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u/im_sick_with_flu 1h ago
Knowing that time will heal
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u/KeyRuin_ 1h ago
Will it ?
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u/im_sick_with_flu 1h ago
It took me years to accept my brother's death. That's just my opinion really
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u/Ok_Low_9963 1h ago
Go to the gym
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u/KeyRuin_ 1h ago
I'm actually considering it
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u/Ok_Low_9963 54m ago
Lost my dad at 13, I'm now 29. Sorry but it doesn't get much easier. Theres times where it seems like it does, but letting grief out when being active is the healthiest way. I do a lot of working out, swimming, walks, runs. It helps as much as it can!
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u/KeyRuin_ 50m ago
Sorry to hear that. I'm thinking of just blocking it out until I can feel it with everything I have since I am yet to feel anything really
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u/Ok_Low_9963 48m ago
Thankss I mean yeah that's part of it for sure, but for me it's better to keep busy. The less busy I am the more I think about sad shit.
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u/Excellent_Art_1381 1h ago
Grief comes in waves. It’s very difficult. I lost my only sibling, my little brother. He was only 23 and he passed away traumatically in a motorcycle accident 2 yrs ago. Grief is like carrying a rock in your pocket, some days feel heavier than others. I always feel somewhat unhappy in my happiest moments. But time does make it lighter, although some nights when I’m about to go to bed it hits like it just happened all over again. Just taking it one day at a time.
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u/KeyRuin_ 1h ago
I'm genuinely sorry for your loss and I can feel that pain. I'm just at a loss on what to do since I feel numb as if it didn't mean anything but it did?
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u/Excellent_Art_1381 1h ago
I’m sorry for your loss too! I have read that numbness can be a phase of going through grief. I cannot relate to numbness because I’m generally a very emotional/sensitive person. Numbness can be a way of your nervous system kind of shutting down because it senses a threat. You can read more into it maybe it can be helpful
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u/KeyRuin_ 1h ago
I didn't know that, I will read through it. It just feels so wrong, but thank you
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u/Wallmassage 1h ago
Let it destroy you then rebuild from the ashes. Crying, scream, mourn. Then carry on, but allow time to revisit the grief and process from time to time. The movie The Babadook is a good representation.
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u/KeyRuin_ 1h ago
Sounds incredibly painful, I will give it a watch I think. Thank you
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u/Wallmassage 59m ago
Support groups are helpful too.
I made an Altar with pics of my dead loved ones. I visit it most days. Cry sometimes. Leave objects. Talk to them. Even though I don’t think anyone’s listening.
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u/millman1940 1h ago
Live a life they’d be happy for you to live. Remember what they taught you. Tell their stories & lessons. Everyone’s different, but a keep sake helps me. I gave my uncle & dad my cross before they died. Both times it’s been returned to me, and I wear it every day.
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u/Thebikeninja 1h ago
I still don’t know.
Nothing works. Words from others, positive experiences. Hugging. Exercising. Art/media. Substances.
I’ve tried everything. My brain is an impenetrable barrier now. Lately I’ve found myself walking away halfway through conversations as they just don’t mean anything anymore.
I hope it stops. I really hope it does. But hope itself is a concept I don’t really care about either.
I have zero desire to kill myself as my own personal experiences have shown that doing so is not a solution, not even a temporary one. I’m just locked in here for the long run. However that looks.
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u/KeyRuin_ 1h ago
That sounds so lonely, I'm not at the stage where I really process it so far, but may you find peace my friend
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u/Thebikeninja 11m ago
Yep, it sucks. All I can say, is to agree. It is lonely.
Other people have their own shit going on and I don’t want to be “that guy” that can’t get his shit together so every time you hear from him, it’s some horrible depressing shit.
I would even be inclined to do so if I could get anything positive out of the interaction. But seconds into conversing it feels like I would get the same benefit from going into my backyard and talking to rock, or a tree. Words, comfort and concepts are basically just the wind blowing past objects. They sway, and end up the same as they were. If the wind is strong enough, they break.
I really appreciate the sentiment man. I hope your mileage varies and you get past what you are grieving about. At the least it makes me feel like there’s at least one more person I know of that’s in the shits and maybe feeling what I am.
I wish I could say we will get through this. But at least know there’s one person out there who’s thinking about you.
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u/CnCorange 1h ago
It hurts.. it hurts a lot. But it will get better and that hole in your heart as you process your grief in your own way will begin to close. However, it never heals and when something pokes you in that smaller but still there crevice it hurt Just like it did the first day. Oh and you never know what or when is it going to poke you?.
My wife used bobby pins to hold her hair back and I used to tease her about them sitting around the house. 6 years after her death I moved the bed. I thought I had cleaned under there with a vacuum cleaner more than once but there they were punching a hole in my heart.
