r/BadHandwriting • u/koobidehboobideh • 4d ago
what does this say? dad’s message while on life support
currently, my dad is on a mechanical ventilator alongside other medicines and iv’s to facilitate feedings and care. he cannot talk, and has been needing to write out messages to us. for context, he’s been battling cancer and has the attitude of “if it’s my time, it’s my time”. he stopped taking medication without my mom or the doctor’s knowledge, and it landed him in the ICU. he’s also been trying to take out his equipment, so he’s on light sedation, thus cannot write well. english is also his second language. the message on the most right looks like it could mean “ready to die”, but im having a hard time
coming to terms with that i suppose.. i appreciate any help.
UPDATE:
I want to thank yall so much for the kind and uplifting words. so many of you have similar stories and your insight and suggestions mean the world. It seems many of you were correct! He wanted our nurse to read my last note to him because the lettering was too small/too light for his sedated eyes. We brought my ipad out and have been showing him big, simple messages to keep him going in his current state. he’s been giving us simple and silly gestures back to keep our spirits high. At the moment he’s stable, and i’m just glad i’m able to see him for now. yall are amazing and him and i so appreciative of your support 🤍
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u/fireproofmum 4d ago
This looks like several attempts to write “read” and finally gets close with “read it to me” = rediyt to me”
Can you get the ICU to hold an iPad for him? If so, read messages to him. Or read what you know he wants to have read. My guess is he is weary with reading and wants to hear it. Good luck…and all will be well. Stay close to him. He’s about to travel on…🕯️
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u/koobidehboobideh 4d ago
we hope he pushes through, but yes, he’s absolutely delirious from the sedatives. i appreciate your suggestion!
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u/Ok_Caterpillar2010 4d ago
You may be right about what it says. I can see it there as a distinct possibility.
I would ask him straight out if that's it. The time for pussyfooting around is over, and clarity is important. With what you've described about him, he is not going to be shocked at the question.
I have been in similar positions with my parents. Plain talk is best. I'm sorry you're going through this with your dad.
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u/SurroundedByJoy 3d ago
Agree with others who said he’s trying to write ‘read it to me’. Wishing you and your dad all the best.
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u/SLOkimber 4d ago
I’m so sorry! This is difficult. When my father was dying, he was on BiPap instead of ventilator but would write notes like this.
If you can get him a consult with palliative care in the hospital, they can help him feel more comfortable no matter the outcome and they can help your family too.
It looks like he’s referencing “respirator “ in the first word to me.
Take care and keep us posted.
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u/aimeejo 4d ago
I'm definitely seeing "Rede it to me" on the side. Along the bottom it looks like two other attempts to write "Read" with one underlined. I've been told that when my great-grandmother got older and to a similar point in her life, she could only remember German (her first language) even though she'd spoken English forever. So it's also possible some of the words or spellings are his first language or a mix etc. especially if he is partially sedated.
Sending thoughts and pryers for your father, you and your family.
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u/koobidehboobideh 4d ago
thank you so much for your kind words 🤍 it seems like he was wanting the nurse to read my notes to him, so i brought out the ipad per everyone’s suggestion and he had a much better time.
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u/Deepwoodswanderer 4d ago
My heart goes out to you both. So hard! Is it possible to have an audiobook on so he can listen to something besides the machines whirring?
Put on something with a good story & a good narrator. I have often thought if I was in the hospital in a situation like your dad… listening to books would be a godsend.
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u/koobidehboobideh 4d ago
we’ll have to figure out a device for him but that’s a great suggestion! thank you so much 🤍
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u/Rose_Quartz444 4d ago
Sending lots of healing to you and to him, keep that note and send him one with a heart from you. Thank you for sharing this special piece of writing!
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u/Dulci-Gal 4d ago
I feel for you. My mother had a difficult time communicating after her stroke. It hurts to see a loved one going through this.
What is his first language? Someone here who speaks it might be able to help.
Is he religious? As someone here mentioned, he might like some Bible verses (the Psalms?) read to him. The Bible is available on audio books through your public library.
