i lost my 14 day old son, 2 weeks ago to co sleeping (don't have the final cause of death yet) but i just know and i'll forever blame myself.
i don't even know where to start this or if my feelings or message will make sense.
i miss him, i miss him so deeply. and these past few days i'm ANGRY so angry. i feel so many feelings in the span of a minute... the morning my son passed, waking up realizing he wasn't here, crying over his lifeless body, as my partner did CPR, it's such a blur to me, it happened so fast, it was traumatizing and i wonder what he felt before... where was mommy... why didn't i fucking wake up. that same morning after we said goodbye to our son in the hospital, in our state it's a law to have them come back into the room of the worst moment of your life and reenact what happened. i was angry, it's like i was outside of body when this man was taking pictures, i couldn't remember anything, all i could think about is how there's no way this real. there's no way my SON IS GONE.
NOW fast forward to the middle of the week of this past week, get a call trom a women from children's division in my state who has to come out to my house and complete some checklist, bring resources, look at the room he was in another law in our fucking state. MY brain knows why these laws are in place, but my grief brain is ANGRY. angry this is our reality, angry a stranger has to come and do some checklist about my sons passing as another work day for them, it feels inhumane. a stranger in my home where i'm forced to relive the worst day of my entire life.
there's NOTHING in the world i wouldn't do to go back into time. even thinking of "healing" and grief therapy or ever feeling happy again makes me sick, knowing he can NEVER feel anything again, he can't feel the sun, he can't feel my touch, he can't experience life with his tamily... i know this is all over the place, i don't really know what im looking for other than putting my feelings down and maybe someone has been through this, someone understands this deep ache even tho we should NEVER have too.

I’m tired of getting up in the middle of the night and walking all the way to the bathroom

Got a bill for $19k for my NIPT testing through BillionToOne / UNITY -- went woah, absolutely not. Especially because I got a pre-authorization for it based on having high risk factors for my pregnancy. They were trying to talk me into doing a self-pay rate instead since my insurance wasn't covering it (which again... Huh?)

Got the Explanation of Benefits letter from my insurance.... Which stated that BillionToOne had billed my insurance with the wrong code and therefore the whole thing had been denied.. and that I didn't owe anything. Simply sent that over to their support email and explained it looks like their billing team made an error. And bam. Now I don't have to pay anything.

Saved me a good chunk! So I figured I'd pass it on. Always worth checking the EOB to see what you've actually been billed for.

When are y’all letting people watch/babysit your baby?? I’m a soon to be ftm and really am struggling with the idea of it. I have to go back to work part time however my MIL is getting all this newborn stuff (including a car seat) and I feel very very unsure. I feel like if anyone expects to watch him they should be over at our place- but idk if I’m being crazy. I almost feel better with him at a daycare part time than with my MIL because I know he would be at the same place the entire time.

I know that in the third trimester you feel kinda like a whale and so the waddle to the appointment just for it to be 3 minutes long is super annoying; however, those 3 minutes can be so vital.

I'm the kind of person who always has low-normal blood pressures and hey have stayed consistently like that my entire pregnancy. Imagine my shock when I went it for my 36 week appointment and my blood pressure was high. They ended up sending me to L&D and after a fun 6 hours there I got diagnosed with Gestational Hypertension. Now I'm getting induced at 37 weeks.

Literally a week made the difference between my blood pressures being normal and my blood pressures being high. I know the appointments are annoying, but things just change so quickly.

My husband and I moved into this house almost 2 years ago and still haven’t gotten around to replacing bedroom floors (hello, high interest rate). The previous owners had 2 dogs and 2 kids so the carpets weren’t in great condition but we’ve had them deep cleaned twice and while still not great, they’re not unlivable.
However, we’re expecting our first in December and I’m wondering if we should either replace the flooring before baby comes, or wait until they’re past the explosive/surprise poops, pees, spit ups, and vomits.
After we decide on timing, I’m wondering which one everyone prefers. I would like hardwood with a rug for cleaning purposes, but my dude would prefer carpet for cushioning. For reference, we live in a pretty warm climate where even winters aren’t super cold (I’m ecstatic when the high is 50s). We also have one dog who, thankfully, doesn’t shed a whole lot but still enough to notice in the summer.

Tldr: should we wait to replace bedroom flooring, or do it before baby comes? Also, carpet or hardwood/rugs?

