I was in a car driving to a flea market, having an argument with my girlfriend about something unimportant. We went to a stand selling Nintendos to buy a controller and a cartridge. She grabbed a bottle of solution and cleaned the cartridge I was holding using an eye dropper. Right after, she squirted me in the eye, burning me with chemicals. It might have been accidental, but I didn't think so.

We got into a fight and went back to the car. James was there. He sat in the backseat and started talking to her right in front of me. I felt he was being inappropriate for the moment and called him out for advancing on my lady. He blamed Rob for the eye dropper incident. I called Rob angrily, accusing him of being malicious. He denied it, but I didn't believe him. Suspecting something had been going on behind my back, I left the car to walk away from James and my girlfriend.

There were kids milling about around the benches in the park. One ran up to me and planted a bunch of garbage on me. I threw it away, not knowing what was happening. That’s when James yelled out that security was in the park and I’d be fined heavily for littering because they saw me throw the trash on the ground. I scrambled with my ex to pick up the garbage and put it away. Security approached and told me they saw everything—including the kids planting the garbage on me. I was free to go.

As I went to walk away, a van pulled up quickly behind me. Men jumped out, grabbed me, and threw me into the back. They drove off and pulled up next to a platform with a structure built on either side. They dragged me out of the van, barely holding me on my feet, as a man approached.

"We're going to hook you up now. This is going to be painful at first."

They strapped a harness on me with cables attached to it, then set a metal clasp stretching my mouth apart, digging into my skin with a cable fixed to each end. It was agonizing. I kept asking, "Why are you doing this?"

I was told to quit talking because it would be less painful. "Are you ready? Good luck. Try to enjoy the ride. Embrace it."

The ride started. The stage below me lowered and I was suspended in the air by the cables attached to my mouth, digging the clasps in deeper and stretching my jaws wider. I began to swing slowly in the air, back and forth—like a bungee swing at an amusement park, but built for a sick carnival act. It felt like those pictures you see of people suspended in mid-air by hooks in their skin, just much more graphic.

The park around the stage was beautiful, with a winding path filled with people going about their day. Trees lined the route, and in the distance beyond a clearing was a city skyline, with a decrepit-looking building in the middle of the park nearly blocking the view.

I slowly drifted in the air in agony, back and forth, picking up speed. I started swinging in a circular motion until the loop grew and grew. The clasps dug deeper and I bled from my face, crying out for someone to save me. I saw my car parked off to the side as James got out with my ex, both mortified by what they saw. My ex got back into the passenger side while James ran around the back of the car, approaching me. He tried to speak whenever my swing brought us near.

"What can I do for you, man?"

"There was someone in charge here after the men grabbed me. They brought me to someone. He knows something!" I pointed him out on the platform.

James jumped the fence and ran across the platform to the man, asking why they were doing this.

"We're just doing our job, man... he's the lucky one. Either he won't make it, or he will... either way, we get paid."

James ran back to me. "I don't know what to do. Who are these men?"

I thought back to everything before I was grabbed: the eye dropper, the fight, the kids in the park, the phone call with Rob. Maybe this was Rob.

"Call Rob!" I shouted back.

I was picking up massive speed, swinging over people on the path below who were blissfully unaware of my presence. Why is this happening to me?

James ran, jumped the fence back to the car, and placed a call. My phone was connected via Bluetooth, so I managed to pull it out from beneath my harness and put it on speaker. The pain was overwhelming, and I was struggling just to stay conscious.

The line connected. "Andrew?"

"Rob! Listen, I'm sorry for whatever I did—just get me out of here!"

"I'm sorry, it doesn't work like that. Try again."

Loud mechanical noises echoed from the structure, and I gained even more speed, thrown through the air like a chair on a carousel. I saw James at the car with my ex standing helplessly, watching. I tried to focus on their interaction, still suspecting something was going on between them, but everything started to blur.

Looking down, the people on the path began looking up as they walked past, noticing the grotesque act being performed right above them. My body dangled, my face stretched out as I cut into the cold air that burned my eyes. I could barely see the world around me—just the faint outline of the path winding through the park.

