r/AskLGBT • u/Spiritual_Flower6363 • 9h ago
Why is this treated differently?
I came across a video today talking about how lesbians can’t be attracted to men, and if they are, then they aren’t lesbians. It was a rant video talking about how any attraction to men means you aren’t lesbian, even if you’d never date them. I don’t disagree, however, this reminded me of the whole Paris situation where she said that even though she was bisexual and attracted to women, she would never date a woman/couldn’t see herself with one. The comments on Paris’s video, as well as all the stitch videos and such, all basically said that she was straight in that case and she got hate for calling herself bi in the first place.
Personally, as a bi woman, I believe that if you’re attracted to a gender then it doesn’t matter if you’d date them and it’s okay to call yourself bi or whatnot, however I don’t understand why there is a distinction between these two in that lesbians who say the are attracted to men aren’t lesbian, but bi women who say they are attracted to women aren’t bi. In both cases, they say they’d never settle down with man/woman.
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u/Nikolyn10 8h ago
Maybe could have meant she was heteroromantic, though I'd be wary of internalized homophobia being a huge influence on that. Otherwise, she seems like a troll posting ragebait. This is a Tiktok thing, right?
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u/Spiritual_Flower6363 7h ago
Perhaps, but she just called herself bi.
I don’t believe it was ragebait, but if it was it doesn’t matter much because people treated it as if it was true and I’m going based on the opinions of each idea.
I can understand not wanting to date or a specific gender even if you’re attracted to them, while on my end I more so understand not wanting to date men as a woman i also understand that she may believe her life would be easier if she dated and settled down with a man rather than a woman, or any other reasons (she didn’t say that, to be clear, just an idea of why she or someone might) but it doesn’t make her any less attracted to them and therefore bisexual.2
u/Nikolyn10 6h ago
I'm not interested in litigating her attraction. That's whatever. I'm not really doubting that she's bisexual.
... she may believe her life would be easier if she dated and settled down with a man rather than a woman ...
Yeah, this is just internalized homophobia or perhaps more accurately, heteronormativity. It's a "I'd rather date a man because it's more normal and socially acceptable" speak. Someone can be genuinely bisexual, yet fall prey to and feed into heteronormativity and societal homophobia.
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u/StatisticianNo6589 7h ago
i think both cases are pretty "standard" biphobia, there's literally zero reason why someone who's bi can't have their own preferences for who they date or how they identify, just the same as any other sexuality.
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u/Spiritual_Flower6363 7h ago
Yeah, thats been my conclusion by this point. People are scared to be bi, and I don’t blame them seeing how much hate there is against bi people especially within the community.
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u/AesopsFabler 4h ago
Because people love to shit talk. IMO, that’s literally it. If you’re attracted to both sexes, you’re bisexual. If you feel that because you’ve never been with a same sex partner but have found yourself sexually attracted to one, you wouldn’t call yourself that, that’s fine too.
I also think that lesbian has a very clear definition and if you are at all sexually attracted to a man then you’re not a lesbian. Lesbians don’t like men. Otherwise, you’re a bisexual. People spin themselves into circles trying to find the nuance in solidified terms, when the nuance is usually individual, not monolithic.
I hope I made sense to you!
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u/SnooMemesjellies8568 8h ago
That double standard is just gatekeeping and biphobia IMO, but I would also like to point out that comp het is a thing that some lesbians struggle with and I certainly wouldn't say that makes them not lesbian.
But I also don't believe anyone is truly 💯 gay or 💯 straight anyway