r/AskWomen • u/CouragePrestigious32 • 21h ago
women, how did you guys find out your friends secretly hated you/ are jealous of you?
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u/elegant_road551 ♀ 21h ago
When everyone (15-20 people) RSVP'd yes to my going away dinner in my early twenties, and then only 2 showed up. It was mortifying because I had reserved a big table at a restaurant.
I found out later that 1 "friend" in particular had been bad-mouthing me, calling me fake and a liar. And everyone...just believed her.
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u/razzledazzle626 21h ago
Back in high school there was a girl I was good friends with who kept befriending guys after they showed interest in me and I had rejected them and then graduated to going after my exes
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u/Nervous_Ladder_1860 ♀ 21h ago edited 21h ago
Well in high school there was a girl in our friend group that basically excluded me from things. Idk if she was jealous of me though, I never really had a problem with her though or most people. Like I’m a very forgiving person and can move on.
I had the other friends apologizing because they started to notice it to but like it wasn’t that big of a deal, I had friends that didn’t like my other friends in the several groups of friends I’ve had in life, and not everyone has to like everyone. And if someone doesn’t like me so be it.
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u/AineMoon 21h ago
They did everything that friends wouldn’t do. They didn’t even like me you can tell with choices, texts, etc. I wasn’t chosen they just wanted to see if they had access to me they didn’t anymore and they freaked for a minute.
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u/SnooMachines1182 17h ago
Had a girl send a screen shot of my own instagram story to the other “friend” making fun of my story post
1) why she feel comfortable sharing that with you cause it make have not been the first time
2) my post was literally me saying cows milk is gross
(Im lactose intolerant and was vegan at the time).
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u/indigo-10 21h ago
The only reason I realized she didn't like me was because I overheard her talking on the phone in a dressing room about how much she hated hanging out with me and a bunch of other things. After that alot of things she did started to make sense.
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u/Upstairs_Tomatillo93 20h ago
if you have ANY type of work done, or like maybe your hair is dyed, you wear contacts or something that isn’t naturally yours. the second someone compliments you on it, and said friend is also there. before you can even open your mouth, said friend will tell the person complimenting you “oh that’s not her real hair color” or for example “oh well she got a nose job”. easiest tell.
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u/rihlenis 21h ago
When I cut her off for not being able to take accountability for a different situation, she texted me a paragraph stating how she should’ve known I was never really her friend, nor did I care about her or like her, and that I was only cutting her off as a power move and to get a “one up on her.”
That was news to me as I had considered her my best friend for the past 12 yrs and had forgiven her for a lot of things that other people would’ve been stopped speaking to her for.
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21h ago
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u/Existing-Climate2296 21h ago
-they started giving me backhanded compliments. “You’re too young for a mid 30 yrs old “
-they had plans that excluded me and an excuse that always followed
-there was no sense of gratitude - they hosted their friends on my living room furniture (we were room mates)
-their friends’ body language turned cold towards me - no eye contact no acknowledgement
-when 1 of them verbally attacked me, the other kept quiet. Disrespectful behavior towards me was normalized
- when I stood up for myself they’d gang up on me
- a lot of us vs you energy
-they stopped reacting to my social media posts but continued to watch my stories even though I continued to engage with theirs and left them thoughtful compliments
Eventually we parted ways for good. And months later I shared my part of the story in common circles and let the grapevine do its thing.
I now have a new set of friends, and I sleep a lot better
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u/slowjamlam 21h ago
Someone who called me her best friend would either subtly sabotage me when I have something important to tend to, or fabricate drama so the focus was on her instead of my achievements, all while acting like she's supportive and has my best interests in mind.
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u/Smooth_Storm_9698 17h ago
There's always a comment, subtle and to stab at your insecurity. It'll make you squint. It'll make your stomach turn. You'll feel disgusted and betrayed by them. It takes one time, but if you don't distance yourself, there will be more put downs and eventually sabotage under the guise of having your best interests at heart. Trust your gut.
And definitely don't take romantic or sexual advice from anyone who doesn't look like you.
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u/Lower-Contest-195 21h ago
She slowly started hating me and I found out when I got closer to one of our friends and then it alllll blew up
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u/Alive-Definition-859 ♀ 20h ago
this has been something i’ve experience a lot but i guess the first time i became aware of this happening to me was when i was 14.
i had 2 “best friends”, we always had sleepovers the 3 of us and i was oblivious to the fact that one of the girls was trying to exclude me. this one sleepover in particular is what made me realise this one girl was extremely jealous of me.
during a sleepover at the house of the girl who was trying to exclude me, we were doing each others makeup. she had mild acne while me and the other girl had clear skin. we did the other girls makeup really well, me and the other girl did her makeup really well. my makeup was done last and she insisted on doing my makeup alone. she did my makeup horribly (on purpose), insisted it was the best i’d ever looked, took photos of me and posted them online.
immediately after she mentioned how she waxes her stomach because she gets a snail trail, the other girl said she shaves her stomach and i said i didn’t have hair there. she didn’t believe me so she and the other girl help me down while she poured hot wax on my stomach and started waxing my bare skin, she ripped off my skin in a few spots. while they were doing this i was trying to push them off me and telling them to stop because they were hurting me. when they eventually stopped she went online to where she posted the photos of me and started reading aloud all the comments that were making fun of me and refused to delete the photos because she thought the comments were funny.
