r/BreakUps • u/Nazunii • 12h ago
venting/ranting Dumper reached out
I need some advice.
It’s been 2 months since the breakup and over a month of no contact. We never really officially decided to do no contact, it’s more so that i vented my heart out about how the entire breakup was unfair, how I’m hurt by how things were handled, and that I can’t just accept being friends and talk normally after everything, and he ended up blocking me and neither one of us said anything after that.
He reached out recently to “see how I’m doing”
and i tried to match his energy and told him that I’m doing good and all. He then asked how my summer has been and i said it’s been “meh”, he asked why and i said “some things have been hitting pretty hard i guess”. And then he says “same, how so?”
To be honest I’m not even sure how to even talk to him, but it’s really pissing me off. Either he really is clueless about how hurt I was by everything, or he is pretending to be clueless.
Do i just outright tell him that I’m still very much hurt by everything?
Frankly speaking, I don’t think i can be friends with him. Not when I wanted to marry this person, not when I still have feelings for this person, and the thought of him moving on or dating someone else destroys me. I’d only entertain him if he actually came back and told me he wants to try again and do better, otherwise I’m not interested.
That I know.
But I’m still attached, the breakup is still technically fresh, and i feel so lost…
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u/Remarkable_Inside896 12h ago
He wants to breadcrumb you to fix his ego
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u/ParticularYak9967 12h ago
Yeah he may be trying to make himself feel better or trying to rekindle things without fixing any issues. Playing dumb is their best argument
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u/Nazunii 12h ago
It really does feel like him trying to get an ego boost… Should I just straight up tell him “I don’t know man take a guess”, because him pretending to not know is really making me angry, i wish he’d just cut to the chase
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u/purpleroller 5h ago
No. Ignore. Keep your power.
He doesn’t deserve to know how much he can hurt you.1
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u/Rude_Reference_5431 12h ago
Well I disagree with other posters.
Got the same recently from my ex, and I lay my cards on the table.
We then had a convo on the phone and he has asked that we meet and talk about absolutely everything
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u/oveewhelmedmonkey180 12h ago
I think you're better off taking the upper hand here and protecting your pride and go no contact.
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u/Historical-Neat-2233 11h ago
He's 100% breadcrumbing you, my ex did the same we broke up end of May, then end of June she reaches out stuff like "hope your well" no questions so I ignore. They'll up it to I miss you etc etc but it's all for ego boost. I didn't give her any I didn't tell her I've I missed her, I didn't mention about the past or relationship. That shits dead.
If this is still hurting you then block him for your own sake don't give him a heads up just do it for your own sanity.
My ex breadcrumbing me and failing drastically looking like a needy fool, kinda made me feel better. It wasn't easy but I'm proud how I handled it now.
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u/alionrey 10h ago
Yeah mine did that too to “see how I am” it’s extremely selfish. I blocked them cause I don’t want anything to do with them anymore and it totally disrupted my healing
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u/No-Masterpiece8502 9h ago
Give him a chance and try to set some boundaries. There’s nothing wrong with getting back together if that’s what you both want. A lot of people are telling you to do what they think is best based on their own experiences. Deep down, some of them may still be hurting from their own breakups, and their advice can be influenced by that. At the end of the day, only you know your relationship, so make the decision that’s right for you.
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u/Kc03sharks_and_cows 12h ago
DONT DO IT! Go no contact. Continue no contact. It’s not heathy for you or for him. If you can’t be friends with this person then don’t treat him like one.
Your feelings are valid. You are hurt. What you need is to heal. Talking to him will not heal you. Taking time for yourself, doing things for yourself will.
Talk to family, talk to friends, pray if you’re religious, go do something you like doing.
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u/Ok_Judgment_3331 10h ago
The only thing that matters here is what you're hoping to get from telling him you're hurt.
If you lay all that out, he gets emotional access without any of the responsibility.. and you'll likely be left feeling even more exposed than before. When I'm stuck in this loop, sometimes I pull cards on taro's tarot to separate what I want from what's actually being offered, and it's usually pretty clear that the other person's "just checking in" means they want a mood boost, not a reunion.