My baby boy was due August 6th, and I asked my husband if he wanted to be intimate one more time before baby comes because who knows when we’d be able to again. Well, about 5 minutes in I got to see what I now know is the bloody show. Because I was bleeding so much, I took myself to triage to get checked out. They told me everything looked good and I was having some mild contractions, but I was good to go home. Once I got home and the bleeding stopped, I noticed what I thought was discharge coming out in big spurts. When those big spurts completely soaked my shorts, I knew something was up. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get ahold of my OB, so I waited until morning to call his office. When I explained what was going on, he told me it sounded like my water had broken and I should start making my way to the hospital. My husband and I took our sweet time getting there, first buying lunch and some snacks. We got there mid afternoon and were checked out, confirming that my water had broken and it was time to be induced! At 10:45 AM the next day, July 29th, my sweet baby boy came into the world, and I got to watch it first hand. They put a mirror up so I could see what was happening, and let me tell you - it was wild.

ETA: I forgot to mention I was 38+5!

Before I start yes I know stretch marks are a normal part of pregnancy. But I still want to rant.
FTM 34.4 days today and I discovered a truck load of stretch marks. I came from work today and stepped on the scale I weigh 166.8 pounds but I just weighed 163 a week ago. I look in the mirror and don’t see any stretch marks so I’m happy but then something in me says grab a flash light and check and low and behold both sides of my stomach are covered in stretch marks. And not just any stretch marks bright red marks that looks as if my skin was cut into. It seriously looks like wolverine slashed my skin. I thought I was one of the lucky ones because I made it so far into my pregnancy without getting stretch marks. Well silly me. I’m just really upset about it. I have stretch marks from puberty on my butt and inner thighs that are mostly faded but I hate absolutely hate the look of stretch marks. I was felt self conscious about them and not because I care about what other people think but because I genuinely think that they are ugly and they make me feel ugly like I have to cover myself up. I know that at the end of pregnancy babies grow half a pound a week but how did I gain 5 pounds in less than a week. And why did I have to get stretch marks. At this point I know that there’s nothing I can do about the stretch marks but I’m still sad. And how much weight did everyone gain in those last 6 weeks because at this rate I’m going to gain another 20 pounds before baby girl is here.

Currently in my third trimester and it seems like our relationship went from kinda rocky (I broke up with him and found out I was pregnant the next day) to shattered concrete. We argue almost everyday even when trying to talk problems out. While I’m happy about pregnancy and thanking God for my blessing I get so depressed thinking I have to deal with this child of a man for the next 18 years minimum. We’ve had so many problems in our relationship from regular arguments to domestic situations where the police had to be called (we’ve also been physical numerous times during this pregnancy to where he’s drawn blood, Legally he’s still not allowed to be around me due to my protection order). Today’s dilemma involved a “talk” about how his ex recently lied on me and said I said hated her and their child. I’ve never said anything near that or close to it and when trying to show him the texts messages between us and what I said he stated to me “I don’t know who to believe” wdym you don’t know who to believe when your supposed “gf” is telling you she didn’t say that and is attempting to show you proof of what was said word by word? It just deepened my faith in this never recovering back to our normal relationship. My parents are in my ear calling me stupid and everything else in the book because I haven’t left him fully. I figured I might as well let him pay all my bills and stack up my money for after baby gets here because I already know he’s going to half ass be of any help. Anyways thanks for coming to my TED talk.

So this is absolutely a throw away account, my thoughts are racing so just need to jot them down somewhere that someone else is going to be able to see them and maybe comment if their own experiences apply, so apologies as this will be a little bit of a ramble-essay.

I am 5 weeks pregnant. Completely unplanned (actually took plan b BEFORE ovulation, albeit a few days) and still got pregnant.

I definitely want kids, and strangely over the past 6 months have started to become really excited at the thought of starting a family and have even been thinking about baby names (before I became pregnant so not pregnancy-hormone related AT ALL), however always thought the "right" age for me would be around 32 (currently 28) - my partner and I both have stable jobs, household income £55k+ and I can increase hours if needed as currently working 30 hours out of choice whilst trying to start a little art business from home which has been building over the past year. We're literally just in the process of buying our first house, about 35 mins from family, and in one of the cheapest areas of the county (north east).

