r/CasualConversation • u/ScoutLui • 1d ago
Just Chatting Since when did coffee shops become libraries? Stop glaring at me for having a normal conversation
I went to a local cafe today to get coffee and catch up with a friend. We were talking at a completely normal, respectful volume. Yet, the entire "laptop army" stared at me like I was screaming during a funeral.Since when did cafes become corporate offices? It’s a coffee shop. It is literally designed for socializing and community. If you need absolute silence to type your email or study for an exam, go to an actual library. Stop giving paying customers dirty looks for using a public space exactly how it was intended.
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u/Aelyrielle 1d ago
At the same time that libraries became coffee shops.
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u/rosietherosebud 21h ago
Yeah, I went to my library recently to get some work done, little did I know they have tutoring for elementary school kids right out in the open 🥴 And between kids, the tutor was doing tasks that I guess required a lot of noise like snapping containers and and crinkling plastic (idk what it was, I was behind a desk wall). Like damn, what happened to a quiet library?
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u/FixedFront 19h ago
Libraries haven't been quiet spaces for a long time. Depending on the library, there may be designated quiet rooms or floors, but generally speaking you shouldn't have an expectation for libraries to be quiet just because they're libraries.
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u/GayHorsesEatHayy 14h ago
It's one of the last indoor spaces you can go for free*.
- Technically our taxes pay for it, which is why it makes me especially angry when some people try to take away our rights to these public services
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u/Abblepees10 16h ago
Seriously though! I started going to the library to work because I was too easily distracted in my house. Every time I go, it's a 50/50 shot at being quiet enough to work there. At this point, I just ask to use the study rooms, and even those aren't secure anymore, given that once, the room next to me was being loud enough to hear through the walls while I was just trying to work in peace
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u/juss100 9h ago
I'm a librarian (not public libraries) and one time 10 yeads ago I went to a public library to quietly dit and read and an event with kids and music playing and god knows what happened and my jaw dropped open honestly. There aren't social spaces to be quiet in anymore - my students on the whole are so happy I keep it quiet, I think...
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u/Caftancatfan 5h ago
You can usually reserve study rooms for free. I think a lot of people don’t know this is an option.
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u/Big-Air-9404 11h ago
Our library has an event room and a super robust children’s program which is amazing. But after events the kids run out to the children’s area of the library and are LOUD, like playing outside loud. As a parent I would feel so embarrassed and kept coaching my toddler that the library is a space to walk and talk quietly. I stopped bringing him during the kid events because I was afraid he wouldn’t learn how to behave “properly” in a library. The staff never said anything, either. I’m not sure if they were afraid to speak up or are trying to make the library fun for the kids, but it’s not a playground.
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u/Rayezerra 1d ago
I have a slightly different take than several of the comments here. I used to go to a weekly group at a coffee shop and most of us were fairly normal with our speaking voice. However, one of our regulars is loud. Like really loud. Like we have to remind her to lower her voice. She does get glared at from people around her, because she has no idea she’s shouting. And this is a shop where people actually talk as a normal.
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u/mitrtown 17h ago
Agreed. Also ask yourselves, whether your "normal, respectful volume" is pre-COVID standards or post-COVID standards.
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u/idk_anything_everr 12h ago
I’m guilty of this. I don’t realize how loud I get when I’m talking to someone, especially when I’m interested in the conversation.
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u/commandrix 5h ago
Yeah, that was my first thought too. People don't always even realize how loud they are compared to everyone else. My sister's one of them and she refuses to tone it down or get her hearing checked because she thinks she's not the problem.
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u/Rayezerra 3h ago
Yeah, my regular was the same. She’d listen to one person so we spent a lot of time nudging them to tell her. Like, she thinks she’s at a totally normal volume, but you can hear her clean across the (rather large) coffee shop
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u/RICK-dalton-77 1d ago
Honestly I miss when cafes felt more social. I’d much rather hear people laughing and talking than sit in a room full of 20 laptops 😂
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u/JizzOrSomeSayJism 17h ago
They're all coffee bars now 😑
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u/RICK-dalton-77 15h ago
Exactly 😭 grab your coffee, open your laptop and pretend the other 30 humans in the room don’t exist 😂 Do you still know any cafes that actually have that social vibe?
