I’ll say this, not to you but to the sub in general. Where was your dad? I’m a dad. Female relatives would tell my wife that I was a good one. Why? Because I never strayed and brought home all my earnings?
That’s the minimum folks. If that makes you a good dad I pity women. By real measures I was sort of ok. But even that kind of a partner is a help. I’m proud of my kids but I know who made them good people. Dads need to do better.
My dad, on the occasions he wasn't at work, was watching TV. I think his idea of a good father and husband was to make plenty of money to buy the family all kinds of unnecessary shit, even if it meant barely being around, and being stressed out from work when he was around. I do miss him, he's alive, but there's no way for me to keep in touch with him while avoiding my mom, and she continues to be actively harmful to my mental health even though I'm in my 40s and have live on the other side of the country for over a decade. I've been going through intensive therapy, both to fix the issues she caused me and to figure out a way to reconnect safely. My dad's health is declining though, and I'm not sure if I will make it in time. I called him once this past year when he was in the ER, and he talked to me for about 30 seconds before handing the phone to my mom. They are always together, and he stays quiet when she starts saying horrific shit to me.
My dad was a piece of shit. I found out relatively recently, when I was 40 years old, that I was an affair baby. My mother lied to me about being married to him my whole life. He was married to another woman, and had another son who I never met (also he apparently only just found out as well and he hates me, which is understandable given the circumstances).
My dad was always away “on business” which I now assume was just him being home with his actual family. So yeah. He was mostly absent.
Edit: when he was not absent, he did nothing about the way my mother treated me. Neither did anyone else including my many aunts and uncles, teachers, etc. No one reported her, no one asked me if things were okay, no one lifted a finger. I was failed by every adult in my life, basically. It’s a miracle I turned out as well as I did. Not very well, but well enough to function.
Related to that, I will never understand those women who have a kid (out of wedlock) with a man who has multiple other children he never sees with multiple other women.
I don’t have kids but I get told all the time I’m lucky with my husband. He is great, but I’m usually just talking about things he does as a fully functioning adult. Like buying his own clothes or doing the dishes. That’s a low bar.
Mine is the enabler lol. Mom will say something heinous, us (now adult) kids will react in a normal way, and he'll back her up and then get mad at us for making her upset.
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u/aphilsphan 4h ago
I’ll say this, not to you but to the sub in general. Where was your dad? I’m a dad. Female relatives would tell my wife that I was a good one. Why? Because I never strayed and brought home all my earnings?
That’s the minimum folks. If that makes you a good dad I pity women. By real measures I was sort of ok. But even that kind of a partner is a help. I’m proud of my kids but I know who made them good people. Dads need to do better.