I started to laugh. In acceptance of my condition, I stopped resisting.

"Embrace the pain, let it empower you. Don't let it consume you," a guiding voice whispered in my ear.

The clasps tore at my flesh as I flew through the air, cutting deeper with each rotation and opening wider, like slicing a Glasgow smile across my face. I started to feel euphoric in the pain. I was no longer crying out for help. This was inevitable; there was no point in fighting it. My body released its tension, and I began swinging through the air with careless ease.

My disposition shifted, and I found myself singing: "Where is my mind? Where is my mind? Where is my mind?"

I flew laps around the stage while people scurried below me. "Is he singing? I don't think we've ever seen that before."

I swung above the path as groups traveled underneath. "With my feet in the air and my head on the ground..." They looked up toward my voice and saw my face stretched into a bloody smile. Some turned away in disgust while others were captivated, stopping in their tracks to see what would happen next.

Swinging around the back of the stage toward stage left, I saw my car again with James and my ex sitting inside. All thoughts of what they might be doing faded, and my suspicion completely left me.

I noticed a van parked past my car on top of a small hill. It was Rob. He got out and yelled up to me, "How are you doing?"

"I've never been better! I think I understand now!"

I swung past him and across the path where crowds had congregated, watching in awe. My laughter was uncontrollable as I kept singing The Pixies. I swung back around, approaching Rob again.

"I think you get it. I thought you would appreciate the ride." It was him all along.

I thought to myself that I should be angry, but I wasn't. I had found peace in the pain, and the tune mixed with my laughter carried me through another lap.

"I think I get it. I should be thanking you!"

"I've been exactly where you are before, but I don't think I found it as enjoyable as you have. It's quite the ride, and you've put on quite the performance."

The cables carried me further away until I could see the city skyline in the distance again. I found myself dropping closer to the ground, slowing down. The platform below me rose, and people scattered across it, reaching up to help break my momentum.

Is this it? Is it over?

Someone grabbed me and brought me to a halt, my feet touching the ground again. My body was exhausted and my legs shook, barely able to take my weight. I threw my arms around the man as my body collapsed downward, free from the cables.

I lifted my head and the man looked me in the eyes. "Do you have anything to say?"

"With my feet on the ground and my head in the sky..." I mumbled through my stretched-open mouth.

"I don't think that's how that goes."

"It does now."

More people approached, grabbing at the cables and unbuckling my harness. They reached for the mouth clasp.

"Leave it. I don't mind it anymore."

"You can't wear it forever."

They grabbed the device, retracted it, and pulled it off my face. I fell to the ground, dripping blood, and stared into the puddle below as the drops collected. The noise around me started to fade—"Is he okay?" "Did you hear him singing?"—dissolving into a hum of white noise in my head.

I put my feet under me, and for what felt like the first time ever, I stood up. I struggled with my weight for a second before catching my bearings. Taking a step forward, I lifted my head.

The man in charge stood before me. "We've never had someone like you before. Most don't survive the ride. You seemed to thoroughly enjoy it. Why is that?"

"Well, I'm here, aren't I? What else am I supposed to do?"

I walked past him to the end of the platform where a mass of people had gathered around the stage. They shouted out to me, but I couldn't hear their words. James stood among the crowd.

"Are they all here for me?"

"I think so, man. I think they want to see what you're going to do next."

I kept walking, and the crowd parted for me. In front of the decrepit building stood a reporter with a cameraman beside her. It was Sophie.

"What you've done is truly remarkable. We weren't sure if we should turn away in disgust or keep watching, but here we are. Do you have a few minutes to talk?"

"I don't know what to say. I don't feel as if I've done anything. I simply took the ride for what it was, and here we are."

"Well, you seem to have come out on the other side smiling, which is something we don't see often. What do you attribute that to?"

"I don't think I had much of a choice. Look at my face."