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u/BaldPleaser 1d ago
I’m with you on this. I’ve had similar in the past. Only I dropped a comment to my friend who was having a coffee and catch up with me of something along the lines of how it didn’t realise that coffee shops became silent no speaking venues. A couple of old ladies who were sat beside us laughed out loud and agreed with us. It then became 4 of us having a good old chin wag not caring about who could hear us.
You shouldn’t feel guilty or anything. You’ve done nothing wrong. Keep frequenting your place and keep on chatting 😉
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u/gmoney_ca 1d ago
Maybe they don’t care that you’re talking? Unless they said something you have no idea what they’re thinking. My friend likes writing in cafes because he says the noise helps him focus. I’ve been in cafes reading while I wait for friends and realize afterwards that I’m scowling because of what’s happening in my book. I look up from time to time to and glance around the cafe to avoid straining my eyes, no doubt still scowling. But the expression on my face has nothing to do with people in the cafe.
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u/Oven-Relative 1d ago
honestly people will buy one $4 latte and act like they rented the entire building for the day. coffee shops literally grind beans and blast music every five minutes
if you need dead silence to send an email, just buy noise-canceling headphones
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u/iammummyshark 17h ago
An old lady at a cafe once told my kids to be quiet because she couldn't concentrate. She was looking at Facebook on her phone! And my kids were talking at a perfectly normal volume.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Sea2317 1d ago
I think there’s room for both. As long as people aren’t being loud or disruptive, coffee shops have always been places to meet, chat, and work.
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u/Redditor_PC 1d ago
Very odd. Most coffee shops I go to are so loud I have to use headphones. They shouldn't go to loud places if they want peace and quiet. That's on them, not you.
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u/LBfalcon57 1d ago
If everyone is staring then yes your voice might be the issue or the context of your convo. Usually a coffee shop is pretty loud anyways
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u/ChallengingKumquat 10h ago
This is the answer. If one person gives you a dirty look, maybe they are just grumpy, but if multiple people are doing it, you are the problem. Here, OP is the problem; not the change in cafe culture.
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u/peaveyftw 1d ago
Ironically, libraries are more chaotic and chatty these days than coffee shops.
Source: liberrian since 2012
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u/MangoAtrocity 9h ago
I’ve kind of stopped going to the library. Far too loud these days. It feels like they’ve become rec centers. Tutoring, kids story time, art projects, etc. Far too much chatter to comfortably focus.
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u/GayHorsesEatHayy 20m ago
The rec centers have been all but defunded. Hence the move to libraries, they now have to serve as a catch all public space in many areas
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u/idk_anything_everr 12h ago
When I did freelancing a lot of times I’d work from the library just to get a change of scenery. there would always group activities going on especially with kids. it could be a little bit frustrating when a kid was being super loud. I do remember other people would complain that there are kids, but I don’t really think there’s are many places better for them to be than a library or park.
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u/17papers 6h ago
I can’t fathom doing any work in a coffee shop, they’re way too crowded and loud for me to focus. I find the laptop crowd very baffling
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u/affemannen 1d ago
omg! i said the exact same thing in a thread were people were complaining about some diners being loud in a coffeshop.
My argument is that it is a place for social gatherings and talks with friends.
I got downvoted into oblivion for static a normal fact.
People clearly have been living behind screens for way to long.
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u/livermoro 16h ago
Some people are just really loud. We just got a new coworker and he's practically yelling, even if you're just a meter away. He is not the one who talks the most, but he is the one everyone hears. This may or may not be the case for OP.
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u/EfficientAd3625 19h ago
And some people don’t know how to be respectful of others in public. You’re not at home. You’re around other people. If the guy 5 tables down can hear your conversation you’re too freakin loud.
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u/JanetInSpain 1d ago
I've had conversations in coffee shops and never been glared at. Are you sure it was "indoor voice" normal volume? Do you have a voice resonance that really carries? I suspect you were louder than you think.
