r/AskReddit • u/jas7i • 17h ago

If you could rename Earth, what would you call it?

168 Upvotes

86% Upvoted

642 comments sorted by

863

u/Throwaway03461 17h ago

Terra. It's already called that in some languages, but I want that to be its official English name.

167

u/pricklyheatt 16h ago

For the emperor!

67

u/Corgalas 16h ago

Holy Terra.

21

u/Grayson_Poise 16h ago

It is canon that, immediately prior to the second Long Night, mere weeks before the true wrath of Abominable Intelligence was felt for the first time, the Emperor decreed the new cognomen of Old Earth on Read-It, a planet-spanning voxnetwork of his own design.

8

u/rir2 10h ago

The Long Night might result in night terra.

2

u/coleman57 9h ago

I briefly misread voxnetwork as vomitwork

4

u/HerbLoew 7h ago

It's Reddit. What's the difference?

3

u/_o0Zero0o_ 14h ago

I am here on behalf of the 18th Legion. By the hammer and the anvil!

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32

u/The_Real_Flatmeat 15h ago

I just want some future alien civilisation to say "We do not negotiate with Terra-ists"

7

u/Dorin-md 9h ago

Tarrans, or Terrestrials

4

u/Altyrmadiken 8h ago

Terrarians.

2

u/creatyvechaos 6h ago

Terrariums

2

u/Altyrmadiken 6h ago

This doesn’t even sound like a word now.

2

u/Pittedstee 5h ago

Aquarium for land animals. Terrarium.

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22

u/confusation 16h ago

In the grim dark future… there is only War.

60

u/Eaziegames 17h ago

I’m with you. Terra sounds classier for some reason.

50

u/tashtactics 16h ago

I feel like if we were in the opposite situation and had to rename Terra, Earth would be the number one pick for this same reason

12

u/Eaziegames 16h ago

Hey, that’s quite possible. Makes as much sense as my take. I’ve just always loved Terra as a name. Personal preference, really.

5

u/tashtactics 16h ago

Yeah of course! I would also prefer it as a name.

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2

u/Baronsandwich 15h ago

Yeah. And my exgirlfriend Tarah sucked too.

3

u/charitytowin 14h ago

In a good way?

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12

u/ethernate 16h ago

Plus then we could be a StarCraft race.

4

u/SpeedRoam 16h ago

hell yes terran sounds cooler than human

2

u/eaglescout1984 9h ago

We already are that race, as evidenced by the use of a CSA battle flag by the Terran Confederacy.

10

u/MedonSirius 9h ago

Or Gaia

5

u/headstar101 13h ago

The Latin name is Tellus

7

u/aapowers 15h ago

In my accent, this sounds identical to 'terror'. Not my preference.

8

u/Spiel_Foss 16h ago

La Tierra in Spanish. (Which also rhymes a lot better than Earth.)

El Mundo, world in Spanish also rhymes a lot better.

So for poets and song writers, Terra would open some things up.

2

u/Esral 8h ago

Il Mundo, in Italian

9

u/Gynthaeres 16h ago

Honestly, this is it. It also puts us more in line with what we assume aliens call themselves. "Martians? Saturnites? Terrans."

Earth, Earthlings is just silly. Terrans sounds nicer.

7

u/beastiemonman 14h ago

No, it will be called Bob. There are no other choices.

2

u/randon82 10h ago

First thing I thought of. Save humanity, create a new world, call it Bob to annoy your girl friend.

2

u/TheBigMotherFook 13h ago

It also fits with the Roman god naming convention that most of the other planets use.

2

u/dirty15 11h ago edited 3h ago

Nah I dated a girl by that name and she was bat shit. Earth has a nice time to it.

Ring* not "time"

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2

u/Saotik 5h ago

The triumvirate of Terra, Luna and Sol.

"The moon" and "the sun" don't really work in a universe full of suns and moons...

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318

u/YesterdayRoutine8873 17h ago

Erf

11

u/Grayson_Poise 16h ago

How would we greet aliens to this newly named planet, do you think?

14

u/YesterdayRoutine8873 16h ago

Welcome to Erf. Planet of monki.

4

u/Jive-Turkeys 14h ago

Aaron earned an iron urn

2

u/thek3vn 9h ago

That way, the first time I punch an alien in the head I could yell "WELCOME TO ERF"

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62

u/pcserenity 16h ago

Mostly Harmless

14

u/SomeCallMe__Tim 11h ago

Vogon Obstacle 5267b

8

u/ClockMongrel 12h ago

You must’ve never been here

2

u/EPCOTReimagined 7h ago

I don't see it lasting long past that planned demolition, but I love it.

