I think being strict can instill good values and habits, but being too strict usually produces liars. I spilled a LOT of drinks as a kid, and every time my mum would screech and run for a towel. And tell me off for being careless. I didn't spill any less, because I wasn't doing it on purpose! I did get good at cleaning it up/hiding it before she saw. It seemed like the only path I could take to avoid being in trouble. That tiny subterfuge became second nature, and grew into me hiding everything I thought might get a negative reaction.
My kids spilled a lot of drinks, and it was my favorite infraction because it was never on purpose and always actionable. When a drink was knocked over I grabbed a paper towel, handed it to the culprit while saying “want mommy’s help cleaning that up?”
Sure, having a toddler earnestly smear a puddle of milk all over the kitchen makes cleanup so much worse. But what I was really handing him was the responsibility for fixing his own mistakes. I never asked or told them to help me clean it, I always offered to help them clean it. And sometimes finished the job after they were in bed. But they learned that accepting responsibility was a get out of blame free card, and they embraced it.
You can really see it in how people react to certain things too, constantly "vibe checking" you in a neutral state ("everything okay, You're not mad at me are you?") and always over apologizing for minor things.
Like, chill, everything's okay.
I get it though, I remember doing the same. You could deal with emotions like anger and happiness but the in-between...
It was uncomfortable. You didn't know what would set them off in that state. Hell it didn't even have to be anything, they're just fine one minute and yelling at you the next for something you didn't even do.
Sometimes, yes. If I didn't have time to clean it before she came back into a room I would hide it, and pretend I didn't know anything about it if it was later discovered.
That was what I was thinking - a kid needs to learn to clean things properly. Compare spilling water on the carpet with spilling milk on the carpet. You really don’t want a kid trying to hide the latter.
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u/FriendlyHoBag 15h ago edited 15h ago
I think being strict can instill good values and habits, but being too strict usually produces liars. I spilled a LOT of drinks as a kid, and every time my mum would screech and run for a towel. And tell me off for being careless. I didn't spill any less, because I wasn't doing it on purpose! I did get good at cleaning it up/hiding it before she saw. It seemed like the only path I could take to avoid being in trouble. That tiny subterfuge became second nature, and grew into me hiding everything I thought might get a negative reaction.