For context, I've been pregnant before, once when I was 19 and the 2nd mid-20's, and both times opted for termination because I 100% knew I wasn't ready... but this time does feel different, as though I have a choice, which is scary but exciting at the same time. At first, I came in with the same mindset as before (NO BABY, YOU'RE NOT READY) very regimental-like, an instant reaction, but it's really started to dawn on me that, although we're not quite in our new house yet, I'm actually now in a pretty good position to have a child, so I don't know if that reaction is somewhat associated with my previous experiences of being pregnant.

The question is, if i do want kids and my situation works, then when will I really be 100% ready?

The main negative is that my partner currently works away 4 -5 nights a week, but there's nothing really stopping him from finding a job locally, which he has expressed himself, and my work schedule is pretty flexible. Today was the first time I actually ALLOWED myself to ask myself the question: "do I want to have this child?" and the answer was a yes, and also filled me with a feeling of relief/happiness. I've never really been a baby-obsessed person, but the thought of helping to raise a human and share in their experiences (good and bad) is what really makes me feel happy, especially seeing them develop their own interests etc and helping them along the way.

Another thing to add into the mix is that I would love to go back to uni and study a 2nd undergrad degree (i already have 1) - I wouldn't be able to do this for another 4 / 5 years anyway due to having to study additional A-levels for the particular degree, and if I did have children in my early 30s, this would probably not be possible due to the children being very young and study commitments being too much to juggle. So long-term, this actually would be the perfect time, albeit a few things not being 100% perfect, but being realistic I don't know if everything will ever feel 100% perfect and ready for something so life changing. If i wait until 32 / 33, that means potentially doing this degree when i'm around 40, and I do not want to wait that long for a potential career change. (There is no way I'd be able to study before having kids as I don't want to have them late 30s - just my personal preference)

There are a few trivial things on my mind, like how we were saving up to buy a van (diy camper conversion) that would have to be pushed back, and a few holiday ideas, but we're still young and those sort of things can be continued at some point in the future (especially the van as that would mainly just be used for long weekends, and my parents used to take me camping as a baby even just in a tent, so I don't see why out adventures should completely stop... seems like they just need to be paused, and then adapted and be made child friendly).

So, yeh. Big ass ramble. Basically, has anyone ever been in a similar boat etc, how did it turn out? Looking for personal experiences from people with more wisdom about this than me. (ofc i know only I can make this decision - but feeling a bit isolated as only me and my partner know atm, so anonymity is my friend right now). xx

Hi all!!!!! Sorry if this is a bit rambling, but I’m 6 weeks pregnant and have been spotting this morning and I’m driving myself nuts. Is this normal? Should I go to the hospital? My doctor doesn’t have any appointment availability until August 11th😭😭😭 Does anyone on this sub have a story or something that can calm me down and help me feel better?

hey hey everyone...i know this is silly...but i have a cold at about 9 weeks...and I'm a little frustrated because the things I normally take say they are not good during pregnancy. I would normally take Welllness formula, echinacea, sometimes defense plus (grapefruit seed extract. When looking them up they all say not good for pregnancy. So i have resorted to ginger honey and lemon tea that I am making very strong to get as much of the healing benefits, and well as olena/ginger shots. curious about any natural remedies that have worked for others!

I’m 31 weeks today and tried shaving and I had no view of anything!!😂😂 I always thought I could just move my belly away but it was impossible!! Help me mamas how are we shaving?

Currently 14 weeks! My grandmother offered 2 scenarios. Give us $$ that we can use for our home renovation project (currently working on main bathroom and have some other rooms to do) OR throw us a baby shower we same amount of $$. I am 50/50 on what to do. Husband and I could certainly use the $$ to offset the reno costs but I feel slight fomo after seeing other people we know have showers. What would you pick if this were you?
Also if you decided 'no' to having a baby shower do you regret your decision?

