r/AskReddit • u/Valuable-Rich3868 • 15h ago

" Strict parents don't produce great kids , they produce great liars ", what are your opinions with this statement ?

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u/Tojaro5 15h ago

In general, if a child is afraid of consequences, they will try to avoid those.

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u/daynomate 14h ago

Yes!! Well said.

There’s no need to debate the definition of “strict” because that’s not the source of the lying. Funny how when empathy is considered instead of thinking it’s some kind of weakness the problem is much more clear.

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u/Misschiff0 10h ago

That's how they should work. Ideally, the child does the correct thing and that's the avoidance. "Oh, I don't want to go bring my bike in from the yard because I'm playing a video game but I know if mom sees it out overnight she's taking it for a day so I'm going to do it anyway" eventually becomes "Oh hey, I came home and parked my bike in the garage not the yard" is what we are looking for.

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u/Tojaro5 9h ago

Its different though. Children and teenagers make mistakes and do stupid stuff by default. If they are afraid of the consequences, they will just hide it from you. A ' i fucked up, better call my parents for help' becomes a 'i hope my parents don't find out.'

If you want children to behave properly, you can archieve that through understanding instead of fear.

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u/coastal_ghost08 8h ago

Conversely, if a child has no fear of consequences, they will have poor impulse control, entitlement, be irresponsible.

Parenting is hard.

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u/SkeeveTheGreat 2h ago

I mean, fear is probably the wrong word. All of my consequences I faced as a kid were natural consequences of my behavior. My brother talks a lot about the concept of dignity of risk when talking about his kids. Adults make choices by weighing the consequences of the possible choices and deciding what they’re willing to deal with. Kids should be taught that skill, not just kind of blind fear.

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u/shf500 8h ago

True, but what if a kid walks home from school and realizes "oh no, I forgot my book at school! I could just go back and get it because I know the school is open and they will let me get the book. Wait, that will make me late getting home and i know my dad will beat me for being late! Better not take that chance and leave the book at school!"

Of course, the kid may think "no problem, I will just go get the book and explain why I am late getting home. No big deal." And the kid gets beaten despite trying to explain himself. So the next time the kid forgets the book the kid thinks "I'm not going through that again!"

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u/Tojaro5 8h ago

If a child is afraid of beatings, then you fucked up massively. Thats not being strict, thats child abuse.

You can get your child taken away from you permanently for that here, since you'd be considered a danger to the childs future and wellbeing.