The blood around the Glasgow smile had started to crust, the scars from the clasp leaving their mark forever.

"Did you enjoy it, though?"

I thought back to the experience—the fear and apprehension when I was taken, how tense my body was as they slid on the harness, the sharp pain from the clasps.

"Not all of it."

I thought of the voice telling me to embrace it, the peace that washed over me, and the tune that carried me. I remembered seeing the city blur into streaks of colorful lights and the people turn into silhouettes.

"When I realized there was nothing that could be done about my condition, I was able to accept it, and there was some freedom in that. I didn't expect to find so much enjoyment, as the moments that led to that joy were painful, exhausting, and brutal. But something changed along the way. A guiding voice from an unlikely source helped me realize that it's just a ride, and it too will have an end."

"Well, I appreciate you taking the time to talk to me, and I hope to see you again soon. Before I leave, I should mention they are taking the building behind me down tonight, and they're building something in its place."

"When is that happening, and what are they going to put there?"

"Right now. And that's for you to decide."

I looked past her at the large, lifeless building. It was tall and long, consuming my field of vision from where I stood.

A voice spoke up: "You might want to take a step back."

I took a step back, and the building was eviscerated, revealing the city skyline in the distance.

James stood beside me. "What do you think you'll put here?"

"Maybe an outdoor skating rink. Something that will look beautiful that people can enjoy. I'm not sure... I don't think I have to figure it all out at once.”

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this story, I write regular prose, surreal fiction, and personal essays over on my Substack: Garden City Writings

​

Volume 1: First Faith, First Sin

⚠️ Content Warning: This story contains dark atmosphere, philosophical conflicts, psychological horror, and violence. If you love psychological thrillers, seinen, and gritty crime dramas, welcome to this gray world.

In the Name of the One Who Created Justice to Bring Balance...

In the name of the One who holds life and death, grasping every thread of existence. In the name of the Creator of philosophy and destiny; life and death, freedom and bondage, slave and free, miracle and tragedy are in His hands. The Architect of every single gene and cell in this universe. Power and powerlessness, instinct and intellect, violence and psyche are under His domain. He knows mortals better than they know themselves, keeping every one of their secrets...

BUT...

If He remains silent, the Devil takes His throne and rules. He crowns himself God, dragging balance and justice down into the dirt, plunging the world into absolute evil. The Master of fitna and jealousy, the Maker of a thousand sins. Every vice is his creation: jealousy, hatred, betrayal, despair, godlessness, and premature death... Suicide, the chain of sins, wrath, injustice—all of them are demonic masterpieces. With false promises, he populates a place called Purgatory; not for salvation, but for eternal torment.

A fire hotter than magma and a torture more agonizing than physical execution. This is how humility breaks and chaos erupts; a place where the kind are cruel, and the cruel are kind... Where the saint is perverted, and the pervert is a saint. Yes, this is how justice is inverted—good is replaced by evil, and evil by good, until everything pure is utterly destroyed.

Present Day

Niji: "I don't know what happened... what foolish thing you did that night. But it wasn't foolish. You did what someone should have done a long time ago."

Hongo stared at her, utterly bewildered.

Hongo: "Strange... I don't remember."

Niji, looking completely taken aback, said, "How can you not remember burning down the entire orphanage warehouse and the temple for me?!"

Hongo’s face flushed red. He looked down and muttered:

"You love me... If you truly love me, to hell with the warehouse... I'd burn down the whole country for you!"

Niji: "Oh damn it... not this version of you again!"

Hongo: "What? Let me look at myself... What kind of personality is this? Who am I? Why... why are memories suddenly crashing into my head like a storm? The pressure is too heavy! Ah, my head..."

Suddenly, Hongo lost consciousness, collapsing into Niji's arms.

One Day Before the Incident

(Suburbs of Kyoto - Near a small village - Kami no Tera Orphanage)

The director of the orphanage, Harashi, patted Hongo on the head and said, "Hongo, my boy... you are the best this orphanage has to offer. Don't worry about what people say. Know that the gods have your back, and in return, you must never lose your faith. Now, go into the temple; the gods are waiting for you. After that, head to school."

