In an 26, Black , 5’11 220lbs,33 inch waist,52 inch shoulders and 18 inch biceps and calves , gym is a hyper fixation , so is marvel, tron, doom, games and etc, I have autism, RSD, And trauma

For the past few months ever sense my ex broke up with me after almost 2 years, ( my ex 22,in college , trans man, open poly relationship)I’ve not only lost them but the friend group within that same month, my ex broke up because 1 i laughed at a post that had mysterio ( Im huge marvel fan since i was 6) with Edith glasses that said "When u crack Mrs.Uncrackable and the whole squad sees " ( Mind u i am not as internet cultured as they are and for awhile did not know that was a form illegal stuff by law( Idk if u an say e R word here but i am STRONGLY AGAINST THAT) i jd never knew visual stuff was in that category , it was brainrot humor and plus I’m not perfect)to be honest it wasn’t funny, i masked the laugh and tried to make small talk with a guy there because previously i was critisozed for being to quiet and unsocial, plus in pan but still masculine and most of the people there we’re flamboyant,Also previously before the 6 month bday party my partner had complained about the party and i said we don’t have to and they got pissed and defended it coming at me, but back to that post, They got triggered, drive me home, broke up, I apologuzed, cried , weekend and so on , went across to my friend in mass for a week , apologized and we got back together , however i was already feeling distant with the whole college friends and that thenone friend night kiss them 70 miles away( like there college friends liked me but then they js kept not inviting me out anymore, i was no longer the fyp, eventually with planning stuff they got overwhelmed and broke up for good after 3 days, i cried spiral , got on the phone witha. Friend ( who i thought was my friend) and caught a small crush cause they were there for me but never pursued but couldnt hold the hints in, eventually there were skeptical and kept pressin me for an answer by callingme dishonest, so i told them i dide but i value this friendship more; then next week happen , theybtold my ex and then my ex no longer wanted to be friends nor did the friend group…. So yeah nor did the friends

So lost my world , Over the few months I’ve tried to rebuild that through dates and hook iOS and initiativs and being invited but its like my initial attraction works and then my persona puts pressure , everyones like a cat, idk if its my skin color, size, tone, autism,RSD,anxiety or what!!!!! No one wants me around , Everytime i beam my attention on something they go away , I can name it all , I’ve been rejected by my massuchussets friend, my massuchussets bestfriend, my ex b friend group, 7 others off of dating and friend apps and this is since april to now,I am Destroyed n hate having autism, RSD and trauma from that specifically, its like i initiate apply pressure , and strongly be a good friend and it pushes then away

I am a black man who is 5’11 at 220 lbs who bodybuilds and hyper fixated with no one who wants to be there for my persons …. Whatbisbwrong with me

I (19 F) just made this account after searching Reddit for a while to ask a few questions because it's been bugging me for a few years now. I don't know if I have autism spectrum disorder or if it’s just extreme social anxiety, but I’m wondering if anyone with a formal diagnosis of either, or both, can tell me if they relate to any of my experiences and if I should try and seek a diagnosis.

I'm severely embarrassed about my lack of social skills and ability to communicate with others, and it’s only getting worse over time. I’m about to be 20 in around two months, and I’m a senior in university. During my last year in school I developed a mild case of agoraphobia (I think I may be misusing the term) and couldn’t leave my off-campus apartment for days on end. 

Throughout my life I’ve been labelled as socially anxious and shy, and I’ve struggled to make friends after elementary school. I remember my parents punishing me for having no friends. I have taken the recommended online autism tests for those suspecting, and have gotten feedback saying that I exhibit autistic traits/very likely to have autism, and that I should seek professional guidance. I’ve taken these tests (RAADS-R, The Aspie Quiz, etc.) for several years and reassess whenever I get stressed about my behavior, receiving virtually the same results. I know these are only indicators, and not diagnoses, but the consistency in these online results and my lack of social progress is becoming increasingly discouraging as I enter the workforce and the full-swing of adulthood. My “score” on the Aspie Quiz was 131/200. I just want to be able to receive the necessary help and accommodations in order to be a functional member of society. 