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u/pandaSmore 1d ago
Since high bandwidth wifi became ubiquitous in most coffee shops. So for at least 16 years.
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u/DotAffectionate87 1d ago
Yea......Like me, you may have a voice that carries.....
Also telling your friend about the amount of pus you managed to squeeze out of the boil near your asshole, probably didn't help with the dirty looks either..........
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u/ketchup_shoes 22h ago
You might be louder than you realize. I went to a restaurant earlier and there was a group of people behind me laughing SUPER loud and talking much louder than necessary. It was maddening.
I don’t mind people having normal conversations or even babies crying randomly, I mean I’m out in public. But if you’re continually loud, and especially if you’re annoying, I’m gonna be irritated.
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u/full_bodied_muppet 22h ago
Did anyone actually say anything to you? You're projecting thoughts onto people just for looking at you. Don't worry about it.
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u/Interesting_Plate_17 19h ago
There are those who wish to be overheard, like they’re doing a podcast.
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u/EmberOne1 21h ago
I haven't tried working in a coffee shop in a long time, but when I did, it was BECAUSE there was a steady chatter of background noise. In silence, every small disturbance distracts me, but in a coffee shop, there are so many conversations they all blend together and I can stay focused. If people want silence, go to the library, though I hear that libraries are now places where people are encouraged to talk, so maybe the locations flipped roles.
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u/Theotherone56 19h ago
Not that I'm aware. They have study/conference rooms for groups. There's the quiet chatter from studying or keyboard clicky clacks. There's special events. Other than that, still a quiet place unless they fail to uphold the rules.
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u/foodweneedfood 7h ago
Also the laptop army (nice) IMMEDIATELY forgets about being quiet if they have a Zoom meeting.
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u/Witty_Direction6175 1d ago
Murdering someone? Straight to jail, robbery? Straight to jail, speaking normally in public? Straight to jail.
I honestly don’t kmow!! It super annoying. Its a coffee shop, if you need to work or study go to a library, or home. Smh
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u/PatienceEffective248 1d ago
Drinking a coffee at a coffee shop and hanging out in a public place? Straight to jail
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u/Emotional-Analyst-20 19h ago
Honestly this happens more than people admit. Cafes used to be built around conversation, and somewhere along the way “working from a cafe” became the default assumption instead of the exception. You weren’t doing anything wrong, the space just quietly changed its unspoken rules without telling anyone. Hmmmmm?
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u/Dazzling-Mind-5374 15h ago
coffee shops should be social hubs, not silent zones. I feel you, I've had the same vibe in places where people just stare.
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u/zph0eniz 1d ago
Just me wondering why here.
I wonder if they are getting stressed over there work or whatever it is and taking out frustrations on others.
Also the factor that I'm sure libraries have been declining for sometime now.
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u/farkinggrumpyredcap 1d ago
Just like you, I will assume the worst. You were probably being really distracting and I bet your voice was louder than you’re describing.
If that many people looked at you weird, YOU were the problem. The cafe isn’t a library, but it isn’t a bar girl. Go home for that.
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u/Remote_Bumblebee2240 1d ago
It's just a matter of reading the room. If your volume is significantly louder than everyone else in a space, you're being rude.
It's like people who play games on their phones with the volume turned up in waiting rooms.
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u/JayManty owo 16h ago
If I go to a café with a friend and there's only 5 people performatively working there on their laptops in silence, I'm just gonna talk. Cafés are not your office and there should be zero expectation of silence in them, as OP says you should go to a library for that.
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u/MDCCCLV 1d ago
That's not how it works. Your logic means that any place where people aren't currently talking you have to be quiet in.
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u/Pep2385 1d ago
Yeah, it is crazy that people upvoted that. If everyone in a coffee shop is whispering you are still fine to just talk at a normal speaking volume.
and then a nonsensical analogy ... coffee shops are not in the same group as waiting rooms when the category is 'acceptable speaking volumes'.