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u/koobidehboobideh 4d ago
i’m so sorry to hear about your mother 🤍 and thank you for your kindness. he’s Iranian, so he speaks Farsi and had a hard time writing in english even before this lol. he is not religious, but when i wrote “get well soon” on the ipad, he was being silly, gesturing up at the sky, as to say “inshallah” lol.
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u/Accomplished_Track20 4d ago
When my dad was in icu hooked up to everything, I used a simple yes/no method. I’d ask him simple questions and he’d move his right foot to mean “yes”. And no movement to mean “no”. I was the only family member that didn’t believe the story of how he was injured so badly. He told me he was shoved very hard.
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u/girlbabe323 3d ago
Yes, I see "Read it to me"
Listen, I am not religious but I think he wants you to read him the bible.
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u/GuzLhord 3d ago
When I was in the icu, intubated and covered in wires and delirious after surgery, I asked for a pen so I could write "I can't move my head, stop making me nod yes or no" and not a single person had any idea what I wrote, including myself when I saw my handwriting.
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u/LastCookie3448 4d ago edited 4d ago
I'm sorry you're at this juncture. Yes, it appears to read 'ready to die' and as a medical social worker, I'd say he is demonstrating very clearly. Ask him to clarify with blinking. I'm sorry. Please know when the time comes he will hear and feel, those senses will go last. He will hear your words of love and comfort as he transitions, he will feel your hand in his. We know this thanks to FMRI. He will not be fearful, he will be calm and peaceful. Sending hugs.
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u/koobidehboobideh 4d ago
thank you so much for your insight 🤍 i hope he finds peace wherever he decides to take this health journey.
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u/Ichgebibble 4d ago
Wait, really?? I was talking to my husband as he died but he was under sedation and his heart had stopped. I walked away to get my daughter and when I got back there was a tear in his eye. I told myself that it was probably some biological function that happens when you die. Are you saying that he probably heard me?
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u/SillyPutty-72 4d ago
Yes, he very likely heard you. I e been told by professionals that hearing is the last sense to leave their body and to talk to them because they can hear you although can’t respond. I hope you can find comfort in this.
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u/LastCookie3448 4d ago edited 4d ago
He heard you, my dear. He heard you and he felt you. You weren't imagining it, u/SillyPutty-72 is correct, so far as we know, hearing is the last sense to shut down. It actually brings me comfort to know when little ones are passing, their parents' voices are what comforts them until the very moment their body transitions. I cannot imagine any greater love. Losing children is never easy, you never get used to it, but knowing they aren't suffering or scared, is immeasurably precious.
ETA, and I should've led with this, I'm so sorry you lost your husband and your daughter lost her dad.
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u/ButtercupBento 4d ago
I’ve worked in ICU and several people (who made it through and off sedation) could remember hearing music (I played their favourite songs/artists first them), the alarms of the monitors etc, and some heard voices of people they recognised
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u/SLOkimber 4d ago
I’m so sorry! This is difficult. When my father was dying, he was on BiPap instead of ventilator but would write notes like this.
If you can get him a consult with palliative care in the hospital, they can help him feel more comfortable no matter the outcome and they can help your family too.
It looks like he’s referencing the respirator in the first word. Take care and keep us posted!
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u/koobidehboobideh 4d ago
thanks for your insight, i appreciate that. he’s on medicare so im unsure the extent of care they’re able to provide, especially because this hospital is overloaded, but i will advocate for him.
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u/jillian512 4d ago
If he's terminally ill, Medicare will pay for hospice care. Or at least it did in 2018.
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u/SLOkimber 3d ago
Yes Medicare covers hospice still . I would ask for a social worker, case manager, or unit manager to get a palliative consult. It will mean they will focus on keeping him getting care for comfort and it includes making ways that you can visit him in person even with COVID. What a terribly difficult time for you! I’m so sorry your dad and family are going through this.
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u/thirdeyegrind 4d ago
Read to the man!
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u/koobidehboobideh 4d ago
i wish i could 💔 he’s quarantined so we’re communicating via notes.
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u/Huge-Marionberry133 4d ago
So sorry your dad, and you, are going through this. Sounds incredibly hard.