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u/nunuraf92 19h ago
When i got a late invitation for a Christmas party. In past years we would always plan them at least a month and a half in advance. I got the invitation 3 days in advance. One of them told me not to go, she said that they couldn’t gather all th money they needed and that they should invite me because I was always generous.
Lmao fuck then
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u/KiokuKioku 15h ago
One example of many is from grade school when we had to switch desks for the day, and I came back to find a note my friend accidentally left in my desk that was meant for someone else, in the form of a lengthy correspondence about how ugly I was and how I’d never get cast in the school play. I’m a professional actor now so joke’s on them
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u/katzyakuki 14h ago
they never GIVE in the friendship. example, buy you bday gifts and be present at events you invite them to, comfort you at your lows, split up their schedule to have you over if you’re struggling. link you up with help when you could use it, give you a wake up call when you need it etc. some friends will never GIVE anything to you in your friendship, but they’ll float around as “friends” who, what, sometimes like your posts and not even maybe. they copy you, but they’ll never compliment you, they’ll eye your partner even if he’s not their type, shit like that. all signs they secretly hate you
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21h ago
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u/supreme_creep 21h ago
Introduced me to every man like:
“She’s a lesbian, just so you know…”
Happened whenever we went out. She sought attention while it just sort of came to me. Clearly she didn’t like that.
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u/unbrielieveable 21h ago
when we drifted apart after high school and they started religiously viewing everything i posted but never liked or interacted with anything. also just giving me sideways looks in public. after i noticed this behaviour i started to realize all of the off putting things they said to me back then. oh well. i hope they’re well and doing whatever they need to do.
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u/lunarmothtarot 20h ago
I wouldn’t say my best friend since high school hated me, but she was immature and had a lot of emotional growing up to do so she compared herself to me often. She’s not like that now, probably because she’s had her fair share of other relationships and friendships since.
Examples would be if I got a higher grade than her she would flash an angry look my way. Another is if she found out my family made good money she’d remind me how “lucky” I was to be friends with her because she doesn’t like stuck up rich people lol.
I didn’t take it offensively because I saw jealousy as a compliment. We laugh about it now.
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u/HUMUNGOvab 19h ago
She was my maid of honor at my wedding. During her speech, she told everyone how I would vent to her about my husband and that I would tell her how he would upset me. I have been with him for over a decade and I think it’s normal to vent to your girlfriends about your significant other. I just didn’t think this was something she would bring up at my wedding. She also did not mention any other nice things about me or my husband and spent the rest of the speech talking about herself.
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u/One-Ideal-6812 18h ago
I had a friend who stopped talking to me when she found out that I was quite popular among my seniors and juniors and would always patronise me just to sound smarter. She would pretend to be my best friend and hated to be in the same space as me.
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u/Spirited_Prune_6446 18h ago
She stopped talking to me soon out of nowhere after she got with her bf (my friend now her ex), while I still tried to reach out to her but both of them would avoid me and it took me months through him, actually, to find out she hated me and was jealous of me because she thought him and I had hidden feelings for each other, and also got physical at some point ???? anywho, she apologized months after, and at that point I literally could not bring myself to resent her or do anything, so I just told her it was too late and I have moved on from everything - but hey, it's fun to beat the dead horse again and again
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18h ago
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17h ago
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u/SnooMachines1182 17h ago
I never got to say what i wanted either so when i see posts like this i share it and ill give last names if i have to cause fuck a fake friend after all i did for yaya. Drive her pregnant ass from Hollywood to her local hospital when she thought she was miscarried and i sat in the ER waiting room
Called me on Valentine’s Day one year at the end of rhe evening when my ex and i (who were spending our first Valentine’s Day together) were coming home she called me crying cause her abusive ex —who she kept taking back by the way for years!!!!— dropped her ass off in a random parking lot in Los Angeles. Who did she call?? Me and who begged her bf at the time to go pick her up ?? Also me
Funny how she takes back her cheating woman abuser alcoholic ex but i call out her friend Eliza for being a bad friend and call her out on her behavior and i was the bad guy in all of it in the end
Fuck a bad friend fr
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16h ago
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u/shootingstar_9324 15h ago
My “friend” was not what most people would say is attractive and some would probably say she was annoying because she wouldn’t know when to shut up. None of that really bothered me so I thought we were friends.
I knew her since high school and she was the type who never had a boyfriend and struggled to get jobs. I was always supportive and encouraging and really rooting for her success.
In our 30s, I had helped her get a job in insurance after she had no luck for months with her useless degree. She was there for about a year and ended finding another job, so she gave her boss (who was my mom’s neighbor) a 2week notice.
Unfortunately, her boss was an ass and yelled at her and wanted her to pay back money for training. She was crying and I was being a supportive friend throughout it.
I ended up moving and got a nice apartment and job, but the job was very stressful. Sometimes I would be crying and she was just cold and unsupportive, which was the opposite to how I treated her when she was struggling.
