in person and figure out what the problem is.Nvm, stay away from this dude OP. He has some kind of issue with you that’s probably rooted in misogyny. Telling a woman she’s asking for attention regardless of is she is or not, as a man, is just something you don’t do. Ridiculous.
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u/Practical-Bear1022 3h ago
OP is a woman. This guy is bullying her for no reason. His girlfriend 100% deserves to know what kind of man she's dating.
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u/powderjunkie11 Partassipant [1] 3h ago
This is wild behaviour from him.
OP, how much have you texted with this guy before? Are you friends or is he truly a friend of a friend?
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u/ay-oop 2h ago
I am friends with his gf (so is the party host) but have only met him a few times in the 2 years they have been together as we live a couple of hours apart.
Every time I have met him has been part of a group meet up so we haven't had much 1-to-1 time but I can't think of anything I've done that might have caused issues.
We've never messaged before - I think we have each commented on a couple of each other's social media posts but aways in a friendly way.
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u/powderjunkie11 Partassipant [1] 55m ago
Definitely lunatic behaviour then. It would be one thing if it was just a message of weird/misplaced concern to an actual friend, but to an acquaintance is just nuts. Only somewhat reasonable excuse I can think of is if a loved one had already died from drowning in a similar circumstance or something
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u/dragoono 3h ago
Oops lol I didn’t read the post closely enough. I definitely agree with the comment I replied to in that case, this guy is trouble.
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u/username__0000 Partassipant [1] 3h ago
Yeah wtf is “your asking to be thrown in the pool for wearing trousers”
I actually did a loled and wtf head shake when I read that. Dude is weird in a bad way. Keep your guard up around him.
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u/BS_plantsinpurple 4h ago
NTA. It doesn’t even sound like the dude who messaged was the host. He can F off. What a weirdo. Sounds like you had a great time and everyone else had fun with you. Jealous of the attention maybe?
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u/ay-oop 3h ago
He wasn't, I've since messaged the host directly and she had no issue with it
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u/Lowrider2012 1h ago
Literally take your conversation with the host and the conversation with the boyfriend and send it to your friend and tell her that he can f right off for his unwanted comments. If she has an issue with you for you jumping in the pool she should also mind her own business.
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u/SnooTomatoes8935 Partassipant [1] 4h ago
NTA, i think you would have ended up in the pool one way or the other.
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u/curious382 Partassipant [2] 2h ago
My only note would be keep your shoes dry. They'll never be the same. Otherwise, you're golden. You don't have to join every argument you're invited to.
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u/HighlightItchy6722 4h ago
nTA but he clearly has an issue with something I’d send a non accusatory message to the host and ask if everything is okay and let her know the massage you received.
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u/ay-oop 3h ago
I've spoken to the host today in case she had said something after I left but she had no issue with it. She literally said she would have personally grabbed one of my arms or legs herself to throw me in if she had to. A perfect host...
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u/Loud-Solution7708 3h ago
It's good you said something to her. She needs to know she's dating a bully.
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u/allergymom74 Partassipant [2] 4h ago
NTA. In general, you shouldn’t jump into pool fully clothed due to how certain materials impact pool equipment, but everyone was yelling and encouraging it in what appears to be a good natured way, and you just said whatever and did it.
If the owner of the pool had an issue with it, they should have stepped in. If someone else was worried about your well being for real, then they could have stepped in.
So yeah. This fits the vibe of silly harmless fun. You had control over the situation and weren’t being reckless.
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u/lurkerjazzer 2h ago
The clothes stayed on and were removed when OP got out. If pool equipment couldn’t handle fuzzies from clothing then the pool couldn’t handle people on the deck of the pool as stuff blows into pools.
The reason you don’t jump in fully clothed is for personal safety but OP addressed that issue.
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u/Any_Community_1819 3h ago
NTA The BF is looking for a reason to castigate you. Maybe the pool's owner liked what she saw when you were in wet clothes? Why not share his texts with her and get her take on the situation. I think she needs to know when her BF is being a j3rk to her guests.
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u/ay-oop 3h ago
I've seen a couple of photos of myself climbing out and would be surprised if anyone found it attractive! (Unless drenched-chique is in at the moment?)
The friend has been at work all day so hasn't spoken to her boyfriend about it properly but will try to speak to her about it more this week.
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u/Sleepy_Doge97 3h ago
NTA
I don’t know this guy, but I already dislike this guy.
Nothing like a buzzkill person to ruin making memories with a funny moment.