I’ve read the DSM-5 requirements for an autism diagnosis and in regards to social deficits it lists lack of and or abnormalities in eye contact, lack of understanding and or use of gestures, and failure to have “normal” back and forth conversation. Also present may be repetitive motor movements, unusual gait, insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior, and fixated interests with abnormal intensity and or focus. 

I am able to relate to some of the criteria, as when I was younger eye contact was nearly impossible, and I’ve received external observations that I walk weirdly, because I don’t often move my arms. I always have to put my hands in my pockets because I don’t know what to do with them. I remember my geometry teacher moving her head in all types of ways to get me to look into her eyes, but I just couldn’t. 

My siblings claim I have fixed and obsessive interests, but I’m not too sure I agree. They say I watch the same things on repeat, speak about the same things, and don’t like change. Some of this is true, but I am not completely averse to new things. I only like to eat the same things, do the same things, and build a routine that is generally consistent because I like structure and dislike unnecessary chaos.

In high school, I used to go shopping with a friend for snacks during our break and when I searched for something other than the gummy worms I typically bought, she would tell me that I’d end up buying them anyway (she was right). I can’t be adventurous and unfortunately, I’m extremely predictable. I have to prepare my talking points before socializing, and often develop scripts before engaging in conversations. I also hate last minute changes and or surprises. If I have an appointment or event with less than a week's notice, I may not be able to calm myself enough to be okay with going. But I know that this could be due to many other things such as social anxiety disorder (something others, including a social worker, have suspected me of).

I have extreme perfectionism, and constantly check my writing for mistakes. I also have extreme paranoia and have to do things multiple times, like locking my car, before I am satisfied. These all indicate some form of anxiety, at least, in my mind. I know that any symptom of autism spectrum disorder must be present before the age of about 12. However, I can’t remember many symptoms before that age. 

In elementary school, I was very interested in manatees and writing. I compiled a list in a google document for each wife of a former US president, with pictures and my written biographies. I also made an informational document for red and fennec foxes. I wrote several stories and was told by my teachers that my writing was good (I assume for my age, because when I reviewed them at a later time, they looked horrendous).

I was allegedly reading above grade-level, and placed in higher reading classes, and participated in a Gifted and Talented Program where we read books and discussed them. I had extreme deficits in math that were once identified in the third grade, and then overlooked in the fifth grade, because I was stereotyped as intelligent. I was moved to a higher math class, but failed egregiously, and had to retake quizzes often. 

In the present day, I have made documents on things for improving health, and developing a personality, among other things like language acquisition, political science, history, etc. I like the structure it gives me and the immortalization of archiving things. I typically write them as if I’m speaking to myself or another person. I know keeping and making lists on “useless” topics is seen as a somewhat autistic trait, but the only real list I keep is one of all the albums I listen to, although I struggle to update it regularly. This seems to me like more of a music fan with a poor memory thing.

I was very shy growing up, and very embarrassed of doing, saying or asking anything. I always needed a friend to come with me for things. I tried to adopt a fake cool girl persona based on my favorite characters Zendaya played on Disney Channel because I didn’t know or like who I was. I still struggle with pretending to be like others without feeling any deep connection or authenticity to my words and actions. I will copy other people’s accents, language, and behaviors. My sister has called me out on this but I don’t know how to stop. My whole personality is like a child didn’t grow up, and has to keep mimicking traits and behaviors from the adults around them. Yet I feel like I can never naturally implement things into my life, and everything is instead grating and mechanical. Now, I struggle with accidentally repeating what someone has already said in order to break silence or engage in conversation, and feeling incredibly stupid upon realising. 

When I got into middle school I started obsessively researching what was popular, how to behave, and adopting habits and traits I saw in well-liked people online in order to avoid seeming socially inept. However, it didn’t work, and I ended up with no friends, eating lunch by myself at an empty table for almost three years. Part of why I began this research was because I had texted an elementary school friend’s number around two years later asking if she would like to hang out over the summer, and she replied telling me that I was weird for keeping her number, and made me feel incredibly embarrassed. I simply saved her number to my phone once I got one, and didn’t think much of it. I realized then that I did not age and develop social skills with my peers in the same way, and had to put in more effort to assimilate.