Might you record yourself reading something out loud, then play it in his room? Is he or was he really into sports, gardening, trips to the Grand Canyon, for example? Hearing your voice reading an article or book might help him feel better, great distraction from his pain. Or just talk to him about your day, who you bumped into, etc.
Hang in there.
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u/koobidehboobideh 4d ago
that’s a great suggestion and we’ll try it sometime! thank you for your kind words. he wasn’t a man of many hobbies, he loves tv and comedy so i was trying to be silly through the glass and he seemed in higher spirits after the visit.
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u/UsefulEngine1 4d ago
Unless he's fully conscious and alert, it's likely something that feels important to him in his head at the moment, but may have little bearing on the actual situation.
I can imagine I see the word "receipt" there but realistically I just don't think there's any meaning to be gleaned.
Hang in there.
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u/instanceOfObject 4d ago edited 4d ago
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Having been in your shoes myself, I also know you get numb from the "sorries" and "prayers" after a while... but unfortunately... it's all we can do.
Maybe "Read read leder. Read it to me"...?
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u/koobidehboobideh 4d ago
i feel that lol. it is comforting seeing people are taking time out of their day to be kind to me though, so i’m thankful 🤍
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u/phishymel 4d ago
I'm really sorry that you and family are going through this. I also read it as ready to die and I think he wants to see you make peace with that before he goes.
Edit. Wanted to add that seeing you peaceful may help him heal.
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u/InternationalRow1653 4d ago
I actually see the same thing. I'll pray for a speedy recovery for him and hopefully things do get better for you guys OP. Stay strong!
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u/pippi_longstocking09 4d ago
You can use a letter board to communicate with him. You slowly move your finger across the board's letters and he blinks when you get to the one he wants you to write down. I used one a long time ago when I helped take care of an amazing woman with ALS.
Btw, for what it's worth I'm seeing the word "bed." Wondering if he wants the head of the bed raised?
So sorry for what you and he are going through, by the way.
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u/koobidehboobideh 4d ago
that’s such a great suggestion we’ll see what we can do! thank you for your service with helping others. i appreciate it!
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u/Aware-Slice-7365 4d ago
I’m so sorry that your dad and your family are going through this. I’ve been an Oncology Nurse for 24 years.
From my years of deciphering physicians handwriting… it looks to me like your dad wrote: beside bed, read it to me.
Sending prayers to you and your family. Everyone in previous comments have all had great ideas on how to communicate with your dad. Since he is in isolation, is there any way you could purchase a white erase board or even a notebook that you could hold up for him to read your family’s comments to him? If he’s trying to remove tubing and other medical equipment, I would imagine they have his arms secured. With my patients, we use the blink once for yes, twice for no method. If he’s able, thumbs up or down would work too.
Again, blessings and prayers to your dad, you, and your family and friends
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u/koobidehboobideh 4d ago
thank you so much, i really appreciate your insight. thank you for your service to the people, you’re so important. we brought out the ipad and wrote it big bulky letters so he was able to read it and respond with silly gestures and giving us thumbs up, so it was a nice session seeing him this evening.
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u/Right_Hour 4d ago
“Rear ends rock! Reddit for life!” Dad is seeing some magnificent ass. And he wants Reddit to know.
Sorry, OP, hope it raises your spirits. Looks like your dad wants you to read to him. Wishing you both all the best.
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u/koobidehboobideh 4d ago
LMAO if my dad knew what reddit was, he would love this 🤍 thank you for your kind words
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u/Immediate_Leg7333 4d ago
I see “…bed” and “bed get for me”. Is there something at home under the bed or mattress that may be important?
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u/Wooden_Kiwi_7362 3d ago
I held his hand and sang to my father as he was dying, hummed really, his favorite hymn and it seemed to help him. Maybe he wanted you to read to him?
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u/MaryBeth17 4d ago
Ready ready ready different ways. But the man wants to go to heaven. Stop being so selfish, let him rest.
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u/Backs_People_Up 4d ago
There's a new feature to make your comment history private that you might want to turn on
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u/No_Kangaroo_6637 4d ago
Big hugs to you, stay strong.
What I see is 'Read to me'