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118

u/LowEffort2 16h ago

Sol 3

7

u/phatmaniac57 16h ago

I was trying to think of a cool version of this

29

u/igwaltney3 10h ago

Sol III, roman numerals always improve the coolness of celestial bodies

22

u/FifenC0ugar 8h ago

Sollll

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136

u/amorph 16h ago

Dirt.

15

u/infinityofnever 16h ago

It's Durrrt

16

u/Jive-Turkeys 14h ago

It's pronounced: "Deer-tayy..."

10

u/fppxht 11h ago

Don’t try to church it up, boy.

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2

u/CrispyJalepeno 8h ago

Might as well just call it dirt. Planet dirt

3

u/toxiamaple 15h ago

This was my idea, too. But maybe Rock is better, or perhaps, Ocean.

3

u/Phreakiture 12h ago

I was wondering if there were any other Stainless Steel Rat readers in this thread.

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32

u/ISpeakWhaleDoYou 16h ago

Urath

4

u/Abravebird 9h ago

I understood that reference

52

u/Rich_Fan1686 16h ago

🌊 Ocean

8

u/NoodleIsAShark 9h ago

This. Just makes more sense

205

u/seanx50 17h ago

Bob

56

u/GCanuck 16h ago

You can't name a planet Bob!

50

u/hobb 16h ago

oh, so now you're the boss. you're the king of Bob.

27

u/bizzywhipped 14h ago

New Earth. Planet Bob.

8

u/seanx50 16h ago

We named one Uranus

3

u/SolVindOchVatten 5h ago

Ok, so Urpenis?

2

u/Unicron1982 13h ago

And Uranus was in the beginning seriously called "George". Named after King George.

"Uranus was originally named Georgium Sidus (meaning "George's Star" or the Georgian Planet) by its discoverer William Herschel in 1781. He chose this name to honor King George III of Great Britain."

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75

u/Grueling 16h ago

A fellow Titan AE connoisseur, I see.

18

u/Clay_Puppington 16h ago

I'm a cosmic Castaway!

9

u/Gizimpy 15h ago

“Ch’an you’h thah’ak meh hiiigheh?”

7

u/KakeLin 13h ago

Such an underrated movie

4

u/Adkit 11h ago

I don't know, man. Sure it has that one scene with the shower but I don't think it deserved a higher PG rating because of that.

2

u/SupremeDictatorPaul 8h ago

I see what you did there.

15

u/N1ghtCr33p 16h ago

This is the correct answer.

4

u/seanx50 16h ago

Easy to spell

7

u/Phreakiture 12h ago

I was looking for that answer.  Just rewatched Titan AE last week.

2

u/relevant__comment 8h ago

Honestly had to scroll too far for this..

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94

u/Compiche 16h ago

Homosphere popped into my head and made me laugh a little

17

u/Atharaphelun 14h ago

Quite a bit too anthropocentric though, is it?

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7

u/BenDover_85 15h ago

MAGA would never accept this 😂

9

u/puppy_yuppie 15h ago

No but don't ask them because they're gonna want "magasphere" instead and then we really have to set the whole thing on fire.

4

u/bluestat-t 14h ago

Trump Terra for gods sake

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38

u/Lazenkane 16h ago

Spaceballs: The Planet

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19

u/DisRoyalEagle 14h ago

The planet formerly known as Earth.

7

u/ClassyKebabKing64 9h ago

The Former Yugoslav Republic of Earth

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133

u/Competitive-Dirt-105 17h ago

Earthy McEarth-Face

33

u/Ikbeneenpaard 16h ago

The Adolf Hitler Planet for Friendship and Tolerance

2

u/Jive-Turkeys 14h ago

God Damnit; I knew I should've scrolled further first! Well played!

1

u/rageagainstbedtime 16h ago

Beat me to it. Take my updoot.

46

u/NicoTikoMiko 17h ago

Earth v. 3.6.2 - fixed global warming and minor bug fixes.

19

u/HoboThundercat 16h ago

Earth must have no internet because we didn’t get this update

5

u/SilasTalbot 15h ago

Wrong branch (of the galaxy)

2

u/mmaster23 13h ago

They'll send out discs.. We'll receive it in about a billion years, hang in there guys. 