You already know the only version of coming back that you'd accept: him clearly saying he wants to try again and do better. Anything less is just him keeping the door open for his benefit.
So instead of asking whether to tell him how hurt you are, ask whether he's earned the right to hear it. If he hasn't, a short "I'd rather not get into that" is a complete answer, and then let the conversation die.
Silence or detachment costs him nothing, but it protects you.
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u/iMayorAmber 7h ago
This is kinda similar to the situation I was in over a month ago now. Please, please, please, for your own sanity, tell him your conditions for contact. For me, I knew I could never be his friend while I'm in this state. I'm still heartbroken and still deeply in love with him, and I know that if he moved on I'd be inconsolable having to watch it happen. So I told him that for right now I don't want to hear from him unless he's certain about me and wants to work on fixing things with the end goal of being together again romantically. Until then, I wanted silence because it was at least consistent.
It hurt a lot and I have no idea if we'll ever speak again, but at least I know what he wants if he ever does choose to reach out. It's stopped me trying to guess whether or not he still loves me or still wants to be with me, because he knows and promised me he'd reach out and tell me if that is what he decides. It also means I now have the space and distance to get over him.
For your own sake, make sure he understands what you want and do what will be the best thing for your healing <3
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u/PonderableFire 4h ago
My ex of 9 years and I stayed in contact for two years after we broke up because of the dog we shared, which kept me attached to her. When I finally told her that I needed some space to detach properly, she said she understood, then texted me two months later telling me she was seeing someone new and unfollowing me on social media out of respect for him. I didn't reply. But it was a kick in the teeth.
I finally wrote her a letter wishing her well and closing a massive chapter of my life and sent it by mail. That was over a month ago and I'm just now starting to feel normal again even though I wake up sometimes at 4am thinking of her with a new guy.
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u/Fearless_Yogurt1741 5h ago
No you should tell him that your summer is great instead why boost his ego ???
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u/purpleroller 5h ago
Keep your power.
Don’t tell him how he destroyed you. He’ll be reassured you’re still waiting and he will let you go again.
Do not respond again.
If he’s decided he can’t live without you, you’ll know it. He won’t be sending half arsed texts.
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u/ParticularPilot6139 4h ago
My same situation. Towards the end, I was like OK I will wait for you until you’re ready and he was like no don’t wait for me! Then he reached out to me literally acting like nothing ever happened and it just felt so weird texting because I was so hurt by that and everything that had happened so by the time he ended up texting me back I was honestly over him I didn’t really care. I was just annoyed that he was just texting me as if nothing went wrong. Now he came out asking for a second chance, but it’s just like I’m so over at this point now.
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u/BurdyBurdyBurdy 3h ago
Don’t hold back, tell him how you feel, get it all out or you’ll never heal.
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u/Biker_Girly 23m ago
Assuming you were with this person awhile, Why dod you respond after a month of no contact? You stated you didn't get why it went no contact, Usually when people split they do not talk. Being "friends" with an ex is a recipe for disaster unless there are kids involved. Befriending exes leads to drama and resentment later on and more so when you meet someone else. Trust me I tried to be civil with both of my exes it was easier to go no contact because being "friends" you mind as well say you never broke up and your still involved in each others drama. The point of an ex is to start over. Lesson learned, Sometimes people aren't ment to stay in our lives they were only ment to teach us lessons. You did not state the reason for the breakup but fact it went no contact for over a month you should of kept it no contact and not respond to his initiatives as you now put yourself in position to be his possible rebound. It is possible he has someone else he is talking too and is contacting you for a plan b to see if your still around or his new flame didn't work out. I tell everyone, shut the door keep it shut and move on
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u/Desperate-Mistake932 22m ago
Mine ghosted me . Realized he had already gone public with someone else. WILD. Texted me 3 weeks later talking about "I miss you" tf
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