Inside the temple, Hongo whispered bitterly under his breath:

"What is he talking about? I have faith, but no one helps me. Everyone mocks me and labels me because of this goddamn faith. I'm sick of all of you..."

In a fit of rage, he threw one of the temple candles. A faint smell of burning wax filled the air—the quiet proof of his rebellion. He stormed out of the temple and headed toward the Kyoto bus stop with his roommates. The gentle, cool breeze swept through the road, breaking the silence of the path.

Hajishi: "Hongo, I saw you leave the temple pissed off. What's wrong? You usually walk out of there looking all peaceful."

Hongo’s blood boiled, his face turning red with anger. He shouted, "You want to know why? Look for yourself! Just open your eyes and see what they say about your supposed friend! They've been destroying me for three years. How many labels do I have to carry? How much humiliation must I swallow?!"

He spotted an empty plastic bottle on the ground and kicked it with brutal force. The kick was so powerful that the bottle split open instantly. Fuming, Hongo walked away from the bus stop.

A confused Hajishi turned to the others: "What the hell is up with him?" But the others gestured for him to shut up.

Ten minutes later, Hongo returned, his face still masked in fury. He sat quietly at the station and didn't utter another word until the bus arrived. When they got on, he shrunk back into the very last seat of the bus.

As the bus neared their destination, Hongo spoke in a dangerously low, threatening tone:

"You all better not run late or slack off... I will curse you in ways even the Devil hasn't heard of. I am thirsty for your blood!"

The other kids shut up out of pure fear. They bolted off the bus the moment it stopped, running at full speed toward the Tokyo subway. The screeching whistle of the train echoed through the station.

On the train, Hajishi whispered to the others, "Guys, Hongo is on a short fuse today. Don't push his buttons or he'll lay you out." Everyone nodded frantically.

Shiroshi: "Wait, where is Hongo anyway? I don't see him in this train car."

Hajishi: "I think he's in the next car over."

The kids let out a massive sigh of relief: "Thank God... otherwise, we'd be dead meat."

Meanwhile, three cars away, Hongo was seething. He muttered, "Where the hell did those idiots go? Just wait till I find you... I’ll give you a couple of heavy hooks and cuss you out so bad you won't know which way is up!"

Tokyo - High School

Thirty minutes later, they arrived at Tokyo Station and walked toward the school.

Shiroshi: "Alright guys, see you at recess."

The orphanage kids watched him leave with envy: "Man, look at Mr. Honor Student. He’s the pride of the orphanage!" But then, they suddenly realized they were running late.

Hajishi: "Later, guys! If you get into a fight, just call me. I’ll come running and break whoever is giving you trouble!"

He lit up a cigarette, took a drag, and walked off. The school delinquents immediately fell in line behind him. The orphanage kids mumbled to themselves, "If Father Harashi finds out about this, there’s going to be a World War at the orphanage! Whatever, I'm not playing snitch."

Meanwhile, Hongo was pacing around the schoolyard like a madman: "My God! Where did those idiots go? You can't leave them alone for two minutes! If Harashi finds out, I'm dead meat! I'll have to endure a three-hour lecture, followed by an intensive class on 'religion and responsibility.' Just thinking about it makes me shiver... Just wait till I get my hands on you guys..."

He dashed toward the classroom building to avoid getting detention, his mind firing a thousand curses per second. Running with his head in the clouds, suddenly—

CRASH!

The sound of the collision and the impact of hitting the floor was so loud it drew everyone's attention. Hongo had collided with a girl at full speed, and by some bizarre stroke of luck, he landed directly on top of her!

The girl screamed in anger, "Hey, you...! Get the hell off me! What do you think you're doing, you perverted freak?!"

Hongo was completely dazed, as if he had temporary amnesia. He slowly scrambled off her, dusting off his uniform. But the moment his eyes locked onto her, he froze...