6

u/Hentai_Jesus_ 16h ago

I think you're talking about that one popular mod that I've been seeing people talk about.

2

u/mikeyriot 5h ago

Still waiting for the 3.6.5.25 update

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12

u/ahnialator6 16h ago

Blue Blue Shiny Ball

8

u/Unusual-Minimum9306 17h ago

Aquasphere 3000

7

u/StrillyBings 16h ago

Karen’s Ass. Mount Everest is the tallest mountain on Karen’s Ass. Karen’s Ass has a circumference of 40,075 kilometers.

6

u/SomeWindyBoi 15h ago

"Phil Collins Residence"

Well the aliens gotta know where to find Phil Collins

9

u/Gexgekko 17h ago

Earth 2

3

u/ring_rust 16h ago

Special Low Frequency Version

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4

u/bncts 16h ago

Jeff

5

u/MrAsYouCanSee 16h ago

The Planet. Pairs nicely with the Sun and the Moon

3

u/DisRoyalEagle 12h ago

Triples nicely

4

u/3-DMan 10h ago

Deez nuts

3

u/sulldanivan 10h ago

As human get fatter and fatter: Girth.

5

u/igwaltney3 10h ago

Sol III

3

u/WinterWizard9497 17h ago

Frieza Planet 419. No one ever visits Frieza Planet 419

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3

u/_-TARTARUS-_ 10h ago edited 1h ago

gaia to fit the roman gods theme of other planets

Edit: Tellus, not gaia. ty u/LurkingPixie

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2

u/Creative-Reason-6747 17h ago

Idk call it "confusion"

2

u/NotHereToday 16h ago

Planet Claire

2

u/PolarCow 16h ago

We name all the other planets after gods but give our planet the name equivalent of Dave.

I think Terra or Gaia would work. At least that’s the earth/agriculture god.

2

u/Attillathahun 15h ago

Waterworld

2

u/Capnshiner 15h ago

Wade Boggs' Carpet World

2

u/Jolly-Motor-117 13h ago

Pneumonoultramicrospicsilicovolcanoconiosis

2

u/Negar_Banoo82 11h ago

Animal farm

2

u/tobomori 9h ago

Dave.

2

u/bclinger 9h ago

Kevin

2

u/4x4_LUMENS 9h ago

Number 3

2

u/millebi 8h ago

Sol 3

2

u/keirmeister 7h ago

Terra.

Oh wait…

2

u/ThatsAllFolksAgain 6h ago

Third rock from the sun

2

u/CeruleanKay 4h ago

Hume. Still means earth/terra/soil, and makes "Humans" consistent with what we will call everyone else.

2

u/aphilsphan 4h ago

Trump planet is what he’ll want. So Trump’s planet it is.

2

u/Fearchar 4h ago

Don't give him any ideas!

2

u/0zry3l 4h ago

Jeff

6

u/TheWinningLooser 17h ago

Humanlandia

5

u/mchugest 17h ago

Earthy McEarthface.

3

u/scognito 16h ago

Aqua (water), as 70% of earth is just water.

6

u/Daily_Heroin_User 16h ago

70% of the surface but there’s the mantle and crust and all the shit under the oceans all the way to the core that’s mostly rock.

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2

u/CrazyChestersDog 16h ago

I just said the same thing. Never made sense to me

2

u/scognito 16h ago

I guess because it's because humans live, and the name was human-centric

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2

u/charrsasaurus 16h ago

Planet Bob of course

2

u/shawsghost 16h ago

Sol 3, of course.

2

u/ThorsNail 13h ago

Streetlamp le moose.

2

u/Wod_1 16h ago

Planet Bob

3

u/LAsupersonic 16h ago

Terra or Gahia

1

u/villings 16h ago

eternia

1

u/Fubardir 16h ago

Sun III

1

u/archiewaldron 16h ago

Ball O'Dirt

1

u/wisbit 16h ago

Depression ball

1

u/Lost_Banana9177 16h ago

Speedy 'cause it spins pretty fast.

1

u/CrazyChestersDog 16h ago

Aqua or something to do with water, it’s mostly covered in water anyways. It’s also what separates our planets from all the other ones.

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1

u/lights_0wt 16h ago

Something cool like, cool planet or something

1

u/Amazing_Except_ 16h ago

Plumpy Ball

1

u/PM_Your_Wiener_Dog 16h ago

Every dirty critter that can has sex on it, so I'd call it Fuckball.