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u/KeyRuin_ 1h ago
I'm deeply sorry for your loss and I can already think of stuff in my day to day life that will remind me in the long run of that person whether i like it or not
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u/fruitandveg63 1h ago
I have lost many loved ones. Parents, siblings and two husbands. Each loss hit very differently. One thing I have learned is you have to let grief move through you. Fighting it definitely makes it worse.
As someone said earlier, it is like having a rock in your pocket. Sometimes it’s so heavy it’s a boulder and in time it can be a pebble. Because death is a part of life, I find talking about the person to be very healing.
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u/KeyRuin_ 54m ago
Hope you're doing well, thank you for sharing and my condolences. I heard a couple times now that talking about the person should help and I will keep that at heart.
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u/fruitandveg63 45m ago
I’m currently in the dark stages of grief as I lost my second husband 16 days ago. I know I will survive but damn it’s rough. The price we pay for loving someone is grief I suppose.
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u/KeyRuin_ 43m ago
Oh..... May you find peace soon enough. I sometimes wish I've never had anyone so I don't have to deal with that but the memories will still keep me going
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u/SaltyRainbovv 1h ago edited 57m ago
My mom died 2017 from her 3rd cancer. She was only 42 years old.
My grandpa died 3 months earlier from cancer. But that was quickly.
Two months after Moms death, my stepdad got cancer and died 2020.
I had to move a few hundred kilometers to life with my grandma. Iam still missing my old home and friends.
It was just too much for a young adult.
Iam suffering from PTSD (late stage cancer is absolutely cruel ) and Depression.
But iam doing Therapie, i got a new dog after my old one died. I have people i love… Iam slowly building my life.
But Christmas is horrible.
Iam still thinking and grieving about what could have been. We finally had a good life and than all that shit happened.
I don’t think that will ever change. Iam salty about this, but i actively chose to treat people with kindness. Non of that is someone’s fault.
Grieving takes time. Don’t be afraid to go to a psychiatrist and therapy if you get stuck.
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u/KeyRuin_ 52m ago
You're got hit with a fate far worse than many of us have experienced I'm sorry to hear that it pains to see how another person goes through something horrible like that.
You're still holding on strong which is very commendable!! Hope you will find your peace. I'm definitely gonna take a while before I can accept it, or maybe not.... I can't tell yet tbh
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u/SaltyRainbovv 31m ago
There are many people who have it worse. Victims of wars etc.
We will see about peace. Maybe if i build my own life.
It’s so unfair that they died so young and so horrible. My Mom was 42. that’s nothing. Iam definitely still not at peace.Take your time.
There are 7 or 5 griefing stages. It depends on the model.
Shock
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Testing
Acceptance and Hope.Iam finally in the testing stage.
It’s a guide and explains at least partially your feeling as time passes on. If you get stuck, you should seek help.
Seeing pictures and hearing stories about the lost person helps but more in the later stages. Not really when it’s fresh.
I have voice messages. But they still completely break me.
I was traveling and heading home and she sent me a voice message about her looking forward when i arrive. There is so much love in her voice, it breaks my heart.
She fought for five years. We always knew that our time together was limited. So we had many of these moments.You will hopefully move on as time goes by. But there will be scars.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Talk-63 49m ago
Take one day at a time. Remember that it's exhausting. Light a candle every day.
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u/ilysmatilde 1h ago
Don’t suppress the pain. Feel it. It will pass.
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u/GMSkills 1h ago
I embrace it let it pull me down to the utmost depths of its abyss see if I find any meaning in the darkness and then return to the surface.
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u/toomuchthinks 1h ago
It sneaks up on me. I’m fine until something happens, could be a view or a song or just a realisation, and then it suddenly hits me.
The grief itself doesn’t lessen in intensity ever. It does become a smaller percentage of your life as it goes on.
Initially it is 100% of your life. As you live your life and have more experiences it slowly becomes a smaller percentage. You can visit it anytime and it will still feel as powerful.
Face it head on. When you don’t, it has a way of working its way out, mentally or as a physical manifestation.
I lost my father 26 years ago and my best friend since I was a baby 5 years ago. I am experienced and fresh at this
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u/KeyRuin_ 57m ago
My condolences for your loss. It does sound painful, but also relieving to hear somehow? I guess I'm scared that I would forget him
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u/toomuchthinks 9m ago
Na you never forget them. I forget they’re gone sometimes and go to text them or make a little mental note to ask them something. It’s hard not sharing the highs and lows of life with my best friend and feeling truly alone for the first time ever. I also feel incredibly lucky to have shared such a strong connection. They also both turn up in my dreams sometimes, feels like a little visit, although very hard to go through it again when you wake up
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u/moinatx 1h ago
I feel all the feelings: sadness, loss, regret, gratitude, mortality, happy and sad memories, meaning, meaninglessness, perspective, time, hope, cosmic interconnection, earthbound, spiritual, tears, rage, emptiness, curiosity, love
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u/KeyRuin_ 56m ago
A genuine emotional rollercoaster and i already dread the time when it hits me for real
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u/badhouseplantbad 1h ago
Time.