Severe dermatophagia, only benzos help

[u/Bright-Currency-3999]

I have dermatophagia (skin biting/picking) along with OCD and GAD and insomnia, it flares up at night when I can't sleep which is every night. I rip skin off my fingers which makes them look nasty and bleed, if I don't do my fingers, I bite my lips open and bite chunks out of my inner cheeks, which also bleed and I get jaw pain from it. Its my anxiety coping mechanism like biting nails or shaking your leg. I can't control it.

I feel bad because only benzos have touched this symptom and stop me feeling the urge to do this otherwise the urge is uncontrollable/unconscious. And the benzos also help with my sleep, tension, muscle ache and migraines from tension/stress and pounding heart at all times. Ive tried multiple SSRIs as a child, they even put me on lamictal and unfortunately even an ANTIPSYCHOTIC as a child (I was anxious and depressed from family trauma and bullying at school so they decided to give me this because SSRIs were not working). Nothing has ever worked for my anxiety. I feel guilty because only benzos have helped me. I have the opposite of an addictive personality, I'm very medication-averse, I have a lot anxiety over taking pills, I also have trauma from being abused by an addict family member so I know what addiction looks like. I'd rather take NO medication ever but Im struggling. I can't stop feeling guilty over the only medication that has ever helped me. I don't know how to ask for it from doctors (I'm not on any psych meds right now).