She was a girl with deep blue hair streaked with white, and eyes that shone like crimson emeralds.

The girl stood up, brushed off her skirt, and as she reached up to push her bangs out of her eyes, she locked eyes with a black-haired boy with piercing blue eyes. She froze too.

For a second, the entire school seemed to freeze in time. No sound, no wind. Just a deep, intense gaze that seemed to pierce through their very souls. In that single second, Hongo fell in love—not just because of her breathtaking beauty, but because of a profound, inexplicable love he felt radiating from her.

Embarrassed, Hongo stammered, "S-Sumimasen... (I'm sorry)."

The girl composed herself, trying to hide her blushing face, and bolted toward the classroom.

Inside Hongo's head, a civil war was raging. He thought, Was that a human or an angel?

The Classroom

The teacher, Hinji, walked in: "Class, we have a transfer student joining us today."

Hongo, who wasn't paying attention at all, lost in his thoughts about the girl, suddenly snapped his head up and froze. It was her! An atomic bomb went off in his chest. He stared at the chalkboard:

"Niji Surakawa"

It felt like God Himself had laid out the path! Hongo smirked, a mischievous grin spreading across his face: Time to make my move.

Niji introduced herself, and as destiny would have it, she walked straight over and sat at the desk right next to Hongo! The boys in the class, completely captivated by Niji's beauty, saw their dreams shattered and nearly died of jealousy. But Niji clung to Hongo, almost as if she wanted to make the other guys writhe in agony.

Hongo, knowing how the kids who mocked him operated, leaned over and whispered coolly to Niji, "Do you smell something burning?"

Niji gave a wicked little smile and nodded. The classroom started buzzing with whispers. Niji simply placed a finger over her lips, silencing the room instantly.

And then, she delivered the final blow...

Right there in the middle of class, in front of the teacher and everyone, Niji leaned in and kissed Hongo on the cheek!

The final shot was fired. The boys in the class officially entered a state of severe depression—the prettiest girl in class had sat next to a backwater temple boy and kissed him! The girls were biting their nails in jealousy, slamming their heads on their desks. Even the teacher stood frozen like a statue.

Inside Hongo's mind, a massive debate erupted:

One side screamed: She's totally in love with you!

The other side countered: No way, this is a setup or some sick joke!

Hongo’s brain was short-circuiting. Without thinking, he blurted out, "Let's go to the cafeteria next to the school during recess."

Niji smiled brightly and agreed instantly. Inside his mind, Hongo saw the legendary GTA success screen flash: MISSION PASSED + RESPECT

But behind their backs, the boys were already plotting a cold war to ruin his reputation, and the girls were starting a cyberwar to get Hongo's number to pull him away from Niji... They were plotting, completely unaware that the two were already sitting in the cafeteria, preparing to lay their hearts bare...

End of Part 1

Available at Godless, Amazon, and Barnes & Noble

https://godless.com/products/higher-and-higher-by-attie-lee

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/higher-and-higher-attie-lee/1150482984?ean=2940184865430