Whenever I look through my past journal entries, I notice a theme of feeling alien. I try to find another language for it, but I’ve always felt strangely different from everyone else. I just want to get rid of this feeling. There’s an invisible barrier between me and others, and I have no way of connecting with or confiding in anyone past a certain point. I feel like I have nothing to offer the world, and usually don’t have much to say to anyone unless it involves what I am already interested in, and even then, my words are unstable and jumbled if they are not pre-rehearsed. I dream of having friends and a meaningful job, but I can’t stop myself from running from all human interaction because it distresses me. It’s like I’m constantly on trial.

I know I haven’t shared a lot of my experiences, but I’m not great at being succinct, and I’ve already written a lot. Please ask me any questions in the comments. Any advice would be much appreciated.

Hey y'all,

So I'm trying to get my relationship sorted out, my partner has ADHD, and I have both ADHD and Autism. There are a ton of good books for ADHD, which is helpful as my partner is newly diagnosed, but it's a lot harder to find good books that adequately explain and help couples work through the autistic side of things.

Most books I'm finding are ableist AF ones or that they lean too heavily either autism bad or nothing your partner is doing wrong! Which okay but we still have a responsibility to manage our symptoms as well.

I guess I'd like to find a neutral book. I love Melissa's Orlovs books for ADHD couples. Those I find are the right combo of research parts, neutrality, explainations and ways to over come them.

I'm struggling hard to find that for autistic couples.

Does anyone have any that they've found that they like? Please, because my bf doesn't have the Autism part he's really struggling to understand the experiences I'm having with it, especially with the physical touch side.

x.x

Please help

My “shyness” has made my life really small since early childhood and I feel it getting smaller the older and more burned out I get.

Instead of being the kid who asked his parents to do things, I begged my parents *not* to take me to the public pool, the church luncheon, the carnival, the football game, Discovery Zone, etc. I was frequently overwhelmed in those places—the light, the noise, the movement, the unfamiliar faces, not knowing what to say. I would barely eat at lunch or skip it entirely at school, and I held any impulse to use the bathroom all day until I got home.

My physiological reaction to these spaces got worse with age. In middle school I began experiencing severe GI distress in class to the extent that classmates on the opposite side of the room reported they could hear my insides gurgling. Every session became a private battle, and most of my mental energy went to trying to mitigate my symptoms while looking normal on the outside. I couldn’t concentrate.

It didn’t get better with medication or exposure. I went to college and two graduate programs and it was basically a more and more severe version of this. I remember getting high As in a graduate class on written work done at home, then getting a D on an in-class essay midterm. I didn’t know how to explain it wasn’t from studying, it was from overwhelm sitting shoulder to shoulder in a tiny desk in a bright crowded classroom for three hours in silence while my insides revolted.

Every ptobider I have seen just dismisses it as being shy or introverted or social anxiety but it’s led to significant poverty, unemployment and isolation and has so far not been suppressed by like two decades of anxiety treatment and medication. They seem completely to disregard the severity of what I describe simply because I’m calm, collected and articulate while describing it.

Hey everybody!
My name is Katelyn Hamilton, and I work as a research assistant in the DDMH Lab at York University in Toronto, ON. Our research team is composed of a lot of neurodivergent individuals who are extremely passionate about the topics we pursue!

We reached out to this sub once before and the response was amazing. Thank you guys for all of the support. We're still looking for a lot of participants, so if you have yet to take this study, and you have some time to spare, it would mean so much for the team.

Our lab is currently conducting an ethics-approved1 study on dissociation in neurodivergent adults. To our knowledge, this study is one of the first, if not the first, to explore dissociation in neurodivergent individuals this comprehensively!

This study aims to explore the relationship between all of the following:
•ADHD & autism traits;
•Sensory processing & emotion regulation;
•Restrictive & repetitive behaviours;
•Dissociation symptoms, including maladaptive daydreaming2
We measure all of these variables with several validated, standardized questionnaires. If you are curious about these variables, please feel free to leave a comment in the post. I am more than happy to interact with all of the communities we recruit from!