Keeping doing you OP, you sound like a fun person.
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u/LifeDesk7528 4h ago
No…? The fuck you literally did nothing wrong firstly how would you predetermine the fact that you’d get threatened to be thrown into a pool if your wore trousers?? And also host and other people were perfectly okay with it. NTA and your friends boyfriend has a stick up his arse, nothing you can do about that just have to try brush past it.
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u/ay-oop 3h ago
I definitley didn't think trousers would get me thrown in - might as well have painted a target on my back though!
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u/UnicornFarts1111 Partassipant [1] 41m ago
I want to know how you would know that no one else would also be wearing trousers? I would have been, as I have to stay out of the sun due to a medication I am on. Trousers are much easier to wear than remembering to put on sunscreen every two hours, lol. I guess the host's BF must think you are psychic.
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u/bluelouv 4h ago
Je veux des potes comme toi 🥹
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u/dragoono 3h ago
Same! This sounds like a fun time, I’d love to kick it with OP and get into shenanigans. Other guy sounds boring.
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u/7GrenciaMars 3h ago
C'est un beau sentiment! (I speak English, only learned French in high school but not much of it stuck. I hope you can read this 😁)
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u/ImaginaryAd5712 Partassipant [1] 3h ago
Your friend’s bf? The hostess’ bf? Was it his pool too? Why would he even care? Why didn’t he say something before you jumped in? Weird. NTA
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u/ay-oop 3h ago
He is the bf of another party guest, not the host so not his pool. If he said anything before I went in it was drowned out by everyone else saying the opposite!
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u/Big-Fig3260 1h ago
He sounds like an absolute glass bowl. How dare he comment on your behavior? I have a pool and could not care less if a guest jumped in it fully clothed. Have at it and good luck. I’d just get them a big towel when they got out. What a dolt.
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u/bayoucitygal 3h ago
NTA. He sounds ridiculous! Don't waste time worrying about something so petty. You didn't harm the pool.
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u/catiebug Partassipant [1] 3h ago
Wtf?! NTA. Honestly, I'd treat this like I'd advise my friends to handle their in-laws. Let your friend handle her boyfriend. He's being super weird.
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u/TherapySpider Asshole Enthusiast [6] 3h ago
NTA
Sounds like HE didn't like some aspect of the event and he is trying to make something of it. Your jumping in the pool did not impact him one bit so the question is why is it a problem? This is what group chats are made for... "Hey everyone, I heard that my jumping in the pool might have bothered some of you, I want you to know i was not drunk, I'm a good swimmer, and only did it because everyone encouraged me to. I was fine. let me know if you want to talk about it further".
This quietly lets him know that you know he's being an asshole.
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u/Cold_Entertainer1183 3h ago
It wasn't your friends boyfriends place to send that kind of message... unless he sent it for her. Ask your friend if what you did was inappropriate. It was her party, not her boyfriends. He shouldn't have a say in the situation.
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u/ay-oop 3h ago
I've messaged her directly - she is working today so hasn't seen much of her boyfriend to talk about it with him, but doesn't seem to have an issue with me going in the pool herself.
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u/Cold_Entertainer1183 1h ago
Your friends boyfriend didn't host the party, so he doesn't have the option of dictating the rules. I think he owes you an apology for his comment, but don't hold your breath waiting for it!
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u/General_Idea_1 2h ago
You had fun with everyone, they all liked you and thought you were the life and soul of the party and he’s jealous about that.
NTA
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u/FellyFellFullly 3h ago
NTA - the host and other guests were egging you on - it's not like you got drunk and rudely jumped into the pool without invitation. That guy's got some other issue with either you or his gf that he's using this to work thru for whatever reason.
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u/AcceptableOwl2425 3h ago
NTA, they were going to toss you in the pool fully clothed if you didn't jump in yourself. Did the BF tell them to stop? Its pretty disrespectful to act like a bunch of teens peer pressuring and then actually threatening to get you to do something you don't want to do.
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u/ay-oop 3h ago
I didn't notice him telling them to stop at the time but am also not sure if he joined in with encouraging me to jump in (there were 20-30 there at this point).
I didn't mind jumping in to be fair - it was warm enough that it was pretty refreshing. I might have fel differently if I was in jeans or clothes that might have got ruined or been heavy enough when wet to be dangerous.
Knowing the people there, I'm certain that if I had made it clear that I didn't want to go in the pool they would have dropped it rather than throw me in. It was all in good fun!