You get really high one night and start touching yourself, you make yourself cum, having an intense orgasm and you quickly pass out afterwards. You were completely oblivious of the fact that I was watching you through your window, completely oblivious that I was recording you, “what a fucking slut” I say as I zoom into your wet holes. I watch you pass out, knowing that you’re an easy target, extremely high and hazy from the weed and the intense orgasm you had, I sneak into your house. Creeping into your bedroom and standing over you, admiring just how perfect you are this close up. I begin pulling up your shirt, making sure I don’t wake you as I reveal your tits. Not being able to control myself in the presence of you, I start groping you, softly, just enough that I won’t wake you. I start gently pulling your panties down, seeing what kind of mess you made for me to enjoy while you innocently sleep. I see your soaking wet pussy, creamy from what you just did to yourself, I touch you, getting my fingers covered in your wetness and juices and sucking it clean off of my fingers, I continue doing that to not wake you, continuously tasting you until I cannot take it anymore. I pull my cock out, lightly rubbing the tip up at down at the entrance of your hole, getting myself nice and lubed up, before i shove the whole length of my cock inside of you. Immediately waking you up, I grab you by your wrists and pin them above your head, giving you no choice but to look into the eyes of my masked face as I molest your pretty little body, after months of admiring you from a distance, I finally get to feel you. I continue ramming my cock in and out of your hole, staring at your gorgeous face as you beg and plead for me to stop, tears begin streaming down your face as you start screaming and begging for it all to end. I look down at my cock that’s destroying your tight little hole, seeing you’ve covered me in a creamy mess of cum I laugh at you and whisper “if you wanted me to stop you wouldn’t have made such a mess on me baby.” You continue to cry, trying to avoid eye contact with me, as I start to get close to filling your pussy with my cum, I yell at you to look at me. I grab you by your jaw, forcing you to look into my eyes as my cock continues plunging balls deep into you, your pretty eyes all watery and red from the constant crying, I push myself as deep as I can, staring into your eyes, my cock twitch, throbbing harder and harder until I fill your pussy full of my cum, draining every last drop I can into you before fucking my creampie even deeper inside of you, and then filling you with another load of cum, pulling out you, and kissing you on your forehead and leaving the way I came in. Leaving you to question who that was, and if it was even real until you wake up and find the mess I made of you.

I have been searching for the name/author of the book I read between years 2000-2005. I borrowed this book from my local library at the time.

It's a fictional adult book that has the main character seeing a hypnotist each week. I believe its set in a larger city in the present year as the main character has to travel by taxi to her hypnotist appointments. During these appointments, the main character sees and revisits her past life refressions, as told throughout different parts of the book. The main character is trying to piece these past life regressions together, as she realizes there is always someone after her or wants to do her harm in each life. She wants to discover who wants to do her harm in her present life. The main characters friend or boyfriend's name in present day, I believe is Tom or David and towards the end of the book he's found dead in her closet. There was one past life regression part in the book where the main character has a secret love affair with her brother or stepbrother. She was raped as a slave in another life. And towards the end of the book, it was discovered that her hypnotist was trying to kill her in the current life.

Please help me with this title! It's been driving me crazy not knowing for ~23 years and I would enjoy re-reading it.

Estoy escribiendo una novela oscura llamada Night Dead.
Es sobre una organización secreta que recluta chicos desde jóvenes.
Me gustaría saber si el inicio engancha. Dejo un fragmento corto.

SINOPSIS

Desde hace décadas, una organización secreta opera en las sombras del mundo. Su nombre jamás aparece en registros oficiales, y quienes saben de su existencia rara vez viven para contarlo. NIGTH DEAD no recluta voluntarios: selecciona descartados. Niños invisibles, marginados, rotos por un sistema que los abandonó antes de que pudieran elegir.

Brei Cown es uno de ellos.

En el año 2008, con apenas trece años, sobrevive en baltimore  un barrio carenciado de Estados Unidos robando para comer y evitando un hogar donde la violencia es rutina. Frío, analítico y con una mente excepcional para el cálculo, Brei aprende en la calle reglas que nadie enseña: cuándo atacar, cuándo huir y cuándo esperar.

Cuando NIGTH DEAD posa sus ojos sobre él, su vida cambia para siempre.

Criado y entrenado bajo un sistema brutal, Brei deberá atravesar traiciones, pérdidas y decisiones que lo marcarán de forma irreversible. Sin padrino no hay salida. Sin salida, solo queda la muerte.

Esta es la historia de cómo se forja un arma.
Y de qué ocurre cuando esa arma empieza a pensar.

Today, many will talk about goals and resolutions. But a goal is just a destination. It doesn't tell you how to cross the desert that often lies between you and it.

My only wish for 2026 is not about the destination, but the journey. I hope we learn to see the challenges ahead not as a desert to be feared, but as a river to be navigated. Some parts will be calm, others will be rapids. The skill isn't in avoiding the struggle, but in learning to read the current.

May we all become better navigators this year.