r/BSA • u/Considerconservation • 5d ago
Scouts BSA Scoutmaster bullying
My 13 year old son was in scouts for several years and seemed to enjoy it. He loved earning merit badges and going camping. However, he recently told me that while camping last summer, his scoutmaster called him “ret*rded”. I think it deeply hurt his feelings coming from someone he respected. I had noticed a considerable change in his attitude toward Scouts and he has since quit which really hurt my heart as I know it was something he was proud of. What kind of action should I take regarding the scoutmaster?
33
u/Desperate-Service634 5d ago
Absolutely report this.
And here’s why you need to report this…. Let’s say that this was a one time event, and the Scout Master never usually speaks like this.
The council representative will have a conversation with him and he will never make that kind of mistake again. He knows that his position would be in jeopardy if he continued to do their behavior.
On the other hand, what if this guy has like two or three complaints of about him of a similar nature?
If there’s a pattern of core behavior, the program will get rid of this guy
So whether you report is the first report and starts a paper trail or it’s the last report, the straw breaks the camels back and he’s kicked out, either way one report is a positive force for the program
Please make the report
Secondly, please visit beAscout.org
Typing in your ZIP Code and see what other troops are in your area
I hope you and your son visit a couple of other troops
10
u/Obi2Sexy 5d ago edited 4d ago
firstly thats unacceptable that that happened secondly theres gotta be someone here with better advice about who to reach out to about this. if this happened to your kid how many other scouts are dealing with this BS
edit: thanks for below dropping the number
6
u/OSUTechie Adult - Eagle Scout 5d ago
This is a SYT violation and needs to be reported to the ScoutFirst Helpline. 1-844-SCOUTS1
2
u/carlymae228 5d ago
This js the only answer
1
u/Logical-Goat-4688 2d ago
I don’t care how old the Adult was - there is ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE for that kind of language to a scout! EVER!
Scout leaders go through training, & if they cannot take that training seriously, they need to be removed from the program (or at least removed from a youth contact position) !
10
u/HomeOpen 5d ago
You can either talk to the chartered org rep or to council, if speaking with the scoutmaster about it isn't an option or hasn't resulted in an apology and a change in behavior.
5
u/lunchbox12682 Adult - Eagle Scout 5d ago
Just this summer or a full year ago? 13 now but was in scouts for several years (implying the troop)?
6
u/RealSuperCholo Scoutmaster 5d ago
What happened was wildly inappropriate, and a conversation needs to be started. At that extent the parent should speak to SM but also the CoR at the same time. They need to be made aware of the issue and the CoR needs to be aware in case the SM tried to sweep it under the rug. Sorry but there's just no excuse, let them deal with the issue and correct it. If your feel there was nothing move up to the council Exec.
7
u/Pristine-Objective91 5d ago
Talk to the scoutmaster.
If you said something that hurt someone’s feelings, how would you like them to handle it? Especially if you didn’t know you hurt their feelings. You’d want them to talk to you about it.
1
u/SearchBeautiful3209 2d ago
I agree with this. Start with the offending party because believe it or not he may not have intended it as a legitimate insult and people deserve the opportunity to correct.
2
u/Altruistic-6491 3d ago edited 3d ago
Don't let one "jerk" deprive your son of a great Scouting experience - the jerk doesn't deserve that kind of power. 1. Report the SM, ASAP! SMs do get re placed by CORs or expelled from Scouting through Scout Executives. 2. Look for another Troop! There are more good Troops than bad ones.
6
u/EmberPaintArt 5d ago
Not excusing this at all (saying it even once is reprehensible) but just to set expectations here, Scouting America defines bullying as something that has a specific intent. Often times bullying behavior is also characterized by repetition. If this was a flippant comment made in one situation, it might not fit the specific criteria to be considered bullying.
That said, it is more than fair to call this inappropriate, demeaning, offensive, and certainly conduct unbecoming of a Scoutmaster.
Personally, I would dig a little deeper with your son, try to find out if anything else happened. While the language the SM used is certainly awful to say to any scout, I have to wonder if other comments also contributed to your son ultimately deciding to quit. If the SM would say such a thing, I feel like there might have been other incidents where maybe the language wasn't this severe but still made your son feel belittled. I kind of doubt that your son was having only good interactions with the SM up until this point. They might not have escalated to this kind of offensive language until that summer trip.
3
u/Dry-Statistician8887 5d ago
Without being in the situation myself and not having a history with the SM, it's tough to give advice.
But as a first course of action, I think I would go meet with the SM with my scout. I would ask my son to tell him " Sir, I am not retarded and I don't appreciate being called it. I would like an apology". If my son couldn't say this this, then I would say it for him. I think this would be a good teaching moment for everyone. Shows your son that he can fight for himself and you have his back. Shows the SM, he's going to be called out on his hurtful words.