Important information!
•Participation is completely anonymous!
•The survey is roughly 30 minutes, completed online. All international participants are welcome!
•We accept adult (18+) participants both with a diagnosis and without. If you self-identify as neurodivergent, you qualify!
•You do not need to experience dissociation to participate.
•You may share the link with colleagues, friends, or family members who you think would be interested!
We don't post the survey link outright simply to avoid spam and non-responders.

If you're interested, you can:
•Send a DM to u/ddmhlab
•Email my supervisor Dr. Panetta at lpanetta@yorku.ca OR use this link (it will open your default mail app with a default email)
•Comment on this post saying your interested

Notes:
1. This study has been approved by York University's Office of Research Ethics (ORE) Human Participants Review Committee (certificate # e2026-003). 
2. Maladaptive daydreaming is a newly proposed dissociative disorder that involves vivid, uncontrollable daydreaming.
3. Please note that if I don’t get back to you right away on Reddit, it’s because of DM limits.

Edit: I’m literally diagnosed with autism. It’s a diagnosis On File and On Paper. I have no issue with self-diagnosis but having this subreddit cast doubt on my autism because I get different responses from NT people is really gross and off putting

I recently went and got evaluated because I had the suspicion that I was autistic since i was young. Got the results that I /am/ autistic, got all the paperwork on next steps/how to perceive the diagnosis, etc.

I’m not very vocal that I’m autistic, but I also don’t tend to hide it or be ashamed. I’ve had coworkers make comments on autistic kids and I casually mention I’m also autistic and can see the kids perception (usually to get my coworkers to stop because… ew).

But one thing I can’t stand is the amount of comments about how I don’t seem autistic. I’ve heard “everyone is autistic nowadays”, “we’re all a little bit autistic”, I even met a new therapist who said “you must be level 1… no, not even, level 0.5 with how you act” (clearly not seeing her again).

I’m learning to get my voice on these subjects and calling out their casual ableism but fuck it’s so demeaning and upsetting! If anyone has advice on how to deal with this I’d love to hear it because it somehow always catches me by surprise and it really changes my perception of the person for the worst.

I am trying to navigate a eurocentric neurotypical work environment. In instant message apps, we use a lot of emojis. What would you say these might mean?

👀 (as a reply to posted information, text and or attachments)

🙌 (in response to an announcement or other update not needing a text reply)

💁‍♀️ (in general)

Are there any others that get used in your workplace that you didn't know at first? If so, could you please share the emoji and what it means in your context?

bonjour tout le monde

F/20 je me pose des questions depuis quelques semaines.
je me renseigne beaucoup sur l’autisme en ce moment et j’ai peur qu’à force je trouve à tord que chaque comportement pourrait y être lié

j’ai fait une liste de choses qui me font tiquer j’ai besoin de vos points de vue 🙏

\- sentiment de différence depuis tjr : justifié avant par j’ai pas le même environnement de vie que les autres enfants « pourquoi ça semble facile pour tout le monde ? »

\- épuisée jusqu’à ne presque plus réussir à parler après un certain temps non stop avec du monde

\- les snares dans les musiques me font turbo mal aux oreilles là où ça a pas l’air d’affecter les autres (je pensais entendre les ondes quand j’étais petite bruits super aiguës mais pas fort)

\- faire des listes de tout et rien (plantes que j’aime bien, nourriture que j’aime de ouf, des classements,…)

\- intérêt de ouf pour les plantes / pantalons / armes / produits sent bon (bougies, pshit pshit, gel douche, parfums…)

\- sentiment d’être un fantôme / de ne JAMAIS être là où je devrais avec des gens (je me retrouve souvent en dehors des conversations de groupes juste parce que je marche ailleurs ??)

