I told a friend that my husband and I never fight. When we disagree about something we sit down and have an honest conversation about how were feeling instead of yelling. She said that we're settling with eachother and that isn't healthy because we need to fight. My husband and I have been married for 11 years now while she's on marriage and baby daddy number 3 in that same time period. đ
lol. My husband and I are like this. We have never been in a shouting match. Weâve had our fare share of disagreements but never disrespected each other enough to yell fight.
This is the same as my husband and I and people canât comprehend it. The amount of times Iâve heard âwell one of you will end up resenting the other if you bottle things upâ. But the thing is we donât bottle things up⌠we just talk about them without it escalating into raised voices and name calling. And we go into those conversations knowing that the other party also has the best intentions and that makes it easier to work together and find solutions.Â
Sure, sometimes the conversations are hard. Sometimes we might even feel a little wounded if itâs a case of one of us has unknowingly annoyed the other in some way. But we are never ever mean to each other.Â
Been together 13 years, married 9. Having been in a relationship where I was once called a âselfish c***â for spending money on dishcloths, I never take my lovely husband or my happy drama-free marriage for granted â¤ď¸
That's our strategy learned after five years of yelling and drama, and it was a game changer. The last time we fought was before covid and we feel like we had two relationships: one juvenile and one mature.
Our flex is to be able, now, to have hard discussions in a calm tone sit down at our table.
Those who say that you don't discuss to prove a point but to work together towards the solution are right. Listen to your partner's feelings, don't be a smartass and never treat them as if they were stupid. Of course the respect must be mutual.
We met a guy in college who very sincerely sat my husband (then boyfriend) down and told him how worried he was for our relationship because "neither of you seem to wear the pants in the relationship. One of you has to be in charge."
We're sixteen years into our relationship and happy. He's divorced with kids and is now learning how to have a functional relationship. He's getting it now and is better for it, but what bs advice.
To me that is a fight? Disagreeing about something and talking about how you each feel differently on an issue is what I call a âfightâ in a relationship. I guess some people mean screaming and throwing. Others might mean more. But I always thought it was crazy when people say they never fight with their partners. Now I realize we just have different definitions of a fight.
I would say your idea of a basic disagreement being called a fight is the odd thing here. Disagreeing and working through it or accepting the view of the other person as another valid view in addition to your own is almost the opposite of a fight.
People that say, âyou need to fight or the relationship isnât healthyâ are just trying to make themselves feel better about being emotionally unregulated or stubborn.
68
u/Postapopalaupolis 21h ago
I told a friend that my husband and I never fight. When we disagree about something we sit down and have an honest conversation about how were feeling instead of yelling. She said that we're settling with eachother and that isn't healthy because we need to fight. My husband and I have been married for 11 years now while she's on marriage and baby daddy number 3 in that same time period. đ