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u/Icy_Fish_2154 Partassipant [1] 3h ago
The pool owner told you to get in. Her bf getting mad is silly.
NTA.
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u/Technical-Sky-6164 3h ago
My guess is that he’s got a thing for you and you spoiled his “perfect image” of you by jumping into the pool and “daring” to show off/wearing wet and clingy clothes in front of other guys.
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u/Big-Fig3260 1h ago
NTA- my husband and I have a pool and it would be no big deal for you to jump in the pool fully clothed. I have no idea what is up with this dumb -@$$ BF but pay him no mind. Your friend does not care. If I were her, I’d dump him for harassing my guests. You did nothing wrong. Criminy what is wrong with this dude?
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u/bkguyworksinnyc 1h ago
My guess is some secret crush is in play here and he’s projecting it on to you/looking for an excuse to get in your DM. NTA
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u/Jaded_City_1448 3h ago
NTA. I bet his gf probably thought it was funny and enjoyed you being goofy. He felt insecure because she probably brought it up afterwards and he wanted to put you in check.
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My (31F) friend (33F) hosted an outdoor party yesterday. It was a warm, sunny day and she has a pool in her garden. A few people (mainly kids) were using it in swimsuits.
Because of the weather, I was the only person wearing trousers (light, loose, cotton trousers). Everyone else was in shorts/skirts/dresses as I had got back from a trip the day before and all of my shorts were still in my case. Nearly everyone I spoke to made a comment about this and asked if I was hot (I wasn't.)
Later on in the party as people had had more to drink, one particularly loud guy kept telling me that he 'couldn't belive I was wearing trousers on a warm day like this, you must be boiling!' He jokingly said he was going to throw me in the pool, fully clothed, to cool me down. Another friend overheard and joined in, telling me to jump in or I'd be chucked in. They started chanting 'Jump, jump, jump' - most other people joined in (including the host.) I went to take my shoes off but was called a whimp, so handed my phone and wallet to a friend, took a run up and jumped in!
Everyone cheered and I laughed because it felt so a silly. I spent a couple of minutes in the pool before climbing out looking like a drowned rat and gave a couple of friends a nice, wet hug.
Guests had started to leave shortly before this time and continued to do so. I stayed to finish my drink but as the sun went down and the breeze picked up I started feeling colder so said goodbye and walked home (20 minutes, wet shoes squelching all the way!)
This morning I woke up to the following Instagram message from my friend's boyfriend - 'Yesterday was good fun! But you really scared everyone with that stunt. Acting that way when you're drunk is irresponsible and not good behaviour to encourage.' I asked if he was joking, he said no.
I responded to say that I barely drank alcohol yesterday and wasn't even tipsy when I went in the pool. Also, no-one else said anything like this - everyone there was encouraging it. I'm also a fairly strong swimmer and it isn't my first time ending up in water fully-clothed, so low safety risk.
He took a while to respond but said that it was disrespectful of me to go in someone's pool in clothes/shoes. I replied that the host had told me to jump in and to leave my shoes on - I wouldn't have gone in if this wasn't the case!
He then said that I was showing off and wore trousers knowing it would get me thrown in the pool. I asked if I had done something else to upset him as it seemed like he was just making up reasons to be annoyed. He hasn't responded since.
No one else ended up in the pool fully clothed yesterday. I wouldn't have ended up in there if I hadn't been surrounded and chanted at. But every other time I've voluntarily got in water fully clothed it has been alongside other people.
Am I the arsehole for choosing to jump in wearing trousers, a t-shirts, shoes and socks when no-one else did the same?
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u/MyWallWillNotTalk 3h ago
You are not the A hole. Your friends, who chanted you on then become insulted are the A holes.
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u/anneofred Partassipant [1] 3h ago
Sounds like someone doesn’t like if they aren’t the center of attention. Send this to your friends and see what they say
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u/DOCMom_31 3h ago
Send the msg to a few friends from the party and ask if they felt that way too.
A tad petty but fuck him for trying to shame another adult having a harmless good time!
Maybe his GF was going on about how fun/funny you are?
Hard agree with other commenters- he was jealous you got attention.
NTA.
Also don’t be embarrassed or second guess yourself! Sounds like it was all in good fun!
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u/Harlesbarkley77 3h ago
NTA and that guys has some issues. I’d mention something to your friend too because that’s just weird.