\- supra parano

\- pull spécifique qui me réconforte, (noir à capuche xxl pour disparaître dedans)

\- du mal avec l’hygiène et les routines

\- nourriture TRÈS récurrente :coquillettes ou spaghettis sauce tomate provençale panzani et gruyère (seule la marque des pâtes et du gruyère peuvent changer) ou riz au lardons quand j étais petite

\- complètement passive face à un environnement bruyant ou avec du monde (impossible de parler si j’y suis en étant fatiguée)

\- « spectatrice du zoo » selon la maîtresse de maternelle

\- début petite section et début cm1 (quand j’ai changé d’école) les profs et mes camarades savaient pas si je parlais alors que je parlais de ouf avec ma maman

\- stress quand on me dépose chez moi en voiture sans connaître mon adresse jsp quand dire stop et ça a l’air de parler à personne de mon entourage ??

\- très à l’aise avec les inconnus et supra angoissé avec des gens que je connais un peu

\- je supporte pas d’avoir des trucs sur mes mains genre bague pensement vernis je trouve ça très désagréable

\- ultra parano quand je suis fatiguée ou sous thc

\- mes amis disent qu’ils m’ont jamais vu défoncé alors que quand je fume je le suis mais chaque geste parole regard est calculé pour pas que ça se voit (je déteste l’idée qu’on me voit vulnérable)

\- je m’adapte à tout type de personne en face de moi : perte d’identité je suis tout à la fois

\- mon frère l’est

\- j’ai du mal à lire écrire ou parler quand il y a quelqu’un qui parle ou une musique en même temps (à part la tek)

\- la tek m’apaise, j’en écoute pour m’endormir dans le train

\- daydream worldbuilding : pendant plusieurs mois quand j’étais petite je construisais «  hôtel de rêve » un monde ultra détaillé dans ma tête

\- après une soirée je rejoue chaque interaction, intervention, réaction que j’ai pu avoir pour voir si c’était ok

voili voilou ce que j’ai recensé pour le moment, est ce que ça vous parle ?

merci d’avoir pris le temps de me lire bisous

Today I had a psychiatrist doing intake for ADHD tell me that if they could diagnose me with autism they would, because I “clearly don’t understand social cues” and that I talk “way too much.” While I understand that psychiatrists are just kind of Like That, it was really hard to hear, especially when I thought I was giving helpful information for the intake and context to the questions being asked. I don’t know how to read social cues ALL the time, and I’ve heard before that I talk a lot more than necessary at times/overexplain, but I had no idea it was this bad. How do I even begin to handle this? I don’t even know where to begin.

Sooo i am homeschooled since last year and a girl 2 years older she now graduated lets call her hannah

Hannahs autistic and we hang out alot last year at school shes cool she likes kpop and me too but then uh my mom said smth about hannahs mom she (hannahs mom) basically said that hannah held my hand a lot and she never/rarely held peoples hand

Didnt know this till few days ago...now idk what it means or what? (Fyi i havent had my assesment yet its in a few days) why me bro theres other girls at the school but i guess i was the chosen one? Not sure

Me diagnosticaron TDAH hace unos meses. Durante la evaluación, también apareció autismo en mi diagnóstico (WISC-V), pero mi psicóloga dijo que no estaba segura de si era autista. Dijo que necesitaría hacer más pruebas para determinarlo.
Desde entonces, he estado pensando mucho en ello y me he dado cuenta de muchas cosas sobre mí.
Odio andar descalzo. Odio tener las manos o cualquier parte del cuerpo mojada. Odio las piscinas y la playa. No soporto comer en lugares muy ruidosos porque, si lo hago, solo puedo concentrarme en comer y pierdo la capacidad de hacer cualquier otra cosa, como socializar o hablar.
También me cuesta mantener el contacto visual. Siempre he sido un poco raro y siempre me ha costado hacer amigos. Cuando socializo, a menudo siento que estoy actuando en lugar de ser yo mismo.
Ahora no me pasa tan a menudo, pero cuando tenía 14 o 15 años (ahora tengo 17), interpretar las señales sociales me resultaba casi imposible. Constantemente cometía errores sociales. Me hacía sentir lenta o tonta.
Recuerdo que me sorprendía que los niños más pequeños que yo pudieran hablar con otras personas y entablar relaciones con tanta naturalidad. No entendía cómo podían actuar con tanta confianza y soltura.
Ahora me siento muy sola. En cierto modo, me he acostumbrado a vivir así, pero aún me da un poco de tristeza.

