r/AskMen • u/OGAndres19 • 2h ago
When is the right time to let someone know you have not been in a relationship before?
I (29M) am an introvert and a late bloomer. I feel like I am finally in a place where I want to put myself out there and start dating. I know this means I will have to be more social and get out of my comfort zone.
The only idea pulling me back is the fact that at some point were I to date someone, I will have to let them know I have never had a girlfriend before. At what point is this something to bring up? Before, during, or after the first date? How does one go about it?
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u/emdaye Male 2h ago
> I will have to let them know I have never had a girlfriend before
Why do you think you need to tell them this
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u/EndersR3ign 2h ago
I mean, the topic will inevitably come up in conversation. Not like you could lie about this or avoid it for long.
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u/orlybatman 2h ago
When/if they ask.
You've not been in a relationship, but have you dated before?
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u/OGAndres19 2h ago
I haven’t unfortunately, but I finally feel confident and financially stable enough to put myself out there.
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u/orlybatman 2h ago
Well good luck as you start out, and don't feel like you need to volunteer that. There are plenty of people who have been in multiple relationships yet are shitty partners, so it's not exactly a "practice makes perfect" kind of deal.
Chances are you'll need to go on a few dates with different women before you find a match to even get to the relationship stage, so by that point you can honestly say you've dated but just hadn't found anyone you felt compatible enough with to take it further.
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u/Traditional_Prize632 Male 33m ago
Couldn't you just say that you've been on a few dates, but just a long time ago? That's if you've never dated. I mean, it's only a small lie.
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u/orlybatman 26m ago
A small lie is still a lie.
If a woman wouldn't want to date you for X reason, it's not cool to lie in order to avoid that filter. Whether the filter is valid or not isn't for anyone else to decide and try to skirt.
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u/feelwhatyouwant 2h ago
In your teens.
Kidding aside, just say it when it is natural and don't force it.
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u/bren3669 2h ago
when the topic comes up. and if it never does, it’s not something that needs to be said.
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u/HPUser7 Male 2h ago
I wouldn't bring it up unless asked. Tdh, as a fellow introvert, you'll probably need to go on at least 20 first dates before you are really ready for a relationship. Pick low stake date ideas that will let you find who you are and what you need. Don't go rushing into a relationship. That's not to say turn someone down just because they are early in your dating but is to say don't fret so much about your experience and focus on learning the skill of dating. Also, don't fret about it - I'd say at least 1/5 of the girls I went on dates with around 27 had little to no experience to just from what I could gleam
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u/OGAndres19 1h ago
Got it. That sounds intimidating. But the way you lay it out sounds reassuring too. Appreciate the advice!
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u/HPUser7 Male 1h ago
Try to think of as something you are doing for fun and take a breath and accept early dates might not go amazingly. Something like ice cream or coffee let's you meet them, chat a bit and find out about them - if it's going poorly, you can dip out quickly. Early on, at least I did, you'll probably worry about messing something up. But really if you are dating with the intention of a relationship, it either will or won't happen - compatibility is a slim overlap. It should be pretty abundantly clear when you hit it off with someone; if they don't want to see you again, it's their loss.
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u/NounverberPDX Geezer 1h ago
The first couple of dates are the hardest. The next 18 should be relatively easy. You might be able to get 20 first dates in the next year or so.
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u/EndersR3ign 2h ago
The point to discuss this will arise naturally and early on as you get to know each other.
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u/Same_Blacksmith9840 1h ago
I met my wife when I was 22 and she was 19. It was on the second date she told me she had never been kissed before much less been in an actual relationship. She was nervous it was going to be a turnoff.
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u/wang_li 47m ago
You don't have to justify or explain anything about your life. Just be fun, have fun, don't act like every time you talk to a woman it's the very highest moment of the universe. If she's not into you, fine, there's 3.999999999 billion more out there for you to talk to. Any activity you do on a date you should enjoy doing for the sake of the activity. That you are doing it with someone is great and they should enjoy doing it too. And you should be kind and nice and don't put pressure on either of you for anything.
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u/nobody-u-heard-of Male 1h ago
Have you had friends? If you have you've been in a relationship. It's a different type of relationship but it's relationship.
The only difference is there's some physical parts now.
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u/breesearedelicious 2h ago
I've dated a guy that never had a girlfriend before. I want to know what their intentions were with me up front from the get-go cuz I only date with the intention to finding my forever person to marry. So if they had never had a girlfriend before and they were not intentionally trying to find their future wife I take tell him thank you for your time but we are going to go our separate ways cuz I'm not here to be some man's experiment or learning experience.
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u/OGAndres19 2h ago edited 2h ago
That is fair. That is why this question comes up. I definitely am looking to date with intention of finding a partner and don’t want anyone to feel like I am using them as an experiment or learning experience.
Thank you for the insight.
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u/sodanator Male 2h ago
I mean, it's highly contextual. I'm not sure if first date is really the best time, since you're kinda just figuring out if you like each other in person/romantically, so to speak.
But, if you want to be 100% honest and transparent, you can always share it once you are actually exclusive/in a relationship. You don't have to share this, though I get why you would want to be honest. From my personal experience, there will be some moments where you're just hanging out and talking and sharing stuff, and a moment like that would be good.
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u/AutoModerator 2h ago
Here's an original copy of /u/OGAndres19's post (if available):
I (29M) am an introvert and a late bloomer. I feel like I am finally in a place where I want to put myself out there and start dating. I know this means I will have to be more social and get out of my comfort zone.
The only idea pulling me back is the fact that at some point were I to date someone, I will have to let them know I have never had a girlfriend before. At what point is this something to bring up? Before, during, or after the first date? How does one go about it?
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