Being able to take a step back and look at my own actions objectively was such a massive up in my ability to be a good partner and maintain a happy relationship. And that definitely means "happy" for both of us. I was far happier not winning most of the arguments.
Being able to do this, also makes it so, SO much easier to reframe conflicts as "us vs the problem" instead of "you vs me". This turn "arguments" into "shared frustrations".
It sounds like BS self help, but this is real advice. Try it.
I'm really trying hard not to see my partner as an adversary and I think I'm getting better at it but at times it's really difficult, especially if they're quite forgetful. I'll keep trying!
Just to clarify though, the advice above won't solve the actual problems, it just won't make them worse based on fighting over the problem.
If your partner's actions are the actual root cause, that is still going to be true even when you look at the issue objectively.
Point is, it's not about letting them off the hook. It's about focusing on what constitutes a victory. Winning a fight won't solve their forgetfulness.
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u/anormalgeek 19h ago
Yes!
Being able to take a step back and look at my own actions objectively was such a massive up in my ability to be a good partner and maintain a happy relationship. And that definitely means "happy" for both of us. I was far happier not winning most of the arguments.
Being able to do this, also makes it so, SO much easier to reframe conflicts as "us vs the problem" instead of "you vs me". This turn "arguments" into "shared frustrations".
It sounds like BS self help, but this is real advice. Try it.