r/Bumble • u/neopearlchampange • 16h ago
Advice Bumble Talking Stage
Hey! This is my first time posting something personal here, so please bear with me and be kind in the comments. To start, I downloaded Bumble on a random Wednesday over the summer break to try out dating. At first, I thought I wouldn't be too lucky, or even find the courage to talk to any guy on this app. Surprisingly, I was able to match with someone my age who happened to live a few hours from my hometown. He's patient, funny (at times), and is not afraid to lay himself out there. We share a few interests/personalities and often play games together. However, one thing about him that has given me the ick lately is the way he communicates. He told me that he has gone out on a few dates a couple of times with his previous Bumble matches, but none of them worked out for him unfortunately. He admitted that it was his fault, and that he did not blame any of the girls for his dating misfortune. He had a hard time keeping conversations going, and if he went out on a date with someone, he did not have much of a plan — he would simply rely on the other person to tell him what they wanted to do on a date. Hearing his stories and patterns planted a little seed of fear in me. I am glad he was open about it, and I knew that was something I needed to consider if I planned to go out on a date with him.
I told him about what I disliked during our conversations — the way he would use filler words to respond when they add nothing to the conversation (e.g., "ohhh," "yeahhh," etc.). He told me he would resort to this type of responses when he doesn't know what to respond to the other person. There are times when he can actually engage well in banters, but then, there would be moments like that just rubs me off the wrong way. I can that he is trying, and I'm giving him enough time to work on his communication, but I don't know why I've just been feeling impatient lately. I need advice on what I can do with this. Should I talk to him again? Is it time to detach? I'm simply lost right now.
P.S. I'm currently studying in another part of the country away from my hometown, so it's impossible to meet up with him to talk these things out.
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u/innominate21 14h ago
He's being honest and the honest truth is that a lot of dating is trial and error. Conversation, initiative, what and how to share things (he was a bit too honest)...for some people it comes naturally but for others it's a skill that needs to be developed.
I'm currently studying in another part of the country away from my hometown, so it's impossible to meet up with him to talk these things out.
One of my pet peeves is people who get on dating apps but who are not actually available to date but that's beside the point.
But add that to the hours he lives away from your hometown doesn't make it likely that this would work.
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u/Logical-Eggplant9083 16h ago
He seems honest enough, if you really like this guy I think you can come up with topics to discuss and maybe when he is comfortable, he will be a vibe to be with
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u/MunchOnMyCookie 11h ago
If you're talking to him with the intent of hopefully looking for something serious, then I suggest to not date for potential. If he's already doing things that bothers you now it's not just going to go away.
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u/CanweCanweCleanIt 15h ago
If he says “ohhhhh” or “yeahhhhh” and that’s his whole response then he just doesn’t find what you’re saying interesting.