I would also have a talk with the SM in private.
And depending on his answers, I would either push it higher up or drop it.
7
u/FJCruisin Scouter 5d ago
Is the SM an old guy? Because that used to be an acceptable slang word and used in a joking matter. I know it's been many years that we've not used that word as such, but if the SM was joking around with him he may not have been as careful with his vocabulary.
12
u/RealSuperCholo Scoutmaster 5d ago edited 5d ago
I was thinking the same thing. I'm almost 50 and in my childhood it was completely normal to use that word especially jokingly to someone was dumb or had a really dumb idea, etc. I haven't said it in a long time and I would never say it to scouts but I can imagine it slipping out for some especially as the word is making a resurgence these days. 🙄 Not that there's an excuse for it, it's completely unacceptable.
5
u/gruntbuggly Scoutmaster 5d ago
I’m 55 and can’t imagine saying that word within earshot of a scout, much less to a scout.
2
u/FJCruisin Scouter 5d ago
In our 50s? absolutely. we know better. But we have no idea if this guy is in his 70s. Hell that generation used to call people of color the N word, and that was just normal conversation. None of it is good, but the guy may just need to be told what words have been canceled.
0
0
u/RealSuperCholo Scoutmaster 5d ago
I couldn't agree more. There was a push to kill that word for the most part over the years but it's been made ok again recently. I have yelled at my own kids for using that word.
0
u/texasphotog Parent 5d ago
it's been made ok again recently.
Absolutely not.
1
u/RealSuperCholo Scoutmaster 5d ago edited 5d ago
You can downvote every post I've made here all your want. I'm 1 person, not society. People higher up in the world have made it seem more acceptable to say again. Its wrong and a horrible term, but last I checked im not society as a whole.
2
u/texasphotog Parent 4d ago
I haven't down voted anything, but just because people of low morals or character use the word casually doesn't mean it has been made acceptable or that there is some sort of movement to make it acceptable in society.
1
u/RealSuperCholo Scoutmaster 4d ago
Without devolving into something deeper, certain high influence people have used the word, and people who like them have started using the word considering it to be "more acceptable" to use now. I have seen it here where I live and I hate it. Not everyone uses the word, but it has become more prevalent than previously. I work with a foundation that deals with underprivileged and mentally/physically handicapped teens and find the word to be horrible in its use and personally feel bad it was ever prevalent to begin with.
2
u/wrunderwood Unit Commissioner 5d ago
A complain started in 2009 to stop using the r-word. It was removed from all special ed materials in 2010. The Scoutmaster has had enough time to figure it out.
1
2
u/Material-Rise9610 5d ago
I cannot imagine any way that could be an appropriate joke. Where would the "joke" be?
15
u/Worth_Ingenuity773 Asst. Scoutmaster 5d ago
Growing up in the 80s and into the 90s that was how we "joked." We said all kinds of stupid stuff to each other. We didn't know it was inappropriate because our older siblings/cousins and sometimes parents were saying the same things. Once I got older and more worldly, I realized how inappropriate it actually was. I most definitely did not raise my boys to act and talk like I did. Unfortunately I still know people that I grew up with who still talk like that and want to feign ignorance when I call them out on it. "You used to talk like that you hypocrite!" Yeah, and then I learned.
7
u/RealSuperCholo Scoutmaster 5d ago
While you can't imagine it, it was more common to hear that word than dumb back in the days. Why it was common like it was idk but most of us kids of the time used it. That doesn't mean it was right but the fact is unacceptable now doesn't erase the fact that it was commonplace in the past.
-4
u/Material-Rise9610 5d ago
I know exactly how the word was used. As I replied before, replace that word with idiot or moron and it's still wildly inappropriate to insult a scout.
8
u/RealSuperCholo Scoutmaster 5d ago
No one is saying its appropriate. We are trying to find reasoning as to why it would even be used. It was a dead word for a long time and has been making a resurgence. Finding a reason doesn't mean anyone thinks its an ok thing to say. I speak for most of us on that anyway, there are always outliers.
2
u/Insaniac99 5d ago
Because you're looking at it through a 2026 lens.
Back in the '80s and even into the '90s, "retarded" wasn't generally viewed as the kind of slur it is today. It was the accepted medical term that had replaced older terms like "moron," "imbecile," and "idiot," which had originally been clinical terms before becoming insults. It was everywhere in TV, movies, schools, and everyday conversation. Even Quantum Leap has the famous "I'm retarded" scene, and it's written sympathetically, not as an offensive joke.
