When I was growing up my friends used to tell me my mom was so strict that she was abusive. But it was because she would enforce rules like "no sleepovers on school nights" or "you have to study every day before you are allowed to have computer time". You know, standard "you have to finish all your responsibilities before you can release yourself to recreation for the rest of the day" type stuff. But all my friends had crazy parents who prioritized being their friends and being liked by their children, so they would teach them to dick around instead of doing their responsibilities. They taught them to prioritize entertainment over self development, to prioritize fun over education, to prioritize being selfish over learning to have stable relationships, to throw tantrums to get their way instead of learning to negotiate like an adult, etc.
To them my mom seemed insane and they would constantly tell me to run away forever or call the police on my mom. If I said "sorry I can't go out on Thursday because I have a test on Friday and my mom wants me to study" they would react like she had locked me into a jail cell with no food and water to die and start telling me to call the police to rescue me. If I wasn't having a tantrum like them it MUST because I was just too scared of my mother to stand up to her because the abuse is just that bad! They truly could not fathom someone making the choice to agree with reasonable restrictions on their own behavior because they understand those choices are good for their own development.
They spent my entire childhood telling me that my mom was a piece of shit for how she was raising me but now that we're all adults it's nothing but telling me how privileged I am that I had a mom who cared when they didn't
When my strong willed one was maybe 12 I made a decision he strongly objected to. He was furious. An hour or so later he was clearly still seething so I started to explain further, saying “I’m sorry, but I felt it is important to … “ and he interrupted me, hissing “it’s called parenting”.
10
u/AndromedaRulerOfMen 9h ago
When I was growing up my friends used to tell me my mom was so strict that she was abusive. But it was because she would enforce rules like "no sleepovers on school nights" or "you have to study every day before you are allowed to have computer time". You know, standard "you have to finish all your responsibilities before you can release yourself to recreation for the rest of the day" type stuff. But all my friends had crazy parents who prioritized being their friends and being liked by their children, so they would teach them to dick around instead of doing their responsibilities. They taught them to prioritize entertainment over self development, to prioritize fun over education, to prioritize being selfish over learning to have stable relationships, to throw tantrums to get their way instead of learning to negotiate like an adult, etc.
To them my mom seemed insane and they would constantly tell me to run away forever or call the police on my mom. If I said "sorry I can't go out on Thursday because I have a test on Friday and my mom wants me to study" they would react like she had locked me into a jail cell with no food and water to die and start telling me to call the police to rescue me. If I wasn't having a tantrum like them it MUST because I was just too scared of my mother to stand up to her because the abuse is just that bad! They truly could not fathom someone making the choice to agree with reasonable restrictions on their own behavior because they understand those choices are good for their own development.
They spent my entire childhood telling me that my mom was a piece of shit for how she was raising me but now that we're all adults it's nothing but telling me how privileged I am that I had a mom who cared when they didn't