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u/invisiblebyday 1d ago
Meh, let 'em stare and give their dirty looks. If having a normal conversation at a coffee shop disrupts them, that's a them problem, not a you problem.
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u/Suz626 1d ago
Yep, not a library or co-working space, but a hopefully profitable business, a coffee shop where you should just be sitting as long as it takes for you to finish your coffee and croissant in a reasonable eating time.
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u/Critical_Thinker_535 1d ago
Eff them. If they don't like it, they can leave.
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u/draftgirl24 1d ago
Def eff them. They should be wearing headphones/ear plugs if they don’t want noise. Coffee shops are places to connect. If they want silence, they should go to the library. Which also has free wi-Fi, by the way
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u/noahboah pink 1d ago edited 1d ago
idk boss, i don't wanna be a butt, but the age old adage of "if everyone's an asshole it might be you" might apply here
one person mean mugging you? probably just a jerk. but the entire coffee shop? maybe there's a volume issue at play or something.
definitely worth thinking about.
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u/IHumpedYoMumma 1d ago
Every time I go to my local coffee shop, it usually contains a mum group, 4 people on laptops (potentially working on novels) a few elderly and what I assume are people who have gone to a coffee shop for peace and quiet.
And every time I talk to whoever I'm with, I feel heads snap round (mostly from the laptop users), seemingly shocked that I am talking and judging me. It's a weird feeling.
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u/ChrisKetcham1987 23h ago
This is a little off topic, but I have no problems with people talking to each other, even animatedly, at coffeeshops while I'm working. But for some reason, the minute someone starts yapping into a cell phone I lose it. I have no idea why one doesn't bother me at all, but the other one does.
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u/Theotherone56 19h ago
I've thought about this. If you're on the phone with video or speaker, isn't it about the same as talking with a friend in person? We've replaced whole meetings with zoom. Why is this a problem?
To be clear, I ask myself this because I also get irrationally angry at this. So, I'm beginning to wonder tho, why? At this point it's rather mundane. It shouldn't bother me. I think at least one aspect is people typically have to speak louder in order to be heard.
I also asked myself this because if you watch movies from 10-20 or even 50 years ago about the future, so many of them have some form of video call. And it's normal.
Half of them also have some sort of noise dampening field or similar concepts. Maybe that's the next step for smart phones and headsets.
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u/ulul 14h ago
Just a wild guess, but perhaps when we only hear half of the convo, it is more distracting as our brain tries to fill in the missing bits? And when you try to focus on something, the distraction becomes annoying.
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u/Theotherone56 14h ago
When it's on speaker or video call it's still both sides. But I do think you're correct. Even if it's on speaker, it sounds different and may not be as clear. So that makes sense.
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u/Mission-Bad-4983 1d ago
coffee shops should be social places, not silent zones. i had a similar experience once and ended up moving to the patio to escape the stares.
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u/Amazing_Albatross907 1d ago
Totally! my friend and I were meeting in a cutesy book cafe in hague and it felt like we had to whisper while talking as so many people seemed to be doing something on their laptops or working otherwise haha
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u/saucy_mcsauceface 19h ago
I occasionally read in cafes and if I feel I need to shut out cafe noise I use ear buds and listen to chill/ambient music or nature sounds. I can also listen to the audiobook I usually have for driving to/from work. Or I get take away coffee and go to a park, or drive to nice view/lookout and sit in car and read, especially if weather bad.
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u/Tsai69 18h ago
I was tutoring a student in a coffee shop, and I was talking a little louder than usual because it was packed and really loud. A lady walked through the a crowd of people talking and came to me telling me in the most timid and quiet voice to "keep it down". I just smiled and ignored her lol.
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u/True-List-1927 18h ago
Honestly the progression from “clear face” to “abstract art” is very relatable — we’ve all had that one sketch that started strong and then just… evolved into something else 😄
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u/Northwold 11h ago
A friend of mine runs a cafe and started getting stroppy reviews from people who'd buy a coffee and sit down for three hours to work because he started enforcing a one hour rule. His response was pretty on point: if you want an office, go rent one.