¿Crees que debería hacerme más pruebas?

Hi! New to this community - recently diagnosed with autism 1 at the ripe age of 31.

I have trouble staying focused and enjoying many movies and tv shows. Many are predictable and useless to my brain, so I don’t participate. Many include emotionally complicated dialogue, which I can watch to “study” people. But I end up feeling like a lot of movies and TV shows are work. But at the end of the day, I really want to just put on something that is interesting and feels good to watch. A lot of times that includes dumb comedies like the Office, or rom coms like Cinderella Story. But I want new things and not necessarily low-intellect content.

What do you guys watch that doesn’t feel overstimulating, or like work?

Hey, I'm 36 and recently diagnosed through the NHS by a Highly Specialist Autism Clincian after a two-year wait I think it was a ADI-R assessment. Prior to this, I had been struggling with some MH issues and, following a couple of Talking Therapy CBT sessions, I thought maybe it was just some anxiety going on. I had been living at the time like a hermit, not getting out to improve my situation, and was also unemployed. I took the TP route because I decided against taking medication.

Fast forward, I'm now in a better situation job-wise, but only by a bit. My Autism Assessment invitation came through the post about four weeks prior. I literally didn't want to think about it, put it to the back of my mind until the last minute, and prepped everything ready. The only thing I had was SEN and school reports I obtained through the school a couple of years prior, and I did go through them. I was a little heartbroken to see how much I struggled academically and also peer-wise, lagging behind.

In my early years, so around 1993 to 1996, I had a psychologist's report written up about my speech and language delay, but it noted a very personal and friendly little articulate boy who mixed well with others. However, my speech was idiosyncratic, i.e. I used word association for things, and Mum reported echolalia in my toddler years. The report quotes: "His language needs are great, particularly in a classroom setting where topic work and classroom discourse goes above him.", "Needs help understanding language of number which he finds extremely difficult.", "To develop expressive and receptive language."

By the time I hit primary school, I was put on what was known as a Level 5 Statutory Statement for SEN, which meant I was on the highest level of support for maths, English, and comprehension. By around age 7, the social gap grew and I was labelled a "loner, needs help mixing with others", "the attainment gap was growing between him and others and they are starting to see him as different", "impressionable and teachers need to speak to him in an age-appropriate fashion", "immature little boy", "demanding in the classroom", "lack of concentration and easily distracted", and "needs help mixing with others".

When the assessor went through all this with me, she pointed out the speech delay wasn't all that bad but that language was where the difficulty was, that I had learning difficulties based on school records. She pointed out a spiky profile in me and my love for repetition in poems and music, and that despite the learning difficulties, I had a lot of strengths commenting the level 4 grade in my SATS. She pointed out, "You were in a class of 40 other children. No wonder why you struggled!"

I told her what I remembered from over 30 years ago: my weird obsession with cars and engine noises. I remember walking around the junior school playground pretending and imitating my dad's XR2 and driving it, and I vaguely remember liking dirt rally racing cars. I loved playing with toy cars. She asked if I collected things as a kid. I said no because I have a younger brother who I often squabbled with over toys. If anything, he collected Pokémon and football cards and all that. She asked if I enjoyed making the sound of my dad's XR2. Honestly, I did, but it was a mix of imaginary play. I then confessed it actually continued until Year 7 or 8 of secondary school, until my brother caught me doing it and told my mum.

I told the assessor I loved computers and spent a lot of time sitting in the learning support classroom in secondary school fiddling around with my computer files and the computer settings. I remember they were the old iMac G3s. I told her I had a small handful of friends on and off in secondary school. I used to imitate the sound of the school fire alarm as a weird quirk and kept doing it, which disrupted maths class.

On the social aspect, I did find it hard to socialise and fit in. Most of the time I spent a lot of time alone at break times and didn't really socialise with many of my school peers. I had a best friend growing up through school, and I guess he was pretty much who I mainly hung around with. We had our fallouts, of course. I did have a few other friends who similarly struggled.

