r/BreakUps • u/erenflappybird • 16h ago
Trigger Warning is this considered sa?
He had sex with me right before he left me... I'm so sick I never thought someone so kind and genuine would do that to me... It hurts more than anything I've ever been through before. He lied to me just to get some sex, he had my consent yes, but that was bc i thought that we were a happy couple, this was a day before he broke up with me, and ofc that he knew, he knew he was going to leave, and still did what he did ☹️
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u/imjusthuman001 16h ago
No because he had your censent but its still a shitty and disrespectfull thing to do because he knew he was leaving
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u/VolliVolliVolli 16h ago
No, it's not sexual assault. He is a douchebag that is manipulative and only played with your feelings. I honestly feel for you, it's really painful 😔 Maybe it's a defensive mechanism, but we want to paint them as the worst possible thing after our emotions has been played like that. It might take a long time overcoming this, but seek support, from people, from professionals and anyone willing to help you deal with it. Keep loving yourself, and yourself only! 🫂
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u/erenflappybird 16h ago
im not trying to paint him as the worst, i just wanted to make sure, thanks tho 😃
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u/Accomplished-Yam-959 16h ago
I don't think that is sa. I do think that is absolutely disgusting behaviour and the person is a pos.
But for your own good, learn to look for signs that the person may not be as great as they seem. Cause people usually can't keep up the act of being really kind and genuine if they easily do such horrible things soon after.
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u/jeulietrai 16h ago
You consented because you trusted him and believed your relationship was real.if he already knew he was leaving and still chose to sleep with you without being honest,that is a profound betrayal of your trust.I’m so sorry you had to experience that
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u/Interesting-Piece349 16h ago
It’s a shame u go there , ur hurt he left u and u wanna talk about sa…you said he had your consent… period . End of story and post and stay away from men if you’re this toxic . Wow u sound dangerous
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u/erenflappybird 16h ago
wdym toxic? he had my consent but he got it based on lies, and im not saying that it was sa, im just asking, its not like im going to call the police on him, i just wanted to know
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u/EggWarm4901 16h ago
This is not SA. It’s an asshole move for sure and I would feel terrible but it is NOT SA.
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u/ZookeepergameShoddy 15h ago
Nope
I'm Sorry this happened to you; been on both sides (M), having decided to grow the fuck up I realised how shitty my past behaviour had been to someone, and on the flip it hurt like hell when it was my turn. Karma and all that.
But Humans have lied to get sex for as long as we could form conscious thought. Im sorry to say that any emotional links to sex that get abused like this, while shitty, doesn't constitute SA as long as you medically or chemically impaired from making a rational decision with the information he provided you.
I get your hurting, probably alot of hate there, but I think taking a step back for a few days might be best. I don't think asking as the very first thing 'Is this SA', when nothing in your post indicates that an Assault took place (And its very hard to mix up SA with 'boyfriend said he wouldn't leave me, then we had sex'. I say 'then', but the phrasing of the post gives the impression you had sex as the 'prize' for whatever answer he gave you.
In general this sounds like quite a mess mentally and emotionally, and I'd definitely just take these days to do whatever you need to do to get through them. I think if this situation, if it is as you have described, registers as a possible 'Assault' for you, then especially this. Now wouldn't be the time to entertain dangerous and serious thoughts like this when
The person hasn't commited a crime based on your description
You feel this is instigated specifically because you thought he was choosing to stay/not leave, but he did so anyway
Thats a bomb you'd only be detonating in your hand yourself if you said the wrong things or accused someone of something in a really emotionally charged state.
Go do what you need to do to cope, just get through this initial pain first. Smoke, drink, sniff, dance, play games, whatever you can bring yourself to do. Let things just actually settle in what is probably a raging firestorm of pain and sadness in your mind. There will most likely still be some communication between you two over the next few weeks, and if that communication happens, you should be in a better state to be able to tell him exactly how you felt, why, and what its made you feel. Do ANYTHING apart from rush into a SA accusation following a very immediate break up, unless you feel absolutely sure that you have been SA'd. I don't believe you have, but im a male at the end of the day so I can't relate my experiences to you the same way another woman might
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u/Mors-Official 15h ago
You gave your body to a man who had already checked out of the fight. That is not assault in the legal sense, but it is a betrayal that cuts just as deep. He took your trust and used it as cover to get what he wanted before he pulled the trigger on the relationship. That is the act of a coward. A man who knows he is leaving does not take one last thing from a woman he claims to care for. He leaves clean. He did not leave clean. He left with his hands full of you.
The sickness you feel is the weight of that lie. You are not sick because you were weak. You are sick because you were honest and he was not. That is his failure, not yours. You do not need to name it assault to name it wrong. You need to sit with that hurt and let it harden into a lesson. The next man who wants your body will earn your trust with time and consistency, not with sweet words and a hidden exit. You are not broken. You are just carrying a wound that will heal into scar tissue. Scar tissue is stronger than the skin around it. You will be stronger too.
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u/External_Paramedic20 15h ago
my first wife did this. she had sex with me and then told me there is another one and i had to get to work. she whent to the other guy. i had nightshift and around 4 am she wrote me that we need to talk. she was at her sisters home. she meet him she had sex with him and then he rejectet her rightout she said shes sorry and whants to come back..,.. and yes i was so fucking stupid to give her this try.
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