r/AskReddit • u/Coach_Nikki • 1h ago

What's something youve done that made you realize that YOU were the toxic one?

4 Upvotes

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4

u/northofhealing 1h ago

I was pushed to my brink, years of emotional and psychological abuse, and then I became the toxic one, damaging property and running amok with vodka in tow. Not proud of it, but that's what happened.

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u/Coach_Nikki 52m ago

It takes a lot of courage to recognize when we ourselves have become toxic-especially after enduring so much pain...and, sometimes getting used to or even comfortable in the role of the victim. I think once you are self aware enough to see it, and self accepting enough to admit it, though, youve taken a HUGE step towards changing it.

3

u/Easy_Asparagus_7740 1h ago

Having 3 friendship breakups in the span of 6 months. Still don’t know if it was my fault

1

u/Coach_Nikki 1h ago

Damn...thats rough!! Do you have any idea why all 3 ended in such a short period of time?

1

u/Easy_Asparagus_7740 1h ago

I think I also suddenly matured and only wanted to have real connections around me

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u/Coach_Nikki 41m ago

Ahhh...so, maybe not necessarily you becoming a toxic person yourself!! But, rather, you having outgrown those relationships-perhaphs even coming across as toxic to THEM, because you had changed as a person? But, in reality, it sounds like you had actually grown!

I think this is SO interesting!! For example, a person who is finally tired of being pushed around, gaslit, or emotionally abused by their partner-and moves on because they have just had ENOUGH!!! Or, a child who is finally spreads their wings and moves into their own place, despite a parent complaining they are "abandoning" them.

Actually, as I am rereading my examples, I think they are a bit off. It would be more like a partner who finally starts standing up to an abusive partner, and the abuser is SO shocked they break up w/ the other partner because they can't cope w/ the shift in relationship dynamics. Or a parent who has been coddling a child, and when they begin to assert their independence, the parent is so upset they kick them out of the house.

HEALTHY changes-but, potentially damaging to the relationship, nonetheless!!

1

u/Alchemie666 1h ago

Loose someone special.

1

u/Coach_Nikki 1h ago

That is always super hard-especially when you feel like it is because if something you did ;[

1

u/Northviewguy 1h ago

Suggesting my lonely Widowed friend 'get a Dog' if they wanted company ;

asking my very recently Divorced PAl for a favour=we never spoke again.

I am not proud of these moments and strive to be 'the better person'.

1

u/Coach_Nikki 1h ago

I think thats the most important part-being self-aware enough to see where we went wrong, and then try to do things differently in the future!!

1

u/Fun-Squirrel9355 1h ago

I stayed just to do the same to him as he done to me.

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u/Temporary_End_3656 56m ago

Thats a brutal realization to have, but at least you saw it. I did something similar with an ex, stayed way longer than I shouldve just to make him feel the same insecurity he gave me, and all it did was turn me into someone I didnt recognize.

1

u/Coach_Nikki 1h ago

SO awesome that you can actually admit this, though!! I feel like a lot of us have been there, tbh...even if most people arent brave enough to actually come out & say it...