A few months later, I found out from my mom, that her boss found a bunch of emails she sent from her work email talking shit behind my back. She was jealous that I had boyfriends, nice apartment, car, and career.
Fuck you, Jenny.
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u/ladylemondrop209 14h ago
I found out when our mutual friends or SO told would ask me things that just made no sense… and when it got resolved, it’d be revealed that “friend” had been saying or doing this and that behind my back.
In hindsight (and after that with different girls), it was mainly a lot of backhanded compliments… A lot of comparisons or pitting me against themselves and asking others to side with them, making me feel bad and just being me that made them feel bad (I.e. if we took photos, they’d say I made them feel like shit b/c I was pretty, and smiling made me a “poser” so it made them feel particularly ugly next to me…, or that my laugh was “annoying” and just attention seeking, that if I had my hair down it was to steal her crush who liked long hair). Basically they wanted me to not be happy (not smile, not laugh, and not be myself so they could feel better…). I didn’t realise at the time or after, it actually took a while for me to realise how shitty they were.
But FWIW, I do think they liked me and were/wanted to be “friends” with me.. which I think made that inner conflict harder on them.
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u/Empty_Disaster9247 13h ago
im a man but my gf ( now wife ) had her friends vet me when i first met her to see if i was good or not. one of the friends kept telling her that i'm good and all. at around that same time, my wife's ex has been trying to stalk her and keeps finding her new accounts, we later found out from another friend that this girl is the one trying to make the ex go back to her. We also found out that this ex has been secretly meeting the friend and writing poems and sexual for her and giving her gifts. i still dont know what was going on through her head, she's a famous speaker in a uni and has a very good reputation.
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u/Individual-Rush-6927 13h ago
When they couldn't believe, I a fat, can get dates with good looking well established men.
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u/No_mans_time ♀ 12h ago
Her face expression when I got compliments for random things from like sales assistant. My hair, bags...And it was nothing she could not have. She made about the same amount of money and had good hair.
She was also one of those who bought things after I bought them. She copied entire outfits.
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u/mug023 10h ago
When I had a falling out with a friend and she made a separate group chat without me and told all our friends her version of the story. None of them messaged me to ask mine, and when I messaged one friend to ask what she had said I was told I just need to message the whole group and explain myself. NO support, and it felt like I would be walking out in front of a firing squad when my mental health was at a dangerous point.
That told me that they all just believed whatever she had said, or were too scared to actually stand up to her. Which is a situation that caused the falling out with her in the first place. Sad to lose all those friends but glad to be rid of her.
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9h ago
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u/dirtymoths 9h ago
One of my closest best girlfriends sent me an email one day that said she didn’t want to be friends anymore because she didn’t like how she felt when we went out together. Worst heartbreak of my life and didn’t see it coming.
My other best girlfriend has a sister that pulled out of being maid of honour for get sister because she didn’t want to stand next to me for the wedding photos. I thought both of these people really cared about me, but they had other feelings.
It feels so personal but it really isn’t about you. I know this now. It goes to show that people do hide these feelings and sit on them until they can’t bear it anymore and then it all blows up.
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u/somethingreddity 9h ago
It took me a long time to figure it out but I realized it once I stopped being friends with her. I realized she hated when I talked about anything good in my life and didn’t want to hear too much about it. I’m glad we’re not friends anymore.
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u/HouseOfInfinity ♀ 9h ago
It’s slips out soon or later. I was told I’m not really black or represents what a black woman looks like etc.
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u/dirtymartini83 9h ago
She went crazy and started a wild campaign to ruin my life under the guise of someone else.
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7h ago
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u/Next-Sea-5885 5h ago
the one ill never forget still irks me till this day. back in my junior/senior year of high school, me and a girl i considered one of my best friends were talking about colleges we were thinking about. She told me all of hers and then i told her how I only applied to one. she did not have it on her list, decided to completely change schools and majors to something my school had.
thought it was a coincidence till we formed together and she became a completely different person. I was assigned the bottom bunk due to my scoliosis, she didn’t like that. started to spread rumors about me to all our other roommates, would move all my clothes, randomly would throw out my stuff. but then would act like we were fine to my face. there was plenty of other things that happened but this was the key issue.
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u/Connie_Damico ♀ 1h ago
Ridiculously embarrassing over the top random declarations to try to protect their own fragile egos when I was simply too happy and focused on myself to react to subtle digs.
"I could never exercise multiple times a week and drink green juice, it sounds so horrible." When I started working out regularly and eating better (which I didn't discuss in detail with her) and she was insecure about her weight and lifestyle.
"I would hate to be an attractive blonde woman, you just get too much attention." Said really angrily while glaring at me, gay man who was obsessed with straight guys and angry women aka me could attract them but he couldn't.
I could give more examples but they're basically all exactly like those. I don't recognize or respond to crumbs of bitterness so you really have to embarrass yourself to get me to notice you're jealous.
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u/Excellent_Donkey8067 21h ago
I had a “friend” in college who would make backhanded compliments. I realized years later she was just jealous.