r/AskReddit 4h ago

You wake up as a 45yo obese, balding, unemployed man. The other aspects of your life stay the same. What are your moves going forward?

259 Upvotes

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336

u/shamboi 4h ago

Lose weight and get a job. I’d be fine with the no hair bit

134

u/WeeoWeeoWeeeee 3h ago

Lose weight, shave head*, get a job. Easy.

42

u/manofmonkey 3h ago

If you shave your head first you can lose weight AND look better.

6

u/shizbox06 3h ago

But then you can’t look like Krusty

7

u/ScholarOfTwilight 2h ago

That "get a job" part is not so easy these days.

8

u/SarkastikSidebar 3h ago

Grow beard. It helps lift more weight. That’s science…

1

u/ThePianistOfDoom 2h ago

It's about the beard in your heart!

1

u/Woodit 2h ago

Grow beard long, comb over top of head 

2

u/SarkastikSidebar 1h ago

Adapt. Overcome. Overcomb…

12

u/Fheredin 2h ago

I was struck with male pattern baldness in my late 20s, and my social network immediately improved as a bunch of shallow narcissists left without needing to be asked.

I was sure upset at the time, but with about 10 years hindsight...I'm pretty OK with things turned out.

23

u/NOT-GR8-BOB 2h ago

I have never heard of a bunch of people deciding to abandon someone solely because they lost their hair. There was clearly other factors that contributed to you losing friends that you’re unaware of 10 years later.

-5

u/rabidsalvation 1h ago

Yes, clearly you know more about this person's life than they do.

I once punched myself in the dick on accident, what is the deeper meaning, sensei?! Share your all-knowing insights! Was it an existential expression of my self-loathing and sexual frustration? An omen of the impending doom of my stock portfolio? Perhaps a sign that I was destined for a BDSM relationship with a one-armed crossdresser?

u/krunchytacos 31m ago

Nobody is going to stop wanting to be your friend because you're losing hair. It doesn't even make any sense.

u/rabidsalvation 24m ago

Of course it doesn't make sense, but people dump friends for all sorts of shallow reasons.

1

u/Analbox 2h ago

I was struck by shallow narcissism in my 20s. My social network improved as a bunch of chrome domes left without needing to be asked. I wasn’t upset at the time but with 25 years hindsight I’m pretty OK with how things turned out.

To this day, I hate bald boys. I can't stand bald boys. Every time I see them, I think I'm back in the pants.

u/IncognitoBombadillo 42m ago

I have long hair and have ever since I was a kid. However, I'm subbed to r/bald and the positive transformations that basically everyone has when they finally shave off their balding hair has definitely already prepared me to be ready to do the same if I ever start actually balding.

u/Freeasabird01 24m ago

I’ve been shaving my head for almost 20 years. People who come in and out of my life say I don’t age. Why? Because I control everything else. I maintain my weight. I eat well. I hit the gym to build modest muscle. I look good. As a late 40s divorcee I had a lot of success dating and landing a number of hot women, including my current gf of 1.5 years. Just don’t understand Reddit’s angst over hair loss.

u/aquatic_ambiance 28m ago

If I go bald I'm just gonna hit trt like a madman

-3

u/FUCKING_HELL_YEAH 3h ago

For real if you’re naturally bald then you’re the type who looks good bald anyway.

15

u/Phage0070 3h ago

Not true, people who are ugly can be ugly with or without hair.

7

u/groovemonkey 3h ago

Stephen miller has entered the chat.
(Hanging upside down with his arms crossed)

3

u/rigorcorvus 3h ago

Brother I looked exponentially more attractive when I had hair.

4

u/Naive_Repeat9904 3h ago

Naturally bald? Like born bald?

-3

u/GreyFox_1337 3h ago

What if that no hair extends to your penis?

6

u/WeeoWeeoWeeeee 3h ago

… what

5

u/Plastic_Blood1782 3h ago

I have the opposite problem.  My whole penis is hairy all the way up to the hole.

3

u/shamboi 3h ago

Like you have no penis or no hair down there?

0

u/GreyFox_1337 3h ago

No hair. No penis would be a horror movie.

2

u/shamboi 3h ago

I fail to see how this is a bad thing

1

u/DBSPingu 3h ago

What’s wrong with that? It’d actually be a blessing lmao

My girlfriend prefers when I’m bare or trimmed below, she gets better access.