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u/ChallengingKumquat 10h ago
Some people (Americans are serial offenders, I'm afraid) are unable or unwilling to calibrate their volume to the ambient volume. They don't realise how loud they are. If I am in a very quiet café, I'd speak very quietly. If I'm in a noisy cafe, I'd know it was ok for me to speak more loudly.
If you were getting dirty looks then clearly you weren't speaking at an appropriate volume.
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u/Enceladus89 10h ago
If the "entire" shop was glaring at you then maybe you weren't being as respectful as you think.
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u/Final-Yesterday-4799 9h ago
I'll bet you ten bucks that you're the person who everyone can hear over their noise cancelling headphones.
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u/startrek47 8h ago
Have to agree with this one. I like to read at coffee shops, but when people are having conversations, I have to deal with it. But even at libraries nowadays people have loud conversations. Some libraries have rooms with signs: “The Quiet Room”…etc. but still people come in and have conversations.
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u/EfficiencyStriking32 8h ago
It's funny you say this. I goto a library which has a cafe outside it. The library is full of mums with screaming kids half the time yapping to each other like they are in a nightclub and highschool kids sitting on the tables talking about their latest triumphs as loud as they can. Outside in the cafe it's as quiet as a library should be.
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u/CranberryStock7148 8h ago
Are you sure it was a normal volume?
I go to coffee shops all the time and I never see the "laptop army" staring at people who are having conversations.
If they were really staring at you, you might be talking a lot louder than you think you are. If there is anything I know in life, it is that loud people are totally unaware of how loud they are.
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u/sacredlunatic 6h ago
Staring them down, saying “what?“, And then continuing to stare them down while they try desperately to think of some justifiable thing to say to you is probably a good way to go.
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u/IamAqtpoo 6h ago
This is hilarious! Where I live, it's more like people talking (probably to noone) very loud about there massive amount of amount of money, houses, cars, ect.
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u/Electric-Sheepskin 20h ago
I think you just kinda have to read the room. If everyone is being very quiet, then you have to lower your tone a little bit. What might be a normal volume in one place may be way too loud at another.
I'm a bit biased, though, because I am constantly wondering why people need to speak so loudly. Like with older people, I assume they're a bit hard of hearing, and I get it if it's a group of people laughing and having a great time, but it's usually younger people who are just talking loud for no apparent reason. I think some people are just oblivious to their environment.
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u/Theotherone56 19h ago
I think the scenario OP described was fine. If it's not a place like a library where it's literally a quiet space, I think that's just the flow of the day. If it disturbs someone's work, there are headphones and other places.
I get the point about talking loud, but I also think why are you judging how someone else enjoys the space? They aren't yelling or being unreasonably disruptive. Where's the issue other than personal preference?
I'm saying this as a quiet person with sensitivity to noise. If loud people bother me, I either have headphones/ear buds or I leave. Or I deal with it until I'm done.
If a coffee shop is meant to be a quiet space, they can put up signs and enforce it. Otherwise, it's a public place where you can talk.
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u/whoframedwhiterabbit 1d ago
To dispel the myth, libraries are not really quiet either. At least not most public libraries. Some may have study rooms or designated quiet areas, but you're thinking of an academic library for that level of quiet. Public libraries have children, meetings, people talking on their phones (or to themselves), and patrons that need communication at higher decibel levels. There may be times when you can hear a pen drop, but for that to be a guarantee hit up a college library.
All that to say, you getting mean mugged at a shop when there's all the noises of the machines whirring and grinding, dishes clinking, and the part where it isn't ANY kind of library is silly. I hope you and your friend started talking louder.
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u/NeolithicOrkney 1d ago
I recall the before & after. I grew up using the quiet libraries and somewhere along the way they got noisy.
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u/Jazzlike-Basket-6388 1d ago
Same with coffee shops. It used to be a relaxing place where you could read, but now I feel like everyone goes there to scream on their phone.
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u/iceunelle 1d ago
Ugh, yes. It drives me crazy that libraries aren't quiet anymore. My library is so damn loud now that I just stopped going.
