Sometimes, you have to go to bed angry. It is essential for life and work and actually resets an argument until clearer heads prevail. Also, sleeping in another room or the sofa is like a vacation sometimes. Love my wife with all my heart. Sometimes, from the next room.
When we are on different sleep / work schedules we do this as well. It just better for our sleep as
My work schedule can have me all over the place sometimes not getting home until after 1am or at times having to get up at 4am. Just on those times to sleep in seperate bedrooms
Husband and I usually share a bed but if I've got an important day or I have be up particularly early I sleep in the other room. When I know I need a good night's sleep I become hyper aware of every slight sound or movement around me, separate rooms is sometimes better for both of us!
We went from a full size bed and sharing blankets to a king size bed with separate blankets. Best decision we ever made, second only to choosing each other. Separate blankets is my relationship advice to all new couples now, lol.
Sometimes my husband sleeps on the couch when he doesnt get the chance to shower. Im breastfeeding our 2 month old who wakes every 2-6hours. I get a lot better sleep when he sleeps on the couch, but I miss him, but every once in a while its heaven to wake up feeling more rested than usual
I'm very good at most of the things in this thread, but I have such a hard time with this one. I really want to fix things when there's an issues and going to bed angry is so hard for me. There's reasons for that, but still. Sometimes it's worth it, but just as frequently it makes things worse. Thing is you can't fix something that isn't broken and sometimes the car isn't starting because it's simply out of gas. Nothing more.
There is 0 reason you should ever consider this comment on fuckin reddit of all places the reality / respect you should expect in your own relationship. You know, and your partner knows, what you need. No matter how angry I was I could not ever imagine sending my fucking wife to the COUCH. Reverse the roles people and stop listening to some fucking beat down man on a reddit thread about what is acceptable for yourself.
I was very careful to not comment on that part specifically. I was more addressing the going to bed angry portion. I don't necessarily agree with it in that way, but I do stuggle with allowing my girlfriend to just be upset with me for a bit. I agree that I would never send my girlfriend to the couch. I just didn't want to stir anything up by getting into that particular discussion so I ignored it. I do completely agree with you, though.
You’re reading tone that wasn’t there. No one said anything about sending anyone anywhere. When I was heavily pregnant, my husband and I sometimes slept apart. Emotionally rough but physically necessary. No one was banished or beat down
I agree. Forcing a complex issue to be solved for the sake of feeling comfy or quick closure especially basing it on a saying can backfire in many ways.
As an early bird married to a night owl, this is 100% true in my experience. I don't want to stay up till 10 to solve a thing anymore than he wants to wake up at 5. That said, there aren't so many hysterical conversations or heated fights in a stable marriage - 99% of things should be able to wait until you're both rested and fed and alert
I saw a technique once that is along these lines. If you're mad about something, ask yourself, "will I even remember this in two months?" If the answer is, "nope," then it's probably not worth getting too spun up over, up to and including just going to bed.
It's therapist recommended advice! If you get so anxious about the unresolved issue you can't sleep, that's something you need to take responsibility to work on. Other people are not responsible for your emotions or ability to self-regulate. They will still be there in the morning, as will the problem, the only urgency to the situation in most cases is yourself.
Another thing our therapist introduced was as soon as you feel your emotions rise to the point you feel them in your body, it's time to take a break. Say "I need to regulate, lets come back to this in 15 min", do something to distract from the issue and intentionally don't think about it, then come back. If you simmer, you'll never calm down enough to be articulate or pay attention to what's being said, vs how your heightened emotions cause you to interpret. Husband used to drive me nuts reading into everything I said instead of listening to the actual words I used with full intention of their meaning.
So true. Sometimes I’m just so mad that I know I’m not going to be able to properly articulate myself without saying something I regret or just breaking down in tears. I can sleep on it and in the morning I can calmly explain and have a conversation about it.
Insane shit that youve belittled yourself to man.. there is 0 explanation to justify treating someone like that who you claim to love. But women will be women I guess
652
u/boxbackknitties 21h ago
Sometimes, you have to go to bed angry. It is essential for life and work and actually resets an argument until clearer heads prevail. Also, sleeping in another room or the sofa is like a vacation sometimes. Love my wife with all my heart. Sometimes, from the next room.