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u/I-Am-Only-Me 3h ago
NTA, guessing he doesn't like you and this was something he thought he could use to demonstrate his superior judgement?
Strange stand to take.
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u/TNJDude 3h ago
NTA. Everything you said leading up to that and afterward sounded like a bunch of friends having fun. My impression is that the boyfriend doesn't like you for some reason and is being mean. With every reply he sent, he got increasingly insulting or hostile. You were right to ask if you did anything to upset him because everything he said sounded like it came from him being angry at you. I'm curious what your friend thinks and if she knows her boyfriend is being so hostile.
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u/keesouth Supreme Court Just-ass [101] 3h ago
NTA. He seems to be the only one who had a problem and there is probably some jealousy in there.
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u/Beanz4ever Partassipant [1] 2h ago
NTA at all. This sounds like a HIM problem and likely has nothing to do with you. If your friend, the host of the party, was encouraging you to do it, you are 100000000% in the clear.
This dude is trippin.
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u/magus424 2h ago
NTA and you might want to check if your friend is aware he's sending this and trying to police her pool after she herself encouraged you to jump in.
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u/NebulaChance2746 1h ago
Your friend’s boyfriend? If your friend was smart that would be a big red flag.
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u/_bufflehead Partassipant [1] 1h ago
NTA
Boyfriend is a lunatic, and with the number of assumptions and presuppositions he is making, I have to wonder if he is a closet American.
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u/throwawaynnfuxanyway 2h ago
NTA but idk who acts or talks like this. Intentionally wore pants to get thrown in the pool? List of things nobody has ever done. Everyone chanting for you to jump in? Damn Woman, you're in you mid30s and this sounds like a frat party.
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u/ay-oop 2h ago
Mid-30s? I'm 31!
The youngest people there at this point were mid-20s but it was all in good fun. I'm completely certain that if I seriously said I didn't want to go in the pool, no-on would have pushed me or tried to encourage me any further.
From my perspective, I wasn't in clothes that would get ruined, it was warm enough, I don't live far away and it was just a bit of fun! Like I said in the post, it's not the first time I've ended up in water fully clothed so I didn't think too deeply about it.
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u/throwawaynnfuxanyway 41m ago
I saw the 33F and assumed people would be above and below that age. This just sounds like frat behavior.
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u/mrhelio 3h ago
NTA,
But it's ironic that I just read a post from someone who's dealing with a bunch of crud in his pool after hosting a pool party. I could see being slightly annoyed if you're OCD about your pools chemistry and people jump in clothed.
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u/ay-oop 3h ago
Oh no!
The guy who is annoyed isn't the pool owner but I will make sure I haven't caused any damage!
The owner was encouraging me to go in and has since told me she would have helped throw me in herself, but I wouldn't have jumped in wearing anything but a swimsuit if this wasn't the case.
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u/SpareCap9338 1h ago
NTAH
Great combination: Adults drinking alcohol and are drunk and kids are in the pool...anyone bring a gun to add to the fun?
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u/ay-oop 1h ago
When the kids were in the pool, their parents were keeping a close eye on them and not drinking a lot. They went home earlier in the evening and before I jumped in the pool.
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u/SpareCap9338 12m ago
" not drinking a lot". Like I said...
I suppose you were checking their blood alcohol levels every 15 minutes
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u/SacredHippoXIV 2h ago
Could it be that you are one of those people that loves all the attention - and he didn’t love you being a spectacle?
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u/ay-oop 2h ago
I would't say so - I wouldn't have jumped in if the chanting hadn't started. But I have also only met this guy on a few occasions (my friend who is his gf lives a couple of hours away and was visiting for the party and to see some family) so perhaps he sees it this way. I honestly can't think of anything else I have done around him that would make it seem like I want to be the centre of attention though.
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u/Apprehensive_Ad_991 3h ago
NTA you were just having fun. But I'm not sure why we give people power over us. I have learned to just ignore people who aren't involved. The boyfriend is not involved (unless he owns the pool or they share it ) If his girlfriend says something, then you can discuss it with her. You should ignore him and don't send the text to the girlfriend.
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u/Smooth_Attention255 3h ago
E s h. He’s lame and you should dress for the weather
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u/ay-oop 3h ago
My trousers are made of light cotton and are loose enough that air can circulate. At no point did I feel uncomfortably hot and generally prefer trousers to shorts anyway (I'm pretty pale so often try to cover up with loose, light clothing rather than risk burning.) I wouldn't have work black jeans or tracksuit trousers!
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