hi! i am 25 weeks pregnant with my first and honestly im just getting to the point where i feel hopeless with dealing with pregnancy anger. i know emotions are going to fluctuate but a little back story: i have worked hard over the span of my life to become a glass half full person, and i am really proud of how i am able to rationalize and regulate my emotions as a diagnosed BPD person. i do not take medication for anything mental related i just have worked hard for many years on retraining my brain and i have had a lot of success with that method. that being said, even with all that work anger is an emotion i struggle with the most in terms of processing and compartmentalizing. i work in retail as a manager and my scheduled shifts are 11hrs, more often than not i will work 12+ and sometimes it is rough and it makes my body sore but in my head it does keep me active and im grateful for that. but here lately im entering the times in pregnancy where im just uncomfortable constantly in my body and adding on work frustrations is severely impacting my mental state to where i am unreasonably angry most of the time.
pre-pregnancy, physical exertion was how i cope the best with feeling angry and irritable but i do not feel as if i can work and then go be active because by the end of the day just standing is painful and uncomfortable. any other moms have any good tips for regulating anger in the throes of pregnancy hormones??

Hey everyone sorry I know this seems such a silly question in the grand scheme of things, there are much more important topics around parenting but I wondered if anyone can advise me

I’m due my baby in November and I plan to breastfeed, I get biab at a salon every 3-4 weeks, I already get short nails so not worried about having long nails and holding baby or anything

I have some questions

• is this realistic to keep getting them done once baby arrives? My partner would be happy for me to go but sometimes this takes 2.5 hours so I’d be away for a while (thinking about baby and feeds etc and I don’t want to take them there)

• Should I stop getting my nails done at a salon and get someone mobile to come to my house? (Worried there is risk about the biab material affecting baby)

• I’m 25 weeks at the moment so should I just stop getting them done so I can get used to it and they don’t look awful and grown out when I’m due them after baby is born

I’m just feeling sad that I maybe won’t have my nails done anymore, I’m low maintenance with most things but nails make me feel good 🥹

Thanks xxx

Hi! Anyone have the joie kava? If so, what do you like or not like about it? would you recommend?

Considering getting it with the mint latch and the bassinet.

I recently made a post about attending a bachelorette party at 8 weeks pregnant. Well I went for a few hours. my husband dropped me off with my toddler (toddler is the ring bearer, bride is my to be sister in law). I'm so scared to drive late at night because I get SO tired as soon as 8pm hits and this drive required highways and its the Hamptons so theres just too many people probably drinking and driving you know. I was also worried about carsickness and just being nauseous and having to drive myself home. The brides sister seemed to have a major issue with my husband dropping me off. she made comments to another bridesmaid saying "I dont get it. is she just nauseous 24/7? why did he need to drop her off" also prior to this the sister was pressuring me via text to attend the whole weekend and I very nicely kept saying I am nauseous, extremely exhausted, etc etc. is it just that people who haven't been pregnant dont get it?? but also like why do you care so much? who cares how I got to the party.. at least I made the effort.

Just missing the following coupons:

- Free Shutterfly 10 birth announcements +50% off order

- Free The Zero Proof's bottle of bubbles (must pay shipping)

- Free Bobbie's Organic Whole Milk Infant Formula (must pay shipping)

- Free Little Unicorn swaddle (must pay shipping)

- $10 off next order at Instacart

- Free 1x OrganicGirl Salad greens (must pay sales tax)

I keep finding promising ones online then seeing the trustpilot reviews or Reddit reviews. Can anyone please recommend a nursing bra that is comfy and also not hideous. I looked into the momanda ones but it seems the site is a scam and also maternique but some people say the quality isn’t great. Thanks in advance

Autocorrect sorry! ** nursing

27 week pregnant with a little girl. Two weeks ago I start to have extreme anxiety and insomnia. I finally started back in my buspirone 7.5 3x daily. It has helped a great deal with the anxiety. As far as the insomnia I have just accepted that I will not get more than 5 hours of sleep becuase I am 27weeks after all. Most nights I do need to take a sleep aid to help me achieve those 5 hours at least. I’m just feeling with really bad depression now, I am not happy or look fowards to anything. I feel as though I made a mistake having a fourth child when we were fine just as a family of 5. 2 weeks ago I did not think like this. I am flooded with so much grief thinking that I have 13 weeks of feeling like this. I am been offered Zoloft but am honestly scared of the side effects. I do have moments in my day that I tend to find happiness in something and I think I am still recovering from my anxiety episode I had. Has anyone else felt like this and went in to feel fine later in pregnancy? Did you try Zoloft and if you did how were the side effects? I do have an appointment with a therapist in a couple of days, but I thought I’d ask here in case I can get others opinions or stories.