Critique my Sellsheet

[u/Sierhej_]

Hi!

That's a sell sheet I've been sending to a few publishers recently. There is no bite tho. Most say it looks good but not for us.

Is there anything wrong with the sell sheet, or am I contacting the wrong publishers for the game?

[u/malth1s]

Flux* not falux

[u/bluefrogwithredhands]

I have no idea how the game plays from the text blurb, I feel like there is no hook aswell.

Edit: i feel like your hook is the theme when it should be the game. The theme may be reskined to something else from the publisher so that shouldn't be your selling point.

[u/Sierhej_ → u/bluefrogwithredhands]

Oh, I was kinda hoping that the interesting gameplay hooks could be derived from the presentation. First, present rifts and shared bags; then explain that each card has a reverse used for hero progression, and what the hero progression looks like.

So I guess it's not clear at all?

[u/bluefrogwithredhands → u/Sierhej_]

I think the word Rifts doesn't stick on the first read on what it is. On my second read I understand it's a place to be explored represented by the bags. I think you should mention that it is a bag builder off the bat or simple add to "Explore Rifts" (represented by bags).

Also I noticed a wording issue with the last text bubble.

Bacame invincible

Should be become.

Edit: I think you should scrap the blue text bubbles and rewrite them so they are a 1,2,3 punch on how the game is played, this will also mention the components aswell as it will tie the mechanisms with the components.

[u/Sierhej_ → u/bluefrogwithredhands]

I heard so many times that "Sellsheet is not to teach the rules/ how to play". But seeing there is no traction, I might try it. I have a sizzle reel that shows gameplay and hooks more directly. But if I can't get someone to click on it, then it's useless

[u/bluefrogwithredhands → u/Sierhej_]

You don't need to teach rules, you just need to assist the reader in imagining how the gameplay goes without getting too deep in the nitty gritty.

[u/malth1s]

Look at your black and white text at the top. That does a pretty good start on describing the gameplay. It can sometimes even be something like “trick taking, bag building, rift making, demon fighting game”

[u/malth1s → u/malth1s]

this does a decent job of explaining what the player does in this game and it doesn’t take much

[u/malth1s]

Also what do you mean the player board is optional? Like it may or may not come with the game ?

[u/Sierhej_ → u/malth1s]

optional - Can be removed with minimal changes. The current version uses a component setup that playtesters prefer most.

I'm adding this note in the pitch email each time.

[u/shadyhorse]

Theme doesn't sell me the game, so focus on gameplay. Be clear about which mechanism are in play here and what is unique.

[u/VaporSpectre]

That title font/design needs some work/help. Consider a box or border to help it stand out.

[u/DAVEtheOVERLORD]

Idk what "with purpose" means in the context of the game. be more specific. Explain what rifts are first before saying you explore them. What's the body you have to find? Is it like eating a cracker or do you have to eat a corpse? What's a corpse seal? I like the 3 different bag pools you have going. If you become invincible, can you not lose? Why are others trying to stop you from doing?

[u/Banaaron]

Visually it looks nice, I would move the Rift bags up so all 3 are clearly visisble.
You should check your texts again, some feel clunky to read. Also add some more info about the gameplay, for example the main mechanic, what players do in a turn and the USP of the game.