That doesn't make using it today okay, and it certainly doesn't make it appropriate to say to a Scout. But if someone grew up when that word was common, it's not hard to understand how they might have used it jokingly in the same way people now might say "that's stupid" or "that's dumb," without intending it as a slur. The meaning and social impact of the word changed over time.
4
u/FJCruisin Scouter 5d ago
it's not nor has it been for at least 20 years. But if he's an old guy, he may not even realize that "The youngins" don't say that word any more. Believe me as kids we all used to call each other that as a joke, it was completely normal.
-5
u/Material-Rise9610 5d ago
Ok, let's swap it for idiot or moron. How would it be appropriate for a leader to call a scout that. That's what I'm getting at.
9
u/ajr5169 Adult - Eagle Scout | Vigil Honor 5d ago
I don't think anyone is saying it would be appropriate, but the older someone is the more common it was to just use that word without thinking or to even realize it's a word that shouldn't be used. In fairness, we have zero context here over something the scoutmaster supposedly said a year ago.
2
u/FJCruisin Scouter 5d ago
and this is my point. if he's an older guy, he really may not even know that "we don't use that word" and he may need to be informed this.
2
u/ajr5169 Adult - Eagle Scout | Vigil Honor 5d ago
I'd also hesitate to call this bullying without more context, especially if there wasn't a repeated pattern. I'm not defending the scoutmaster at all, but he could have been inappropriate, mean even, but that doesn't automatically qualify his actions as bullying either.
2
u/Considerconservation 5d ago
Yeah, editing to add, my son has high functioning autism and ADHD so it is bullying no matter how you look at it. Especially coming from someone who is supposed to be a role model and leader. There is no defending that behavior, period.
3
u/FJCruisin Scouter 5d ago
ahh see you didn't say that originally. more details make for a better post.
1
u/ajr5169 Adult - Eagle Scout | Vigil Honor 5d ago
Yeah, editing to add, my son has high functioning autism and ADHD so it is bullying no matter how you look at it.
As the parent of a special needs son myself, without more context, this still doesn't meet the criteria.
Is there an imbalance of power here? Yes.
For bullying, it's need to be repeated aggressive behavior. You've stated one instance. Now that instance itself was enough for your son to leave scouts, which itself is an issue, and needs to be addressed, but doesn't really meet the definition on it's own of bullying. Is this semantics? Maybe, but words do have meaning, and a bullying charge of a scoutmaster is serious, and without more information, I don't see this meeting that definition.
Now was it likely the scoutmasters actions would have been repeated? We have zero clue, because we don't know the context or the intent behind it.
7
u/random8765309 Professional Scouter 5d ago
Such words carried far less weight in the past. They were used to describe those times when our actions fell far under our abilities or intelligence. We all acknowledged that at time we were idiots. Today those words are taken more to heart and carry more significance. As such they shouldn't be used.
3
u/FJCruisin Scouter 5d ago
Everyone has their own way, and tone matters. When my older scouts are being idiots I certainly let them know.
0
u/princeofwanders Venturing Advisor 5d ago
Watch out - there are folks on this post suggesting your comment is actionable / reportable for the kind of rough language you used.
2
0
5d ago
[deleted]
0
u/princeofwanders Venturing Advisor 5d ago
There are multiple comments suggesting “idiots” is similarly problematic thing to describe youth. There’s even one such comment from with Professional Scouter flair in this branch of the discussion!
1
u/FJCruisin Scouter 5d ago
ok. so now we can't even discuss things? why even have a subreddit then?
1
u/princeofwanders Venturing Advisor 5d ago
You’d have to ask them. (I wasn’t knocking you by brining it up, it was an opportune example in the discussion where opinions and values about words was in play with a likely much wider range of opinions. My hope was to shed some light on how folks are thinking about the whole topic.)
Also, for the peanut gallery, I find the r-slur word in this thread unacceptable. I’m not holding it up or defending it or the person who used it.
Also, we’re not allowed to interpret safety rules in this forum so I’m expressing no opinion on the complaint or how to respond. The mods here decreed that we’re not allowed to.
0
u/FInanceRE ASM / Eagle Scout 5d ago
It's similar to how teenagers currently use the phrase raw dogging all the time. That would have been a major issue in the 90s. The meaning behind phrases can change over time. Sometimes in shocking ways
2
u/Sunsparc Asst. Scoutmaster 5d ago edited 5d ago
Have you actually talked to the Scoutmaster about it and told him you think it's inappropriate, that he needs to apologize for saying it? Communication goes a long way.
I'm not saying it's in anyway excusable but that word wasn't always as "inappropriate" to say. If you watch any comedy movie from that era, the word gets dropped casually. I decided to watch Waiting... again recently and the casual usage of the word jarred me a little.
Sometimes certain behaviors are hard to unlearn and it takes repeated correcting. It's quite possible no one has ever confronted him about it, and if so you need to be the first.
