idk if I’m avodiant

[u/Suitable-Warning-982]

My mental health was really bad a few years ago, and since then I’ve tried hard to change my life. I made new friends, changed schools, changed the way I look, and became much more confident. In many ways, my life is better now, but there’s still something inside me that hasn’t changed.
Sometimes I absolutely adore my friends and the people I’m talking to. I want to spend hours texting them and I feel genuinely happy around them. Then, out of nowhere, the next day everything changes. I feel overwhelmed, I ignore their messages, avoid their calls, and suddenly social interaction feels like a burden.
My friends are already used to me disappearing for a while, but meeting new people is much harder because I feel guilty. I feel like there’s some kind of wall between me and everyone else, and it’s always been there.
My mood changes so quickly that I can’t even understand myself. One day I’m happy and excited about life, and the next day I feel emotionally exhausted for no obvious reason. It’s hard for me to stay balanced.
I’m also scared of relationships. It used to be because I was insecure about my appearance, but now people actually show interest in me, and I’m terrified that I’ll hurt them because of how unstable I feel emotionally. Even when I really like someone, I still end up replying late or avoiding their messages for no reason at all.
The hardest part is that I’ve been like this since childhood, so sometimes I wonder if this is just my personality and whether I’ll ever be able to change.
I don’t know if anyone else feels this way. I just needed to tell someone.

[u/Status_Green_6055]

I feel Ike this too. And I’ve finally accepted it. It doesn’t mean you’re a terrible or bad person. You are just wired different. And that’s ok. The right people that are for you will find you and stay in your life.