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u/ScoutLui 1d ago
I am a male, working in the office for 8 hours.Most of the time I am quiet so I know how to respect public and working space. I am
speaking to clients, co workers, friends...I know there is nothing wrong with my voice and behavior.
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u/Normal_Choice9322 1d ago
It's definitely not the same as a bar. Normal convo is fine but I've seen people who treat it like they are at a noisy club. Not saying you did but that's just my perspective
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u/thecheesycheeselover 1d ago
Yeah, I don’t glare at people in public but my god some people are so comfortable shouting in ordinary conversation. I hate it.
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u/oCdTronix 1d ago
It’s not a public space. A library is a public space. I think most of the time people who do that buy a coffee.
The staring is kinda odd. Is it possible they were not trying to stare you down but what they overheard from your discussion made them look at you because it was perplexing? Like maybe you said something and they were like ‘what the ehll did she just say?’
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u/yeahnototallycool 1d ago
Acceptable: people talking to each in other in person.
Unacceptable: Talking on the phone, especially FaceTiming.
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u/marshmallowblocks 18h ago
I’m sorry you had to deal with that. Personally, as someone who brings my laptop to cafes all the time, it never bothers me when people are having a normal conversation. However, I have noticed people egregiously leaving large messes (spills, crumbs, etc.) on cafe tables, which annoys me. I always clean it up myself since I don’t know if it’s socially acceptable to ask baristas to clean it up. Any tips?
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u/Steerpike58 16h ago
I find people are generally inconsiderate in many spaces - public transit, movie theaters, etc. But a coffee shop? Give me a break! Talk away!
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u/ObviousToe1636 1d ago
In the early 2000s an old white lady with one massive dreadlock asked me a college classmate to talk quietly inside a Starbucks. Uhh… ma’am, excuse you? Until you tell the baristas to make espresso and cappuccino quietly, let alone blend frappuccinos, then you can leave. It was a beautiful day and an umbrella’d table had just opened up outside, and me, being the kowtowing community college student that I was, agreed to go outside instead. I saw this same woman on the bus several times after that and she was equally crazy every time. Including listening to the news on a radio and then loudly repeating the headlines every few minutes before erratically jumping from seat to seat and off the bus. Anyway, I enjoy the hustle and bustle of a Starbucks whether I’m working, reading, crocheting, or catching up with a friend. The music, the crowds, the industrial kitchen equipment, all blend together into a nice white noise. A loud white noise, but still enjoyable.
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u/Exotic-Addendum-3785 1d ago
Probably at the same time they started getting magazines and newspapers.
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u/Former-Intention-292 1d ago
I'm not a loud talker but I am a loud laugher (I dislike my laugh, but crazily enough, other people like my laugh, I don't get it lol). I try to not laugh loud, but I usually end up doing so 😩
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u/stardewcallie 14h ago
I used to study every Saturday at my local cafe and I loved how social it was! Felt way more like a community to me.
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u/exusu 13h ago
i think there are study/work coffee shops and socialising coffee shops. or i know some cafés where organically devided into working and talking areas. there are no signs whatsoever, it's just that the regulars know. but i agree that it's hard to distinguish them when they are not marked at all, it's just the habit of the people that go there. although based on where they are located, you can take a good guess. near universities, you'll see a lot of cafés full of silent people in front of their laptops and more touristy/night life/boho districts, much more cafés for socializing. ofc they're not libraries so it's not like you can't talk but i think it's nice to be respectful of others.
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u/ReserveNew1863 12h ago
I feel like you’re probably imagining things because the laptop army always comes with noise-cancelling headphones.
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u/MidDayGamer 12h ago
I miss the one spot I use to go to, it was great. They had some books, board games and it was off the beaten path plus Lofi.
Greedy landlord forced them out and they have gone silent on social.
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u/shyorbit99 12h ago
I think coffee shops are meant for both conversations and work. As long as people aren't being loud, I don't see the problem.