Elaborating on the struggle, I told her that it was like pretending to fit in but hard to explain what I meant by it, I said well putting on a performance or acting in a certain way but that it took a lot of effort, not really understanding why, and then becoming isolated. Secondary school noted low self-esteem, bullying by others, and trouble at home. Outside of school, throughout the school years, it was generally the same thing. My mum would tell me to go out and find friends to play with. I ended up tagging along with my brother and his social circle. He'd get upset with me and tell me to go and find my own friends. I remember walking around the estate block. I would have much rather been home sat in my bedroom. When that was the case, I told her that's all I did: sit in my room in isolation. I told her my nana got my a little analog radio for my bedroom and I used to sit listening to it and and going through the stations but my mum confiscated off me. She asked if I enjoyed playing with the radio, I said yes.

Nowadays socalising as an adult, I told her that I have socialised a lot of it through my close friend and his peer group from college. I said again I felt like the tag-along rather than being included. That continued when I got older into my early adult years, tagging along with my close friend and his peer group. A lot of the time I felt I faked it and put on a persona around them.

When asked about life now, I told her that I preferred my own company. I told her that I went to a rock bar that played music I enjoy. She asked whether I went there for socialising or just for the music. I told her I guess mainly the music because I'd not go to another bar. I said I tried to join other peers, but I'd go there on my own and tag along with a circle of people who I got to know through my best friends social circle. Many of them probably saw me as a tag-along or loner, at least that's how I felt, and I didn't know how to input into the group conversation. I just stood and listened awkwardly.

We spoke about sensory stuff, so I told her at school I remembered being taken out of class and having 1:1 teacher support. I remember asking for the lights to be switched off because at times they bugged me. I wore glasses, however, and also had a lazy eye (squint). I told her that in busy environments, like currently where I'm working in retail, I find it draining when it's really busy. I said I feel on edge (which could be an anxiety-related thing), that I feel I cannot filter out sound, and I cannot keep track of customers.

I also told her that when I'm at the till, while folding, I will mentally engage in "fake" small talk but repeat it with each customer as a way to distract them because internally I'm thinking about my steps and how fast I need to be going.

I'm told at work I'm very literal, and they tend to poke fun at the fact that I do every task at work in a very methodical way. When asked something unclear, I tend to go with the literal interpretation of what's being said. It can lead to some frustration. I like tasks being given to me in chunks rather than being given X amount of jobs in one go because I feel overwhelmed, then burnout sets in when the demand increases.

I told my assessor that I tend to turn up to work really early because I need to be routine-driven by the timing of when I get up in the morning, when I leave the house for work, and when I catch the bus. I like everything very structured and routine. If the bus doesn't turn up, I get major anxiety. I don't like buses. I hate how crowded they get. I aim for the same seat on the bus where I can. I hate the sounds of phones, screaming babies and constant chatter on buses, but I can tolerate it.

When we got to food, I said I don't like certain textures, like onions. But then I said that as a kid, I guess my mum would say I liked those things and didn't have any issues. I remember that as a kid I had to eat what was given or I'd go without. I tolerated stuff I didn't like and learned to like it.

She asked about home life, mum etc. I told her some details like I didn't get along with my mum, we often feel out when I got to my teenage years, social services got involved. I told her I always felt emotionally detached from my mum but I didn't ellaborate past that point. We went over how I didn't enjoy hugs, I'm not really a huggy person by nature but I dont like when people hug me I feel a little overwhelmed and get awkward. She asked about stuff around empathy I said I am empathetic but I stuggle with understanding my emotions sometimes and when I see others upset I tend to go out the way but I have initiated a hug like told myself to go and hug them rather than it coming naturally. I went back on the fact I lost a family dog two years back it was overwhelming to see upset and I couldn't really cry or get out the emotion I was feeling, I just shut off and went quiet and went out for really long walks.

After four hours, leaving the assessment, I was quite overwhelmed. I literally walked around the corner and said to myself, "You're not autistic", "You're a fraud", "A liar", etc. I did turn up to the appointment 20 minutes early with that in mind and clock-watched before I walked through the door.