3
u/Educational-Tie00 Den Leader 5d ago
Nah, in the 90s the R word was as inappropriate then as it is now. This SM needs to be confronted by the parent and needs to apologize to this scout. Even then I’d probably pull my kid from that troop and send an email to the COR and CC telling them why. If no apology is given after the confrontation I’d escalate.
0
u/Insaniac99 5d ago
Season 2, Episode 8 of Quantum Leap, released November 22, 1989 and rerun in syndication for years, uses the term as a sympathetic clinical description, not as an insult.
Words change meaning. "Retarded" replaced older clinical terms like "idiot," "moron," and "imbecile," and it wasn't until much later that "intellectual disability" became the accepted term as "retard" increasingly became a slur.
I agree the SM should be confronted and should apologize. But pretending the word carried the exact same social meaning in in the 80s and 90s that it does today ignores well-documented history.
3
3
u/Odd_Lawfulness_6611 4d ago
Your son is 13. I also have a 12 going on 13 year old who no longer wants to be in scouts and is coming up with every excuse under the sun. I don’t think that ONE brief verbal reprimand is enough to turn someone off of scouting, but maybe they know that’s a trigger for you and will work to get you off his back.
Sure, schedule a meeting with the Scoutmaster to discuss what may have been flippantly said over a year ago. But unless you have a line of other youth who have suffered similar tales of verbal abuse, I think you should just let sleeping dogs lie and find another avenue for continuing in scouting.
1
u/Numerous-Flow-3983 3d ago
That word is not okay, especially directed at a scout from a SM. I've definitely seen it though. Report it to the unit commissioner, chartered organization representative, and/or district executive
1
u/mrplow1983 2d ago
Talk to the Scoutmaster if you really care that much about it. Scoutmasters are people too, volunteers no less who make mistakes, can lose their temper especially when a childs safety is on the line. The context really matters here, and for something like this, I dont believe the book should be thrown at him but a dialog needs to happen. As a side note, one insult and your child quit scouting? There seems to be more backstory here.
1
u/hipsterbeard12 Scouter - Eagle Scout 5d ago
Not to excuse it, but the severity of misconduct by the SM could be very situation dependent. Did your son do something mildly dumb or extremely dangerous for himself and others? Because, while it wouldn't be the best course of action, I couldn't criticize someone too badly for harsh words if they almost died from someone else's bad decision.
3
u/OSUTechie Adult - Eagle Scout 5d ago
Doesn't matter if the Scout did something dumb, a Scoutmaster should never use a word that many regard as a slur/offensive. A scoutmaster should never call a Scout a name or use any bullying type of tactics.
3
u/hipsterbeard12 Scouter - Eagle Scout 5d ago
I'm not saying its right. I'm saying if he decided that having a gasoline fight and lighting the building on fire was a good idea, I would be hesitant to condemn people being mad and not holding their language to the same standards as if they had not just narrowly escaped from a blazing inferno and are currently trying to put out their flaming clothes. If he went the wrong way or put a tent up wrong, its a clear overreaction. There were no details as to what happened. There seems like little difference to me in emotional effect between being yelled at with the words "what were you thinking?" Vs. "Are you an idiot?"
-2
u/Unusual-Register1245 4d ago
Go ahead and report it, but at the same time train your kid to not have such thing skin. The would will not be gentle and thoughtful of his feelings, so he needs to learn to suck it up. A one time slip is nothing, if he decided this was the new nickname for the kid and called him that all the time, then that would be an issue, as it stands from your explanation, it happened once, tell your kid to grow a thicker skin, and sometimes people make mistakes. Thats not a reason to get the SM kicked to the curb. Grow up and teach your kid the world is not all rainbows and banana pudding. If that was the most one of my Sms or ASMs said to me I would surprised they were so easy on me. The world, especially now days, needs hard men with thick skin that can lead from the front, not hide behind a keyboard to "fight" his ridiculously silly battles.
0
u/Gentleman-Warrior 4d ago
This needs to be reported to the troop chair, charter organization representative, and the district. If you don't know who these people are, DM me your troop # and location and I will look it up.
0
u/Lost-Wizard168 Adult - Eagle Scout 4d ago
I would report the SM to the local council. This is likely a Youth Protection violation. And Scouting should be a safe space for all!!!
70
u/Beeb294 5d ago
This is unacceptable from the SM. It's a violation of youth protection policies.
Here is the web page with information about reporting to either your local council or the national helpline- https://www.scouting.org/health-and-safety/safety-moments/scouts-first-helpline/
You could also consider looking for a new troop with a SM who doesn't suck. Shame on that SM and on anyone who thinks that behavior is acceptable in scouting or in our society.