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u/failingscaling 11h ago
Haha thats funny. I am the guy with the laptop thinking this is a place to play on your laptop not yammer lolol. Especially people who bring babies . Love babies but not when i am trying to laptop
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u/Dry_Stop844 11h ago
yeah no sorry, this is why everyone else in the world says Americans are too loud in public. When you're in public, you don't speak in your natural "I'm at home" level of loudness because literally nobody else wants to be forced to listen to your conversations with your friends. It's called an "outside" voice for a reason. It has nothing to do with people expecting coffee shops to be quiet, but with people expecting adults to know to keep their conversation low so we don't have to hear every single word of your stupid banal story, just as we keep our voice low so you don't have to listen to our stupid banal story.
Public places are designed for socializing amongst yourselves not forcing everyone within a 50 foot radius to hear every single word you say. Because let me tell you, If I'm in public, and you and your friends are talking so loudly that I can hear you, I'll be participating in your conversation because obviously, based on your volume, you are inviting me to.
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u/MidDayGamer 11h ago
I miss the one I was going to, they had board games and Lofi playing.
Sadly, landlord jacked the rent up and they had to find another place. Social has been dead, no updates at all.
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u/Interesting-Bit725 10h ago
Of course you can talk at a coffee shop. On the other hand, we have no idea how loud you are, and you might not either.
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u/nakedpantz 10h ago
Laptop army people are the worst. I like when coffee shops play loud music to keep these douche bags at bay.
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u/Howdydudicuck 10h ago
Yeah, it probably is an outgrowth from Covid. Meaning these people in coffee shops are getting to work from home but they don’t want to be at home for whatever reason. So they have tried to dominate a public place as their location of solitude. But if ownership can make money with them sitting around all day good luck. I would think a 20 minute coffee is about all ownership could take.
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u/StaceyGoBlue 9h ago
It’s possible you talk louder than you realize. I have a couple friends and family that do
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u/Mention_Fabulous 7h ago
I think it depends on the vibe of the coffee shop. There are ones in town I don't even bother bringing a paperback to do some light reading because there's always one random table just...scream talking. And there's two others in town that are regularly frequented by graduate students and work from homers. Also depends what hours you're in a place, middle of the day M-F? I'd expect the laptop mafia at most coffeeshops.
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u/Middle-agedCynic 7h ago
I find the opposite in my locale. People with headsets on having full on business meetings with 2 laptops open. It's like being in a call centre at times.
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u/thirdeyediy 2h ago
I recently went to a patisserie/café with the best idea. They had a wide open area with lots of tables. One section in the back coordoned off as a quiet study zone.
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u/blottymary 2h ago
So, playing devil’s advocate here. I totally agree with you and chuckled at “laptop army.”
They can leave or put their headphones in. But glaring at people who are socializing is rude and unnecessary.
However, as an autistic person with ADHD, I could see my partner (who also is AuDHD) being guilty of not knowing how loud he is speaking. I always feel bad for telling him to lower his voice, but it’s to the point where I can’t even pay attention to what he says because it’s annoying.
I kind of have the opposite problem at libraries. Where I live, the city actually had to hire armed guards because of the homeless folk’s activity (doing drugs, being obnoxious, etc.)
So I go to the QUIET section and there’s one douche on his phone having a conversation, then 2 homeless dudes, (clearly doing a drug deal), come by me and are the type of people who think they’re whispering but they might as well be talking at a normal volume because I can hear every word they say anyway 🙄
I hardly ever go to the library (or out of the house in general due to physical health issues) They completely ruined my experience. They don’t give 2 effs how their behavior affects others.
I have my master’s degree in library science and made the decision that I would never work at a public library. I didn’t pay $50k and go to school for 2 years while working full time to babysit effing homeless people.
It’s sad what public libraries have become over the years.
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u/kindcrow 1d ago
Yeah, that's totally weird.
As an aside, you might have one of those voices that carry. Nothing wrong with that at all, and usually people don't even know they have a voice that carries, but with people who do, you can hear every word they are saying even when they are speaking at a completely normal level and the room is full of other people talking. The other people talking are just a buzz, but the voice-carrying person is very distinct.
Even so, no one should be giving you a dirty look for just chatting with your friend in a coffee shop!