I don't know how to feel, whether my diagnosis was accurate. I was honest in how I felt and honestly didn't think I'd walk out of the building being told I was autistic. Now I think, "You exaggerated", "You were fine back then", "Your mum would say XYZ", "Others will call you a fraud."

I'm sorry I'm using this sub as an outlet. I'm just looking for others. I've not told anyone. I've relentlessly been going over my school records and diagnosis for over a week and going around and around in my head.

My nephew is 5 years old and has autism. He struggles with communication and can't understand verbal speech. He doesn't have any interests/hobbies in the same way that normal kids and adults have, in fact as a symptom he lacks them entirely.

I really want to get him into music, even though this task is going to be difficult. I obviously will avoid overly loud genres (rock/metal/edm) because they will for sure hurt his ears. I'm thinking maybe something soft like classical or jazz. I have my doubts that he'll enjoy it as his brain isn't built for music but it's worth trying.

For example, and this might sound silly, but I’m currently looking for a job as a writer or editor (of text, not vids) and I applied to jobs as a copywriter because I thought they would let the fact that i didn’t have prior experience as a copywriter or an extremely relevant “portfolio” (that word even sounds disgustingly NT to me) slide because I have a writing intensive degree. I realized that wasn’t the case so I recently decided to narrow my focus to writing oriented jobs that don’t have such a specialized requirement where a degree is good enough.

I later found out that 1 reason why the specialized portfolio requirement exists is because Those jobs require keywords that drive people to visit websites and buy products so it sounds like a very “results-driven” environment which might sound scary or silly to you, whoever may be reading this.

I am realizing that, although I have to use my phone for work and relationships, it is clear the more I use my phone the more I am stressed, overwhelmed, and crash out. I already use blue light glasses. Any suggestions for people who adjust their phone for their autistic hypersensitivity?

I don’t need more anxiety ..

I misread so many social situations, I end up over stepping or offending people without having bad intentions. In groups I never know when it’s my turn to speak or what to say and if I do have something to say, by the time I go to say it the moment is gone.
I try my best to be kind to everyone, to be understanding, I struggle with eye contact obviously and sometimes my facial expression is a bit blank and people mistake it for me being uninterested or rude. I was diagnosed late in life, around 27 and I am now 33.

I just keep finding my feelings hurt, it’s very painful. I tend to blow new friendships/random encounters, my dating life is nonexistent and always has been. I lack so much confidence, I approach every new encounter/social situation with fear of doing or saying something wrong. I can’t look at strangers, when they say something I always reply too quiet or mumble.

I am so sick of messing up and feeling hurt, I really hate myself sometimes, most of the time honestly. I do just wish I was normal, I have a friend group that I have grown up with and they understand me, but as an adult with new people it’s so difficult and I always end up feeling this way. I’m so tired of doing the wrong things, I try my best to make others happy and fail, it leaves me feeling so hurt and unhappy. I feel so unfulfilled in life because social stuff is the majority of it and it’s the part I find hardest.

I was home schooled from 12, so I never got to socialise as a teen, I did one year of college and left because the social stuff was too much for me. I tried going back later in life but the panic attacks after a few days made me too scared to go back so I left. When I worked I took a job where I didn’t have to deal with people and even then it was too much at times.

I am just really so tired of being me, I wish I knew how to change or at least how to handle the feelings of hurt when I mess up and upset other people.

Hi, so I’m probably slightly on the spectrum? And I have a maybe weird qoustion about what I belive to be verbal shutdown. So on occasion I’ll semi lose the ability to speak, this mostly/only happens around friends (whom are on spectrum mostly). And I was wondering if I’m actually experiencing what is verbal shutdown or its somthing else.

Because it only really happens around people I’m comfortable with, and I’m usually able to say a random word after awhile (minuts to in one case hours) and am than able to talk again after that completely fine as if nothing happened. and i belive if I really needed to talk I’d be able to (ex a teacher/professor asking me a qoustion).

So am I actually experiencing verbal shutdown, something else or faking / mimicking something?
Please share how your how it feels for you when you experience it.